From a Distance
by shuusetsu
Summary: Keeping a stalker is convenient. It just means an extra wallet, a servant and a laughtrip in one. Saga Masamune had enjoyed these three. However, with just one careless act, everything changed. And he realized that deep inside, he was a stalker himself, wishing for everything to come back the way they used to be. (from a oneshot to a longer one)
1. Chapter 1

_"Don't turn the tables on me...Don't make me look like I'm the stalker here..."_

* * *

**From a Distance**

* * *

_"Do you feel anything for me now senpai?"_

Saga Masamune closed his eyes, smiling lopsidedly as a redhead bobbled up and down between his legs. A high school mate, one of the prettiest girls at school was giving him the best blowjobs ever, while talking to his stalker, Oda Ritsu on the phone.

"What, I already agreed going out with you didn't I?" Masamune breathe out huskily through the phone. "Why ask me that question now?"

_"You never say anything..."_

The darkhaired male's eyes flickered. He was seriously about bursting inside the girl's mouth but he held it in. It made his voice more groggy and whispery in the phone. He shook his head, pulling the girl's head upward, signalling for her to sit on his naked lap instead. The girl willingly straddled her legs to this fling of hers.

"Ritsu, we'll talk later okay? I've got some important business to finish."

_"Senpai...are you alone right now?"_

"Of course I am alone."

Right when Masamune was ready hanging up the phone, there was a loud crashing at Ritsu's side that led him quite at a frozen state.

"Oi? You okay?"

Ritsu laughed at the other line._ "Ah...yeah...I just knocked something and it fell on the floor. Everything's good now!"_

Masamune had to stop the girl from licking at his collarbones. He pushed the girl a little away with a playful smile, wriggling his finger silently as if saying 'wait'.

"Ritsu...by the way, I'm short with allowance this week. Remember I bought some limited edition books the other day?"

_"Yeah, I remember..."_

Hazel eyes darted to his floor. They weren't books though but just tons of things for this girl riding on him so she'd finally give in. Perfumes and designer dresses to woe the girl in his room.

"If it's alright Ritsu-"

_"I have my allowance given to me early so I could lend you some," _the stalker right away offered without Masamune finishing what he had to say. Honestly that was better for him.

"Really? That's great! See you tomorrow then!"

_"Ah!"_ the other young voice called. _"Senpai..."_

"Hmmm?"

_"...suki..."_

"..."

The young male had all but tossed his phone at the mess of clothes on his floor and did his important business with the girl. He didn't bother saying anything in return. What could he say in reply to that anyway?

He busied himself with the girl at hand. She was alright. Had a ripe body for her age and gives the best services with her tongue. Not to mention her moans, how she clings to him while he pounces in her. It was very good Masamune was very satisfied.

For a moment before Masamune reached his climax, his stalker flashed in his mind. He gritted his teeth in annoyance and moved more vigorously.

So what if he was lying at that airhead? Stalkers would always be stalkers. The thought that that male kohai of his was even thinking of him while jerking off was disgusting, asking him a few thousand yen for playing and stuff would be enough payment right?

On a different space while the darkhaired young male was satisfying his lust, a young brunette was searching into his wallet. He was crying silently with the night sky as his background, his curtains fluttering silently like trying to cheer up the young boy.

* * *

On the rooftop, after the bell for the last subject, Saga Masamune and his self-declared boyfriend of his, Oda Ritsu met.

The sky had a tint of orange and purple. The breeze felt relaxing, the calmness satisfying. For Masamune, he was ready running fast as soon as he gets what he wanted. For Ritsu, it was one of the few things, standing on the rooftop while the day darkens for its end that gives him the short dream that they were really going out.

"Senpai...I heard from your friend that you are planning an outing next week..."

"Huh?" the senpai creased his brows as he tucked in the folded money bills in his wallet that Ritsu handed him. "What of it?"

Sheepishly, Ritsu smiled, tugging at his senpai's sleeve.

"Can I come too?"

A loud gush of wind passed by them. A couple of dry leaves from the trees nearby swirled at their feet before going away completely. Quietly, Ritsu waited for an answer. Quietly, Masamune weighed the situation.

"You don't know my friends."

"I just want to tag along, you don't have to keep on minding me there..."

Masamune glanced at Ritsu from head to foot. "You...do you seriously like me that much? Even when we're both guys?"

The brunette nodded. His eyes seem to leak everything that was in his soul. Real adoration, real appreciation, real love, they were reflected on the green of his eyes while staring at Masamune's shady hazel hues.

"You agreed being with me senpai...so I am very happy."

The older one of the two reached a hand to the brunette's head and ruffled it in a manner a little roughly. "You're an idiot..."

Walking away, still feeling the heavy stare at the back of his head, Masamune turned to look. There was really no problem bringing his stalker with him. They could ask him carry stuff and all anyway. Aside from that, what would be so bad carrying additional money source if his and his friend's wallets ran out of contents? Going to the beach was expensive if they're impressing the girls.

He smiled a bit. "Fine. Tag along. But I'm not a baby sitter."

Ritsu's given-up expression slowly changed into surprise, then a huge smile flashed on his face as he ran after Masamune and catching up with him. He didn't force himself beside the taller boy. He was happy maintaining the two feet distance between them.

"Thank you senpai!"

"Yeah...yeah..."

* * *

The day they went to the beach, good day couldn't be expressed any better. Blue skies, sparkly waters, horizon full of tanned clad bodies and a handyman in the name of Oda Ritsu carrying most of their groups' bags. Perfect.

"Wow Saga, that kid sure is very helpful..." one of Saga's friends commented, nodding at the brunette who was way far from them from all the things he was carrying.

Masamune shrugged and fixed on his sunglasses, ready to expose his young yet already sculpted body in the open. He could already imagine the cold waters enveloping him, drowning the noise and letting him slip into a state of calmness under water.

"Hey! Oda-kun right?" a voice shouted. "That's our inn there. You already have the reservation notes so let our bags in there first okay?"

It was a group of seven males, with Ritsu being the youngest. Brimming with energy, the lot went ahead, leaving Ritsu almost tumbling to his face. But he didn't complain. To his dreamy and fantasy world, this was the first date of him and his senpai.

He didn't care if he was acting like a chaperone or an errand boy. There would be tons of other time to have a bonding moment with his senpai. The important thing was Masamune should always be pleased with him. Then he can slowly get into the young male's heart.

With that thought, Ritsu fought the heat and the exaustion and just enjoyed everything even when he was obviously being taken for granted and was just being used for their convenience.

* * *

"You're not going to dip in?"

Masamune, glistening from swimming, his skin already slightly tanned sat near Ritsu. He was drying his hair with a blue towel, his face brimming of all the handsome and manly features that he would surely become in ten years time.

Ritsu watched every move his senpai did. Even when his senpai was just doing something as simple as drying his hair, it looked...mesmerizing. For Ritsu, those bikini clad girls squealing while playing beach volleyball to his right, and the crazy laughters of the other males to his left were nothing but an indistinct and unimportant matter. He just looked at Masamune as if the older boy was the only thing worthy to look at.

"Oi," Masamune called, tapping Ritsu by the shoulder with a boyish grin. "You're drooling now."

"Eh?" the surprised brunette started wiping his mouth with his hand. Too embarassed to face the darkhaired boy staring at him, he looked the other way.

"Stupid. I was just joking!"

Ritsu stopped midway from wiping his mouth and sighed a breath of relief. He handed the older boy a bottle of Pokari, while they both rested under the shade of their huge umbrella.

"So? Not swimming? Afraid to get darker or something?"

The younger one shook his head, hugging his knees to his chest. "I have only been in pools...can't swim straight either. A water as big as this...scares me..."

"So you'd just watch me like this all day?"

Ritsu's cheeks grew a tint of pink as he smiled. "I love watching you senpai even from a distance..."

Masamune ignored the cheesy confession once more and chuckled as he tossed his towel draped around his shoulders down to the sandy blanket. He pointed at the other boys in their group having fun in the waters, tossing a red ball with the laughing girls.

"What's the point of going to the beach if you're not swimming? Let's go!"

"Eh?"

The older boy yanked the brunette on the arm, holding him in a vice-like grip. Ritsu had no choice but to stand and follow along.

"I'm going to teach you swim properly..." Masamune promised, sounding that he was quite really enjoying the whole thing. He bended first and grabbed a red ring-like floating device and tossed it on Ritsu.

"This is like a 'date' in your head right?" Masamune teased, fixing the red and white life-saver properly around Ritsu's waist. "Then let's just do that. This doesn't happen all the time anyway."

With the darkhaired boy pulling Ritsu by the hand like that, Ritsu had forgotten all worries and went along. His feet slightly sinking into the warm sand, his senpai's hair shining before him, the blue skies and the blue horizon couldn't be any prettier.

* * *

They've been floating in the not so deep side of the cold waters for some time now. Masamune pushing Ritsu's red floating device here and there while laughing his head out whenever the wave would take Ritsu far away. The senpai wouldn't rescue Ritsu until he and the rest of his friends had a good laugh about it.

"Hey, hey, flap your arms like this and try swimming back to me!" Masamune ordered, still laughing.

Ritsu didn't mind. If his senpai was laughing because of him, whether he looked so stupid, he was happy.

A little far from the group, Ritsu somehow panicked when he saw Masamune swimming back towards the beach. He flapped his hands beside him like a scared baby duck and kicked his feet under waters.

"Senpai!" he called.

Masamune stopped and turned back. He waived a hand with his bright smile.

"I'll just go to the rest room! I'll be back!"

"But-" Ritsu's hands stopped moving, his feet stopped kicking and he just floated there while watching Masamune talk to another friend of his. If Ritsu could remember, the guy's name was Rui.

"Senpai!" Ritsu called again. "...hurry..."

But Masamune was already leaving the waters. His feet leaving a trail of footsteps being washed by the calm waves of the sea.

* * *

"Ah darn it..." Masamune growled, almost toppling down to his futon. The salty breeze of the sea was entering from their room window. Its nice and calming waves sending all of their tired bodies into a state of sleepiness they just wanted to drift off.

The room was small for a group of seven but they managed to cram themselves in. Their bags piling on one corner of the room neatly, the futons laid side by side on the floor. All youth had satisfied grins on their faces though.

"The girl I met on my way to the rest room wouldn't let go...so clingy," Masamune pretended to whine. However, from his closed eyes and his grin, he was obviously pleased with whatever happened between them.

"Ah..." Rui knowingly nodded, kicking Masamume by the feet. "So that was why you never returned after that you dog."

"Shut up," Masamune replied, really tired and drained. The young man rolled to his side, scratching the side of his neck. "Ritsu, pass me a bottle of water..."

A long silence passed. No sound of rustling or a meek 'hai senpai' came. The sound of the waves just grew louder in the ears of the group.

Suddenly, Masamune sat right up. He looked around the small room. Only a cream colored blank wall and confused faces of his friends passed his field of vision.

"Ritsu?"

The other males in the room started looking at each other questioningly. Some even had to stand up, eyes at the wallclock that said 6:32.

"Where's that idiot?" Masamune whispered, turning his head to look at Rui. "Hey...Did he go somewhere?"

Rui shrugged, running his hand through his hair. "How should I know?"

"What?" Masamune asked with his grin earlier obviously wiped off by now. "I told you to watch over him before I swam back to the beach earlier didn't I?"

The other boys, not waiting for anything started walking out the room to do a bit of searching. They already know that something was wrong. Gravely wrong. They were too busy having fun that afternoon they have forgotten a brunette floating somewhere near them.

The young man named Rui frowned. "Dude, I was wearing earplugs. How could I have heard that?"

Masamune just stared as if he heard something so ridiculous.

"I thought you were just waiving us _'see yah later'_ so I nodded and waived back mindlessly."

Masamune had no time to be angry or confused. His body just moved out of reflex, running towards the beach searching for his kouhai.

With the first hour, Masamune and his group of friends were the only ones searching. At the second hour, the resort's lifeguards started joing in. At the third hour, the coast guards and some private small vessels started helping.

Except for a ring- like life saver wandering and floating some eight kilometers away from the beach, all search and rescue operations proved to be futile.

Oda Ritsu hasn't been found.

* * *

His steps were silent. He acted like a ghost in the middle of the loud hallways. His presence was simply drowned by lively voices of young students who knew nothing about him.

He lifted his slightly bowed head as soon as he found the right room. It was his first time going to the first years building. He never have set his foot back in there after he finished that year himself. Besides, he didn't like the fuss that always happens when an upperclassman goes to the lower years.

But that day, Saga Masamune did.

He stood at the frame of the door at the back and roamed his eyes in. The first years watched him with curiosity.

At the farthest side of the room, beside the window was an empty seat. On top of the desk was a white vase with a single flower in it.

"Ano...senpai? Can I help you?"

Masamune looked at the short girl who stood before him. She looked to be the class representative. When she noticed him staring at that empty seat, she motioned towards the tall boy without qualms.

"The kid sitting over there..." Masamune started.

"Ah...Onodera-kun?"

The hazel-eyed thirdyear has already found out that his kohai slash stalker Oda Ritsu was Onodera Ritsu in reality. He learned during the search and rescue operation where he had been volunteering like sick.

The girl nodded and sighed sadly.

"He went to the beach with friends and disappeared. It's been two months and today...the family officially has given up the search..."

_"So he's being treated officially dead...?"_

"The possibility of Onodera-kun really drowning is high. He doesn't even join the swimming lessons in physical education so I wonder why he went swimming..." she said in a small voice. However, she didn't know what to say when the taller senpai just left her without a word.

Masamune already knows about it. But, when someone else tells that to his face, it was like knowing for the first time. Yet he couldn't feel anything. He didn't feel any loss. He didn't feel any sadness. He didn't feel any guilt. That was the weird thing. He was just all blank.

* * *

The burning colors of the maple trees was in contrast with the chilly breeze that was brushing on Masamune's face as he walked his way back home. The summer when Ritsu disappeared has long been gone. Replaced by the golden colors of autumn, somehow, the time that passed by seemed like nothing at all. Everything was so absurd.

The young male tugged at his scarf and continued walking the quiet streets. He wasn't paying attention to his surroundings so when a black car stopped at the side of the streets, he just ignored it.

A lady in simple white stepped out of the car. Her face pretty yet obviously lined with sadness and pain.

"Excuse me?" she called weakly. "Excuse me...Saga-kun?"

That was the time that the high school student lost in his blank world came back to his senses. He slowly turned around, and recognized the woman's face right away.

"Onodera-san...what brings you here?" the boy asked after nodding respectfully.

"I just came to get some of Ritsu's stuff..."

_"Ritsu's stuff...around here?" _

The woman reached out to the young male's hand and squeezed it firmly. "Thank you for being such a good friend to my son...you always joined the search operations so I know you cared for him..."

Masamune just looked at the lady with his unreadable hazel-eyes. His own drenched form whether it was raining or not flashing before his eyes as he joined the tiring search for the missing brunette.

It was funny that no one blamed him for leaving Ritsu floating in the sea like that. For leaving an idiot float with only a life saver so he could play with some girl he just met along the way.

_"Don't turn the tables on me..."_ he had hissed, the search for that day over with no results. _"Don't make me look like I'm the stalker here..."_

No one blamed the darkhaired young male at all. Everything was deemed an accident. Really, Masamune wished someone would blame him. So then he could put justification for the anger he was feeling within him.

"Here..." Ritsu's mother said softly, letting a hard object slip into Masamune's hand. "It's Ritsu's key."

"Huh?"

"You know...Ritsu, that kid begged us to have him rent a small apartment around this area. He says a good friend lives in here...but since he's not here anymore, we're taking his belongings back home..."

The darkhaired boy just stared at the cold card and key on his palm. An address of an apartment that just recently got on business in that area was what was written on the card. And the key, somehow reminded him of how cold the sea waters would be at this time.

"If you want, you can go and take something from Ritsu's belongings as a memento..."

The lady turned her back fast, not wanting to let the boy see her tears. She slowly walked away. Her voice mixing in with the chilly wind like a prayer. A prayer that Masamune heard clearly.

_"I still hope one day he'd appear in front of our doorstep...my only son isn't dead..."_

* * *

Masamune reached for the gates of their house. Their place was as usual as quiet as ever since his parents have started leaving at different places. The sun had just settled in, casting a sad feeling around the neighborhood.

The boy lifted his gaze. And from where he was standing, he could see the slightly tall apartment some two blocks away from their house. He had no intention of going to his kohai's place and be all sentimental. They weren't really that close and he wasn't really the 'goodfriend' at all.

He sighed. For when he inserted a hand inside his pocket for their house key, it was Ritsu's key that he found.

He stepped back from their gate. And without thinking, allowed his feet to take him to the place where he could see a glimpse of how much of a stalker Ritsu was.

_"A good friend lives nearby?" _Masamune asked with sarcasm. _"Are you making me feel guilty now?"_

* * *

When he pushed open the door, he became filled with the familiar scent of the first time he and his kohai met. Books. It smelled of their school library. The salty, calming scent of old papers lingering about the room greeted him. It was strong yet somehow sweet.

He looked inside it, not moving. It was just a small, simple room with lots of books. A bit messy but felt warm. Just like how those stupid green eyes of his kohai looked at him.

Masamune dropped his bag to the floor and dared to take small steps into it. He ignored the light switch and just went in into the darkness. The almost transparent curtains dancing softly on the side, perhaps Ritsu's mother had forgotten to close the windows completely.

"..."

The boy was stunned the moment he stood before the huge window. He started wondering what might be Ritsu thinking when he was there watching the world below. It had such a clear view of the neighborhood, like a never ending maze at night.

He motioned to finally close the glass panes tight, deciding to leave after doing so. However, he knocked something over.

"What the..."

The boy kneeled on one knee and with the help of the moonlight, scrutinized what he might have just broken.

As his palms ran down the extent of the cold and smooth surface, his face started becoming confused.

"Telescope...?"

Hurriedly, he tried to fix it properly on the side of the window just how it was originally placed there. For a stupid curiosity of what might be the other world Ritsu was seeing everytime he looks into it, Masamune stepped before it and peered into the white object.

And then he froze. Felt that something knocked his breath away from him. Felt cold water befalling him.

That messy bed littered with books, that turned off flatscreen TV, that poster of an old band, that kitten stretching on top of a cupboard were really all sickeningly familiar.

How could they not be? They were things inside _Masamune's _room, his room, freely open from his window to see.

"..."

The darkhaired boy stepped back away from the telescope, catching on the window frame for he suddenly became weak. Realization overflowed that it stung him.

_"Senpai...eating Ramen every evening will ruin your health..."_

That was a text message Masamune got from Ritsu before. The darkhaired boy always ate on his bed, flipping boring channels every night. And everynight, he'd receive a text like this as if the brunette could see him.

_"Senpai, it's raining hard tonight. Have you closed your windows? I just closed mine."_

That was one Saturday when a storm was passing and Masamune was busy doing something downstairs. If not for that reminder, his room would probably be a mess that time. He couldn't remember though if he thanked Ritsu.

Shoulders shaking terribly, Masamune raised his hand that was gripping the key tightly towards his forehead. His teeth clashing. His chest aching.

_"Senpai...are you alone right now?"_

_"Of course I am alone," _Masamune lied that time while having some sweet time with a girl.

_"...suki..." _Ritsu had whispered but Masamune knew he never replied.

Soflty, Masamune chuckled. How could such a stupid kohai say something like that even when he was lying at him squarely on the face?

The telescope saw it all. Ritsu saw it all. And he could still say he likes him?

As softly as the darkhaired boy chuckled by that window, were the tears he didn't want to come appeared in his eyes. After two months of Ritsu being gone, that was the first time he showed any emotions at all. His chest just hurt so bad. Like he was being crushed by something from over his head.

Guilt, pain, sorry, longing, they all came in one blow that there was no other thing to hold all these emotions at the same time. They all escaped through the young male's eyes and pained breathing.

_"So you'd just watch me like this all day?" _the darkhaired boy could remember asking the brunette with almost the sound of sarcasm. That was the day when they went to the beach. Never had he thought that his stalker would drift away even crossed his mind.

The reply Ritsu gave him was a laughable _"I love watching you senpai...even from a distance."_

"_From a distance_...with this telescope?" Masamune choked. "All of my lies and you still like me? Stupid...stupid stalker..." he whispered barely understandable.

The chuckling from his mouth vanished. And he just entirely wept silently. He was just feeling the depth of his loss, just realizing the size of something missing now. And how utterly stupid and prideful he was.

Then he realized why he couldn't get sad or lonely the past days. Because the thought that 'Ritsu his stalker is gone' wasn't sinking into him at all.

"...look _up-close _all you want..." he whispered, the key buried in the palm of his hand. "Just come back..."

Without a body, he'd never believe it. He'd never believe that Ritsu's dead. Without a body, Ritsu would always be alive somewhere and breathing the same air as him.

And probably, just like what Ritsu's mother wished, Ritsu would again show-up, confessing again and following him like the stalker he really was.

Silent tears of a youth flowed down his face. Hope would always be there.

_**end**_

* * *

**chapter end notes:**

haha...that's an open end there! buwahahah...omg...what is seriously with me...well...i just love it when the other character could just die with his own guilt. hohoho

thanks for the time reading. perhaps ritsu would come back or not, there's no body that has been found so the possibilities are endless!...lol XD

should i continue? hmmm...please share your thoughts! XD

-shuusetsu

ps. back in grade school, i was asked to write on the board where we went during summer.

I proudly wrote, "We went to the bitch".

Just like how I wrote "Prepare a one shit of paper" before.

LOL...my English teacher looked weird that time but I smiled at him so innocently he just erased what I wrote without saying anything. i didn't know what i wrote was bad. LoL.


	2. Brothers

**From a Distance **

**II**

**Brothers**

* * *

_"Seven bodies have been found floating five kilometers from the coastline. Authorities said that the search and rescue operations are still going on. Meanwhile, parents of the high school students who drowned due to MV XE sinking are demanding for..."_

The flat screen TV suddenly turned blank, the room growing quiet. The man holding the remote tossed it to the deep blue-colored sofa without looking back. And then he sighed.

'Sinking', 'coast lines', 'bodies', 'rescue operations', 'drowning'. If possible, he didn't want to hear those words ever again. It had been so long. But hearing them, remembering these things claws to his core as if it happened just yesterday.

He picked his bag and started heading for the genkan. And then he caught sight of the calendar. His already unreadable eyes, growing darker in its shade.

"That makes it exactly ten years huh..."

He slowly raised a hand to his neck. The lose chain that was not visible from under his shirt emerged as he tugged the pendant out. It was an old key. A key that belonged to some stalker who vanished without a trace.

"..."

A low laughter then escaped his lips. It should be high time he let go of this notion that one day, Onodera Ritsu would appear out of nowhere. It had been ten damned years of waiting. Ten damned years of waiting for a reason he couldn't even remember anymore. Why was he even holding onto the key again?

That small body would have been reduced to bones by now. Under the ocean, little fishes would have already made a playground of it. The flesh and blood of that stupid kid as a proof of his existence would be history.

"Who in their right minds would wait for their stalker anyway? I'm not a kid anymore..."

He was ready removing the chain around his neck.

"..."

But he stopped. Just like how he hesitated for all the years he tried to forget. He just couldn't do it after all. So in the end, the key with vague importance maintained its position dangling near Takano's heart.

"Damn it. I'm late."

* * *

When he arrived, the meeting room was already full. The swivel chairs before the huge round table were almost occupied. Even when he was fifteen minutes late, no one said anything though. One of the perks of being a superior was this. Entering regally even when the others were already fuming with anger.

"Sorry, so..shall we begin?" Takano Masamune said impatiently as if he had been the one doing the waiting.

Yeah, he knew he had become a bastard.

The acting secretary, a woman with a sweet face stood and smiled before starting the meeting.

"This meeting is in line with the week-long sixth anniversary of KATAI Construction Company. We're considered only a greenhorn compared to our competitors but we couldn't deny the growing number of our clients and how this company have grown into a name in design and construction..."

Takano roamed his eyes around the people present in the meeting. Aside from the familiar office drones he knew, there was an unfamiliar face whose eyes were busy looking into the company pamphlet.

"We go now to the food and refreshments..." the secretary announced as she waived a brown and gold pamphlet in the air for all to see. "Since the chairman and the board of directors are well already advanced in age, they requested for healthier options. It's a one week event so this is something they pointed to be done specifically. This is why we've teamed up with the gentleman here...Haitani Shin-san, owner of the seafood restaurant Umi Gari..."

The woman nodded to the man Takano was eyeing and this Haitani Shin confidently stood.

"Good morning. I am Haitani Shin," the man bowed a bit. " We're looking forward to working with you. The sample menu had been distributed by your wonderful secretary here so please check on them and contact me if you want to make changes."

While the owner of the restaurant that would do the catering for their anniversary kept on talking, Takano flipped through the printed menu with the corner of his eyes glued at that Haitani Shin. It was weird. He was having a strange connection with him far from liking. Takano didn't like the air the man was projecting. Masamune knew that kind of air. The air of having two faces. He knew very well because he was in fact like that too.

"Wait," Takano interrupted. "What about those with allergies? Have you already prepared for that?"

Haitani Shin smiled professionally. "Actually, on that we decided to make a sort of survey for the employees. The print outs are on the way. My secretary made a minor mistake and had to check on them before distributing them to you."

"Heh...you've got quite a useless secretary..." Takano commented with a laughing voice.

Takano did so but he certainly wasn't joking. Being in this business taught him of reading people. He could see through people whom he can trust and those who would be a problem. Haitani's smile looked shady to him. Haitani's the kind of man he wouldn't want to be in his team if he could choose. He decided then he could probably check this man's color by a little intimidation and provocation.

"You should consider a better secretary right? Umi Gari is already making a name, but still...it's new in the business...After all, a secretary is like the face of the boss or something like that."

"Ah...I'm afraid not...after all...my secretary is my younger sibling," Haitani replied good-naturedly. "Watching my secretary working hard is enough."

"Trying their best... working hard isn't enough if it does not render good results right?" Takano continued as if he was talking to a casual friend. "If I were your secretary's boss, I'd shape her up properly like my secretary here."

"Ah, Takano-san, you're embarrassing me..." the woman secretary with the name of 'Iwa' on her ID blushed.

"Ah, I'm thankful for the concern," Haitani said with that smile that can charm people. "...but I'm afraid we can't shape up my secretary into like yours Takano-san. My secretary is a man after all... my younger brother."

The other people round the table remained silent. They could feel animosity in the pleasant-sounding conversation that they didn't know how to intervene. They only managed to breathe a sigh of relief when they heard soft knocking from the closed door.

All heads turned to the door that was slowly being opened, except for Takano who was eyeing the menu for another question he could throw at the owner.

"Ah...I'm sorry about that," Haitani then went over the door and took the paper bag the new comer was holding. "You're running out of breath...did you run or something?"

"Uh...the elevator is taking some time...so I used the stairs..." the slightly tired voice, pleasant to the ears replied.

"Sit on that free chair, I'll do the distributing."

"Hai...gomen, Nii-san."

Haitani didn't answer anymore and started handing out the sample for the surveys. The newcomer quietly headed to the free chair he saw first and sat.

Takano smiled inwardly. From the sound of that voice, that brother of Haitani sounded nervous. Breaking the composure of these kind of people would just be a piece of cake. He closed the menu and looked at the person across him. He was really in bullying mode he wondered if he was that bored. But his mocking smile had been wiped off all too suddenly from his face.

"..."

When the newcomer saw that Takano was staring at him, he nodded and gave a small smile. He hurriedly darted his gaze though back to his older brother doing the distribution.

"..."

Haitani who was currently about to give Takano his copy paused and looked at his brother.

"Ah...Shio, introduce yourself to the company's director," Haitani Shin said calmly. "We were having a rather lively conversation about secretaries earlier."

The guy called Shio stood right away and bowed deeply. "Sorry for not introducing myself properly. I'm Haitani Shio. I've been working as my brother's secretary for not a long while so please guide me in this project."

Takano swallowed hard. His crossed legs under the table growing weak. And his spine just got a shiver. Was he imagining things?

Haitani Shio's forehead still showed beads of sweat from using the stairs. His breathing still somehow uneven. His easy smile on his lips complimented the vibrant emerald hues that was so strikingly familiar to Takano. Looking at them made him feel as if he was peering back to the past.

"My brother's pretty sheltered...he's 25 but this job is like his debut to the outside world," Shin mumbled, obviously teasing his brother. "Please be patient with him."

"Nii-san!" Shio complained with his animated face. It made the others present in the meeting ease up a bit.

"Haitani Shin-san and his brother sure get along well huh?" one of them commented. "My brother and I are always fighting even at this age."

"Hang in there, newbie secretary!"

"Ah...hai...thank you..." Shio replied with a trace of heat over his cheeks.

In an instant, the heavy atmosphere vanished. Then replaced by a light feeling of brotherly care and love, Takano could puke his breakfast down the table.

"We'll, Shio, aren't we lucky to get understanding partners such as them?" Haitani Shin asked as he dropped the survey on the table before Takano .

All the while Takano just couldn't tear off his gaze at the guy smiling awkwardly just across from him. It wasn't a matter of recognizing someone from physical appearances. There was something strangely familiar with that 'Shio' that Takano couldn't place.

He'd been right about his instincts to stay and climb up to the position he was in in such a young age. To be wrong this time when he was this sure, he couldn't and wouldn't believe it. There was something, definitely odd about these brothers.

* * *

Haitani was obviously still concerned over his younger brother. From the moment they exited the meeting room up to the elevator, Haitani was rubbing his brother's back for all the other company's superiors to see, including Takano Masamune.

"Shio, should I assign someone else to coordinate here? You've never been good with the heat and the summer this year is just too much."

"I'm alright Nii-san...nothing to worry."

"Aren't you over protective of him, Haitani-san?" Takano's secretary asked in a meaningful smile. "Is this that brother-complex I'm hearing about?"

"Shio's been doted by our grandmother so much. She'd kill me if Shio gets sick while working for me."

"Ahaha," an elder superior laughed. "Grandmothers are frightening when it comes to their favorites ne?"

It hasn't even been a day, yet the good bonding between the Haitani brothers had spread like a wild fire. For this era where having siblings could be a pain, the two can be a model for how siblings should support each other.

All the more Takano Masamune getting annoyed.

"I'll go get the car to the front of the building, wait for me there," Shin said before swiftly disappearing just as they reached the ground floor.

One by one, the riders of the elevator disappeared. Shio, out of politeness waited for the last superior to get out. But Takano just stood there with a stifling silence. The elevator doors closed before them.

"Uhm...then I'll go first Takano-san."

"Haitani Shio right?"

Green eyes looked up, a hint of confusion visible. "Yes?"

"I suggest before you go to a meeting, check if your shirt is buttoned properly."

"Huh?"

When Shio looked down, he realized he had buttoned his shirt incorrectly. He tried to fix it but to do it with a stranger would be even more awkward. He stopped and stupidly grinned.

"Ha-ha...I slept at the office and woke a bit late...in a rush..."

"For such a caring brother you have, it seems like you're being worked off to death?"

"What are you...he's not that-"

Takano watching this Shio's face finally confirmed why he was being annoyed with him. How those green eyes reveal everything in the open was something that reminded him of someone who used to look at him like that.

The eyes of a stalker. Haitani Shio was looking at his brother in _that_ way. How laughable.

No wonder Takano was annoyed. People with that kind of expressions could be nothing but stupid. And Takano hated stupid people of all. They piss him off.

"It's not my concern though. I don't want the anniversary of my company go ruined. So please refrain from doing _minor mistakes_. Minor mistakes compiled become a major issue."

Haitani Shio pursed his lips and bowed a bit. "It won't happen again."

* * *

If just some moments ago, they were the picture of good siblings, the two of them alone inside the car, while the traffic was building up for the worse was totally a different picture.

Haitani Shin's all smiles and friendly gestures and concern had been wiped off of his face. Instead, utter annoyance was present over his handsome features. All Shio could do was sit silently.

"How stupid can you get?"

"..."

"I keep on reminding you about those print outs and you still fail to remember bringing them with you?"

Shio looked out the window watching teenage girls boast there colorful umbrellas fighting the sunlight.

"I woke up late Nii-san...it took me until three to finish them..."

"It's your fault for being a slow poke!" Shin growled. "I accepted you to work as my secretary because grandma has been nagging me like hell. I don't need a pampered little prince in my own business you understand?"

"Sorry..."

Shio stayed quiet. He's used to this. It's always been like this since they were young. When everyone was watching, they're the best of siblings. But alone, out of the watchful eyes, Shin was treating him nowhere near from a brother. All the act would be dropped.

"You apologizing is pissing me even more. Just shut up."

"Nii-san," Shio started, risking another insult. "Why are you angry at me?"

The green-eyed man, with light brown hair highlighted by the fierce sunlight bouncing off from the front of the car really looked burdened by this kind of relationship. He couldn't even remember how many times he'd asked Shin this question. They were brothers after all. But every single time, he get the same old, cold, seething answer.

The green traffic light was already on, other cars started passing them by. But the car where the brothers were remained stuck in the middle of the road.

Shin drew a deep breath and fixed a hateful gaze towards Shio's. "It's because you _don't_ know what you've done that's pissing me off."

* * *

Ten years back when everything was supposed to be on the normal course...

It was such a beautiful sunset. The sound of the calm waves was always a source of enjoyment for the young man. He used to watch it with his younger brother. But that afternoon, Haitani Shin was alone. After all, Haitani Shio had died just a couple of hours ago.

"You dimwit..." Shin whispered glaring at the deep, reddish waters from the sun. "This sailing was for you...yet you had the nerve to leave us...If I knew...I wouldn't have agreed into this..."

The Haitani family was a wealthy family whose business involved with Kimono and other traditional clothing. They were all so busy, trying to turn their attentions from the worsening condition of Shio who had been born with a heart disease.

Thinking back, Shio had never even set foot out their mansion. He was always inside, only ever playing with Shin who was eighteen that time. And then one day, Shio said he wanted to go to the ocean and sail.

Shin rested his arms over the white railings and hid his face against them. He loved Shio. He always pitied his brother who never was able to run. He wanted to do so many things. He wanted to show Shio other interesting games and books. Go to other places together and forget that Shio's days were numbered. But there Shio was, laying dead earlier than predicted, in the yacht their grandmother even rented for him.

"You're such an idiot Shio..." Shin said through gritted teeth. The scent of the salty breeze was like rubbing salt to the injury. He couldn't tell anymore if he was just tasting the air with his mouth, or it was his own tears.

After a couple of minutes, a gentle and strong hand patted Shin on the shoulder. When he looked up, it was their father.

Shin looked away, embarrassed to be seen crying. "How's grandma?"

The man sighed and darted his gaze around. It was endless waters and a sad horizon before him.

"She's not taking it well..." the man replied.

"..."

"If I knew this would happen...I'd have brought Shio out more often..." the father whispered, his hand over his face. "You're grandma says she'll go after your brother..."

The young man frowned. He liked his grandmother to feel bothered by that. As if he was being threatened to lose another precious person on the same day.

"We're all fools now who can do nothing but regret...aren't we...otousan?"

"Shin..." the man turned on his heels. "...we're heading back to the coast. We have to prepare Shio's body and the funeral and..."

Both standing back to back like that, Shin was already a bit taller than his father. His reddish eyes looked down. He didn't want to hear 'funeral' and 'body' coming from his own father's mouth. It was like a really sick joke.

"...help me with your grandma. She insists on not leaving Shio's side. She'd really get sick if this continues."

Shin pushed all the sadness gnawing at him, pushed aside the gentle, happy smiles Shio made during that short sailing. He turned around, clenching his fists. Ending this day like this was the worst.

Before Shin could go down and leave the deck, something caught his eyes. Definitely not a debris, nor a tree trunk. Definitely not his imagination. It was a human body floating face down.

* * *

It was any normal human being's reflex to help someone in need. He never really knew he'd regret doing that.

After saving the almost dead body from the growing cold waters of the sea, Shin remained motionless by the door of the room. His grandma who was supposed to be sitting by Shio's side was there beside some stranger crying happy stupid tears.

"Shio...he came back...he came back..." the old, pained voice of the woman ranted on and on making Shin sick to his stomach.

The Haitani head walked out of the room shaking his head.

"Your grandma's convinced herself that Shio came back in that kid's person..."

"Bullshit!"

The father looked alarmed but he summoned his patience. Everyone in that family now reduced to three was tired beyond words.

"Shin...you could tell...she'll break if you say otherwise...do you want your grandma to die next?"

Shin grew silent as he peered at the partially opened door. By the second, he was starting to hate that skinny brunette lying on what used to be Shio's room. He knew something was about to happen. And it was all that stranger's fault.

"We'll take that kid with us."

"What?"

"He woke up earlier but fell asleep again...seems like he couldn't remember a thing."

The young man stared at his father as if he had been stabbed. What farce was that again?

"No one knew yet that Shio has already died...and they look to be at around the same age. We head directly to the rest house in Osaka and stay there. That's what I've decided."

"But Otou-san! That thing has his own family who'd worry about him!"

"Shin...I know this is wrong. But right now, all I care about is mother's health," the older man patted Shin on the shoulder weakly. "Welcome your brother with a smile..."

Left alone in the narrow hallway, Shin turned back to look at the stranger on the bed. His grandmother stroking the lightbrown strands of hair lovingly. How can things change so easily like this? What about his brother? He grew angrier by the minute.

"No way..." Shin whispered. "How could _that_ take Shio's place?"

* * *

**chapter end notes:**

thank you very much for the people reading this story. many have asked for a sequel from the vry start but it only took me last night to write one. ehe, sorry and thanks for the patience.

i'll post my updating schedule on my profile soon. so please check it out. XD

please share your thoughts!

-shuusetsu

ps. i will post the new cover art for this fic in my tumblr. XD


	3. Attachment

_I could hear the rush of water, every single drop of it, every wave of it to my ears down to the deepest part of me. It could be perhaps a lullaby or a song. I wasn't really sure. My eyes were closed, or maybe they were open. It was just that everything was pitch black. I couldn't move my arms or legs, much less my fingers. _

_But I didn't bother. It was so sweet like this I didn't want to change it. It was like a great burden had been taken off my shoulders and I didn't care anymore. As I sank deeper into the darkness, I saw a color. One by one they came blinking at me until my whole vision was a sea of colors behind a blanket of black. Perhaps it was just my imagination. Perhaps it was just nothing._

_However, the more I tried to erase the colors, the more they became vivid. There was a shiny black, like silk under the moonlight. It was fluttering gently in the wind. Fading gold, or fading hazel came looking at me. They seem to mock me. They seem to be important to me._

_There was a thin line that wouldn't let me make a figure of it. But I knew, even if I wasn't sure how, I knew that it was a person. I think I knew that color from somewhere. I think I even knew whom those eyes that seemed to suck me in belonged to. So I reached out but grasped nothing._

_I keep on remembering. If only I could muster the name, I knew I would remember. It was just that it was at the tip of my tongue. Try as I might, I only heard moans. Heavy, ugly moans of someone choking._

_As if I was electrocuted, pain grazes from my chest to my head, my eyes shot wide open. Empty white ceiling welcomed me. And I heard someone breathing heavily. It was me. _

"Shio...dear?"

_I turned my head to the source of the voice. A small woman crying desperately was there beside me. I could see the fine lines and her veins on her hands as she clung tightly to my cold hand. Her bluish eyes were kind and hopeful._

"Shio...Shio...you're awake..."

_The old woman kept on calling 'Shio'. It made me wonder why she was calling that name while intently looking at me. She was desperately calling that name with her pleading eyes._

_I tried to say something but everything inside my mouth was numb. I tried to make out where I was. The room was small and cold. Or perhaps it was my own body being cold despite the thick blankets almost burying me. _

_"..."_

_I turned my head a bit to the side. And saw him. _

_He was standing by the door, his eyes piercing all the nerves in my body. I could tell from his eyes, amidst all the anger I can see...he was sad. I focused my eyes to that unfamiliar face. His somewhat thick eyebrows framing his unhappy face. The prominent nose and thin lips pursed as if he had something to say._

_"..."_

_I saw him open his mouth. There was no sound. But I was absolutely sure he pronounced 'Shio' with an expression I can't distinguish._

_And then it struck me._

_I didn't know Shio. I didn't know me._

* * *

**Attachment**

"It's because you _don't_ know what you've done that's pissing me off."

Shio swallowed hard clenching his fists on his lap. He could never really tell how many times he'd heard this. Always the same hard tone from his brother. Always the same sense of anger from those words. The strange thing was it was becoming more and more painful.

The brunette didn't even press for more. He knew he would get nothing but just angry words yet again.

Pressing hard on the accelerator without a word, Shin maintained the obvious crease between his brows. The heavy atmosphere inside the car was adding to the already humid summer mid afternoon. As the car continued to sped up, reflections of tall buildings and the green trees welcomed them. The vast blue sky was like a bright blue sea above their heads. A pretty picture of the summer season that none inside that dark-blue car could appreciate.

Not being able to stand the silence anymore, Shio lifted a hand and tried to reach out to the car stereo. But before he could press anything, he had to hold on to his seat-belt as his body swayed violently from the momentum of the car from high speed to a sudden halt.

"Nii-san...?"

"Get out."

"Huh?"

Shin exhaled and smiled. A smile that says all his patience had been exhausted for that day.

"I will go to our supplier to discuss some things. In the mean time, why not double-check the files I assigned you to do?."

"But Nii-san...I've already doublechecked them..."

Shin ran a hand to his cropped and wavy hair. "Then check them again. Because in the end it would still be me who'd fix your mistakes anyway."

"..."

"What are you waiting for? Got something to say?"

Shio looked deeply into his brother's eyes for a long time. The more he searched those eyes, the more he could see a distance he could never shorten no matter how much effort he exerted.

"No, I'll do as you say."

Shin nodded at the door once, telling Shio to get a move already.

When Shio pushed open the door, severe heat crawled at his skin. He stepped out and narrowed his eyes from the flare of the sun. He didn't even had the chance to close the door on his own. Shin had pulled it close and sped off as if he was fleeing from a disease.

"..."

The brunette watched the car until he could no longer see it. He then looked around, searching for a shade he could run to. Where Shin dropped him was far from everything. He had to walk some distance to reach the station, or the nearby mall or even the waiting shed.

He then started feeling for his pockets. Both the sides. And at the back. He got his phone alright. But forgot what was more needed at this kind of situation.

"My wallet..." he lifted his gaze to the road where Shin's car disappeared. Worry etched over his sweating forehead. "It's at the back..."

* * *

The lonesome man found himself sitting at the marble benches facing a huge water fountain. It was at the heart of a huge mall where shoppers were trying to find rest. Just looking at the white waters and the play of colorful lights against it was refreshing. At least for the children and the other shoppers.

Shio stared at the water hard. How it was coming from under then shoots up like a bow. The hiss of the water drowned all the other voices of the people chatting around him. He just continued watching the waters. The little children running around the circular water fountain was just vague images in his vision.

He had to slowly bow his head as he pressed and searched for any names in his phone he could call.

He'd been in Osaka all his life. He had no friends in Tokyo. The people in the restaurant were still few. After all it was just really a start-up business with which Shin refused to accept any help from his father or grandmother. He could never ask someone from there to leave their tasks and fetch him like a lost child.

He stared hard at Shin's number but he knew better than to call the man.

He passed at his father's number, the man was in Osaka busy as always.

And then he reached his ever-loving grandmother's number.

He sucked his breath. He tried to relax. But all was in vain.

"..."

He had to grit his teeth as he watched the floor became dotted from something in his eyes he could not hold back.

"...!"

Surprising him almost to the point that he lost hold of his phone, his grandma appeared to be calling him.

He drew a deep breath before answering.

"Hello? Grams?"

_"Hello dear? Where are you? Sounds noisy in there."_

"Uhm..." Shio looked around and didn't want to lie. "I'm in a mall...taking a break."

_"Oh...how is working with your brother going? Is he taking care of you?"_

The brunette smiled which looked more painful. "Yeah. He's even being teased having a brother-complex..."

The old woman, though her voice was soft, the energy as she laughed was still there, bringing Shio into tears even more.

_"Haha, Shin has always been like that since you guys were young. He really cares for you so much...so you have to do the same for him alright...?"_

"Of course Grams...how is father and the flowers at the back doing?"

The grandmother animatedly shared her story. As if she was a little girl not caring about phone bills and anything, she continued in almost complete details. Shio tried to listen, but his thoughts would drift on and off, barely keeping up with his grandmother's story.

_"I reserved a Kimono that would look good on you...can't wait to see you wear it..."_

_"_..."

It wasn't like he didn't ask for the answers to his own questions after losing something a part of what makes him himself. He was told he was eager to do scuba diving, slipped unprepared from the deck, hit his head and suffered amnesia. He accepted that. Why would they lie about it in the first place?

_"The sunflowers you're taking care of are really like the sun...it brightens up my day...Of course, you're better than them Shio dear..."_

"..."

When they came to their house in Osaka, he tried searching for family albums, pictures of himself with the family or even with his friends. There should be bound to be one around somewhere. But he was told their original house had burned down from electrical faults and no pictures of them survived that.

Was he that reclusive that he had no friend at that age he could call even if they transferred houses? But he tried to adopt desperately. After all, seeing Haitani Shin ten years ago, gently caressing his bed when the young man thought the brunette wasn't looking touched him very deeply.

_"Shio...?"_

He thought perhaps the two of them were really good siblings. But because he suffered amnesia and forgot everything, perhaps he changed and wasn't what he used to be. So perhaps that was why Shin was acting strange to him.

That brother who was always so caring when everyone was around and the brother who was even colder than a stranger puzzled him so much. But he couldn't tell anyone about it. He decided not to. Even when it grew worse, he couldn't hate Shin. He didn't know why, he just couldn't.

_"Shio? Are you okay?"_

"Ah...Grams...yes I'm fine. Sorry...I was spacing out."

_"Shio...is something wrong? Just tell me..."_

Shio bit his lip, putting a livelier tone in his voice. "No...nothing to worry about. I am happy here Grams..."

The old woman grew silent. She must have sensed something but didn't press for more. She said her long goodbyes and sounds of her flying kisses through the phone before hanging up.

Left alone once again, Shio lifted his eyes towards the fountain feeling guilty by his own thoughts.

_"No matter how kind you are to me grandma...I wonder why...I don't feel any sense of belonging to anywhere...or to anyone..."_

* * *

The discussions about the seafoods to be transported from Iwate to Tokyo took longer than what Haitani Shin had expected. The prices, the processes to maintain the freshness were things he had to mind much seriously. After all, the taste of the food comes from the freshness of the ingredients to be used.

After the talks with the supplier, he parked his car in the small parking area at the back of his restaurant and discreetly went into his office. Truth be told, he was actually surprised that such an already known company decided to go with their services. Umi Gari was still small, a little under staffed and everyone still was a newbie. But he took it as an opportunity to be on his own. He worked his head off at his father's company to earn the capital he used for this. There was no way he'd not give his all in this.

"I've already arranged the suppliers and the dates..." he thought aloud as he shuffled into the folders neatly stacked on his table. "We only need to set the tables to the venue...the mantles and the utensils...the motif..."

Haitani lifted a hand and pressed on a small button on top of his table. He pressed and pressed until he grew annoyed and tired of it.

Then the door opened. It wasn't who he was expecting though.

"Boss?"

A man in his mid-twenties emerged. He was wearing an apron on his waist and a hairnet. His hands busy with an emptry tray.

"Why are you here? Isn't it busy at the kitchen?" Haitani asked in an authoritative voice but still with a slight smile on his face his employees liked. "I think this button is directed at my secretary's office...or are you guys playing a prank on me?" he joked a little.

"Of course not boss. That's why I'm here...I could hear the sound from your brother's office to the kitchen and it won't stop so I came to check..." the man creased a brow. "Didn't the two of you go to that meeting with KATAI? He hasn't come back yet...is he not with you?"

The composed exterior of the owner of Umi Gari was as perfect as it can be. More than saying that he trusted his secretary and was not worried, it was more like he couldn't even be bothered.

"Ah...I forgot...I asked him to run me an errand..." Shin said thoughtfully. "Sorry for disturbing you. Please go back to work."

As the thoughtful boss, Haitani Shin even led the employee out, patting him on the shoulder to boost the restaurant's morale. He closed the door gently. When the door clicked close and everything was sealed inside his office, he went over the bin with no trash and kicked it. It slammed against the wall and rolled back to his feet.

"Damn it..." he cursed as he headed back to his chair. He dropped his weight on it and closed his eyes. Ten years...he didn't know how long he could hold it in.

His anger must be too great that even when Shio was just simply standing in one place, he would be at his edge. He was so tired of looking after someone whom his grandmother was so fond of. But no matter how much he wanted to retaliate, he couldn't. Haitani Mizuki was already sickly at the age of 78 when the real Shio died. Now that she was 88, she was more fragile than ever. If only he didn't care for his grandmother and found relief in her smiles whenever talking about that fake 'thing', he would have spilled everything in the open long ago.

Who would have thought that this lie, this crime, would make the woman healthier? She grew stronger, doting and caring after the stranger that Shin had saved. Before he and his father realized, the stand-in had been living with them for ten whole years. The grandmother and his father have seem to grow very fond of the impostor. But no matter what Shin did to calm his rage, nothing happened.

_"Saya-san? Who placed these over here?"_

He could remember the caretaker smiling at him broadly. When he resigned from his father's company and started setting up Umi Gari in Tokyo, he started to come home rarely. When he did a few months back, sunflowers were what he saw first.

_"Ah...these?"_ she looked at the sunflowers in full bloom and then at the eldest son of the family she was serving. _"Shio-sama did. He told me you used to put sunflowers under this tree every month. But since you're busy in Tokyo...he decided to do it for you..."_

_"What?"_

The woman smiled. _"Shio-sama thinks the flowers you put under this tree is a part of a certain wish...he's afraid you couldn't continue so he started doing this...he's really a nice young man isn't he? I wish my son is like that too..."_

An odd smile appeared on Shin's lips that caretaker couldn't read. She excused herself after a few minutes and left Shin standing under the huge Sakura tree. With the man staring down at the pretty, bright and yellow flowers at the tree's base, no one could see the seething annoyance and anger on his face.

_"Who puts flowers on the grave of the person whose identity they've taken over?" _he clenched his fists_. "We couldn't even place him in a proper grave...couldn't put his name on a stone, couldn't remember him during Obon*..."_

For him, it was solely because of fake Shio that Shin couldn't even mourn in the open for his own brother. Just like that, the real Shio seemed to have not even existed in the first place.

Shin stood from his chair, headed out of his office to where his car was. He rummaged into the back seat where the other folders were. He was supposed to ask Shio to do it but the rascal wasn't even there.

He grabbed his leather bag. From under it, a black and brown tote bag fell with all its contents. Wallet, ID, Train pass, a pack of cookies and pills for headache. Shio's bag.

"..."

He bended and threw everything back inside the bag. And then left as if he saw nothing. As if he never realized that Shio wasn't back yet because the brunette had no money with him.

His eyes darted to his wrist watch. Six and eleven minutes in the evening. If he felt anything, it was just a passing emotion. It was good that the stand-in was alive compared to his brother who was forgotten by everyone under that Sakura tree back home. He's an adult already. He should look after himself for once.

"Tsk."

He couldn't forgive the Shio with him now. He tried really hard. But his wound from his brother's death had already become so much infested that he couldn't see anything anymore.

* * *

For someone with no money, Shio was blending very nicely with the other people busy choosing what books to buy. The huge bookstore was teeming with customers, young and adult scattered all around like a mini city of their own.

Behind the tall shelves at the back served as Shio's spot for the day. He was slumped on the floor, flipping through a compilation of quotes. He knew it was late but he didn't even bother thinking of a way to get home.

"..."

He looked at the ceiling for a while and back to the book. He smiled warily.

He had wanted his older brother to worry about him just a little. But he knew it was a wish more impossible than snow falling on summer.

Shio closed his eyes shortly. He had been having less and less of his headaches the past months. But by the blurrying in his eyes, he knew it would be coming just around the corner and he didn't want it to happen.

"Haa...should I ask the police for a bit of money?" Shio said to himself. "I guess they can do that if I say my bag had been snatched..."

He flipped to a new page.

"But that would be lying..."

Becoming bored, he was about to flip again to a new one. But he found himself flipping back to the previous page. It was something that he could relate himself very well. So much so it was as if he was the one who wrote it.

_"If chaos is a work of art, then my heart is a master piece*."_

The brunette stared at it for a long time. Read it over and over again to himself. It hit the spot directly that the pain was somehow comforting.

"I just got out of the office...there's a new release from Usami Akihiko so I thought I'd check it..." said the somehow deep and cold voice from somewhere that snapped Shio back to reality.

Green eyes looked left and right. There was no one except him. He stood, with the book in one hand and peeked through the spaces of the books in the shelf.

There was a man wearing a white cotton shirt, his coat in one arm and his hand in his phone. A glossy, hardbound book in the other. It was only the man's back Shio could see. There were also a couple of buyers beside him presumably this Usami's fans. Despite that, Shio was sure about the voice and tried to look more into the man's profile.

"Director...Takano-san...?"

"I'll pass for tonight," the man said, starting to walk away with the book. "I don't know why I got slumped with the anniversary thing, at least better than being sent to somewhere though."

Shio hurriedly placed the book he was holding back where he got it and sneakily followed the darkhaired man. It was like a maze and a task not to lose the tall man from the so many people blocking his way. After a couple of minutes, Shio stopped beside a shelf for a manga. Takano, the director of KATAI company where they had to cater next month was at the cashier paying.

Takano was taking a leisurely pace as he walked out of the bookstore. Shio followed still. Stupid as it was, Shio felt nostalgic. Following Takano Masamune felt like so familiar he wondered if he ever followed someone like this before. Followed someone like a stalker, afraid to be seen but still followed without much thought.

The brunette continued along and realized that the man seemingly was just making a directionless walk. Before Shio knew it, he was back facing the huge water fountain, much highlighted from the transparent ceiling above it, showing the dark-blue sky.

"Wait..." Shio looked around. He was sure the dark-haired man cut in with the group of Korean tourists moving towards his direction. When the group passed him by, there was no trace of the man he was following. He was having fun sneaking behind someone he forgot about his problems at home, only to be disappointed when he lost Takano somewhere.

Shio sighed. _"Why am I following in the first place...?"_

"Is it me...or you're acting creepy following me all around?"

"...!"

Slowly, Shio turned his head to the voice coming from behind him. He didn't think it was possible but he already knew he'd been busted. Talk about embarrassing he could just jump right into the fountain if he could.

"So? Why are you following me? Since from the bookstore, I tried losing you but you're so persistent."

_"Since from there...he knew?"_

It must have shown all over Shio's face the shock that from the start the man already knew what stupidity and childishness he was doing, for he smirked right at Shio's face.

"Uhm...uhh..."

Takano eyed the man before him from head to foot, waiting for an answer. As if he only noticed something, he looked around. He saw teenagers in their high school uniforms, office workers looking for a place to eat, children and others taking a break from the rush hour. He didn't saw the one he was expecting to see, though he didn't comment on it.

"If there's nothing, then I'm going first. And stop following me."

The taller man turned on his heels, walking away in a brisk manner this time. Shio remained standing there, feeling to be an indistinc object in the sea of people going in all directions. Something suffocating developed within him as he watched Takano getting smaller in his vision.

Little by little, his steps started. His unsure movements started taking pace, and before he could stop himself, he was running after Takano openly, calling him out, making the others look at him curiously.

"D-Director Takano-san! Wait!"

Takano glanced behind him with a raised brow. It was as if he was seeing a dog running to its master he didn't see for a long time. He found it odd.

"Don't call me 'Director' in a public place will you?" the dark haired man hissed. "That only goes within the company premises."

"S-sorry!" Shio blurted, gasping for his breath, his hands on his slightly bent knees. "Sorry...but...Canyoulendmesomemoney?!"

Takano creased his brows further. "Huuh? What?"

Shio looked up, his eyes, his lips, smiling in such a way as if he had accepted his own stupidity. "Can you...can you lend me some money...please?"

"..."

Takano stared dumbfounded at the brunette.

Shio waited despite his embarrassment.

"Why should I?"

Finally breathing evenly, Shio stood properly, his hand reaching to his nape, scratching there even if there wasn't anything itchy.

"Something just came up...and I left my bag...so..."

Takano watched every movement those green eyes made. They looked at the left and at the right, up or down, never looking at him directly.

When Shio thought he couldn't handle the silent treatment anymore, he dared to look at the man's face. Takano was just intently watching his every pore.

"Uhm...I'll pay you back...don't worry..."

"Are you guys from somewhere near here?"

"Huh? Ah...no...we're from Osaka..."

"Osaka huh..."

"It's...it's my first time here...so...I kind of make a lot of mistakes..."

"Is 2000 enough?"

The brunette was caught off-guard by the sudden change in topic. "T-That's more than enough!"

Takano silently took his wallet from his back pocket, flipping into the crisp bills inside it. He nonchalantly took the bills out, inserting them in the pages of the book he got earlier. Then as if it was nothing big, he handed the book to Shio.

The other stared at the extended book as if he didn't know what to do with it.

"Take it. It's awkward to hand you money when we're in a public place. And it'd be more awkward if we go somewhere else."

Shio slowly reached for the book. It was as if it was the first kindness he felt the entire day he wanted to cry. But he just sniffed them all inside and accepted it with a heartwarming 'thank you'.

"I'm going now."

"Thank you very much..."

The two made for their own separate ways. Just a sudden coincidence of meeting there. No reason at all. But Takano had the urge to look back, to where that Haitani Shio was going.

A highschool male passed by Takano, huffing and sweating as if he ran a mile.

"Ritsu!" the boy called. "I'm sorry! Something came up! Oi!"

Takano who was not minding it so much felt a little chill. The high school boy was calling out to his girlfriend walking away in an annoyed manner. She didn't even mind her boyfriend at all.

"..."

What made Takano feel a bit of constricting in the place he thought had gone numb though was the brunette. Shio was well far already, but he was the only one amidst the many people, who turned to look at the calling voice.

* * *

**chapter end notes:****｡ ﾟ･****:,****｡ﾟ･****:,****｡**

_*If chaos is a work of art, then my heart is a masterpiece."_ -is by d. antoinette foy. ( i saw it somewhere and really got me into thinking how true it )

_Obon*-_ this is celebrated during summer. this is the time people think of their loved ones who passed away.

\- thanks for the time reading and the support! please share your thoughts. and though this fiction is in summer, may you all find warmth from the increasing chill as winter approaches. XD

-shuusetsu （〜^∇^)〜


	4. Different yet the Same

**Different yet the same**

* * *

The place was dark and quiet. Only the low hum of the air-conditioning could be heard. Slowly, he walked on tiptoes, afraid to make even the slightest sound. His dark-socked feet continued moving in a calculated manner, while his hands groped his way by the walls. And then he stopped at the front of a certain door.

Emerald eyes blinked hard into the darkness, trying to feel if the person inside was still awake or not. Of course that person wouldn't be awake at this time of the night. Could he really be that desperate to think that his brother was even the slightest worried about him?

Shio smiled to himself. That would never happen.

"Nii-san...I...you know..." changing his mind about something, the brunette sighed. "...I'm home..."

Just the same as a breeze, Shio walked away. He walked towards his room at the farthest side of the hall.

As soon as Shio was gone, the space under Shin's door and the floor glinted with a golden light. And the person inside sitting on a dark-brown couch closed his eyes, the eyes that were staring at the digital clock for more than hours. And then he stood. The sleepiness that was not coming to him no matter what he did, strangely, finally, came to him.

* * *

The morning in Umi Gari wasn't at all busy. Usually the peak would be around lunch and dinner time. Given this, most employees were having a bit of a lighter time, compared to those who had to work behind office doors.

Shio, was as usual doing some inventory. His table was very untidy. His office was a mess. He was really the opposite of someone he looks up to who could do everything right. Even so, he was trying his hardest. Hoping someday, that he'd somehow be able to stand proudly beside that outstanding brother of his.

"...I'm getting obsessed about this..." Shio whispered, seeing his calculations getting wrong again. "...I'm acting like a deprived child...am I not?"

The brunette rubbed his eyes with his hand and sighed. Maybe he should get his eyes checked one of these days. Lately they just get blury on their own. Something cloudy mixed with a feeling of discomfort at random instances, especially when the headaches kick right after.

_"What am I really working so very hard for again...?"_

Clutching the pen tighter, he darted his gaze at the family photo he had placed on top of a steel cabinet. There was a man aging gracefully with a shy smile, an old woman doing a 'peace sign' while sitting on a wheel chair, him smiling awkwardly, and Shin, who wasn't even looking at the camera. A picture of a family barbecue just outside their mansion in Osaka not too long ago.

"Nii-san...would look better if he smiled a bit..."

The emerald eyes continued gazing at that cold face in the photo. Everything in it had been casted aside. As if Shio found it weird too that he was staring so much at his brother's face, he looked away, face hot. It seemed like Haitani Shio, wasn't really aware of himself yet.

"I need to compute this again...where I am doing wrong...mou-"

His concentration was broken by the phone at the corner of his table. Irritably, Shio picked the receiver and placed it against his ear. He almost fell from his seat when he heard the other line.

_"This is Takano of KATAI. May I speak to the owner?"_

"Director Takano-san!" Shio blurted, standing abruptly from his chair. It must be urgent for the director himself to call instead of his able secretary. "Thank you very much for last night! About the money-"

_"May I speak to the owner?"_

"..." the brunette found himself falling back on his seat. He was brushed off just like that. It felt embarrassing and kind of hurtful, to be honest. "Uhm-he's currently having a meeting with the people who'd set-up the-"

_"That's why I need to talk to him right now,"_ the voice was calm, but the sound of urgency was crystal clear.

"I know you might not think I am reliable, after all the things you saw about me...but my job is to assist my brother...and relaying important message is one of those..."

"..."

"So-"

_"Alright, alright," _the impatient voice now, somehow on edge cut in. _"Tell him this...and I need an urgent reply."_

The whole message only lasted for about three minutes. But the phone was still stuck against Shio's ear even after the call, listening blankly at the continuous beeping sound. Just hearing that word already could make him shiver. Just thinking about it, he could already hear it in his ears. Waves. Wind. Deep waters.

He placed the receiver down and for long just looked at his unfinished inventory.

"The sea...huh?"

He may have forgotten so many things about himself. Even so, his fear with large bodies of water was very clear to him. It was as if his link to his lost self, but also the barricade he didn't want to pass.

_"Sensei...can I just develop a phobia out of nowhere?"_ the him some nine years ago asked during a general check up in his high school. It happened that the doctor doing the check-ups was one of the new Haitani family doctors too.

_"Hmm...well...Phobia is a psychological phenomenon you know? It might be the result of something that happened when you were younger...but you can't remember anything right?" _the old doctor pulled his glasses down. _"You suffered amnesia at 15 right? Must be hard for you..."_

_"Granmy and Otou-san said I probably got it when I was four...they said I nearly drowned in a swimming pool...but my records burned down together with our previous house..."_

_"I see...I heard you and your brother are pretty close...why not ask him for the details?"_

Shio smiled while whispering. _"Nii-san thinks I am just making up my phobia to get more sympathy from the people around me..."_

_"Haitani-kun?"_

_"Ah! N-nothing sensei..."_

The two sides of his brother was already evident that time. The loving one and the stone-cold one. The hard to pin treatment from that young man was adding to his bafflement.

That time, he was still adjusting to all the new things around him. The new faces, the new house, the new school, the new world ahead of him without a past to turn back to. He didn't voice out what was in his mind because he felt he was already being too much of a trouble for his family. His father and grandmother were nothing but considerate of his situation. Since then, he never brought up this matter to anyone again as if he had already moved forward and done with it.

However, back then up until now, sometimes Shio would ask himself. Why was he at a yacht ten years ago, preparing for a scuba diving, when he was already afraid of the waters since he was very young?

* * *

Haitani Shin, sleeves rolled to his elbows, his tie a bit loose, looked from what he was reading towards Shio shortly before going back to what he was doing.

"It's not really a big problem if the venue changed," the man said. "It's actually better for us...it's going to be a free advertisement to the other people in that cruise ship..."

Keen eyes, busy reading other stuff looked up. Shin looked at his '_brother' _who had been staring at the floor for a long while now.

"You look so uninterested. You can just stay away from this event if you want."

Shio looked up immediately. "Eh...?"

"I said, you don't have to bother if you don't feel like it," Shin said with a stern face. "I don't want half-assed determination in an opportunity as big as this."

The brunette stepped forward with an oddly calm expression. "Then I'll inform the director that we'll come with him to see the suite where their reception would be."

Without waiting for a word from Shin, Shio turned his back and walked out the door. The owner of Umi Gari went back to what he was reading. A certain article about their competitors that were already in the business far longer than they did. However, he realized he had been staring at a line for long now. He frowned.

The calm face, the odd green eyes, the monotonous voice, they all combined into a one big annoyance. Shin slammed the article close and rested his back against the backrest.

"The sea...huh?"

He didn't hate it. But that didn't mean he liked it too.

* * *

If it'd have to be put into words, it would be breathtaking. It really should be around summer if one would visit the sea. The blue of the sky, and the blue of the waters were meeting in a darkblue horizon which was somehow glittering from afar. A few birds could be seen flying freely in the sky, singing the songs of nature and summer.

"..."

Emerald eyes looked to his left and right. Everyone was in business attires, all whispering their appreciation at the huge cruise ship before them. They were at a small private port, ready boarding the ship for initial viewing.

"It's awesome ne?" one man with glasses said to the other beside him. "That hotel owner was very satisfied with the outcome of his new building that he even rented the whole third floor of this ship exclusively as a thanks for KATAI."

"I know right?" the other replied, grinning proudly. "I so love our job for these privileges."

Almost all of them were males, except the secretary of one eccentric director. She must be really an awesome woman to be able to work along these elite men. She was very elegant and efficient. And as for Shio, he might be already being pegged as weird and vain. For no one except him, was hiding under the shade of his black umbrella.

Haitani Shin was walking along the old men of KATAI, smiling charmingly as he listened to their food requests and old time jokes. They weren't even funny at all, but he laughed when they laughed nevertheless.

"What are you still standing here for?" a familiar voice asked. "Everyone's going in."

Shio turned to his side and looked ahead again.

"Just looking how huge the ship is...doesn't it have its own catering services?"

Takano Masamune looked at the white ship before them. It was really a big one, with all the necessities probably present.

"Should you really be asking that? Aren't you supposed to be happy that we stuck with your services?"

Shio pursed his lips, his grip with his umbrella tightening. "Yeah...I'm happy..._for Nii-san..."_

Hazel eyes that were more lighter because of the sun looked deeply at the man under the black umbrella. The person looked too gloomy for him despite the glowing summer sea as their scenery.

"Are you one of those guys who're afraid to get dark or something?"

"Eh?!" Shio looked up abruptly, his gaze meeting with an unfathomable pair of penetrating eyes. "N-no...I am just...bad with the heat..."

"Oh..."

Takano narrowed his eyes. Somewhere somehow, he felt that he already had this kind of similar conversation. And then the man fell silent.

"..."

Right. He asked his stupid stalker the same thing too, the noon before 'Onodera Ritsu' vanished ten years ago. Funny that it has been really this long, but his anger towards the sea, the sea who took Ritsu, the sea who caused a trauma that wouldn't go away, was resurfacing just like it happened yesterday.

Without waiting for Haitani Shio, Takano Masamune advanced towards the entrance. He left the weird guy alone under the sun, feeling disturbed. He need not to be reminded of things like these, especially that they'd be spending a week in this work of metal for their anniversary coming very, very soon.

"How can I dislike something as pretty as this..." Shio murmured as he looked down. He walked towards the ship's ladder fixing his eyes at his shoes. He never once glanced at the sides, never once glanced at the sea again. He almost closed his eyes. Otherwise, he'd not be able to hold the scream in his throat that was threatening to come out.

_"It's alright as long as I don't look...it's alright..."_

In that ship which was named "Mehitabel" after a foreign folklore of a beautiful maiden waiting for the return of her lover from a lighthouse, men, hostage of a vague past and an uncertain future was already getting carried by the troubled waves. They were different in all aspects, but all were similar in the sense that they carry unhappy memories when it came to the sea.

* * *

The entire hall where the party would be held was extremely spacious. At the farthest end was already a group of old people practicing the songs and the little dances they'd perform during the anniversary. Since this was an anniversary thought by the higher ups, all of advanced age, one couldn't deny that this whole celebration was turning into a 1970's style. The old people's youth they try to reminisce.

"So...at the last night of the anniversary, the bosses would like to have it on the sun deck..." the woman secretary of Takano said with a pretty smile. She was guiding Haitani Shin, along with a taking down notes Shio around the Suite. "They'd like it if it could have a sort of a retro feel though..."

Shin looked around. It was going to be a tough work but he was getting excited. The bare light yellow colored walls and the stark-deep brown color of the floor would be such a great canvas.

"Shio, don't forget to take down any details...alright?"

The brunette looked at the profile of his smiling brother who looked like he was really enjoying himself. And he inwardly sighed. That secretary of Takano and his brother somehow was getting too close in a very short period of time. So close to the point that Shin was even allowing the woman to rest her hand on his shoulder far too long for an encouraging pat.

"Oh...may we go see the sun deck then?" Shin asked, turning to look at Shio who had been awfully silent the entire time. "Shio...are you alright?"

"Ah...yeah...Nii-san. Let's see the deck..."

Following the two, Shio remained silent, the memo pad where he was writing important matters was starting to get crumpled by his tight grip. He had been clenching his jaw tight to stop his teeth from chattering. And his eyes, they were starting to cloud very badly from tears he was holding back with all his might.

Their walk was like a stupid fairy tale. The red colored carpet extending almost endlessly was being drowned by a very bright light at the end side. The opening leading to the deck was blinding bright, the scent of the sea entering the ship, its sound a melody to its passengers.

Step by step, Shio maintained his eyes at his shoes, going up the remaining steps towards the deck. And when he reached the top, the wind blew harshly at his face, almost drowning him.

"It's pretty here..." the woman said, walking a little ahead. She seemed to be not at all bothered that her skirt, was slightly getting swayed up by the wind, exposing a portion of her well formed thighs. "Must be better at night...oh right...this entire portion, together with that pool will be reserved for KATAI at the last night..."

Shin followed, looking around the 360 degree view of the sea. The mountains from a far, the buildings reminding him of his independence, and then at Shio. Shio, who was as pale as the white wad of paper he was holding.

"Shio...you're not good with the heat...go take a shade."

The brunette shook his head, still following along. He didn't want to leave the two alone for some reason.

"I'm really alright Nii-san."

Shin who looked like he was thinking about something, suddenly walked over to Shio. The emerald eyes looked surprised, but he held his gaze at the unreadable gaze thrown at him by Shin. Almost like Shin was about to hold his brother, the older one just leaned a bit closer to Shio's ear. And whispered through gritted teeth.

"I don't know what's with you Shio. But don't make me lose face here, you understand?"

"..."

"You keep on saying 'alright', 'alright' with that sorry face as if I am forcing you here...pull yourself together."

"Sorry..."

Shin moved a little away and pinched Shio's cheek playfully. The other mask was again perfectly on that handsome face. "Stupid, don't force yourself too much alright? I can handle things from here."

The woman watching the two laughed genuinely. "Ah...I wish I had such a caring brother like you, Shio-kun."

Drawing a deep breath, Shio closed his eyes a bit. The sound of the waves was pounding against his ears. It was blowing harshly towards him, as if about to push him off from a high cliff.

"...!"

When he opened his eyes, there were others loitering above the deck, but the woman secretary and Shin was nowhere to be seen.

"..."

An unsteady step backwards was what Shio made. And then another, and another. And then he felt as though he was about to throw up. He ran. He ran away, looking for a place to throw up the product of his fear and anxiety somewhere no one could see.

* * *

Behind the cluster of emergency boats piled one after another, Shio groped for support. He was perspiring a lot, his breathing pained. He kept on drawing deep breaths but he could feel his lungs shouting for deprivation. Until he fell on his knees, his hands still against the boat's body.

"...pull yourself together..." he scolded himself.

He opened his eyes down to the white surface below him where he was leaning. They said that there were emotions that come and go. Something that appears and just vanishes. However, the one that came to him was showing no lessening. If anything, it kept on piling and piling until it has come to this point. He was being suffocated by these unfathonable emotions towards this older brother of his. Anyone would have been full of wrath towards Haitani Shin, yet there he was getting extremely jealous over a woman.

"...you're sick..." Shio whispered. "...you're really sick..."

"Oi...if you're sick, don't throw up here."

Shio didn't have to look who it was. That voice carrying the same cold tone of his brother was damn familiar.

The scent of smoke wafted through the salty air. The heat, the sound of the sea, the birds, finally got to Shio that he threw up a yellowish liquid almost dirtying the pair of black shoes that just stood beside him.

"Argh...You...what the hell..." Takano gritted, stepping away.

Shio kept on coughing. His fingers already pale from trying to grip the side of the emergency boat. the cough sounded so bad, as if it was rattling his lungs hard. He was throwing up that liquid on the floor that it even looked painful.

"Oi..." Takano called, deciding to take a step closer again, reaching out to the shaking shoulder. "What's wrong with you..."

Shio sobbed while still throwing up. Takano could only resort to stubbing his cigarette against a darkcolored metal, patting the brunette's back in a steady manner.

"Come on, don't look at the floor. If you're getting dizzy, the trick is to look faraway..."

Firm hands tried to grip the shaking shoulders to hoist the limp man upwards, but Ritsu tried to slap the hands away, still fixing his gaze at the floor where he dirtied.

"Tsk. I am trying to be considerate here, alright?"

"I am scared..."

That came too soft that Takano couldn't even hear it properly. The man nearing his impatience finally bent his knees to look at the brunette at eye level.

"You are what?"

"I hate the sea..." Shio whispered, shaking like a leaf. "I am scared of waters as big as this..."

Takano Masamune fell silent. He just watched the trembling crouched form of the man before him with him feeling a little chill himself. Those words were still as clear to him, they never faded no matter how long the time passed. The words that if he just took seriously, things would probably have turned out differently.

_"I have only been in pools senpai...can't swim straight either. A water as big as this...scares me..."_

When Shio finally stopped throwing up, he again felt the huge hands gripping his shoulders. He tried to fight it, but they were more forceful this time.

"I'll walk you to the lounge. It's still far from here," Takano said softly. "Keep on looking down."

"Eh...?"

Takano lifted his gaze. The place they were was the most elevated. It was a mystery how this brunette ended up here. If he so much glanced around, it would just be the waters, an endless amount of it.

Shio threw up the last of the tea he drank this morning, soaking a portion of the KATAI director's slacks and black shoes, but he heard not a word of complaint from Takano Masamune.

During their walk in the deserted hallway, Shio could feel the grip to his shoulder getting tighter. The silence was getting thick and awkward.

"If you're scared this much...why even go near it?"

Shio licked his lips that tasted a sickening bitter while remembering his brother as the answer to the question.

"..."

The brunette dared to look a bit up to the person supporting his walk. He only saw a glimpse of angry hazel eyes.

"You'll die following someone so mindlessly...you'll surely end up like him..."

"...like him...?"

Takano Masamune looked towards the emerald eyes, as if he was looking at his own reflection in those orbs. But that only lasted for a fleeting second. And he didn't say anything anymore after that.

* * *

**chapter end notes:**

hello! thanks for your time reading! please share your thoughts and keep warm! XD

-shuusetsu/シュウせつ


	5. A Terrifying Blue

**A Terrifying Blue**

* * *

For a long time, he would walk this sandy beach. An act with no such thought, a walk with no such purpose. He only followed where the traces of water were, feeling a tingling sensation around his ankles whenever the waves would reach out to where he was.

"..."

He stopped on his tracks and looked far into the horizon. Extending his hands towards the orangy skyline, it was as though he was trying to catch the setting sun itself. But only when he could cling to a nothingness would he pull his hand down, lips tightly pursed.

"..."

He'd been doing this for the last nine years. Would he continue doing it until he reached the tenth year? Eleven, twenty, forty, forever until he dies?

Trying to catch the sun in his hand, as easy as it looked was as hurtful as it can be. Just like how one cannot touch and get the sun was as how as one could never grasp the dead.

"I keep on telling him he's an idiot..." he mumbled, sarcastically smiling to himself. "Look who's the idiot now..."

The waves and the wind were a combining force that would always make him see a skinny pale body, flapping his arms wildly while wearing a life-saver. He would swim far away from the kid and the kid would try to swim towards him. Takano had laughed his head out seeing that, nine years ago.

"Wild-duckling..."

His smile on his face, little by little had melted away. The burning of the setting sun colored his hazel-eyes the same burning redness. His eyes sting so bad. Not from the salty breeze. Not from the sun's flare.

"..."

The harsh wind blew around him, his hair whipping at the sides of his face. From afar, he would look as though he was trying to block his hair strands towards his eyes. There was a different saltiness he could taste at the corner of his lips, from his eyes that couldn't take it anymore.

"..."

As much as how he had denied and made fun of it. As much as he had just taken advantage of that person. As much as he had ignored him. And as much as he had hurt him. There was one thing that finally let him understand why he even allowed such a person to hover around him. If he so much as really hated it, he would socked that person in the face squarely. Yet he had enjoyed it.

He had liked the feeling of that idiot only looking at him, only gazing at him, only confessing to him. It made him feel special and arrogant. He had found security in those green eyes that even if no one ended up liking him for real for being the cold-bastard he was, that idiot would stay.

After all, that idiot with Ritsu for a name was his devoted stalker.

When Ritsu disappeared, it took him months to realize the devoidness in him was the light sucked out of him.

He misses Ritsu.

He had liked the idiot.

He had, for all the weirdness and strangeness of it, loved the idiot.

How awesome he had been at showing Ritsu that though. He was only the jerkiest jerk there could ever be.

And he regrets it. So very very much.

If he could go back to nine years ago, he would tell his stupid eighteen year-old self to stay in the waters. Stay with the idiot. Don't go hanging out with some stranger girl. Stay with the idiot, watch over him instead. And don't let Ritsu's hand go. For the sea was a thief which would steal his precious stalker away from him.

"..."

If only he could go back. But there was no going back. Only endless, empty, future glaring ahead.

"..."

This ninth year was the same as the previous ones. Not a single sign of Ritsu coming back. He'd told himself time and time and again that perhaps, Ritsu was already really resting somewhere deep where even the sun couldn't penetrate.

He'd tried dating various women and men to fill in the gaping hole in his existence. But he would always end up coming back to this very beach every year alone and still empty. Funny that he was still looking out in the horizon, hoping the waves would push back a stupid-grinning stalker back to him like a present.

"..."

He gave a very, very deep sigh. The sun only a teasing tint of fiery orange in the horizon. Shadows started crawling in, and the sky had become a dark purplish blanket with little birds flying under it.

He sighed again. All those years of yearning and getting disappointed had made him lose trust in the power of prayers. The heavens took Ritsu away, why would they send him back?

But then Takano gritted his teeth. He was really about sinking deep too. There was no one to turn to anymore. The search operations had long ago been stopped. He did his best but what could a mere man like him have against a vast almost limitless sea?

He balled his fists. He swallowed his pride. Set aside his innate arrogance. And he came back to the only last and strongest resort that he had always ignored.

_"Dear God," _he whispered in his mind. _"If you let me meet Ritsu again, in this life or in the next...I'll treat him gently..."_

The man swallowed hard, bit down on his quivering lip.

_"I'll do everything to make him smile, to make him feel at ease. I'll tell him he's fine as he is...I'll willingly take his pain..."_

The raven slightly smiled, the direction of his prayer nearing ridiculous. _"I'll even tell him I could be his hero or something if he wants to...I'll allow him to order me around once in a while...I'll be his shield..."_

He raised his gaze, the sea suddenly quiet.

_"I'll treasure him..."_

Finally vanishing, the sun took its leave, taking with it the last of the man's silent plea.

_"Just please...bring him back to me..."_

* * *

Takano Masamune had just finished tucking in this Haitani Shio in the bed. Now in the washroom, showering off the stink of another person's vomit all over him, he frowned. Thinking back, not only did he had to lend the guy money, he also ended up being the other's cane while leaving a trail of vomit in this exclusive cruise ships' carpeted hallways.

"Ridiculous..." he hissed, soaping his arm. His subordinates would surely drop their jaws to the ground if they saw what just took place.

Rinsing off himself, he stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel. Slowly drying his hair, he turned at the small opening to his side. A small window overlooking the sun soaked sea.

His hands working on his hair stopped. And slowly together with the towel, his hands went down to his sides. Droplets of water from his hair snaking their way from the man's forehead down to his chest.

"..."

This year was the tenth year of a stalker gone missing. Last year he was able to visit the sea where he had last been with the idiot. But this year, he was stuck in with work and continuous events that needed him showing his face. And even when they were on a cruise ship docked at this port, even when he was already actually at the sea, it was never the same.

It would never be the same if he wasn't in that sea where Ritsu went with the waves.

"I can't go this month..." Takano mumbled, as he raised one hand towards his chest. A wet and cold small key was there, still dangling close to his heart. "I'll try next month though when this stupid anniversary is over..."

Tiredness and a bit of impatience obvious, he whispered 'sorry' before going out and wearing the only things wearable he could use.

The moment he stepped out of the bathroom, he walked back towards the king-size bed and scrutinized the sleeping person's face.

"..."

Pale. Sickeningly pale to the point it was troubling. Takano was starting to wonder if this guy was going to be alright or he had to call a medic instead. He looked down and watched the other's brows meeting in a disturbed manner, how the other even tosses his head left to right was a bit alarming.

"Oi..." Takano called, almost hovering above the other's face a few inches away. "Don't die on me here."

Straightening up again, Takano decided to just leave the guy alone. He had done the best he could as a good Samaritan. Any more than that and it would be a bother.

Stepping a couple of feet away, he found himself looking back from the soft mumbling he could hear from behind him. He fought this urge out of nowhere in him to rush to the bed, yet in the end, he found himself turning around, still looking at the weird guy's face.

"The gap between you brothers is way very far. Personality wise...physically wise..."

Slowly sitting back at the side of the bed, Takano decided to undo the first two buttons of the other. And once satisfied the brunette could breathe more comfortably, he pulled on the blanket nicely. After all the things he did, the brunette still kept on turning his head side to side as if he was being chased by something scary even in his sleep.

It was not in the plan. Yet somehow his hand just went to the other's forehead. He only wanted to check if the other also has some fever. But the moment his hand made skin contact to that cold forehead, the troubled expression on the other's face vanished. Replaced by a somewhat more relieved expression, Haitani Shio looked more calm. More at ease.

"..."

After some time, Takano took his hand off and just remained sitting on that spot of the bed. In his ears, he could hear the slight and calm rhythm of the brunette's breath. And far away he could hear the sound of waters surrounding them. Slightly turning to the huge window the suite has across the bed, a vast image of the sea like a moving painting welcomed his hazel-eyes.

_"If you let me meet Ritsu again, in this life or in the next...I'll treat him gently..."_

The man's prayer last year was still the same as this tenth year. But call of work and he wouldn't be able to pay the thieving sea a visit. As he was thinking of other things, his wondering thoughts had been pulled back again when he felt the guy on the bed turned towards his direction, as if seeking that someone else's bodily heat unconsciously.

Takano intently watched the other's sleeping profile. His plan on going to get a drink while waiting for the delivery of fresh clothes had been set aside.

Takano sighed. "You're lucky I am feeling a bit down myself."

And not knowing that his plea from last year had been vaguely granted in the tenth year, Takano stayed.

He just sat there. Quietly.

* * *

It felt as though he was being rocked by a gentle current. Swaying with a calming music, a comfortable warmth over his skin, a soft sensation behind his back, they were pulling him in more deep. Half-conscious, he knew he needed to wake-up, but opening his eyes felt such a chore. It has been so long since he had this kind of relaxing sleep. Shio didn't want to end it just yet.

His eyelids felt like they were being teased. Warm rays seem like dancing on and off of his face. And eventually, curiosity ruled over his sleepiness. Slowly he opened his eyes, a pair of inquisitive hazel-eyes were staring back at him.

"How are you feeling?"

The brunette looked around. An unfamiliar room. An unfamiliar bed. And an unfamiliar glass-paned wall over-looking a small Jacuzzi that was separated from the rest of the room. Out in the open, the sun rays that would occasionally hit the still waters in the Jacuzzi caused a beam-like effect tracing the entirety of the room they were in. He figured that was where the teasing in his eyes came from.

"..."

Shio raised a hand to his forehead finally. He then sat and took off the blanket neatly covering him. His head was a mess but eventually, he was able to piece everything of what had taken place and why he was with the KATAI Director in such a lavish room.

"I'm sorry...and uhm...thanks..."

Takano Masamune remained staring at Shio. His quiet gaze made the other a bit more uncomfortable. It was a heaven sent though that Takano decided to stand from where he was sitting. Following the man's movements with his eyes, Shio started running his fingers through his hair and fixing his slightly crumpled shirt. If his brother sees him like this, he could already imagine what would happen next.

"Uhm...How long was I asleep?"

The tall man who was at the corner of the room, pulled open what seemed like a small fridge and took out a bottle of water. He turned at Shio momentarily before looking at his wrist watch.

"Nearly an hour," the man replied.

Upon hearing it, Shio stood abruptly. It was a wrong move. A flash of nausea ran over him and he ended up falling back on the bed, seated in such a way as if he was going to vomit again.

"Ugh..."

"Are you crazy?" the other asked mildly although a hint of sarcasm was evident. Takano walked closer to the pale guy on the bed. Shio was nearly the same color as the shallow cream-colored pillow cases on the bed. "Who stands like that?"

Shio gritted his teeth, frowning. He had his head bowed so naturally the other wouldn't notice. But he was very disturbed by the words 'take it slowly'. Those words he couldn't do when his brother seemingly was only looking for his mistakes. And to think he'd slept for an hour without telling his older brother. He was very disturbed, very stressed that he was again feeling another surge of a head ache.

"..."

The more he wanted to be of help and be recognized by his brother, the more unfortunate events keep on happening towards him.

"If it's your brother you're worried about, I already told him. He's here just a while ago. You can catch up with him on the sun deck."

The relief on Shio's face only lasted for a few seconds. He instinctively started looking around, in search of his notepad and phone. The green eyes ran up and down the screen of his phone seeing there was no message at all from his brother. Shin must be annoyed at him right now. For while at work he was there in one of the suites sleeping like stupid.

Takano has had enough of watching the other's sickly face though that he dangled the bottled water in front of the anxious Shio.

"Dehydrate yourself. You were sweating a lot earlier."

Hesitantly, Shio took the bottled water and forced himself to take a few mouthfuls. It hurt his throat and eventually he ended up coughing hardly. He covered his mouth, calming his throat, though he ended up bringing his gaze up again as he noticed a rather intense stare at him. The director was looking at him as if there was something the man could see about Shio which he himself could not.

"Excuse me but...what is it?"

Shio was starting to wonder about this Director of such a huge company. Did he had so much time in the world to look after someone like him?

"What 'what is it'?"

"I'm very grateful...but you didn't have to accompany me all the time here...right?"

The sudden menacing smile that flashed by the raven's lips made Shio nervous. He didn't mean it like an offense at all.

"As if I had a choice?" Takano replied, pointing at his appearance. "Who again is that person who had the nerve to vomit on me, anyway?"

"...?"

It was only then that Shio realized much to his dismay that the director was only wearing a white shirt. The bottom was replaced by a white towel wrapped around the man's waist. The expensive leather shoes he could still remember the man had on earlier was nowhere and instead, he was wearing a pair of white slippers.

A silent scream filled Shio's head. He had been too much bothered by his condition and what would be his brother's reaction that he had all forgotten another epic failure he just did and what huge bother it caused.

"S-sorry..."

Takano must have read what the other was thinking that he eventually waived a hand in the air as if dismissing something so unimportant.

"It's no big deal. I am having my spare clothes delivered here anyway. Can't go to a meeting looking like this can I?"

"I'm sorry..." Shio mumbled.

The raven found it strange that Shio almost appeared like he was ready falling to the ground and kneel for forgiveness. The guy was too self-conscious. Such a worry-wart. He didn't know what kind of life this guy had but watching him was starting to get painful in the eyes. Honestly, he would have been really mad under normal circumstances. Yet for some reason, he really couldn't get mad over this clumsy guy.

"Well, just don't start taking pictures of me and post it somewhere online for blackmail."

Shio wasn't so sure if he should laugh at that. If a man with a straight face says that in monotone, would one consider that as a joke? Suddenly, Shio realized that his lack in socializing was catching up on him. Home schooled, barely getting out of their house, occasional trips with his grandmother. No wonder Shin had called him a 'spoiled-and-useless-sheltered prince' a huge number of times.

"Ease up will you? If I hold a grudge on you for vomiting on me, I'd have thrown you off the deck my self."

That get-up of the KATAI Director should have been a funny sight to see, yet, the man was just too imposing and still the confident man he was that all humorous thought from a bystander would surely be carved out. Even if the director wears a rag, no one would doubt that he could be an aristocrat from somewhere.

Thinking that way, Shio finally, slowly, revealed a small smile. His shoulders that were once stiff somehow softened.

"Is that a smile of relief, or a smile because you just gloriously realized how funny I look right now?"

"Eh?! Not at all! It suits you!"

"Haaaa?"

"No, I mean-"

"Whatever," Takano nodded towards the notepad on the bed. "Why still use the notepad when you can do it with your phone?"

It wasn't really of importance for Takano asking the other for the reason. If anything, it was more like out of a mindless curiosity.

"Ah..." Shio took the pad and flipped at it a few more times. "I get a headache and my eyes hurt when I use too much gadgets."

"How inconvenient," Takano huffed as he sat at the edge of a mahogany table in the middle of the room. "You get sea-sick so darn fast, can't use gadgets for a long period of time, stammers with your own words...you're so..."

"Pathetic," Shio ended it for the director.

Takano had to look at Shio a bit surprised. The smile that Shio had while saying it looked like he himself had known it for very long. A self-demeaning smile. A truly lost guy in a world that revolves so fastly and competitively.

"Anyway," Shio started getting up this time much slowly. He then started fixing the bed he just used. "I feel much better now. So I think I'd have to head back and catch up with my brother."

The raven nodded, having his arms crossed as he watched the skin and bones man walk his way towards the door. Just as Shio was about to pull open the intricately designed knob, he stiffened at what the director said.

"You know what," Takano started, his eyes at the brunette fixedly like he was boring a hole. "In your sleep..."

The sudden loss of color on the brunette's face made Takano hold back his tongue. The guy only stared in thick waiting as if he was scared of things he might have said that others would have heard by accident.

"My sleep...uhm...what?"

"Yeah. You were grinding your teeth. It's kinda annoying."

"...?" a mix of surprise, anger, then relief flashed by in the brunette's green eyes. With strength refurbished by napping, and with a different kind of conversation to a supposedly high-ranking person, Shio pulled a smile which was obviously fake. He couldn't even remember if he'd done this to someone else before. Just that this person slightly grinning at him made him want to do it. "Why thank you, Director Takano. For _intently_ watching over me."

"You're welcome."

"And also..."

"Hmmm?"

"I don't grind my teeth. Shitsureishimasu."

Without any further delays, Haitani Shio pulled open the door and shut it firmly behind. Takano was left staring at the door for a few moments before bringing his gaze back at the wide sea on the other side of the room.

"He could be all fidgety then suddenly becomes defensive it's funny..."

The slight amusement in the hazel-eyes though vanished.

What Takano said about Shio grinding his teeth was really a lie. He was about telling Shio that he had been crying. While tossing and turning, he's weeping. That Shio only stilled when Takano just sat very closely.

"..."

However, they weren't really in much of a familiar relationship, they weren't even friends where one could just ask something like that in the air. 'Are you that scared of the sea? So scared you keep on weeping even while you're sleeping?'

The director stood and went to the table where his smoke and lighter was. Lighting the stick and bringing it to his lips, he suddenly couldn't help but smile mockingly. He let the thin swirling fog float before him, eyeing the clueless smoke with contempt.

Maybe because of the sea that he was getting curious. This project that placed them in the same universe made it possible for them to get acquainted. What were the odds that you'd meet two persons in a life time who both flinch and shrink around the sea?

"...?"

The door called his attention, as a series of knocking came in.

_"Director Takano-san?"_

The raven stubbed his cigarette. "Yep?"

_"I've brought the clothes that you ordered."_

Answering the door, Takano finally managed to push into the very far corner of his mind everything about Haitani Shio. He had to focus to a lot of more pressing things than concern himself with someone who merely reminds him of a past he was still very much a prisoner of.

* * *

The moment he stepped into the sun deck, he had to squint his eyes. The flare was really too much it was as though piercing right through his irises. He had to bow down instead, ignoring the vastness of waters calling to him at the corner of his eyes.

He tried to ignore them. Very much tried to pretend that it was just some illusion. But the heat, the breeze, the sounds, they made it extremely hard for Shio to pretend he wasn't at sea.

"Shio."

The brunette raised his gaze instantly. The relief on his face was too obvious to see. It was a voice of his brother who was actually coming closer to where he was. Yet the closer the taller man got, the clearer it became that amidst the brightness of the sun was the darkness his older brother's expression was having.

"Had a satisfying midnoon nap?"

"Uhm..."

"What is seriously your problem? Saying alright here and alright there but passing out and vomiting no less at a company's director? You trying to make me out of business or what?"

Shio dared look back at his brother's narrow eyes. He wasn't all too shocked with the treatment. He had seen this coming all along. Yes he knew but that didn't make the pain and sadness any lesser.

"Nii-san..."

Haitani Shin drew a deep breath. Just staring at Shio like this was harping wrongly on his nerves.

"Haitani-saaaaan!"

Both brothers looked at the same direction. The sweet calling voice came from Iwa-san, Takano Masamune's secretary who'd been tasked to give the Umi Gari owner a small tour around the cruise ship. Shio had noticed that the hair that was in a bun earlier was now freely flowing with the wind. It gave her a more sexy, somehow alluring air as she walked out there with her womanly weapons screaming 'appreciate me'.

"..."

It was the older Haitani who smiled first. "Oh...sorry Iwa-san. My brother just woke up so I'm asking if he's feeling better."

"Eh...you passed out with the heat right?" the woman exclaimed, slightly touching Shio's cheek with her soft hand. "Are you sure you're okay? You're ice cold."

Shin had moved his gaze back at Shio, a hint of puzzlement flickering before it vanished like it never happened. He then placed his arm around his brother's shoulder and all smilingly waived at the woman secretary.

"Sorry, but could you give us a minute? I'll just bring this stupid brother of mine where there's a shade."

The woman nodded. "Alright. I'll be going back to the office to make a short report. Just see me there."

"Right."

The two brothers didn't really go that far. Shin had half-dragged his brother towards the hallway to the side, serving as an observing deck. There was plenty of shade and it was soulless at the moment except for the two.

"Can you tell me now, here right in front of my face if you still want to work for me?"

The green-eyed man focused his eyes at his brother's eyes. If he so much looked somewhere else it was an endless blue. A beautiful blue for most, a terrifying one for him.

"Nii-san...I really want to work here."

"Then why?" Shin hissed, unable to contain himself he had to pace a few times to stop himself from hitting something, or someone. "Why always bring mistakes as a result of your so-called 'want to work'?"

The brunette was silent for a long while. A silence that was shortening the other's impatience all the more.

"Shin nii-san...I'm not making it up like you've always believed..."

"Making it up what?"

"The sea..."

"...?"

"I am really scared of the sea. I can barely walk. I can barely stop myself from screaming. I can barely stop myself from crying. But I wanted to work for you, this is my first job," Shio smiled a little. But it was nowhere happy. "Can't you at least believe I am serious with what I am doing? Are my efforts really not important to you?"

Both brothers stared eye to eye. It went for long until it was the brunette who had to look away and look at the floor instead. Shin, feeling stranded for some reason turned to look at his back, to where the endless horizon was. The wind whipped at their bodies, the salty sensation and the prickly hit of the summer breeze lashing at them. It was already four in the afternoon but the heat was still high in the atmosphere. The waves had gone larger, the sounds had gone stronger.

When Shin brought his gaze in front, he saw Shio holding tightly to the railing by the wall. The brunette was holding onto it as if he was gonna fall.

"...?"

For the first time in a very long while, Haitani Shin stood before his brother, speechless. He'd always heard about this so-called phobia of his brother but he never paid it any heed. He'd always thought it was just an act to be pampered, to be doted.

But Shin seeing it in person, the brunette shaking, pale, pathetically holding on to a railing, he almost couldn't avert his gaze at the scene before him. He gawked there, as though he was seeing Shio for the first time.

Did he really become this sick insensitive bastard? To think he'd been ignoring this for so long and had mocked the brunette for this.

"Tsk..."

The older one grabbed the other's arm and dragged Shio out of the observing deck. He had dragged his brother all towards the hallway where neither the sea nor the sky could be seen.

"How are you gonna get off this ship?" Shin almost barked. "How were you even able to get on anyway?"

Shio, who slowly was calming down looked much better. Although surprise was more prominent in his large eyes as a different kind of an older brother was standing before him. The annoyance was still obvious from his brother. But this kind of questioning towards his welfare was honestly...a first.

"I'm fine if I have my eyes closed..."

"Are you a moron? Close your eyes and you'd go tumbling all the way down. Do you want grandma to kill me?!"

"..."

"Tsk...you're seriously a pain you know that?"

"I can really go down...I'll just have to be more careful..."

"Careful my ass. Eight out of the ten things you do end up blasting towards me."

Shio went quiet. Shin went more pissed-looking.

"Sorry..."

"Stop it will you?" Shin hissed, ruffling the back of his head irritably. "Stay behind me. If you're that scared then don't go running off all on your own and passing out all on your own. The job isn't giving me a head ache. You are!"

Another stretch of long silence passed them by. Until Shio dared to speak up again.

"N-nii-san...you're not firing me...right?"

"As if I can do that right now in the middle of a project," the other grumbled. He then started walking deeper into the hallway. "Well? Let's go to where Iwa-san is and get this over with. I have to haul your sorry self back down on the ground alive after all."

Shin walked ahead first, with Shio following a few paces behind. The brunette walked with awe all over his face. His brother might have been still sharp with his words towards him, call it his own convenient interpretation but it was a little kinder. He also knew his brother walked so fast, yet for some reason they were actually on the same speed. It was a new experience to not have to run after his older brother, huffing and breathless.

* * *

Takano had heard it all. From the harsh tone to the harsh treatment, he did. After all, he was just about to go out of the room he and Shio previously used. But seeing both brothers in a somewhat serious conversation made him stop from completely pushing the door open.

Once the brothers were far from sight, that was when he opened the door, his eyes towards where both disappeared.

"..."

So his initial thought served to be true. Both brothers were odd.

Not just that but he was drawn by something else.

The hazel-eyes narrowed remembering it.

He just thought that his Ritsu and this Shio was alarmingly similar in more ways than one. Their circumstances were vastly different. Their lives oddly far from each other. But their similarities at little yet important matters were starting to nag at the director's core.

Takano stepped out, dressed in new suit. Regally walking, his eyes were troubled though. The key on his chest feeling slightly colder than usual.

"..."

The look in Shio's eyes was the same as what Ritsu had back then. A yearning so strong. A longing so deep. Takano was very familiar with that kind of gaze. But that gaze was not directed towards him. It was directed to that Haitani Shin.

_"No way...huh?"_

His good common sense was denying it. Somewhere within him was stirring though.

* * *

**chapter end notes:**

sorry if i took forever in updating this. i've got a lot of things going on with RL and my head's kinda in a messy state most of the time. but i reread this story out of the many messages to continue this, and i remembered what i was planning for this story the next. so here you go!

please share your thoughts.

XD-shuusetsu


	6. Brushes of the Inevitable

**Brushes of the Inevitable**

* * *

When he stepped into the sunlight, he was blinded for a moment. Pure whiteness, slightly stinging and piercing made its way straight to the very back of his head. This wasn't any normal onslaught of headaches. Shio knew. Somewhere somehow, something was worsening. The pain was fiercer. The time lengthier. It's stronger that it saps his strength right away.

"..."

And thus, he could only stand under the scorching heat, even unable to summon the energy to find shelter. The rays he find beautiful was a total torture. And when he lifted his gaze further up, he winced.

"Coming here without an appointment..." the brunette tugged at his collar as though there was an invisible leash. "Good luck, me..."

Drenched in sweat, he brushed past a few office workers having their smokes outside and forced his way into the main entrance. He must have looked ridiculous and really out of place. Some even threw him weird glances.

Finally stepping into the revolving doors, a strong blast of coldness sipped all through his pores and a chill coursed throughout his body. He kept on walking though, gaze down as he tried remembering where the comfort rooms were at the ground level of KATAI main office.

From the lobby, he turned to the left side of the high ceiling-ed hallway and passed through a maze of two-way mirrors. He squinted at the reflection he saw as he dragged himself and had to even smile at it.

"No wonder they're looking at me weirdly," Shio whispered, brushing his sticky locks off the sides of his face. "I at least have to look neat before facing anyone..."

Seeing the sign for the restroom for males, he slightly picked up his pace and ended up almost running to its seclusion. He ran to the farthest cubicle, threw his leather bag towards the hook by the door and clumsily unbuttoned his cherry-hued polo completely stuck against his skin.

"..."

He worked his way from below, up. Each button weighing no more than a milligram weighed a ton in his fingertips. And before he knew it, he found his hands falling to his side, his head bowed and the dark-blue tiled floor stained with drops not from sweat.

"..."

Biting down hard on his lower lip, he pulled the lid of the toilet and sat down. And there, he just stared at the dots his tears were making along the clean floor as though there was rain.

He couldn't stop from shaking, from trembling. His tears wouldn't stop. There wasn't even anything to cry about. Just that while walking on the streets an hour ago or so, he ran against a woman. Because he was too much spacing out from another round of his brother's reprimands on how stupid and useless he was, he wasn't paying attention.

Passing at the front of a posh French restaurant, he failed to notice the woman who just stepped out. He didn't even notice the black car waiting at the side of the street for her. He just up and walked like an idiot in a trance and before he knew it, he almost knocked off the woman shorter by him by a foot.

_"...?!"_

_"...?!"_

By reflex, Shio grabbed the lady's arm to keep her from falling. It would have looked rude and very disrespectful, considering the wide-eyed footman by the car and the dumbstruck faces of the restaurant employees.

_"I-I'm sorry!"_

Shio hastily removed his grip from the thin arm which was so not visible from the summer-themed Kimono the woman was wearing.

_"I didn't mean to-"_

Eyes at the ground, Shio heard a soft giggle, like soft chimes brushing past his ears.

_"You're too stiff young man. Lift up your face will you?"_

Emerald eyes to emerald eyes, for a moment, a slight tingling ran past not just to Shio but to the woman as well. It was all visible from the brief widening of her eyes. Then she smiled, a sweet assuring smile she'd long to bestow to her own child if only he was just around. That child was nowhere near her and only stayed in her memories.

_"See...you're so charming...so don't keep on staring down."_

_"Uhm...are you hurt anywhere Ma'am?"_

The lady lifted her right arm, the buttery-fly pattern of the long sleeve of her garment bright and cheery. "That's seriously nothing. Thank you for your fast reflexes and pulling me back on my feet."

Shio could feel his mouth run dry. His heart was beating wildly. His eyes couldn't be driven away by the calm and noble air the woman was giving.

_"It-it's my fault in the first place..."_

She gazed at the young brunette with a thoughtful expression. She could tell with one glance the young man before him was somehow ill or troubled. The complexion was pretty pale, the sheen of sweat and the somehow breathy voice coming from those pale lips made her worry.

_"..."_

_"...?"_

The woman reached out. And to the everyone's surprise, tucked a few of Shio's sticky hair strands behind the man's ear. Even the very woman herself appeared to be surprised by what she had just done.

_"I'm sorry! I suddenly-"_

_"Hmmm,"_ Shio shook his head, for the first time on that day smiling genuinely. _"I'm really grateful Madam."_

In the scorching heat of summer, this beautiful lady's eyes somehow made Shio feel a breath of relief. If not for the driver of the car stepping out politely, Shio definitely would have wanted a bit longer of the time to linger in the woman's calming scent and gently smiles.

_"Madam, I'm sorry but we'll be late. Sir is already calling if we're already on our way..."_

She slightly turned to her chauffeur and regretfully gazed back at the brunette before him. Gracefully, she pulled something out of her purse and gently forced it into Shio's hand.

_"Wipe off your sweat. It's not good for the health to let it dry on its own."_

_"Uh-"_

_"Take care."_

Stuck for words, the bewildered green eyes could only bring his gaze at the retreating figure of the woman. Until he could only watch the fastly disappearing trace of that car far from his eyes could see.

And now away from everyone's gaze, in the comforts of a four-walled narrow space, Shio gripped the handkerchief that woman handed him. He gripped it tightly washed by emotions he couldn't understand.

"..."

After a whole fifteen minutes, he was dapper and calmer. He went to the lounge to grab a canned drink and then headed to the reception.

* * *

Everyone could see the tempest on the man's face. He didn't look particularly angry or pissed, but the very lack of expression and that chilling gaze was enough to make everyone leave the man alone.

Employees were almost on tiptoe, they would even almost unconsciously hold their breaths while passing the office with its door wide open. The man was always level-headed with them so this unfathomable atmosphere around the man automatically makes them anxious and careful as well.

It was though there was a live ticking bomb they didn't want to accidentally set. They've seen the director angry and it was a sight they didn't want experiencing again.

"Director Takano is so quiet he's making the entire floor nervous..." a woman whispered as she heaved a sigh of relief after placing a folder to the man's table. "He was in a good mood earlier...I wonder what happened?"

"Who knows? I don't even want to pass by his office today...seriously."

The topic of the hushed whispering was well aware of what hideous atmosphere was hovering around him. No matter how much he tried ignoring the annoyance and irritation, he couldn't. It might appear so petty for others but he's had it for ten years. Suddenly losing it without even knowing where to look was rubbing again on his still raw wounds. It was the same feeling as when he lost someone years ago.

Flipping mindlessly to the documents laid before him, he finally slammed the folder close, itching for a smoke. For a very long time, it probably was the most annoying day he's ever had.

"..."

Around ten in that morning, a man from the maintenance came knocking at his office door.

_"Director Takano?"_

The raven was just about to take another sip of his coffee. Bringing his gaze at the man to the door, he waited.

_"Isn't this yours?"_ the man in grey overalls dangled a silver chain from his hand. _"I saw a glimpse of you wearing this before...if it's not yours I'll just drop it by to the lost and found office..."_

_"..."_

The reason the director had been so slow to react, the reason he almost even spat what he just sipped of his coffee was he couldn't believe what was being showed to him. Takano Masamune has had that chain around his neck for a decade, not even removing it once.

_"Director Takano?"_ the older guy from the maintenance queried. _"Uhm..."_

Slowly standing from where he was seated, the director had unconsciously raised a hand to his neck. The chain that was as close to his skin was definitely not there. How could he have not noticed that a part of him was missing?

_"Sano-san,"_ Takano started, taking the chain from the other. _"Is this all?"_

The man knitted his brows. _"I'm sorry Sir, is there supposed to be something else?"_

Hazel-eyes couldn't believe what he was seeing. He felt really lost and unable to cope up with this sudden sinking feeling.

_"A key. A small, silver key..."_ Takano said almost breathlessly.

The guy from the maintenance apologetically smiled. _"I'm sorry, it's only that chain that I found."_

For this guy who had always seen this raven with the most imposing personality, one of the higher-ups of this prominent company, it was the first time he'd seen the director lose so much color. He couldn't place what to feel and in the end tried to cheer up the man although he knew it wouldn't help.

_"Don't worry Sir, I'll look around where I found the chain and if I find it, I'll tell you."_

So as petty as it may appear to some, if one consider the emotional value of that thing that Takano had just lost, it would be of no surprise to see him so infuriated.

"..."

The man narrowed his eyes, deep in thought.

"Where...what hall did I use today? Whose office did I check?" Takano started raising a hand to his head, grabbing a fistful of hair. "Where did I drop it...?"

For someone who could think of business proposals and important decisions in a flick of his fingers, Takano Masamune couldn't think over a single lost key.

He couldn't even sense the hesitant pair of orbs eyeing him from the door. Much less the couple of knocking that hesitant person did.

"Uhm...Director?"

_"I went to the general affairs to ask something...popped by Manager Nishina's office..." _Takano counted, picturing the entire blue print of every single space he took that morning. _"Went to-"_

"Director?"

Angry hazel eyes finally snapped at the door. He didn't even show any recognition until a couple of seconds passed.

"...you?"

"Uhm," Haitani Shio smiled a bit.

"What?"

By the edge on that voice, Shio found himself lost. The little courage he summoned to get here and stand before this man slowly fading away.

"I asked you, what?"

"I'm...I'm sorry if I came without an appointment...it's just..."

Takano Masamune suddenly laughed. A very forced, cold and demeaning laugh.

"If you know yourself that standing right in front of my face without an appointment is not right, why the hell are you here?"

"Uh-"

"The hierarchy in the corporate world exists for a reason," Takano continued heatedly. Long, excruciating and chilly was his gaze. "Where did you ever find an outsider suddenly talking to _the _director right away?"

Shio opened his mouth. But the moment he felt the presence of the other employees starting to gather behind him, listening and whispering, the brunette found himself frozen. He was never good with so many people, much less take in their heavy gazes and hushed talking.

At the corner of his eyes, he could see smiling eyes and crooked grins. Already from that Shio could feel the sudden constriction in his throat and the cold sweat forming on his skin.

Head bowed, the brunette took a step side ward and bolted into a run. He left a strangled 'sorry' in the air, very painful to the ears of those who heard it. The reality was most of the people were looking at Shio with sympathy. They knew the director was soon exploding and it just so happened that it was this poor man who was just unlucky to be at the very wrong place at the very wrong time.

Meanwhile, Takano sat back on his seat and started flipping back into the reports before him. He couldn't even see a single damn word. Remembering that brunette's retreating figure, he turned towards the window, cursing under his breath.

* * *

"What did I expect?"

Finding himself on an open-air area, he sat himself slowly to the cold stone bench under a shade of a tree. The tenth floor had a recreational spot wherein the pool was drained, the tennis court empty and the whole area quiet.

"Just because he offered you help a few times..." Shio rummaged into his bag and searched for something. He stopped midway and just stared hard inside his bag. He wasn't really searching for anything. He just didn't know what to do now that everything's failed. "Just because he's helped me before, doesn't mean anything..."

He's fallen into complete depression. That day, nothing seem going on the right track. Remembering the reason and the situation that brought him here, hoping to ask for a favor from the director seemed such a naive thing to do.

He's really been an idiotic naive. No wonder his brother couldn't stand him too.

A few hours back, when he heard the sound of the steel chair roll to the floor, he flinched. The ear-splitting graze of the steel it made against the tiled floor sent his head spinning. Even the harsh breathing, filled with irritation and annoyance all directed at him were so crystal clear.

_"Will you stop fucking up every single fucking thing?!"_

_"..."_

Haitani Shin had been standing with his table separating him from his brother. If not for it, he was sure he would have grabbed a handful of that annoying brown hair and would have done even worse if he was just not reminded by his grandmother endless times how 'fragile' this piece of shit was.

_"I have you as my secretary to lighten my work load!"_ Shin shouted. _"But all you do is get into a mess one after another!"_

Haitani Shio all but just stood there. Head bowed, silent, accepting.

The older one of the brothers started pacing the room, pulling his tie lose around his neck. His expression was so grim enough but seeing Shio just stand there like a statue was making him more angry. Whether this shit fucks up, the fact that the brunette was just there, close in proximity, acting so delicate and being pampered endlessly by his father and grandmother was already reason enough for him to get angry.

_"...Shit!"_

To add to his disdain, something important, something he thought was already taken cared of, little did he know would cause him this much anger and stress.

_"How can you lose documents in broad daylight?" _Shin hissed, trying to calm his seething annoyance. _"Are you so stupid that I need to check on your every move every second and minute of the day? Is your head just a decoration?" _

Shio just stared at the floor. He couldn't dart his gaze anywhere for fear of meeting up his brother's flaring eyes. Also, he knew how important this project was for his brother. It could serve as Umi Gari's real establishment to the business world. The stress had been building up. This failure would naturally make his brother snap.

_"I'm sorry..."_

_"Sorry? Does that 'sorry' brings the documents magically back into thin air?!"_

_"I'm really sorry Nii-san..."_

Shin turned his back. A gesture colder than anything that Shio never wanted to see. He didn't like his brother doing that ever since. It makes him feel more secluded, unaccepted, alone. But there was nothing he could do. For this time, it was really his responsibility.

_"I don't need your apology," _Shin whispered gravely. _"Go conduct another survey, I don't care how you do it. Learn to clean up your own mess."_

Just remembering the entire thing made Shio smile sadly. He went here to clean up a mess. It wasn't really his mess though but it was still his responsibility and complaining would do no good either. And just when he also thought that a slight change in their relationship was starting to open up, they were back to square one.

* * *

He stood a good distance from the man's back. A distance sufficient to remain unnoticed, yet enough to see every single move the other made.

"..."

He practically chased that guy away in the ugliest manner and never did he once ran after the first ones who experienced the same treatment. But there Takano Masamune was, running after this Haitani Shio after a couple of minutes that the brunette had vanished.

Standing by the still closed glass doors, Takano could already feel the scorching sensation of the open area. He could feel it blowing at the very gaps of the door right through him.

"..."

How that Shio simply sat there, as if he was already so used to the sort of treatment made the usually uncaring director feel worse. What was he doing suddenly lashing at this guy?

When he couldn't take it anymore watching that brunette's back, the man pushed open the doors, stepped into the sun and headed straight to where that guy was sitting alone.

"Can I sit beside you?"

Shio who was near succumbing to despair, eyes painful from really holding back slightly turned to look a little behind him. He slowly brought his gaze back to the front and took his bag silently that was occupying most of the remaining space of the stone bench.

The guy hasn't said a thing but Takano took the act as a 'yes'. He sat royally, legs crossed, back straight and eyes towards the stunning blue of the summer sky with an unlit cigarette in his lips.

Time that should have felt as passing minutes felt like never ending hours suddenly. Weirdly enough, even the humid air blowing at them didn't seem as harsh while being sheltered by the shade of the tree. The silent, the long yet short distance of probably a foot between the two men didn't seem to be as evasive as well as both had expected in their heads.

"You're not planning on jumping off the building later, are you?"

The eyes fixed at the empty pool before them widened a bit. Sure Shio was being the depressed idiot he was but the thought never even crossed his mind.

"No. I happen to value my life." The brunette answered, hugging his bag tighter.

Takano took the unlit cigarette off his lips and rested it instead in the spaces between his fingers. What the director said softly the next made Shio look at the man in a bit of surprise.

"Sorry about earlier."

"...?"

Shio's obvious surprise must have ticked Takano in the slightest. "What? Am I banned to say the word?"

The brunette brought his gaze away from the annoyed face down to the idle cigarette in Takano's long fingers.

"It's nothing really," Shio replied. "I couldn't imagine the director actually coming here just to say that."

"I came here for that very reason. What do you take me for?" Takano hissed. He wondered what was with this guy that gets to rile him up good for the slightest and dumbest things. "I can apologize when I know I'm in the complete wrong. And treating you that way earlier is wrong. I admit that."

"..."

Takano shifted on his seat and released a sigh. The sky was indeed too bright in this time of the day. "But I am not wrong when I said there's the corporate procedures to follow. Carve that in your head and don't go barging in front of people's office unannounced."

"Yeah. Sorry, I wasn't thinking."

The raven frowned at the sorry expression and the depressing air floating around the brunette when he should be the one to be depressed after losing something so important.

"Okay," Takano stretched his arms to the back of his head. "...Let's hear you out at least."

"H-huh?"

"Why did you come here today is what I wanna know."

After eyeing Takano for quite a while, Shio chose to look back at the drained pool and smiled a bit. The thought was already enough. "It's alright already."

"Spit it out."

Emerald eyes narrowing into a squint, Shio inched closer to the end side of the bench. "No thanks. I've realized now I would have looked so stupid."

"Of course it's something stupid. I've already sensed it. So go and say it while I am being nice here."

Gone was Shio's depression and a rising annoyance was starting to replace it. In a breath, the brunette spilled the very reason he was there and felt lighter after saying it out. Although he wasn't really wrong at some aspects when he noticed the raven smirking.

"That's dumber than I've expected. Wow."

"..."

Takano rolled his eyes, slightly leaning his head backwards as though he was in deep thought.

"Taking the blame of your subordinate will probably earn you an award for humanitarian acts, but a crown of thorns in the business world you know?"

"..."

"You're not helping that new hire by not saying anything to your brother. She lost the surveys herself. Make her clean up the mess."

"But she's just new!" Shio blurted. "It was my task initially and I've passed it to her. She barely has gotten the ropes around..."

"And she will never if you keep on shielding her."

"..."

The raven cocked his head to the side, pinning the emerald eyes with his. He knew the brunette could see the point but with him being this softy, he doubted this Shio would spill this out to that obviously two-faced brother of his.

"What do I do with you?" Takano shrugged as he started taking his phone out of his pocket. He raised a brow at the confused brunette and lifted a finger right at the other's face. "This is just a one-time charity act from me. It's my rule to have three copies of all the documents that goes out my office and I am going to give you one. Next time you're on your own."

"E-eh?"

"Secretary Iwa," Takano started in a voice of someone in great authority. "Send a copy of that food and allergy survey that was conducted by UMI GARI for the anniversary down the reception," the hazel eyes narrowed at the other man in a toying smirk. "Some funny idiot is going to pick it up."

"Funny idio-"

"There, done," Takano announced as he was lowering his phone. "You could go home now to your brother's good graces."

"..."

The raven glanced at the other's still perplexed and confused expression with a much calmer and softer look in his hazel eyes. "The documents should be by the reception the minute you get there, go."

"Uhm...is it really okay?"

"Huh?" Takano waved a hand. "Yeah. Yeah. Leave already. I'm tired."

"No...it's not your break time yet right? Aren't you going back yourself?"

"This piece of..." Takano actually laughed a little. "I'm a boss here, remember? We're on a different level. Feel that."

"...uhm..." Shio pursed his lips as he watched the raven turn away to look at the sky again. The summer breeze slightly weaving its way into that black hair made something in Shio throb. Like he'd seen something similar like this, but never quite the same. "But..."

"Oh come on, allow me to mourn a little for losing again something important to me will you?"

The brunette was taken aback. A complete and genuine streak of concern flooded his eyes.

"Oi...I never said anyone has died. Why are you giving me that look?"

"Oh...sorry," scratching the side of his neck, Shio smiled a bit. "That's a relief though..."

Takano shook his head, mockingly smiling at himself. "I lost an extremely important object. I've had it for so long...and it kinda made me remember awful experiences again."

In truth, Shio was ready leaving just like how he was told. But seeing that forlorn look in the raven's profile made him sit firmly back on his spot.

"..."

Takano glanced at the brunette shortly. "I'm pissed at myself for losing it after I promised that I'd keep it until the owner comes back."

"Eh...it's not really yours?"

"No. It's not mine. The owner's probably lost somewhere and I don't even know if he's coming back or not. It's kinda a last link."

Shio looked down towards his shoes, thinking but not finding anything proper to say. Somehow, comparing the guy who belittles him and mocks him from this quiet and honest guy made Shio want to at least help. After the favor he just got from this raven, he felt the responsibility to at least hear the man out.

"Maybe..." Takano whispered. "It's one of the million signs that I should stop waiting..."

The other stared hard at the other's profile. As though he was searching, as though he was trying to weave something piece by piece. And then Shio moved closer, tapping the director on the shoulder once.

"The thing you lost...is it a key?"

The raven abruptly turned at the other his neck would have hurt. Shock painted all over that face, he could only watch the brunette pull out something from the breast pocket of his shirt.

"I don't know but from what you've said...it's probably a key to someone's house since you said he's on a trip..."

Shio let the key rest on the small space between them on that bench. Both pair of eyes looking at the odd, old and ordinary small key.

"Sorry, I stepped on it inside the elevator."

"..."

Takano stared, almost glared at the piece of metal. He'd already imagined himself brooding about its loss for a week, for months, for longer. So seeing the key to his stalker's room back right under his nose seemed unreal.

"...?"

The lack of response from the director made Shio more curious. He moved a little closer, pushing the key in the end nearer to the man's leg.

"It's someone else's key so don't go losing that Director Takano," Shio added, trying to sound casual to lighten the mood.

The raven merely looked at the key and at Shio alternately.

"And besides...the owner might be taking long..." Shio produced a childish grin. One which unexpectedly sent chills down Takano's spine.

"..."

"Who knows, that person might be on his way home soon?"

* * *

**chapter end notes:**

**thank you for your time reading! XD**

**-shuusetsu**


	7. Take Me Back to Yesterday

**Take Me Back to Yesterday**

* * *

In a secluded part of that small room, he would always find that young man, probably a high schooler standing by the window. The wind was a gentle companion to that young man, as he stood perfectly happy for no reason. There was a glow in his eyes, a pair of dreamy emerald ones that looked so astonishingly familiar. Looking out into the maze of the neighborhood, he'd smile as though he was looking at a great art invisible to others.

_"Hey...what are you always looking at out there?"_ he would ask the young brunette. _"Just what is out there?"_

He had a number of times asked these very questions. But the other young man would always remain standing and smiling in place like he heard nothing. That would leave him looking out the window himself. Yet the moment he peers out the window frame, the scene would always change. From a night view of some neighborhood, he would find himself staring at another high schooler. A dark-haired faceless male busy reading a titleless book.

_"..."_

The warm tint of the setting sun, slowly enveloping every line of that body appeared like a trance to him. He couldn't break his gaze away. He was drawn to it. He was caught up with it.

It was a pretty distant time, a scene that keeps on playing in a loop. A quiet time in the library. A peaceful experience. The rising urgency in his breathing as he watched as an outsider was becoming more real, distinct, vivid. Even in this illusion brought about by this dream, the sharp thumping his heart made was so profound that the boundary between his dream and reality was becoming a blur.

_"...?"_

The raven in his dream would always slowly bring the book down the table. And always, always without fail would bring his gaze up. The stunning brightness, a burning yellow from the setting sun was blinding though. Only a trace of displeased lips would be visible.

_"Ritsu...? You again?" _the raven asked in a voice of unmasked irritation. _"You never give up do you?"_

It would always appear like that raven was talking to him. But he's had this dream so many times that he knew another would be happily running towards that table. The same brown-head high schooler would come pass by the standing him. Full of energy that guy would pull a chair for himself and stare at the other like a giddy idiot.

_"I got the first copy of that book you wanted! Want to take it home?"_

_"Heh..." _that displeased lips slowly turned into a destructive smile. "..._then...want to read it with me?"_

_"T-Thank you senpai!"_

Green eyes opened. Surprised and a little confused he blinked into the bare ceiling. He's always had that dream. So many times he'd seen this, he couldn't anymore count them. It was always the same. Yet this one was slightly different. It was the first time he heard the two characters in his dream talking.

"Ritsu...?" Shio whispered, sensing a strangeness as the words rolled off his tongue. "Senpai...?"

* * *

Compared to the mayhem that was their office all through out the week, Saturdays and Sundays were pretty much ordinary and peaceful. All the windows in the apartment were wide open to let the air circulate. A soft and refreshing instrumental of guitar filling in the entire apartment. And the aroma of black coffee, mingling with the sweet and enticing scent of bacon and eggs completed the weekend routine of the complicated brothers.

What Shio was very much looking forward to though was that man silently sipping his cup of coffee, eyes at the fishes in their medium-sized aquarium. His older brother just recently bought a blue mini castle and their small goldfishes seemed very pleased with the new acquired playground.

As for Shio, he was at the dining table, picking and turning on the scrambled eggs most of them had become shapeless. The still sleepy emerald eyes must have stared too intensely at the man on the sofa. Sharp eyes returned the gaze, unblinking and questioning.

"What?"

Shio, the scatterbrained as he was almost lost his hold of his fork. He carefully placed it down and hesitantly looked back at his brother. Shin was still looking at him as though the man was trying to read something written on his face.

"Uhm...Nii-san...can I ask you a question?"

The cropped hair looked longer when Shin brought his gaze down. The strands were almost reaching his eyes, ever softly framing his mostly cold gaze. It unexpectedly made his expression more toned down. Gentle even.

"What?" Shin exhaled, picking the newspaper from the low table. "If it's about that survey mess you created yesterday, it's fine. You managed to get away with it clean anyway."

The brunette leaned closer to the edge of his chair. Happy and more relaxed to hear those words, he slightly allowed himself to smile. Despite hearing not a trace of commendation or praise in his brother's words, Shio was still on cloud nine, elated like a child. Hell, those words were even as cold as always. Yet in the spreading of that warm and fuzzy sensation all through his chest, it would reflect on the brunette's face like a mirror.

A suspicious gaze now was visible on Shin's face. "What now?"

"Uhm..." Shio stuffed his face with the scrambled egg and chewed rather fastly. "D-do you know if I have a friend named 'Ritsu'?"

The older one's flipping into the business section of the newspaper halted briefly. If there was a slight flinch on his shoulders, the brunette at the dining table saw nothing.

"Do you realize how stupid that sounds? It's your damn friend. How would I know?"

"No, that's not what I meant Nii-san." Swallowing his food, Shio darted his gaze from his brother towards the bright sky outside their window. "I mean...you know before I lost..."

Emerald eyes slightly narrowed. He chose not to finish the last terms and instead continued on with what was weighing in his mind the minute he woke up that day.

"Do you know if I was good friends with a group of high schoolers...?" Shio asked embarrassed. "...something like that."

"..."

"Maybe they still remember me?" Shio muttered, his words sounding more like a wish than a question.

Shin now has focused his complete attention to the brunette having this slightly blissful gaze. His grip to the corners of the newspaper strong that they were starting to crumple. He'd a bunch of times hoped and waited like a moron for these small questions to come out. Small questions that would also slowly lead him exposing the whole farce going on with their whole family.

Yet seeing the glow from those green round eyes which was intensified by the brilliance of the morning light, all the demeaning and tactless words he'd saved up wouldn't come out. It was so strange. Maybe because he received a call from his grandmother late last night telling him to be careful, to be sensitive, to be kind. Shin knew, despite his grandmother not saying anything, the old woman could see through his acts.

_"Shin, I know you don't like Shio very much...but don't break him please...you know he values how you view him the most..."_

That old woman, mostly happy and energetic and carefree wouldn't say those words in the middle of the night if she knew nothing. It was making his hands tied behind his back more than ever. From faraway, he could imagine the saddened face of his real brother, the 'real' Shio, begging for his existence to come out.

The older man glared at the newspaper, not seeing or being able to read anything. The corner of his eyes were fixed at the younger one with his jaws working.

"It would be nice if I really had friends..." the brunette added. "Ne, Nii-san? Someone who knew half of my life I don't would be nice."

Shin ended up pretending like the issue was not such of a deal and flipped to another section of the newspaper.

"You're home-schooled. I don't know anyone you could really call as your friend."

The loss of that positivity on the other's face was so visible. Hope extinguished, Shio resorted to finishing his food. Quietly, slowly, the brunette chewed them too much that everything suddenly felt gross inside his mouth.

Seeing the look on his brother's face, from looking so giddy into something about to throw up, Shin slammed the newspaper down the low table. It pulled Shio's gaze from his plate to the other.

"It was always us playing inside the house since you're too weak. Maybe you did have friends that I don't know about when I was out for my club activities." Shin stated almost a matter-of-factly before standing from his seat. "Don't be so too sensitive about every little thing."

"..."

"You have this exciting event you've been yapping about since last week, why don't you get ready and add that to your memory bank instead?" Shin irritably added as he threw in Shio a sideway glance. "Make sure you lock the door before you leave. I'm going back to sleep."

Always quick to his feet, Shin had made his way towards the short hallway where the first door was slightly ajar. He pushed the door with his foot, slowly and lazily while unconsciously darting his eyes back at the brunette at the dining area.

As though someone struck him in the gut, Shin stood there frozen. One foot into the room, the other still outside, he glanced back to where he came from. He only planned on checking the slow poke one last time before dozing off, but once he saw Shio excitedly looking at the silent brochure on the dining table, he suddenly couldn't pull his gaze away.

"..."

Many times he was too occupied or angry whenever he looks at the number one source of his irritation. Ten years of annoyance, years of forced pretending, he only viewed the impostor like a mannequin with fading facial structures. That kid he personally saved back then was very quiet, slow and never once complained about what was best for him as instructed by their father and grandmother. Maybe, when Shio was sent to live with him in Tokyo to finally be freed from the gilded cage that was their home, the brunette found a sense of being 'himself'. Questions about past friends this brunette never brought up back in their ancestral home in Osaka, and interest in knowing his lost memories were things this fake Shio never raised.

Now that same timid Shio was bit by bit changing.

_"It's really been ten years huh...who knew that lie would live this long?" _

"Nii-san, want to go together?" Shio asked abruptly, face bright which was a change from the always lifeless, pale look he always had. "It seems nice to-"

"I don't have interest on such things," Shin replied, tone of boredom couldn't be any less obvious. "I'd rather sleep."

"Uh...okay," the brunette nodded. Although looking defeated, a small trace of a smile still played on his lips. It looked like Shio had expected the answer from the start.

"The door, don't forget," Shin reminded, entering his room. Yet before completely shutting the door, he hesitated a bit, but said it anyway. "Well...buy me something useful from there if you see one."

A dog. A really dumb one. It was the exact thing Shin could imagine as he heard what sounded like a fork or a spoon falling down the floor followed with an overjoyed 'I will!'.

"..."

Shin wouldn't admit it. He still hated this Shio that invaded his life. But when you spend that length of time together, although forced and revolving around lies over lies, one would get used to it.

Never once in all those years he had forgotten to wish that this brunette finally take an exit from their lives. But the question 'what would be next and left after' was something he himself was not prepared to answer.

* * *

Armed with his heavy breakfast, extra shirts and his prescription medicine, Haitani Shio stood before the school gates. He'd bought a pass for this summer event without hesitation when two high school girls offered him one. Now that it has come to this, he wasn't even sure if his hand would work properly to take pictures. He was too excited for this. Thus, the camera he brought was resting snugly at the deepest parts of his leather shoulder bag.

In his eyes, the fading red paint of the metal bars, together with the graying paint of the once stark black paint of the school's embossed name was already a treat. It looked rather old from the passing of time, but it only gave a rather classic and vintage atmosphere.

"..."

He drew in a deep breath, lifting his gaze from the school's entrance towards the lively and cheery festival going on inside.

"..."

Slowly, he took his first steps. And slowly he roamed his gaze around. Booths of things he only saw in TVs and magazines were now in his plain view. High school students in their costumes, visitors from all over the place were gathered in this two-day event.

Holding the brochure with his hands that were starting to get sweaty, he excitedly shifted his gaze towards the group of performers singing as their way to call for customers. In the glee in his emerald eyes, and the lips quivering in excitement, he appeared more hyped by the entire event than the high schoolers themselves. He blended like an innocent kid seeing a foreign world for the first time.

"These kids spending their summer vacation here for a charity event..." Shio mumbled, inching his way deeper into the maze of lively booths. Slowly he checked every single one of them, as if engraving all the colors and the people's expressions deep into his mind. "So this...is a school event..."

"Hello! Welcome! Welcome!"

The emerald eyes looked back into the brochure in his hand. "Eh...so the entire ground is allotted for the booths. The building is off-limits though..." Shio slightly frowned. He was looking forward to entering a real classroom after all.

"Well...rules are rules..."

Amidst the combination of the visitors' voices and the high schoolers' shouts, a sound much louder came from all directions. The school's sound system, bringing in the announcement chime first before a young sweet voice came in the next.

_"To all the S High school Alumni, the gathering is at the mini convention hall."_

Shio looked up, seeing one of the speakers attached near the farthest window of the building's second floor. From there, he brought his gaze one floor up, to the next until he was able to count six floors in total. From the distance and his eye concerns, he could only vaguely see the crisscrossed fence that surrounded the entire top floor of the building. The bright sky was a little harsh and he could only squint.

"..."

When everyone was so busy enjoying the booths he was so excited about previously, weirdly Shio found himself standing like a rock in the middle of the school grounds instead. Everything fading slowly away from his consciousness. The heat clinging to his skin didn't seem to be too hot. The loud and cheery music sounded so faraway. Even the jostle of adults rushing to his direction didn't matter. He looked unconnected to what was going on around him.

"Damn...going back here after ten years makes me feel old. "

"Haha, and you saying that makes you sound like one! Moron!"

"There's something old referring to us as 'alumni'! And kids these days just throw charity events to escape from household chores! On top of that, they would call the alumni to suck out our monies! How cheeky and cunning!"

"Yeah, you all know about that because you did the same thing back then!"

The brunette didn't even hear a word from the complaining yet obviously happy alumni of this school. Shio only stared at the rooftop. He stared and fixed his gaze as though the wind from up there was calling to him.

"..."

And then in a heartbeat, Shio decided to go into the building, mindless of the booths and the foods and the performances he was so looking forward to earlier.

* * *

When he took his first step in that quiet hallway, it was as if he entered into a space completely detached from the rest of the world. Sunlight gently sipped through the windows, painting even squares of gold against the floor. The silence in there, in contrast to the noise he was drowning earlier was a slightly shocking change his ears were trying to adjust.

"..."

He inhaled. Deep. Slow. Eyes gently closed in the process. He tried to make sense of the strange sensation in his heart, but he couldn't name it.

"What..."

Bringing himself to the stairs he could see from where he was, he stood at the end and let his fingertips rest against the wall. One step at a time, the sound of his steps the only noise he could hear. His fingers never left the wall. He walked alongside the pale yellow-painted wall, climbing while tracing the surface with the tips of his fingers.

"I've never been to this place...but somehow..." Shio mindlessly climbed the steps. Reaching the second floor, he continued on to the next, and to the next with out really any aim. He only stopped when he was presented with no choice but to halt. _"Somehow...everything...feels familiar."_

Drawn by an unforeseeable force, Shio took a huge stride and stood before the door. The fading blue and the marks of countless hands that tried pushing it visible all around the handle. He was ready pushing it open. But the sudden voice out of the eerie silence nearly made his heart leap out of his body.

"Oi, trespasser."

"...?!"

Completely stiff with shock, the emerald eyes were the only ones that showed movements. From looking down the floor, to the other's brown leather shoes, to the acid washed jeans to the white-fitting shirt, until those eyes finally made its way past the shoulders and an extremely strange yet familiar face came into view.

Shio didn't know if he should be shocked or relieved or none of the both.

"The building is off limits."

Opening his mouth, he was about to call the man 'Director' but remembered how coldly he was reprimanded and told to use it only during work. They weren't at work. "T-Takano-san...why are you here?"

"Why?" the raven looked at the wide door and noticed chipping paint. "I graduated high school here."

"You did?" Shio asked quite astonished.

"I've never imagined to spot you outside the school gawking at the gates. You didn't even notice me following you all along?"

"Uhm...no..."

"You...lately, you've been popping everywhere I go," Takano stated while steadily watching the other through narrowed eyes. "You're starting to feel like you're stalk-" Takano stopped himself. "Never mind."

"..." Shio looked confused by the man's words but he paid it no mind.

"Anyway, why are you here?"

The brunette finally decided to reach out to the door, pushing it side-wards to slide it open. Yet it looked as though something was stuck that it wouldn't budge. He kept on trying though while replying. "I bought a pass from high schoolers near the subway last week...I found it interesting..."

Takano Masamune stared at the pale hands tugging unsuccessfully at the door handle. The rattling of the protesting small roller bearings under the door was beginning to tick him off. Even more so when he already noticed the beads of sweat from the other's forehead.

"You don't have much strength in you, do you?" Takano commented as he took a step, forcing the other to back away from the door. "Watching you is tiring. Let me."

_"This guy says it's off-limits himself...but opens it anyway..."_

It was a blow to Shio though that while he was wrestling with the door earlier, the raven managed to open it in one push it didn't even took the other a second.

Shio moped inwardly, turning his head at the now wide open doors. The breeze blowing past his face felt warm. And somewhere along the air, he could smell a grassy, calming scent. Perhaps it was because it was summer vacation that the top floor wasn't being maintained properly. A carpet of dried leaves lay inviting before him. Once in a while, a leaf or two would dance away, lingering in the air before patching to another spot on the floor.

After eyeing the floor, the emerald eyes wandered beyond the roof top towards the expanse of the scenery one would get from standing at the top floor of the school. The lively booths from the school ground, to the houses in the neighborhood, to the sea above their heads with birds as its fishes.

Each detail was so unique and new that Shio only gazed breathlessly.

The shorter man by a foot, had utterly forgotten he was not alone. Unaware of the observing hazel eyes that were watching his every step, every movement and every expression, Shio carefully walked, crushing the leaves beneath him. He was too caught up in his amazement, uttering out loud what he only had in mind.

"It's pretty... So this is how it feels to be on a school rooftop..."

Takano allowed the childish acts of the man to last a few more seconds before he crossed his arms to his chest. "Is this really so fascinating? Although slightly different, every rooftop would give you the same view."

Too happy, Shio couldn't even find in himself to be embarrassed or annoyed. He merely nodded at the older man, honest to what he was feeling at that very moment.

"I've never seen anything like it!" Shio exclaimed, looking back at the view before him. "This is better than I've expected."

"From what school did you come from?" Takano asked, unimpressed by the view he was so tired of seeing back when he was still a student. "Did you study in a closed box?"

Shio's face looked expressionless for a moment. He looked as though he just remembered something and pondered on it. "Maybe," he softly answered. "...maybe it's been a box after all..."

"Huh?"

Glancing at Takano, Shio smiled as though he was being sorry about it. "I've never been to a high school. Apparently, I was home-schooled."

"'Apparently'? What's that supposed to mean?"

Looking away, Shio's sudden lonesome profile was the only thing visible. "I've been weak, so I had to. When I went to high school..." emerald eyes looked down the leaves before him, scattered just like his memories. "I went to a high school briefly but had to stop going due to health reasons. And college...I was in an online course."

The other didn't mean it. But he ended up snorting. "You are starting to really fit the picture of a sheltered young master. Home-schooled...seriously?"

Seeing how Shio bit into his lower lip, followed by a silence that had gone suffocating, Takano realized this guy in front of him wasn't kidding. For one second he thought Shio was.

"No high school and college memories to reminisce at all?"

Shio turned to the other smiling a little. It was funny to hear those words when in fact he _not only _has no memory of high school and college to keep, but a whole more of half of his life, hiding away in the dark. Saying that very personal matter though suddenly to this guy whom he only got to interact with a couple of times was risky. So in the end, Shio could only smile at the strangeness, not correcting nor elaborating with the topic anymore.

"I want to go back to those yesterdays..." the brunette whispered.

The saddened eyes that Takano saw from the younger one struck at him rather oddly. He looked away to hide the anxiety and mostly the shock that came from seeing such an unguarded expression from a guy who mostly wore a stiff-wants-to-please face most of the time.

"Don't worry, high school life isn't that great believe me," Takano paused and bent his knees. He picked on a few leaves as though to kill time. "And college...is just the preview to the mediocrity you'd soon fall into. No big deal."

"Eh?"

"I'm just telling the truth."

"Even so..."

The sound of the brunette's footsteps accompanied by the dried leaves made Takano look up. He only noticed Shio was just at an arm's length away, staring back at him with a quiet gaze.

"Even so...even if it wasn't that huge of a deal," Shio continued. "Having memories of what that life could have been is worth having...at least for me."

Takano was surprised. The number of leaves he was holding in his hands fell down, gingerly skittering from the breeze before resting again on the floor. For the first time, he realized that this might be actually the very first occasion they looked at each other's faces without the pressure of work. In here, they were nothing but the same kind of persons although perhaps the opposites. The brunette wanted to have memories? Well he had a few he didn't want.

The raven shook his head slightly, lips in a lopsided smile. "I guess that was to be expected of you."

As the two seemingly have fallen into a consented silence, Shio stared hard at the other man. The green of his eyes the wildest and lightest in the brightness of the afternoon sun. Takano found himself staring back just as hard. He'd seen the same hue a number of times, hazy but nostalgic. Those lake-like eyes, fittingly reminded him of someone. And it was starting to frighten him.

Takano Masamune suddenly sprung to his feet. In one huge step, he had covered the rays of the sun and his own shadow covered Shio's face. Face close, too close he could see his own reflection, Takano dared to inch closer.

"What is it...?" Shio asked, almost being able to discern the long eye lashes and the slight stubble at the man's chin due to their proximity. "What's wrong?'

It may have looked awkward to some, and a normal reaction would be for the brunette to back away. But he just stood there. He hadn't felt anything to be nervous or anxious about. Shio's got no reaction at all.

"..."

And somewhere, somehow, that very lack of response from this Shio made Takano grit his teeth. He knew if he did that to _someone_, that person would be beet red by now and shy yet stupidly happy at the same time. Just who was he trying to compare this guy with?

"Takano-san?"

The raven took a step backwards, finally making an ample distance between them.

"On a closer look...if I give that idiot some ten years fast forward, he'd probably have the same eyes like yours. Same hair...probably the same everything..."

"Huh? Who?"

"...My stalker."

Unknown to the two of them, they were already directly staring at their scattered pasts. It's weeping for recollection. And it longs for reconciliation.

* * *

**chapter end notes:**

THANKS FOR YOUR TIME READING AND THE KIND WORDS! i was initially planning on updating this next week...but i just had to do chapter 7 now though as i can't contain my thoughts and fingers and finished it! hope you liked it!

if you've been following most of my stories, (specially the Shadow Singer), you'd notice this is going to be the third time i am using "TAKE ME BACK TO YESTERDAY" as a chapter title. i kind of have an attachment to this title and i think it really suits this two since they're the 'nostalgic pair' anyway!

please share your thoughts and have a great day!

~~~~~shuusetsu


	8. The Feelings of Yesterday

**The Feelings of Yesterday**

* * *

He could still clearly remember it.

That voice.

That small smile.

He could still hear and see it thoroughly in the recesses of his mind.

Even when he's surrounded by all these beautiful women and interesting circle of men, Takano Masamune just couldn't focus on them. To think that this was supposed to be a gathering and party of his high school alumni.

For quite a while, a few hours earlier, his heart raced. That painful kind the same as the one he had a decade back. His heart ached that time, when he did nothing but run around the sandy beach pulling on his feet and legs and shouting out one's name desperately. That racing in his chest was burning hot, from the center of his body towards the tips of his fingers, through all the nerves making his entire being. That childish him who shouted and screamed and his voice only bounced back through out the mountains and the endless sea.

Now, as a man who can stand on his two feet proudly and who thought he's immune to anything and everything, there he was standing perfectly still. A decade. He thought the pain had receded somehow. But with just one word, it came back. All in one thrust.

_"..."_

Takano Masamune's heart was racing that very moment. Just like that time back in the beach where he was cursing himself and the entirety of his stupidity. All simply because of something so ridiculous. So unimportant. So simple.

_"W-what did you just say?"_ the raven breathe out. It took him all the strength in his body to stop and slightly turn a little. Just a little to the brunette walking two steps behind.

_"Huh?"_ Shio was on the act of having a mouthful of a muffin he bought along the way. He looked confused for a bit at the question, but then realized it right away. _"S-senpai...?"_

_"...?"_

_"Ah, I said 'wait Senpai'. 'Coz you walk too fast."_

Takano forced a smile. In the school grounds drowning in the dusk, the students' booths that started turning on their lights glittered at the corner of the raven's eyes. For a moment, the place seemed blurry, hazy, and only flickering beams constantly teased the man's vision. The only thing he could see as clear as the racing in his chest was the emerald-eyed man looking back at him.

_"'Senpai'?"_ Takano asked coolly. _"What gives?"_

_"Nothing really,"_ Shio replied before taking a small bite of his muffin. When he realized Takano wasn't satisfied with the answer he gave, he swallowed fast and gave an apologetic smile._ "Well, I told you my situation right? I don't have someone to call that...so I thought I'd give it a try."_

_"Give it a try? To me? Are you kidding me?"_

_"Sorry,"_ Shio mumbled. _"I wasn't thinking...again."_

For a long while they just stood in the middle of the busy grounds. Passers-by almost would hit both of them on their shoulders or they would get pushed a little. But they all seem to not matter at all, specially to Takano.

_"I guess I got carried away. For a moment I forgot you're our client. And we've been talking, walking around together and played those funny games until its gotten this late..." _Shio raised a hand and started rubbing his shoulder that got hit by someone earlier. He lowered his gaze, embarrassed at acting too familiar._ "Just felt like I finally made a friend...is all..."_

It was burning. Boiling. A painful heat the was consuming Takano's center. It wasn't as though no one else called him that anyway. In the university and at work, their were a lot of instances that he was called as a senior too. But this time was strange. It was different. Maybe because he didn't expect it. Or maybe because he wasn't prepared to hear it from a person who so resembles someone who only lived and stuck in time in his memories.

The raven chuckled. But he could feel something at the corner of his eyes. Even he thought it was strange. Never in his life he thought a simple word could make him this shaken and rattled. For the millisecond that Shio called him in that manner, an eternity of the number of times he was called this but never turned back dawned on him. He never gave it much weight before. But that simple word mattered. For when the person who always called him that vanished, his world suddenly became unbearably quiet.

_"...?"_ Shio knitted his brows at the sudden quietness of the other.

Takano looked away, focused his gaze at the booth just a little beside him. With one long arm, he reached out to two of the merchandise and threw one towards Shio. It was all Takano could do to escape the hotness in his eyes.

_"What...?" _the brunette caught what was thrown to him and questioningly tugged at it. It was a small vintage watch recycled as a key chain. The second, minute and hour hands stuck at 3:30. The silver and the small flower carvings around the watch had gone fading. Its coldness though felt nice as it rested on his greasy palms. _"Eh...?"_

_"A memento," _Takano said as he threw in a paperbill to the student watching over the booth.

Confused, Shio merely watched the tall man. He wasn't really sure about the keychain or it being a memento but he was happy. He hurriedly attached the chain onto the zipper of his bag. And tapping it securely, he finally ran shortly and stood beside Takano, eyeing the other merchandize himself.

_"You should be grateful."_ Takano mumbled, back to his almighty tone. He wasn't so sure where it was coming from. He wasn't 'acting' the nice guy. He wanted to be one, the same reason to why out of the many times he could just have left and turned a blind eye, he instead stood by and watched out. He just couldn't leave this man alone.

_"Grateful...for the key chain?"_

_"Having a director for a pal, aren't you lucky?"_

Blankness. Surprise. Realization. A smile. They all flashed one after another at this Shio's face that the man seeing it felt like watching a picture book being flipped open.

_"Yeah..." _Shio slightly glanced at Takano with a sheepish look. _"You're quite cocky though."_

The raven just sneered._ "I have every right to be."_

"...And Takano here, has become this big-shot Director of some company."

"Eh...really?"

A convention hall that was so plain in the day, looked way different that night. A warm yellow flickered in the midst of every round table. Served with exquisite foods and drinks, together with the classical music lingering in the background, no one would imagine this was the same and exact convention hall used most for the boring speeches the principal used to give.

The topic of the discussion suddenly took a turn and all eyes darted to the quiet man who was just angling his glass of wine round and round. The roses at the center of the table seemed strange, as the red of its petals complimented the dark and reminiscent gaze in the man's hazel eyes. It was as though he was there with the group, but really wasn't.

"Oi, Takano...is it really so boring to be with us?"

A flicker from the candle brought the raven back to reality. He was sure he was spacing for quiet a bit and didn't got a clue what they were talking about. Yet master of self-control and owner of tons of masks, with just a mild smile and a little sweep of his gaze around the table, everything was forgotten.

"Sorry, I was just caught up with something," Takano said, forcing a smile which no one knew was a fake.

"Right," a man named Himura who used to rebel so much during their high school days rambled with a frown. His blonde hair before had become velvet black which actually looked better. He looked neat and serious although deep inside he was still the jolly, carefree idiot from one of Takano's circle back in the days. "I was telling them you've become a director now."

Most men in their table shifted or glanced away shortly, uncomfortable as most of them were still stuck at being office drones without promotion. The ladies though acting modest, obviously got their interests piqued. Not only was the man in topic now glamorous in the eyes, but also loaded.

"Takano-san," one of the women dared to start. "We've never been on the same class before, but somehow, I wasn't so surprised you've come this far in your career."

The raven smiled a little as he placed his glass down.

"Well, you know that saying?" another guy cut in. "The jerks are the ones who always get promoted!"

The women in the table couldn't even laugh. And in their silence, it was only Takano himself who showed amusement at the remark. It wasn't really far from the reality. It didn't hurt or offend him one bit.

"Uhm...if you don't mind me asking Takano-san, are you...seeing someone?"

The development of the conversation from trying to catch up with each other had now slowly drifted to a bachelor's interview. Even the other girls who were having second thoughts about asking have their eyes glimmering in earnestness. The question came from a woman working as a nurse at a local hospital. She had short hair, framing her small face and had an easy smile. She would fall directly to any man's top five, specially those who were into the innocent-yet-sexy-body type of women.

Takano pondered into the question. However, before he could reply, it was Himura who spoke while patting Takano on the shoulder a little too hard.

"Aww, sorry to ruin your expectations ladies, but this man here is no-good."

The raven glanced at Himura briefly and nodded into the group, as if confirming what had just been stated.

"Huh? G-Girlfriend?" the nurse asked.

"Fiance?" another woman queried.

"No," a male accounting officer intervened. "Takano-san's the type to be married with his job..."

Himura laughed. He wasn't drunk yet. But on the verge of being one. "Far! All your guesses are so far from the truth!"

Takano Masamune shook his head and acted defeated as he picked his glass again and sipped a little of his wine. "Himura...don't bust my secret, it's embarrassing."

Instead of killing the fire, Takano's words served as wood fueling Himura's energy. No one could stop him now.

"Our top bachelor here has got no long-term relationships at all. This man is still trapped in his first love."

"I told you not to bust it," Takano complained in a playfully defeated tone. "What's so interesting in my past?"

"Haha, sorry, can't help it!"

Smiling a little, Takano inwardly sighed. He angled his glass to the left and watched the wine inside steadily. He doubted Himura had any idea about his real first love and just let the man blabber about. He quietly watched the liquid swirl, like little waves and a whirlpool. The raven couldn't be any less affected by the sparkly eyes of the women around their table radiated towards him.

The women found the revelation to be most amusing and interesting though. Not in their wildest dreams did they imagine such a romantic side of someone who seem to be a winter that took form as a man.

One of the men loosened his tie, about getting drunk himself. "I bet she's a hottie huh? Got plenty of skills handy?"

The nurse earlier threw a disgusted glare at the man beside her before looking back at Takano.

"I don't think it's such a bad thing," she stated. "I bet it's such a memorable first love..."

Takano genuinely smiled at the woman this time. There was a different air around him that made their entire table quiet.

"I don't have any good memories with mine," the raven revealed, his gaze down at the flickering candles. The reflection of the little flames dancing in his eyes proved he wasn't joking or making it up. His smile was sad. "To be honest...they're awful. I've been awful."

A piano concerto of some Master who lived a long time ago filled in the silence. The laid-back conversations from the other tables seemed so far away. Each in the raven's table had ended up looking at Takano unsure of what to feel; for the men to be happy that everything wasn't perfect in this man's life or be sad, and for the women to feel in awe that such man had strong feelings and be hopeful if they could change it.

In the end, what Takano said made everyone shut their mouths. And till all of them got home, the raven's words were still stuck in their heads lingering and thought provoking.

_"I don't have good memories with that person. I regret it...Maybe that's why I am so fixated with it.._._I want to start over."_

The men felt respect. The women settled they couldn't win this man.

It was so obvious from the look and that determined glint in those hazel-eyes, Takano Masamune had already considered, far-fetched and impractical it may be, that first love was going to be the last.

* * *

It had been ringing a couple of times now. At first it went off, leaving an impression of impatience in the other line. But after some five minutes, his cellphone just went on and on. The sound starting to grit at his slightly drunken nerves. But he didn't care. Takano Masamune just remained lying on his bed, clouded eyes swimming in the darkness.

_"If I give that idiot some ten years fast forward, he'd probably have the same eyes like yours. Same hair...probably the same everything..."_

Takano sighed, resting an arm towards his forehead. When he said those words, he wasn't lying. Even from the very first time he saw Haitani Shio, he had been wary of him. He'd tried to intimidate him, catch him off guard, but he would also find his very self thrown off his game in the process. His hazel-eyes, not as if he intended it, would always follow the brunette. Otherwise, he wouldn't notice those subtle differences between those brothers. That this Shio was obviously clumsy but tries his best and works hard. And that the brunette may have not noticed it himself yet, but he had eyes for his older brother different from anything 'brotherly'.

The most of the weirdest was the more he was drawn to Shio, the more he was being drawn to thinking Ritsu. And when he thinks of Ritsu, Shio pushes through.

Curiosity? Was it instincts?

"Idiot..." Takano told himself. He couldn't deny anymore that probably he was at the end of his rope, barely holding on and was starting to interpret things in his mind. He couldn't even already keep up with his past, the present was also jiving in. "They are different...idiot."

_"Yeah you really are..." _the voice in his mind answered back. It sounded loud in the silence that came after the ringing of his phone stopped. _"If that stalker of yours is still alive, he should have come back to you by now right? It's been damn long ten years. It's far too long for being AWOL."_

The raven grabbed the pillow from under his head and threw it at nowhere in particular. It fell right at the floor, a heap of mass that looked like a cuddled little child in the darkness. It made Takano smile. He must have really drank a bit too much in the gathering earlier without him noticing. He was seeing his lost self. He was hearing his own voice ridiculing him.

_"He was so obsessed with you, do you think that kind of an idiot would have the patience not to see you? He'd swim back from north pole to south if he needed just to come back. He's fish food. A long, long time ago."_

"Shut up." Takano whispered back to his demons.

_"Maybe you should start doing some diving and look for his skeleton on the seafloor instead?"_

Rolling onto his side, where the curtains to his window was just a tiny bit open, he noticed that one single star blinking as if it was dying. That thing light years away was still flickering. It was starting to ease its way in to his drunken consciousness, pushing off the liquor away.

_"Forget about you, at least he's the kind of guy who'd not let his mom cry."_

"..."

_"Yeah...either he's dead, alive but doesn't care anymore about anything; family, friends, you...unless he's already returned...but..."_

The raven suddenly bolted up right, at the same time his dead cellphone rang again with some thirty missed calls visible on its screen. Then sitting at the edge of the bed, eyes still at the narrow gap between the curtains. It struck him as odd and hard why he never thought about it once all these years.

"...something's holding him back..."

* * *

The notification on his phone screen was saying thirty-three missed calls after he finally decided to pick it up. After having rid of the alcohol in his system, Takano stared quite longer to his phone. He thought he was getting double vision from drunkenness but it turned out he was wrong. It was indeed thirty-three missed calls and not three, going thirty-four if he still didn't pick up.

"Unknown number...calling at two am..."

The minute Takano swiped to answer, the sound he heard the next was something he wasn't expecting at all. Something so familiar. A sound so close to his soul. The sea.

_"Saga?"_

Takano knitted his brows. The only people who knew him as 'Saga' were his circle of friends in high school.

_"Wait...You're 'Takano' now right? Sorry, can't get used to calling you 'Takano'."_

"...?"

_"This is Rui. Takezato Rui."_

Takano couldn't pull his gaze away at the gap between the curtains. He didn't know whether to laugh or be frustrated that he had to go through remembering all of the things connected to Onodera Ritsu's disappearance a decade ago all within twenty-four hours.

If any person had earned Takano's animosity the most back then, when he was still drenched in loss and frustration, it would be this guy, Takezato Rui.

_"I told you to watch over him before I swam back to the beach didn't I?"_

_"Dude, I was wearing earplugs. How could I have heard that? I thought you were just waving us 'see yah later' so I waved back mindlessly."_

The guy whom Takano asked to look after Ritsu apparently didn't care and was happy swimming and flirting instead.

It wasn't like Takano could blame Rui for he himself was doing the same thing at some cubicle of a rest room with a complete stranger girl who was older too. But a few days after futile searching, due to conscience and guilt, Rui admitted only to Takano though that he did actually hear Takano saying to watch over Ritsu, that he wasn't wearing earplugs, and that he really just completely forgot.

Takano, still Saga Masamune back then couldn't even summon any energy to be angry, much less strike or hit the red-head good until all the painful feelings go away. In the end, they both separated ways. To think he considered Rui to be the closest friend he had within their circle back then. They drifted apart. One loss was the reason of another loss.

The last thing Takano heard about Rui was the guy had really been depressed and guilty about Ritsu's disappearance. Everyone that particular summer had their own take of their own traumas so it seemed.

Takezato Rui who hasn't been in contact for a decade too, calling at this hour just made Takano even more wary.

"What is it?" the raven asked, surprised that his voice came out as very calm. He didn't even care how Rui got his personal number. "It's been a decade, what made you call this late?"

The loud sea waves on the other line replied to Takano instead.

"Takezato?"

_"I've wanted to compensate...that's why I didn't want to be in contact with you...I feel ashamed and guilty."_

"Man, we're old for that kind of sentiment now don't you think? I told you...it's childish anger that's why I blew a fuse at you back then. Anyway, what have you been up to?"

The man on the other line must have been facing the sea while smoking. Takano could hear the slight burning and the deep breath crossing from that side of the country to where he was.

_"I'm doing my residency here in Atami..."_

_"...Atami...?"_

Atami. A summer paradise only two hours drive away from Tokyo. It had been one for Takano too back in the day before the waves of the sea stole something away from him.

_"_I see." Takano raised a hand, weaving his fingers through his hair. Out of all places, he wondered why this guy chose to spend so much time in a place that left them all traumatized. "You've become a physician huh...just like what you wanted..."

_"..."_

"Rui. You wouldn't call just for that, would you?"

* * *

In the emptiness of the room, his elated humming mingled with the bubbles of water. Even the usual goldfishes throwing him dead glances as he dropped them their food looked more lively, their color more brilliant.

"That was unexpected right?" Shio whispered as he tightly sealed the cap of the fish food. "I had a lot of fun today...and he's got me a long list of books to read...he didn't look one bit of a book-worm you know?"

A contented sigh escaped his lips after some time. "I guess...like he said, I'm lucky today. Isn't it great I went to the event?"

Behind the calming bubbles of the water in the fish tank, the brunette heard a soft clicking of the door. Followed by that usual quick footsteps, Shio obviously lit up. But contrary to his bright face, the person who just arrived home was as always, devoid of expression towards him.

"Nii-san...?"

When the man passed by the brunette, the latter could take in a waft of liquior and a sweet scent of perfume.

"Why are you still awake?" Shin asked, stopping in the middle of the living room, glancing at his brother feeding fishes late at night.

The brunette eyed Shin. He's had enough of that perfume that it was making him dizzy. It was that too much sweetness making him cringe that Shio had to look away. This perfume, he was sure was the same as that secretary working for Takano Masamune. Were they seeing each other now?

After a considerable amount of time, Shin finally spoke again, unbuttoning a few of his top ones.

"What? Don't just look at me."

"R-right," Shio nodded towards the dining table, making his brother follow his gaze. "I bought them for you."

With a baffled expression, Shin made the remaining few steps towards the table and narrowed his gaze at the three boxes neatly laid side by side. He glanced back at his younger brother's expectant face and finally decided to pick one of the boxes.

"Gel pen? All three boxes?"

"Well, you said something useful right?" Shio replied, twisting the cap of the plastic jar of the fish pellets unconsciously. "There's red, blue and black."

From baffled, Shin's face cracked into a small smile. "Am I gonna mark test papers with these?"

"That's not-"

"Well...thanks anyway," Shin mumbled as he took all three boxes with him before heading to his room. "Go to sleep after you're done with the fishes."

"G-goodnight..."

Shio had waited for his brother to disappear in to the man's room. And when he heard the soft click of the door closing, when he found himself once more in the company of the sound of the bubbling water, it was then that the brunette released his bated breath.

"What..." confused, Shio raised his right hand and felt for his cheek. His skin felt burning against his fingertips. There was a violent thumping in his chest. His blood was rushing too fast. He could hear the pounding in his ears. And the small smile Shin had carved inside his mind. "What's wrong with me...just now too I felt utter jealousness with the scent of that perfume...this...this is not normal..."

He might have been sheltered. He might have not known a lot. But he knew this feeling.

The brunette abruptly turned on his heels, facing the innocent fishes languidly swimming in their water world. _"What are you doing Shio. Stop...idiot."_

Standing tensely, watching the gold creatures swim graciously in their world, Shio stepped a bit closer. He peered nearer, trying to immense himself to something else.

"Hey...this is not normal...right?" he whispered to the fishes.

He reached out to the tank, resting his right hand against it. The cold surface burned his palm. As he stared longer at the little weeds swaying under, as he stared deeper into the bubbling water from the tube at the bottom, the harder it was to breathe. It was as though the very bubbles he was seeing was his breath escaping his body.

"..."

The brunette stood there unaware of everything else. With his other hand unconsciously resting to his throat, eyes point blank, skin clammy with cold sweat, the sensations were too real to be a dream. It must have been a nightmare.

He felt himself mercilessly tossed by icecold water. He saw himself try to reach out to a red ring-like life safer but he couldn't reach it. He saw himself sucked lower, saw himself grasp anything above his head but only able to grasp waters still. He wanted air, but he could feel the taste of salty water grazing and filling his lungs. The bubbles he was seeing...they were his breath, and they were his screams and pleas for help. Those inaudible screams were sealed in the bubbles going to the surface while he was being dragged down.

_"I'm scared! Someone help me, save me! I don't want to die!"_

"..."

_"Why?" _Tears that disappeared and mingled with the sea stung his eyes. _"You said you'd come back soon...Sag-"_

The rush of water, the pleas for help, they suddenly vanished. Shio could only see his mouth calling for a name, but the waters silenced him.

"...?"

The plastic jar in his hand fell. And Shio found himself unsteadily clinging to the table where the fish tank was.

Shio just saw himself drowning, feeling how it was like to peek into the death's door.

* * *

_"...I don't know if this is even right. This might raise your hope and seal you down in defeat instead."_

"What's with you being gloomy?" Takano asked. "You were more straight-forward before."

_"There's a patient here who's a local of Atami...he kept on saying he saw angels in a gallant white ship rescue a drowned human. It's always the same story."_

The more Rui spoke, the less Takano could follow him. Walking towards the window and pulling the curtains wide open, the raven found that the one single dying star he was seeing before, was actually the brightest that night. He just couldn't see the entire sky earlier so it looked a lonely, weak and dying part of the cosmos.

Takano almost laughed. "Are you drunk?"

_"No one would believe him of course. He's mentally challenged."_

"...?"

_"I couldn't get his tales off my head. I too...have my fair share of worry and hope..."_

"..."

_"I find it ridiculous too to be caught in this man's web of stories. But Saga...'what if'?"_

* * *

**chapter end notes:**

yaho? thank you for the patience. hope you liked it. oh by the way. i suggest try reading it while listening to 'Losing your memory' by Ryan Star. It's the song i'm listening to while writing this chappy. XD

thanks for your time and have a great day! please share your thoughts! and well...guys be patient. haha, many are saying in the seventh chappy they're hoping for a kiss...lol...but i just don't go to that unless i find it fitting. when the time comes...i won't give you just a kiss. (insert perverted smile here)XD

~~~shuusetsu


	9. Tangled

**Tangled**

* * *

The sound of a fountain pen gliding on to a piece of paper felt and sounded saddening for some reason. The view outside of his window was inviting, but that very window remained sealed. He'd always thought he was inside some kind and gentle prison. His body, on top of being weak, wouldn't even grant him the tiniest memories of his childhood.

It wasn't confusion or shock that plagued him when one day he opened his eyes and he was already fifteen years old. He just felt utter loneliness in him. And it intensified by his brother's unexplainable animosity and alter personalities when they were alone and when in front of other people.

He was sure he'd done something unforgivable. He was sure, there was something between them that went completely wrong. Yet amidst the emotional stress, the mental fatigue and the depression his older brother brought him, he couldn't get mad. He doubted he could. And he wondered why.

_"Shio-kun...did you hear what I said?"_

_"Uh?"_

The kind-looking man smiled, closing the notebook on his lap and putting it aside._ "You keep on gazing out the window, but even if I want to bring you out, I was told you can't yet."_

Shio stared at his three-year long tutor and the blanket on his lap felt a tad heavier. _"I just think the trees this year are prettier than last year. A graduation gift for me I guess?"_

_"Don't look so melancholic. I heard you're getting better so perhaps in a few more months, you'd be allowed to go out then."_

The young brunette simply nodded. It wasn't because he had some terminal disease. His body simply gave out for reasons even specialists couldn't explain. Stuck at home, gazing out, like a little bird in its cage, he just let time tick by. Three years has gone then after waking up with a blank paper for a memory.

Little by little, he could feel strength coming back to him, but he remained clueless to what and who 'Shio' really is. Perhaps it was the cause why his physical body never listened to him.

The tutor glanced at the proud Sakura trees visible from the window himself. Their blooming color was indeed a lot more intense this year than last year. He allowed himself a moment to appreciate the symbol of Spring before looking back at his thin and pale student.

_"Shio-kun...It's already four...and I'm afraid I have an appointment I can't miss."_

The green eyes fixed at the window slowly darted to the small cake at the table in the living room. It was a small table made from oak with an irregular shape. On top of it were colorful rice cakes and sweets. It was no one's birthday. It was the day he, Haitani Shio, would finally finish his high school. Since he was home schooled, his grandmother enthusiastically suggested this sort of event. His own graduation ceremony held inside the house. It was set at three. But the grandfather clock across the room looked impatient and it's hour hand was now locked at four.

_"Something happened with dad's company...and baa-chan...is probably stuck in traffic from her flower viewing with her friends."_

_"...hmm...what about your brother?"_

_"Nii-chan...he's been rarely coming home,"_ Shio mumbled while staring at the black tube where his diploma should be. "It's _okay sensei, it can't be helped. We really don't need to do this 'commencement exercise'. You can leave."_

The man across Shio's seat looked troubled. His grey eyes dimmed, probably due to pity. He had been this young brunette's home tutor for three years, and he never saw anyone come to visit the latter. With no friends, and family members busy with their own appointments, it was sad that this timid young man would 'graduate' alone. If he didn't have such an important business to attend to he'd be willing to wait. But the timing was all screwed up. He had no choice but to leave and continue on with the program even though without the spectators.

_"Alright," _the tutor started a little livelier that it sounded forced._ "I can at least hand your diploma over and shake your hand."_

Both teacher and student stood from their seats at the same time. There was no music, not a chatter and clatter of what a graduation hall would usually have. There was only a quiet living room, a kind middle-aged teacher, and a sickly brunette smiling at the approaching man.

_"You've been an excellent student. Teaching you has been fulfilling,"_ the taller man extended the black leatherette tube holding the diploma to Shio and shook the latter's hand the next. His grip was tight and warm_. "Sotsugyou, omedetou."_

Shio bit his bottom lip. He looked hesitant for a moment, but then he suddenly tucked the tube under his arm and took his sensei's hand with both of his. Bowing deeply, with all gratitude and all bitterness of parting, Shio expressed his thanks in his own simple way.

_"T-Thank you too...Akagi-sensei...for everything."_

The young brunette didn't want to cry. He'd miss his sensei for sure, but what made his tears gather at the corner of his eyes was the next thing he saw upon lifting his gaze.

_"..."_

At the door was Haitani Shin. It had been quite long since Shio saw this face so the only thing he could do was look. As though each time he sees his brother, something different was what he would see. Taller? More mature? Shio couldn't really pin it out. It left him puzzled since he heard before that his older brother should be at some university seminar held at a far place. Shin shouldn't be there at the door, looking back at him quietly. That or Shio was starting to hallucinate.

_"Oh, you made it!"_ the teacher exclaimed, relief obvious on his face. _"I just handed Shio-kun his diploma."_

Haitani Shin did not move from where he was. Not entering but not outside entirely, Shin just stood there, sweeping his gaze at the sweets on the table, the sorry graduating banner probably hung there by their grandmother's orders and his 'brother' staring at him with reddish eyes.

The teacher and Shio could swear they heard a long sigh coming from the newcomer. What came after that sigh was a small smile. A smile so foreign to Shio. He hardly saw this older brother smile at him. And when he meant a 'smile', a genuine one. Not the fake, for act sake that he was so used to. It was but a smile as though somehow, just a tiny bit, Shin was indeed happy for him.

_"Omedetou."_

Shio had become a statue on the spot. The deep voice saying that congratulatory word sent chills on his skin. And as he watched his brother give a small smile, as he watched his brother lift both his hands in a slow applause, as he listened to the sound of those hands filling in the previously silent room, Shio stared. And without knowing shed a tear, or two, before he could no longer see anything else.

It was only a single person clapping for Shio. It was only Shin. But the sound seemed like a warm rain pouring over his cold flesh. He was overwhelmed. He was breathless. He must have appeared exaggerated, but something in him coiled and loosened that very moment.

Shio was still as confused as why Shin was mostly cold towards him. But it was this time he realized that his older brother wasn't entirely 'cold' or 'bad'. In that short moment, he felt a little ray of acceptance. A little of appreciation.

When was it? That time when Shio noticed his heart particularly started beating a different tune, a different beat. When was it, really? When he knew it was odd and kept pushing it aside, but the jar where he sealed it was too weak in the first place to hold it in.

Right. As stupid and shallow it might be, it was probably that spring afternoon seven years ago. That small gesture from Shin was the trigger. And as if Shio was a stone that got kicked off a cliff, reason lost its place, the only way left open was for him to fall and fall.

"..."

Shio gave a very deep sigh. When he first stood at the bus stop, the line was still long. His mind must have really been swimming back to his meager happy memories. For when he lifted his gaze, he was already at the first step leading inside the bus. He didn't even know when the line got shorter or when he had started just walking to climb in.

"Hey Nii-san, aren't you getting in?" One impatient young lady asked behind him. Her eyebrows were in a frown.

"Uh..." Shio looked back hesitantly.

This entire thing of living together with his brother probably would never work out. The dim streets illuminated by the street lights and the brewing clouds above them only made the brunette feel heavier. No matter how much he looked back, he won't see his older brother's apartment from there.

"Nii-san? Hello?!"

"S-sorry."

Shio finally climbed in, swiped his SUICA to the scanner and went deeper into the bus. The air conditioner inside pricked at his skin. His eyes really sting.

"..."

They had another fight- him and his older brother. Or maybe it wasn't a fight. A fight should be between two opposing parties. But as usual, his brother just got angry again, without even shedding what or why. It was always one-sided and somehow Shio had been used to it. This cycle of an easy life together and then comes a fight the next was as normal as the occasional typhoons this country experiences.

Yet this time Shio was sure, it was different.

* * *

There was always a reason why one turns to look somewhere else. It wasn't mere coincidence or idle movement to pass time. In that busy hour where countless faces pass one by, in a moment where countless sources of noise combine, every action was not without purpose.

"Huh?"

That was why, for Takano Masamune who was about to enter the second-hand bookstore in front of him, to turn to his right at the last minute, to glance at the bus stop he never paid attention to since he could remember, the act wasn't something without reason.

"...?"

Takano narrowed his eyes. The bus stop was only a couple of yards away. The long line of waiting passengers didn't even obstruct his line of vision. It went straight at only one figure standing, as though the world was on his back.

"Haitani...Shio?"

The bus was waiting and the line was continuously moving. But that particular brunette who had his head bowed simply looked like a soulless body, moving like a beaten up puppet.

"...where is he going..." Takano briefly brought his gaze back up, towards the thickening grey clouds dirtying the usually deep blue night sky. The chill despite the humid air was prominent. The grassy scent, the smell of soil, it was sticking to his skin. It would definitely rain hard, just like how the weather had been reported earlier that day. "...at this time?"

* * *

"..."

There was still some droplets of coffee pooling underneath the cream colored sofa.

"..."

Throw pillows were in disarray, their light green color tainted with a deep brown.

"..."

Even the air he was breathing smelled of the intensity of coffee beans. It would have tasted good, they were of premium quality after all.

"..."

But Haitani Shin only stood in the middle of the living room, glaring at the empty grey cup and the remains of what used to be neat and fine bracelet, scattered glass-like beads laying on the wooden floor.

"..."

The anger got the better of him. He acted on impulse. The rage halted his reasoning. And even now, he's still seething with it that he could feel himself tremble. The things he'd wanted to say but managed to hold in line with his logic and judgment just broke out in a snap. Everything tumbled out of his mouth, without restraint, without care to how much fierce and sharp and hurtful they were.

"..."

And looking around now in the apartment as quiet as a grave, a twinge of something unnameable was tugging, clawing, and stirring in him.

"..."

He could still see everything that happened some two hours back. Like a nasty flashback, so vivid as though he was watching a movie. He could see once again his younger brother staring at the aquarium. Murmuring things as though he was indeed having a serious conversation with the fishes. The brunette swiftly turned towards him and greeted with such a happy face.

_"Nii-san, okaeri. Have you eaten?" _

_"..."_

_"Hmm..." _Shio must have already taken his brother as not in the best moods so he walked away instead_. "I'll make some coffee...want some?"_

Shin didn't give a reply. He was not in the mood - for talking, for some forced smiles, or for any human interaction for that matter. His whole Sunday that was supposed to be for rest had been shrouded by everything he hated; his father calling him for a girl to introduce, his grandmother bothering him about Shio looking thinner, his supplier saying they might not be able to supply all the things he'd listed, and his side mirror being stolen by some junkie out the corner of the streets he just had to take that day. Just a great day indeed.

Standing by the end of the hall, Shin caught right away the utter changes his own flat was having. The dark-blue curtain changed into white. The little collection of frames against the living room wall depicting sunrise to sunset. Fake sunflowers in a vase rested in the middle of the low table. Everything, all of it, should have been hidden at the farthest side of his storage room, never to be brought back out. He ended up looking blankly at Shio.

_"Ah, I found them earlier at the storage room nii-san. They're in a box labeled 'Shio'..."_ the brunette said, carrying two weird looking mugs. _"Why didn't you tell me you have a few of my things here from before I got into an accident? There I was told everything burned together with our old house."_

Placing one gray mug down the low table, Shio then slightly raised his own mug. _"Did we do these mugs from baking clay? Both our names are on the mugs...we did these things, didn't we?"_

_"..."_

_"Why are you just hiding these things Nii-san?" _Taking a small sip of his coffee, Shio then brought his gaze towards the old picture frames of the sky at different times of the day he hung himself that afternoon._ "They could probably make me remember something...but...maybe it's not that easy?" _The brunette smiled a bit despite the mixed emotions he gathered from his old things. "_I don't feel anything at all even when they used to be mine..."_

Shin slowly brought his gaze around his flat, slowly back down to the gray mug on the low table with his name messily etched on it.

_"Also Nii-san," _the brunette lifted his free hand and pointed at the still skies hanging by the wall._ "Was I the one who took those photos?"_

Shio's movements caused the sleeve of his loose black cardigan to fall back to his elbow. At his left wrist were beads, the color that can be mistaken for a clear blue sky, or a calm and tranquil sea. It glittered from the lighting above their heads. Its shimmer griped at Shin's insides. Before the man knew it, he had already closed in the distance and had grabbed Shio's wrist, his grip tight and forceful.

_"What are you doing?" _Shin asked in a grave tone.

_"Huh...?" _Shio stared at his brother's dim expression towards his wrist being held painfully. Trying to ease the somewhat stiff and suffocating air, the brunette pulled a small smile while pulling his wrist away. _"This is in the box too, in the storage room...I figured wearing this bracelet would make me remember something so-..."_

_"It's _my_ storage room," _Shin murmured ever so menacingly. _"Who said you could just go do what you want?"_

Tight was the grip on his hand, but Shio obviously flinched not by it but by the strangeness of his brother's words. Shin talked in the lowest, coldest voice that Shio would have preferred his brother shouting at him like he used to instead.

_"You're living with me, free and all of the shit. It doesn't make the stuff around here as yours."_

_"B-but...they're labeled as mine...why are-"_

_"They're not yours. Take this off..."_

Unknown to Shio why Shin was so enraged, the former pulled his arm forcefully forgetting he was holding a mug of coffee on the other. It slipped off his hand, fell silently on the sofa nearby and rolled to the floor. Its contents staining the leather seat, the coffee attaching itself to the throw-pillows.

Two pair of eyes watched the gray mug on the floor. It didn't break. But there was something invisible that definitely did.

_"What is wrong with you...Nii-san?" _

_"Give it back to me. That's not yours."_

Shio stepped back, confused and hurt. _"They're meticulously stacked in a box with my name. I only wanted to be as close to the things that might bring me back my memories, why are you acting like this?"_

_"Enough, give it to me."_ The older one hissed.

He didn't want to argue. He had always wanted to but during these times when Shin's eyes had nothing but plain animosity, it renders him weak and tired. Maybe it was indeed wrong of him to rummage into the storage room, they were hidden for a reason and though he wanted to ask more, the situation wasn't one for conversations. So in the end, Shio bitterly removed the circle of beads around his wrist.

But it snapped. All precious beads dropped in a sound that muted everything else.

"...?!"

Maybe due to time, the synthetic fiber string holding everything gave out. And the crystal-like shards fell and scattered all over the floor, around their feet, like unmelting snow.

_"...it just broke..." _Shio breathe out without really noticing himself as he watched the pieces glitter on the floor. _"It just..."_

When green eyes gazed up to apologize, Shio froze at the hand about to land against his face. He couldn't blink. He couldn't move away. Everything was a whirlwind that Shio could only wait. Wait for that hand, wait for that pain, wait for that sound.

But it didn't come.

Shin was huffing. His palm a mere centimeter away from the younger one's flesh. It looked as though Shin had also struggled to stopping himself. But as he lowered his hand, his eyes never wavered away from Shio.

_"Are you not satisfied yet of all the things that you've taken?"_

_"I didn't mean to break it-"_

_"Get out."_

_"Nii-san please-"_

_"Get out of my sight. I can barely stop myself."_

Defeated. That was how Shio looked like as he slowly turned around. He cautiously tried his best not to step on to the beads, and cautiously tried not to make a sound, not to even breathe. But he stood still, feeling the need to say a few if not of all his thoughts.

_"Nii-san?"_ Shio asked quietly._ "Just what am I to you?"_

The anger on Shin's face somehow faltered.

_"Am I really Shio? Or am I just this Shio's replacement? I really do not know anymore."_

_"..."_

_"I couldn't help but feel as though I am a complete stranger to you when all I wanted is for us to get along. I was told we were so close before I forgot everything. So I tried my best to be that brother you've always liked. But I can't compete with the past Shio Nii-san. I really can't."_

_"..."_

_"I've always felt that for you, Shio is already dead. Then what am I?"_

_"..."_

_"I really am proud to have you, you know? I feel very very blessed that I have a capable brother I can look up to after all of my incompetence," _Shio paused, glanced at the floor and knitted his brows. _"Am I not really important?"_

Shin could remember him digging his palms with his fingers. And they seriously hurt.

_"Ten years Nii-san...Is my presence really a burden to you? Would you rather me disappear?"_

It's been two hours since that question was thrown to him. Two hours and he hadn't moved an inch to where he had been standing. Nailed on the floor, eyes flickering from his own frustrations, the man could only bow his head, hand over his face.

He could not even remember how his real brother looked like anymore. It felt as though the last remnants of him had been violated when the current Shio took everything that had belonged to his real brother. Shin didn't want to be selfish. He didn't want to be the villain either. There were times he wanted to be gentle. Heavens believe him; he had tried his best to calm his anger and tried to open up. Yet for some reason...

"I just don't really know how to treat you..."

* * *

**chapter end notes:**

hello everyone! i went on an anime marathon slash reading spree. so i barely was able to write anything during the nights (i am mostly able to write during nights for some reason). haha, gomen!

~~~~shuusetsu


	10. Crash

**Crash**

* * *

He wasn't aware how long the stretch of time had been. The moment he entered the bus, to after sitting, he's had his head lowered, eyes fixed at the bus floor. Though his eyes were wide open, he's blind to everything. All he could see was a black space, as though he was staring at a black-hole of his dread.

"...?"

Shio blinked. Someone's foot bumped against his and the pointless black space he was seeing stopped. He became suddenly aware of his surroundings once again. Aware again of the bus floor, he finally noticed countless shoes, more of them in a messy and wet state. Being seated at the farthest back, it was a sea of persons' feet and their shoes.

"..."

Closer to him was a shapely leg which obviously belonged to a girl. She kept on wiping the back of her knee with something and looked thoroughly disgusted through her actions. The pair of sneakers close to the girl had been reduced to an unsightly grey though it must have been a very neat white earlier that day. A little farther, the running shoes of some man looked muddy and the laces were almost untied.

Green eyes narrowed even more, his vision focusing on the other pair of leather shoes pointed at him. It was the pair that bumped to his earlier. They looked a little drenched but compared to the rest, it was nothing.

"..."

This bus he hopped on, he wasn't even aware where this was leading. Considering the time and the messy state of people's shoes, it might have stormed down after he got in. The brunette though was too tired to even lift his gaze and check out the window.

All the time the bus was packed, Shio chose to remain looking down the bus floor. He had no idea what kind of face he was having and showing reddening eyes towards strangers was so humiliating. Even when he could already feel his neck protesting, he glared at the floor, towards the pair of deep blue leather shoes before him.

"...?"

Shio stiffened a bit. Since he had been staring at that pair of shoes, it would once in a while bump against his white Converse. At first the brunette thought it was not on purpose. The bus was full after all. But not when one was totally not asleep and was already spending quarter of the hour glaring at the bus floor, there was no way Shio wouldn't notice.

_"Again?"_

Whoever the freak was, standing before him has been kicking his foot every once in a while. At first lightly, until it was starting to grit at Shio's nerves. He tried pulling his foot under the seat, but to his annoyance, he could still see one of the leather shoes trying to reach and kick him lightly even from under such a space.

_"What is this guy's problem?!"_

Shio wasn't in the best of moods from the start. The annoying foot finding its way to kick him even though he was doing nothing was too much. Sure it wasn't painful. But he couldn't focus either. So glaringly, he looked up. And almost slid off his seat.

"Oh...why do you have to look up _now_? Just before I decided to kick you with full force?"

"T-Ta..." Shio stopped his own mouth as he knew he was about to shout. He irritatingly looked away as he mumbled "Why is someone like you in here?"

"Someone like me? What's that supposed to mean? Can't I ride the bus?"

"Just...the bus doesn't suit you."

Takano just remained looking at him. Neither was mockery or the usual business glint in those orbs. It was a plain gaze that was disturbing. It was too heavy for Shio so he turned to the window to his left to distract himself. And true enough, the rain was shooting like slanting arrows towards them. He wasn't really close to the window and continuing to tilt his head in that direction was uncomfortable. In the end, he found himself looking in front of him. And in front of him, some huge company's director was standing imposingly, almost as though he was being scrutinized from head to toe.

"Actually," the tall raven started, slinging his dark coat over his shoulder. In a bus full of people, even with the air-conditioning and the pounding rain, it was starting to get humid and suffocating. "I saw you getting into this bus and..."

Takano Masamune looked hesitant for a moment. A small smile appeared on his lips as though he found his own thoughts funny. "I decided to have a detour."

The brunette found it slightly suspicious but held his tongue back.

"So? Where are we going?" Takano asked glancing at his wrist watch.

"'Where'? Wait...'_we_'? Why are you asking me that?"

"Where are we going?" Takano just repeated.

Shio stared at the man almost hovering before him and gave up. To be honest, he wasn't really annoyed to see the man. It was the timing this man always seem to have. Always when he was in a miserable state would this man appear and him showing always his pathetic side to this person was starting to become like a normal occurrence.

Bringing his gaze a little towards the hazy window, Shio mumbled "I don't know."

Takano brought his own gaze towards the window, eyes not at his reflection but the vague one of the brunette's. "Figures."

* * *

Earlier when the brunette asked him why he was riding the same bus, Takano paused and said a white lie. Truth was he actually didn't know himself. How he even got the speed to run from the book store entrance and run into the bus and force his way in at the farthest was a mystery to him. He just strangely felt at that moment that he had to run after Shio and nothing else.

"..."

And now, at a time like this, there was no doubt that Takano Masamune should have been bored to death. The bus which had been so full was nowhere. The safety handles where countless hands had been clinging looked like a flawless straight gleam of silver lining the bus. The floor was empty, save from the foot prints of mud and dirt that stained the red rubber carpet. And the indistinct sounds from hushed talking, soft voices from phones, and the loud song playing from one of the young guys iPod vanished. A different loud noise prevailed though. Silence.

It didn't take long for the bus to become like this. Almost the entire bus had been mounted by young people heading to a live house. Upon reaching the designated stop, the passengers started dismounting eagerly and earnestly amidst the pouring rain, leaving behind them four disinterested persons.

Hazel eyes darted to the last few inside. An old lady dozing off just two seats from the bus driver. A middle-aged looking guy at the middle seat whose back was screaming of tiredness. When Takano glanced to his side, his companion still had the same faraway look.

"..."

At the long seat located at the back, Takano was seated. He seated himself close to Shio although he placed himself at a distance as if there was an invisible commuter between them.

"..."

Takano should heck be seriously bored by now. By the lack of activity. By the lack of movement. An idle moment, sitting in there without purpose, would normally have thrown him irrate beyond words. But strangely, he didn't. He just sat there. And actually felt at peace.

"Hey...do you want to eat?" the raven asked after some time.

Shio merely glanced a second to the source of the voice before going back to his own world.

Takano raised a brow. "You're really starting to get some attitude towards me now, you know?"

"..."

"Do you wanna eat or not?"

"If you're so hungry Takano-san, please go your own way." Shio replied flatly.

"Huh?" Closing in the space that he made himself, the raven purposely bumped his shoulder to the other a little too strongly. "I wouldn't have offered if someone's stomach there hadn't been rumbling like explosives you know?"

The brunette frowned as he darted his gaze away. He looked nothing but uptight and stiff yet the obvious reddening of his neck to ears was enough to make Takano suppress a little laughter.

"Hey really now. You already puked on me, saw me only in towels, barraged in my office without appointment, we even have cheesy matching key chains as a proof of our blooming friendship. What's this being coy?"

"I'm not being coy!" the other shot back. "Also! What's with the 'blooming friendship'? Your choice of words are really disturbing!"

Takano crossed his arms and cocked his head. The smile on his face was startling. "Are you by any chance, innately talkative, short-tempered, willful kind of person?"

"..." Realizing his voice had been too loud, Shio shrank back to his seat. "..."

Slowly bringing his gaze back at the front, Takano opened his mouth, stating a subject so out of the blue.

"Something happened with you and that brother of yours."

Shio turned to the side where Takano was and stared hard at the other's profile. The mention of his brother was already enough to send him flying off his skin. He felt the words were too personal, too private. However, the raven's voice this time sounded serious and mostly cold. Yet there was unmistakably a tiny bit in his timber that sounded like concern. It rendered Shio confused.

Sensing that, the raven continued gazing in front, letting everything fade out in its own accord. He said the matter not in a question but into a statement which left the brunette the option to remain silent or elaborate on it. However, Shio's silence made it obvious which one he chose. Takano knew, anything about this 'brother' was too complicated a topic for them so he didn't pursue.

Both men now were looking at the front. The bus driver who happened to look at the rear-view mirror caught a glimpse of them and paid them no mind. To an outsider, they'd look like colleagues who happen to go the same way back home.

"..."

The silence continued on. Takano irritably pretended to look out the window while in reality, he was just trying to gauge the other's expression. Seeing that it was still everything but happy, Takano sighed and crossed his arms. His gaze landing on some cutesy advertisement of an amusement center with an adorable frog for a mascot. It was stuck at one of the back of the seats and seemed to about falling off.

"Do you think the frogs are doing a happy dance now? What with all this rain and shit."

"...huh?"

"The frogs," Takano mumbled almost absent-mindedly. "...Actually there's a toad in front of my yard acting like a boss. It was staring at me before I left."

"..."

"...One day I'll fry that toad."

With Shio sitting so close to him, Takano already noticed the slight shaking the other was having. The brunette was already tilting his head towards the window, in an attempt to hide away. Slowly, Takano smiled, satisfied and actually happy. He got what he wanted.

"Was that even funny?"

Shio freely let out a laugh. Calming down, a little teary from trying hard not to be too loud, the brunette cocked his head to Takano's direction. "Just... a 'toad acting like a boss'..." he didn't finish and ended up giggling some more.

"..."

Takano just sat there, fighting off the urge to reach out and pat the other on the head. He merely sat there, maintained the distance as he felt himself sink in with curiosity and concern. Shio's giggles had faded. And small, pained sobs took over.

"The frog is just probably misunderstood..." Shio whispered, his gaze back at the window. "Don't judge it right away Takano-san."

Though the thought was funny, oddly enough Takano didn't even find the will to act sarcastic. Not when the brunette was a sniffing mess right beside him. Shio probably hasn't cried in ages in front of others. So when he did, it was difficult to stop.

"He's got to have a reason for acting the way he does..."

"I can more or less understand the sentiment," Takano replied. " But, do you really wish to compare your brother to a toad?"

Shio chuckled a bit, wiping his face shortly with the palm of his hand.

"You scare me." Hazel eyes narrowed. The drops of water appearing like silver strands lining the bus windows indicated the drizzle about to halt. "Don't just laugh, cry and smile all within one minute."

The brunette exhaled, looking around the bus for the first time. A tiredness not from physical exertion was marring his face. He looked really emotionally drained. Lifting a hand to the side of his neck, a bleary glint crossed his eyes. A bleariness that disappeared in the instant he seemed to have remembered something.

Clumsily, Shio brought his hands into the pockets of his jeans. When he didn't find it, he tried the ones on both sides of his cardigan. And still not finding what he wanted, Shio started looking side to side, down to the bus floor and under the seat.

"What is it?" Takano asked, confused by Shio's actions.

"It's not here..." Shio glanced up before scooting low once more. "Where-"

The raven shook his head as he tried scanning their seat for something he didn't even know. Just the frantic motions of the other was contagious and Takano ended up unable to contain himself.

"Like I said, what is it? How am I going to help you if I don't-"

At the moment that Takano straightened up, in the span it took the raven to dart his gaze from Shio towards the window unconsciously, alarm struck through him. A blinding brightness, too intense that it drowned everything was before them. Whatever it was, it was going right at them, fast, unyielding.

There was not even a time to think. All Takano could do in a breath was cover Shio with his own body. He didn't even know why he did that.

"Takano-san...what are you-"

Shio didn't finish what he was to say.

The little number of people on the streets stood stupefied, barely keeping up with what just happened. The city bus which had been smoothly running swerved. The screeching sound the wheels made was painful in the ears. It moved side to side, as though an invisible hand was shaking the vehicle.

At the intersection, it was about to collide to another crossing bus. The ground was wet and the bus ran over a couple of some concrete barriers on the center before tumbling to its left side and rolling off like a die. Like a giant roach, upside down, it skidded over the thankfully empty sidewalk before slamming hard at a bare brick wall. The bus windows' glass shattered. And a nauseating smell of gasoline floated in the air.

Bystanders watched nearby police cars and emergency vehicles gather. The wrecked bus was so silent that the sirens were an ear-splitting, frightful cut into the peaceful and chilly night.

* * *

Time had been selfish and will always be. How it runs on its own, robs people of treasured times and extends pain, it wouldn't care. It was as though it was made from the very foundations of a whim. What was so happy earlier was the saddest the next. And what one wanted to last would end in a snap. And what one hated would linger far longer than everything else.

The seconds in between the calls that wouldn't connect stretched unbearably long. Once in a while, his impatient eyes would glare at the clock, back to his phone. Shin could swear he'd never swiped his fingers hard enough to he was almost digging on his phone screen.

"Tsk."

Shin icily brought his gaze at the ugly display of thick clouds from the window and the splatter of rain as though the rain was trying to break in. It galled him that he knew his stupid brother had brought no umbrella or whatsoever. Even the small case of maintenance medicine that Shio always carried around lay quietly near the aquarium.

"The hell...what's the use of your phone if you're not picking up?!"

The man threw himself over the couch and glared at the innocent wall-clock. The coffee on one of the sofas had already dried, crusting into the leather texture. The beads still were scattered, annoyed and somehow hesitant to touch them.

"..."

He'd been staring at the clock for too long that its ticking sound has etched its way in his head. He could well remember seeing the hour hand fixed at eight. When he came around, it was close to ten. He must have dozed off without meaning to.

"Damn it."

Gingerly sitting, he noticed then that the rain had already stopped. Shin picked up his phone from the center table and once again dialed the number he'd been trying to connect to since earlier.

Contrary to earlier, the call connected after two short rings.

"..."

What Shin heard made him frown. It wasn't a voice he was expecting. Hell it was of a complete stranger's.

Shin almost snarled but was able to tone it down. "...Who are you?"

* * *

There was no telling, from the firm stature to the calm exterior as Shin walked down the hallway, but his hands were shaking. Terribly. The man couldn't even remember how he got there. The entire gap that could have taken an hour to drive, he covered in mere twenty minutes.

When the call he was trying to make finally connected, he was told something ridiculous. The bus which toppled over at an intersection in some avenue only had a few passengers. One was the owner of the number Shin had been trying to get a hold of.

Gritting his teeth, he blindly followed the back of the woman officer and the nurse who ushered him towards the room where his brother should be.

"The driver and the few passengers miraculously only had a few scratches..." the nurse explained thoughtfully. "Your brother though broke three of his ribs. He was apparently at the very back of the bus and is intoxicated so when the accident happened, he wasn't able to protect himself."

Shin dubiously glared at the back of the woman's head. Three of Shio's ribs? Shin felt his own chest searing. As they both neared the room, the heavier the man felt his feet seemed to be. He almost dragged himself.

"..."

The man swallowed hard and tried to calm himself. The nurse mentioned Shio had been intoxicated with alcohol. Never had he seen or heard Shio drinking alcohol yet the fact that they just had a rather pointless argument griped at Shin. It could very well be the reason why his brother drowned himself with such a thing.

It made him feel worse. Growing guilt, together with worry and desperation started weighing him down.

"...?"

And the minute he stood outside the door, right away seeing the red seeping through the bandages, Shin thought his knees would buckle. He'd never been this nervous. It was a startling sight. A nightmare. He felt nauseaus.

"Shio...?"

In denial, Shin walked in, afraid to take a look at the ashen complexion. Yet the instant he saw the person's face, Shin took a step backwards. And felt like he would go crazy from the relief that washed over him.

It wasn't Shio.

A little later when the man on the bed became conscious, he explained that the phone he had in his pocket, was something he'd picked up laying on the floor of a public comfort room.

* * *

"We almost got hit by that bus...I wonder where'd we be if our driver hadn't acted timely?"

Takano Masamune continued walking, along with Shio who was still going on about their near death experience. Their bus upon reaching an intersection met another that had lost its control. Running fast towards them, it could have crashed right at the spot of the bus where they were the closest and could have smashed their bones into pieces. Thank heavens their bus driver sped up, barely escaping the loose and directionless bus by just a thread's gap.

"That was really a close call," Shio continued as he gazed up at the calm dark night sky. The only traces that it had rain so bad were the occasional puddles of water and the glistening trees and grasses. They were half way through the tasteful landscape as a greeting for the people who owned a unit in the apartment complex just a little above a slope. "Aren't we lucky? We're still walking here with our two feet?"

"Guess so," Takano breathed out, his chest still unable to calm down. The adrenaline was still there. "In the end, we couldn't find your phone though."

"I must have left or dropped it somewhere," Shio mumbled humorously. "I can't even think of it right now. I'm just glad we're safe."

The raven couldn't deny it. He himself felt the taste of the death's door. The blinding whiteness, the sudden silence, the time that felt so fast yet slow, he could still well remember everything. However, contrary to almost dying, he was concerned of something else. Something far more important yet the most vague of all.

The raven walked a little slower, letting Shio walk ahead of him. Quietly watching the man take one step at a time under the rows of trees, Takano wondered what made him do what he did earlier. He practically threw himself over the brunette in an attempt to ensure the other wouldn't get hurt. But why?

"Takano-san," Shio called, stopping and glancing a little at the man. "Thank you."

Sort of confused, Takano raised a brow. "'Thank you'?"

"Nothing happened but thank you for shielding me."

One genuine smile, a really small and friendly one, and that was enough to throw Takano off his train of thoughts. He could have returned the remark with a sarcastic grin and a smart assed retort like he always do, but all remained stuck in his throat and all he could do was watch the brown strands move in the slightest when the night breeze came blowing at them.

"..."

They may have become friends now, talked and fooled a little about the littlest things, but they were far from being ' very close'. So far, not close enough yet, that he'd be willing to sacrifice himself by reflex. The impact was so huge and surprising that Takano's brain tried to justify his own actions.

However, the answers he had in his mind only led to more questions.

* * *

The wind whipped through the rows of trees. The droplets nesting on their leaves from the recent rain slashed down, as though a new downpour sprinkling to the only three souls beneath them.

Grasses swayed, trees rustled, the wind continued blowing to let its presence known. The surrounding sounds filled in the silence, the shock and the storm that passed on Haitani Shin's eyes. It had stayed that way. For seconds, minutes that felt much longer.

Takano was just walking along side Shio when the older Haitani appeared. The latter was breathing heavily as if he ran a mile. The intense gaze of those slanting eyes were bordering between anger and something much deeper. It was obvious how Shin had been looking for his younger brother, yet conversely he looked like he was the one who has gotten lost.

"N-Nii-san...?" Shio whispered.

Takano merely stood, his gaze unwittingly fixed at the brothers in front of him. At the same time the gust of wind came, it happened. Shin did something which happened so fast. Too fast. Way out of hand that Takano Masamune wasn't able to react. He couldn't. He had no right.

Hurried steps, taken too heavily sent splashes of water around Shin. His way too serious gaze upon Shio made the latter swallow. Shio was sure he was going to be hit by his brother. The strong hand was reaching out, a hand that can snap his neck if the owner wanted to.

"...?"

But Shin suddenly stopped, and his strong hand seemed abruptly gentle, almost frightful, as he reached out to Shio's right shoulder. His hand stayed there, as though checking if he was really holding out to flesh and not just to imagination. Slowly, his palm went up, his fingers right to Shio's cheek before he let his hand down.

"Damn it..." Shin whispered almost out of breath. "You..."

"Uhm..."

Haitani Shin peered at the emerald eyes for quite longer. He was angry, frustrated and now relieved. It was at this point in time that Shin had accepted, fake brother or not, blood related or not, he cared. The actual panic to the thought that he was close to losing the person who'd been around him for ten years woke him up. What happened was the most distasteful way of teaching him but it did the job.

"You..." Shin groped for words. He could even feel his hands on his sides shaking. "...You fucking scared me."

"Huh?"

Unaware of what was going on with Shin, Takano was more concerned of himself. It shouldn't be there but there it was.

Envy.

It was gnawing at him.

* * *

For ten whole years, it seemed that time has been on hold for these three persons. All trapped in the past, it was at this very moment that time flowed once more.

Slowly yet surely, it was spilling out.

* * *

**chapter end notes:**

Hello everyone! i have many stuff to do and things to consider so i am getting a little slow in writing. LoL. i just hope the chappy length made up for the wait. thanks for your time!

~~~~shuusetsu


	11. Strings I

**Strings Part I**

* * *

The pristine white tapestry made to compliment the deep brown of tables and cabinets didn't matter. Even the captivating paintings adorning the walls had not an inch of their luster. They couldn't show off their worth in a room drowning in a veil of darkness.

At a first glance, no one would think twice about the room being empty of its occupant. However, from the pulsating and moving lights coming from the screen of a television hanging by the wall, a trace of a human form could be seen. Sitting languidly on a swivel chair, feet on top of his work table, all prim manners of the business world gone, he sat and stared at the late night news.

The people's faces looked weird as they all opened their mouths to speak but not a sound could be heard. The television was in mute to begin with. Only the slightest sound of a burning cigarette stayed in the background, mingling with the loud breaths as the only soul in the room blew puffs of smoke out of his mouth.

"..."

When the news took a break for a commercial, the hazel eyes narrowed and he unblinkingly stubbed his dying cigarette at the ashtray waiting for him. It was full again, without him noticing.

He threw a disinterested glance at the dark ceiling of his office and brought his right hand on his chin. The slight sharpness that registered on the tips of his fingers made him scowl. How many days had he been in the office, working his brains out for him to grow stubble without him noticing? No wonder his female subordinates had been staring at his face almost all week.

"..."

He looked to his left where the huge window was. The curtains were pulled to the sides, allowing the director unobstructed view of the expanse of the night sky and the other skyscrapers close to them. In the dim, the window served as a good mirror producing his reflection.

The stubble was only barely visible. It didn't look bad and if anything, it enhanced the predator-look in his eyes. But it was because of that very nasty look he had in his eyes that made him resort to always being clean-shaven. And sensing that he'd been going around like this for the last couple of days just confirmed that he was being not his usual self.

"..."

The man pulled his feet off his table and reached out to the drawer beneath. He remembered his spare razor and mindlessly pulled the drawer open, only for him to slam it shut once again.

"This...is so stupid."

It had been five days since then. But the scene burned in his head was as vivid as though it just happened a couple of seconds ago. It was following him wherever he went, whatever he did, whichever he looked.

Shio's face. That oddly perplexed expression in the dark that suddenly brightened at the sight of his brother. The older brother who supposedly was mean most of the time, just one stroke of that guy's hand and the green eyes which had no life earlier beamed to an extent that blinded him.

The sight annoyed him.

But the root of his annoyance came from the fact that he had no reason to be in the first place.

He only liked teasing and making fun of the brunette, simply because the brunette was such a gullible piece of work.

"..."

Takano Masamune sunk lower on his seat, drilling a hole back at the ceiling. This was no laughing matter at all. He felt a jolt. A sudden piercing sensation somewhere around his chest that still ached once in a while since that night.

Bringing his idle hand deep into his unbuttoned polo, he pulled the chain around his neck out, with the pathetic pendant dangling before his eyes. He stared at it for a while. That small, cold unfeeling metal had been a sleek silver ten years ago. And now, even in the dark he could tell, the gloss had been washed off. T'was now a lonely piece of metal, waiting whether its purpose would come or it should just be thrown off in the ocean too.

"You know what?" Takano started, as though the pendant would talk to him in return. "I've become acquainted with such a funny fellow. You know why he's funny? Both of you follow jerks."

Takano chuckled a bit as he slightly shook the chain, the key swinging gently.

"Both of you have the same eyes. Stalker streaks to be exact."

The man slowly let the pendant fall back to its place against his chest.

"Yeah...stalker streaks..." the man sighed. "That guy...he really...he really bothers me a lot Ritsu."

Blindly looking back at the muted television before his eyes, Takano plunged back at the past, mingling it with the present. He'd taken it for granted back in the days when he still had it. He had never noticed how beautiful it looked when just one thing from him made that stupid Ritsu all happy and content.

"He seems utterly into his older brother," Takano slightly laughed, flicking the key on his chest with his finger gently. "Forget them being both guys just like us...they're siblings on top of that. It's complicated as hell I could guess and I don't really should give a damn...but..."

But Shio arouses his curiosity. His eyes follow him even if he didn't mean to. He throws him off the loop. Shio messes with Takano's calm without the former even knowing it. He steals a portion of Takano's mind that should have been only for Ritsu. It seems like everything was starting to fall into the wrong places. And he had to do something about it.

Put a distance.

It was probably his fault that he involved himself to Shio's business due to that rising curiosity. But, it's probably best if he dropped a distance starting soon. He'd never really been interested with someone else all these years and the fact that he was starting to notice, really feel Shio's presence, was awful. He didn't want to appear and feel that he was throwing Ritsu again for somebody else just like how he left him alone in the sea for a fucking short time with a girl he just met.

"You're still coming back right?" he whispered. "Someone's going to steal me from you...go hurry idiot."

The raven closed his eyes, smiling at the stupidity spilling off his mouth. He hadn't drank a drop of alcohol yet he was spouting shit like a drunkard.

"Just kidding..."

Slowly reaching for the remote, he abruptly turned the television off and instantly got enveloped in a searing darkness. His eyes groped for light and finally, after a few seconds, adjusted to the dimness. Silhouettes and still shadows surrounded him. An an equal emptiness came surfacing.

"Don't tell me you found someone else to stalk in the ten years you're gone?"

Takano began chuckling again. But there was not a trace of humor in it. It sounded lacking of energy. Forced. Sad. It all dawned at the same time that the thought wasn't entirely impossible. If anything, it could be the most plausible thing to happen.

"You have no idea how many elite women I've turned down, just because this key doesn't fit their doors."

Slowly closing his eyes, the slightest hues of darkened hazel searched the bare ceiling before finally shutting out to everything. Takano was tired but he keeps on doing it anyway, like a penance, a prayer.

Waiting. It was both painful and exhausting.

It wasn't obvious at all. Given how he'd mastered and calculated his expressions, his actions. Yet the truth was as prominent as the fact that when there's no light, it's dark.

_"Ten years is revenge enough..."_

The more he waits, the more he hurts.

* * *

Everything was going smoothly. So peaceful and quiet in general that it all seemed like a lie. Although Shin had already came into terms regarding Shio; that he just cared for him as a person regardless of the lies and darkness surrounding them, their everyday life with the exclusion of their cold war, remained the same. They go to Umi Gari to work. They go home to rest. Nothing grand.

Right. On the outside, there was nothing grand. It was entirely a different story in its opposite though.

Haitani Shin remained observing his glass of whisky. The natural color of the drink and the ice melting inside made it look like a golden-red flame served to burn down his throat. Around him, merry chatters and laughter floated together with the very mellow and soft jazz music. Jazz was not to his liking but he actually appreciated the music now more than ever as it allowed him to distract himself from unnecessary thoughts.

"..."

The bartender in front of Shin had a very amused expression in his eyes, although his lack of facial movements would never show so.

Shin discreetly looked up, noticed the weird reflection in his long-time bartender friend's eyes and slowly looked to his right. To the right where Shio was sitting. The brunette was curiously sliding his finger over the rim of his own glass and would once in a while pop his finger in his mouth. Not being a drinker, the curiosity made him look like a child who was trying out a foreign toy for the first time. Shin suppressed the urge to roll his eyes.

It might have been dimly lit, might have been a usual occurrence specially to those drunks wallowing in problems, but it felt weird for Shin to have to see someone else see his brother do such a thing. In the end, Shin took his own drink and downed the entire contents before slamming the glass back down.

"Shio, that's your last one. I'm not carrying you home."

The brunette frowned a bit, obviously not happy with the demand but nodded anyway. He wasn't entirely drunk, having only three glasses. But he was tipsy enough not to bother about how he was acting in public. Not in the world would he just pop his fingers in his mouth in front of other people had he been completely sober.

After a minute, Shio stood and excused himself for the rest room. That was when Shin finally let out a firm scowl towards his good old friend.

"Sena, is seeing my brother such an amazing sight? You could practically drill a hole on his face."

The man who was still having an unnerving smirk leaned down, almost grinning right at Shin's mug.

"You don't resemble each other at all," the man named Sena mumbled meaningfully. "I wouldn't be surprised had you introduced him to me as your live-in partner instead. That's way more convincing, being the Bi you are."

An instant cold air surrounded Shin. Even when he just sat there quietly staring back at his empty glass, the intensity in his gaze made this Sena look around his own work place to slowly move away from a seemingly land mine he just found himself standing on.

"We're packed again today..." Sena forcibly cheered. "Great business as usual...Haha..."

It wasn't really a big and popular bar to be exact. The interior wasn't striking too to be put up to the A-listers' destinations. Maybe because it was an open-air kind of bar, on top of a three-story building that made it a bit different from the rest. It may looked cramped, but the freely flowing air made it feel spacious and alive. Not to mention the roofing made of glass allowed the drinkers to freely watch an ongoing drizzle over their heads.

"Your jokes aren't funny," Shin exhaled irritably, pushing his glass towards the bartender for a refill. "I wouldn't have brought him here if he didn't insist so much. He almost got into an accident a few days ago and says this is to celebrate his second life...he could really be weird."

Sena mildly smiled, nodding at a regular customer who just passed by. He thoughtfully then did his job and then pushed the glass back to Shin. "You complain like that but you're both here anyway. Usually at a Saturday night like this, you'd be saddled with someone else. I'm just really surprised...you don't fit in the 'caring-brother type'."

"Am not."

After some time, when the remaining ice cubes in Shin's glass melted and a tainted water remained at the bottom of the glass, Sena nodded to the other bartender on the other counter signalling that he's taking a break. He took his apron off, threw it on a hook and took his thick glasses off his eyes to rest them too.

"Let's change topics then," Sena breathed out, this time softer and subtler. "You're acting really strange since earlier. Why the grim face?"

It was obvious how the slanting eyes briefly faltered. Shin suddenly could remember the sound of a hiss of breath, warming up the slope of his neck. He cringed and thought the memory to be a total crap but that very crap was undeniably the entire thing occupying his brains that night. Round and round, it was circling in his head and he'd tried forgetting it, but he couldn't.

Shin sighed, hesitantly admitting to himself that it was really one heck of a disturbing scene.

"Just had a nightmare."

At any other point in time, it would have been a nice dream. Lately, Shin was always having dreams related to his business, or mostly random scenes of places that abruptly get cut before it gets any sense. So something a little different, a little spice on the side wouldn't hurt. He was a man after all, and he's not short of partners to choose from but he's just too busy to meet up with them.

It would have been a nice dream, really. A good way for some release after being slumped with stress. But it wouldn't really be one in this case. Not when he could clearly and plainly see himself tearing off his so-called brother Shio's clothes, with his own greedy hands. Not when he could see his own face in his own dream masked with lust.

"..."

The start was already strange. Shio had been crying. For some reason the brunette in his dream was crying and looked really hurt, but instead of approaching his brother to comfort or console the latter, he shoved his brother forcefully down the floor. And the next things that came after that, Shin had wanted to look away but he can't and he had wanted to wake himself but he couldn't.

He watched himself, in almost nauseating vividness how he was trying to force his way to his miserable brother. And the strangest thing of it all was it seemed like the little and useless attempts of Shio to refuse him only unnecessarily fanned his desire.

"..."

There was no voice. Shio seemed to have been screaming, pleading. But there was not a sound, not a drop that he could hear. What his dream only allowed him to hear were harsh and hot breaths, pained breathing and muffled sobs.

As much as it bothered him, it scared and distracted him like nothing else. It had only been a dream, thank goodness it was. But his palm could still achingly remember how hard he had gripped his brother's arm. How much in contrast the soft skin had been against his rough hands. And how strong he'd been, totally dominating, controlling and manipulating over his green-eyed brother who could do nothing but stare wide eyed at him. And even those panic stricken gaze had been a pleasure for himself.

When after all the struggles rendered Shio tired and he pathetically laid on the ground, shivering, Shin saw his own lips twist in a small smile. It looked so deranged that he could only gape as he watched himself lean forward, reaching out his right hand to the couple of hair that was sticking to the brunette's neck due to sweat.

He let his fingers weave through the silky texture before abruptly yanking them up. A scrunch of pain passed the brunette's face as he pulled the other forward by gripping the brunette's hair.

Slowly, the deranged dream panned closer.

Shin swallowed hard and he felt himself grow rigid at the realization of where this was leading to. He was pulling his brother's face close, his own eyes boring intensely at the green-eyed man's slightly moist lips, half open in protest to the pain in his scalp.

It was there. Their lips touching barely.

Before his mouth sealed Shio's in what could have been a ravishing assault, Shin found himself running after his breath, eyes towards the bright ceiling of his room.

"Fucking...deranged dream that was..." Shin hissed. His tone sounded dead serious and though disgust was not one of the things plaguing his mind, the fact that he just had that dream was no good news.

Sena rubbed his chin, thoughtfully eyeing his friend's strangeness. "Is it really a nightmare?"

"Huh? Didn't I say so?"

"I just saw rabid lust in your eyes, seriously."

"Ha?"

"How many years had we known each other? Not to mention the number of times we went crazy together with both men and women, I know every flicker of those eyes and sometimes...you have that wild scary air that probably is what most of the people find hard to resist in you. Everyone loves a little devil in a man after all...or so they say."

Shin nodded, sarcastically grinning at being lectured how he's got really low morals after all.

"Did you bang someone in that nightmare of yours? Should we even call that a nightmare?"

"Shut up."

"Heh...keeping all the goodies from me huh?"

"Will you just shut up and give me a couple blocks of ice?"

The bartender winked. "What? To cool down your passion?"

"No. So I can shove them wholly down your throat."

Sena burst out laughing. Even the other customers shot them surprised and curious looks.

Watching Sena then move out of the counter to check on some of his other friends he spotted across the open area, Shin found himself in the company of silence once again. The brief banter he just had with his stupid friend made him slightly feel better. Although he was still as frustrated as when he woke up that day.

The man distantly stared at his glass, with an unappetizing melted ice in its bottom. Gradually shifting his dark gaze, he caught sight of the other glass on the counter next to him. It was Shio's margarita and it remained half-consumed. He began to wonder what was taking the guy so long when all he said was he would just go to the restroom.

"..."

Annoyed by the snickering Sena was doing earlier, Shin mindlessly grabbed Shio's glass and downed the drink all in one go. Truth be told, he probably knew where the sudden dream came from. Or to be exact, he finally remembered where it could have come from.

It must have started, five days back when he touched Shio's shoulder out of relief that the latter was safe.

"..." Shin narrowed his eyes, disgusted at the diluted taste of alcohol in his tongue.

It was no secret that he'd despised the sudden fake brother that appeared in his life. Had he known the consequences of being the good samaritan ten years ago, he probably wouldn't have been so eager and frantic into pulling that almost dead body out of the sea to safety.

He hated the no-name brunette who little by little assumed his innocent dead brother's identity to save his grandmother's sanity back then. It was not the fake Shio's fault, but when there was no one to blame for his real brother's complete erasure on earth, the natural flow of anger would obviously rush down to the closest and the proof of all the lies they had made up.

"..."

He must have abhorred the kid from the depths of his soul. He really did. But would too much anger and hatred towards one person produce an all new different sensation? Since that kid had awoken, he'd been too weak to do anything by himself. And the older caring brother act had to come together. Somewhere along the lines, Shin unwantingly realized, noticed out of the blue that the fake Shio in their house had a strange air around him akin to an irrisistible scent.

Shin was only around eighteen that time. He had no idea what to do with himself when the person he disliked the most, the soul he despised of all, was becoming weirdly attractive.

_"You wouldn't find me disgusting?" _Shin could still hear his own sad tone, during that time when his real blood brother was still healthy enough for them to walk slowly out their yard. It was a little conversation they had before the real Shio gave out to death.

_"It must be hard to understand but that's the way I've been born I guess..."_

_"I'm already fifteen. Don't treat me like I don't understand a thing Nii-chan."_

_"..."_

_"So you go both ways...I see..."_

_"..."_

_"Then Nii-chan," _the younger one started, his large brown eyes eager_. "... you have this obsessive attachment to long, black-haired girls since I can remember. Is it the same with guys?"_

Shin could feel his eyes slightly sting that time. He had worried over and over how he'd tell his brother that he was a little different. But there his brother was, accepting it like nothing, asking him the questions that he never thought his younger brother would even bring up.

_"Uhm...I've never really thought about it...hmm...I guess light brown hair? You know how I love ruffling Teru's fur right?"_

Shio had raised a brow, although his lips were in a smile. _"Nii-chan...don't compare a person to our dog."_

_"And...remember that jade in mom's necklace?"_

_"Yeah!" _Shio beamed excitedly._ "It's so pretty! When the light hits through it, it makes those green shining thread-like reflections. We both could stare at it for so long back then and we never grew tired of it."_

_"Eyes the same as that green jade, would really strike me dead serious."_

It was such a distant memory of how open Shin had been to the past Shio, contrary to how tight-lipped he was with the current one.

Was he being toyed with or tested that his 'new' brother be someone he'd really be interested in had they met in a different time and in a different circumstance?

Back then, feeling physically attracted to the person he hated was so maddening that he began rarely going back home since he started university.

He's avoided the kid as much as he could and hated the same from a distance.

That cycle had been repeated over and over until Shin gradually succeeded in burying that deterring physical attraction somewhere far. He'd managed to only focus on his dislike and hate for the fake. It had been a nice barrier then and everything was smooth sailing. But the moment he thought Shio was dying twice in this lifetime, he had driven through out the city, scurrying like a mad man before almost falling in relief when Shio was just there, walking calmly back to their apartment building.

That moment he had reached out and firmly held on to Shio's shoulder five days ago when he thought that the latter had been involved in a dire accident, whimsically awakened the other things he didn't find himself so comfortable with.

Just when he finally solely wanted to be fair and be a decent older brother for a change, those confessions that would have better stayed in the past, came surging back now.

"Oi...Shin?"

The man being called blinked, somewhat distracted. When his vision adjusted to reality, Sena was back behind the counter, obviously highly suspicious with him now.

"Was the nightmare so bothersome you stare into space without blinking?"

"Uhg...don't stick your face so close to mine."

"Ha, are you in love or something? 'Coz seriously I don't believe you have the capacity to feel that way." Sena huffed as he stood back straight, starting to busy himself. "That's your inner perversions right? Go have your way to whoever it is in your nightmare," he mindlessly and dirtily joked. "... or otherwise you'll never be at peace."

Shin smiled menacingly as he stood from his seat, slamming down paperbills down the counter as he did so.

"No thanks."

The tall man then walked away, whispering something that Sena failed to catch.

_"...I don't intend to add rape or incest in the long list of my crimes."_

* * *

**chapter end notes:**

i am actually happy right now...'Strings' chappy is like a full-blown seme POV, if you noticed. i really write when i don't intend to do one. LoL. it should only be one chapter all in all but i didn't want to cramp all in so i'd post the second part of this chappy in the next update instead.

thanks a bunch people for the support. XD share your thoughts! :)

~~~shuusetsu


	12. Strings II

**Strings II**

* * *

Once he had decided the best course of action for all the troubling thoughts plaguing him, peace finally came back. Although that peace pulls together with it sadness, or probably regret too prominent for him to ignore. In the end, it would be where his loyalty resides. And no doubt, a decade and a few months still counting, it still would be Ritsu's.

Takano Masamune had to still his resolve regarding this. He'd draw a business line, thick enough to cut through the curiosity and amusement a certain brunette draws from him. Grasses needed trimming, before they totally engulf a neatly and meticulously maintained property. If that wasn't enough, regretfully, completely taking them out and replacing their place with stones was what he would do.

"Grasses..."

Hazel eyes narrowed towards his meeting schedule neatly and quietly mocking him from his laptop screen. The third meeting for the day ended just minutes ago. Everything went well as usual except the fourth meeting listed for him before lunch made him slightly uncomfortable.

"...are really tough though..."

_"Director?"_

Takano threw his gaze at the intercom. It was set at the inner corner of his huge table and its slight static made him sigh.

"Yes."

_"The representative for Umi Gari is already at the waiting room. As scheduled, the time of meeting is at 11. Shall I send him in now?"_

The man cleared his throat after the monotonous announcement of his secretary and glanced at the small mirror on his table. It wasn't as though he was meeting any bigshot but the next meeting made him a little nervous. Why on earth should someone like him feel so uneasy because of this routine meeting?

"Send him in."

_"Understood."_

In a little as less than two minutes, Takano could already sense the new comer outside the frosted doors. He could practically see the vague figure of the person outside as though contemplating whether to knock or just push the door open. Maybe this guy had been subconsciously traumatized by the previous encounter they had when the new comer just went in without an appointment and had been sent out by him harshly.

When the door finally moved, Takano immediately brought his gaze down the documents in front of him, trying to read a line of a legal arrangement yet failed to see a word.

At the soft click of the door closing, the director took his gaze off from the sheets and looked up to the guy standing in front of his table.

"Good morning," Haitani Shio greeted good-naturedly with a friendly smile.

The raven returned the greeting although there wasn't even a slight touch of a change of expression on his face.

Takano swiftly raised a hand, palm facing up as though being impatient. It left the brunette slightly confused.

"The documents I need to sign. Give it to me."

"Eh?"

It was no less than obvious his change of attitude after they were starting to get close and comfortable with each other as friends affected Shio. The mixed feelings showing at the brunette's face as though he was an open book didn't make Takano feel any better. Specially that he could vaguely read in the lines, much more gathered from the brunette's statements from before, that he was some kind of Shio's first real friend, pal, after coming here in the city.

The raven sighed deeply, releasing a bunch of tension from his stiff shoulders and finally, although he really didn't intend to, smiled. Pretending to act nonchalant with Shio backfired to Takano. It seems like there would always be a soft spot around him for this airhead.

"Oi," the raven began on a much lighter tone. "...where would I sign then? On air?"

"...!"

Shio looked like he was ready hitting his forehead with his palm but he hurriedly composed himself and handed Takano the folder with both of his hands.

"You can sit down too if you like," Takano offered, almost grinning mockingly at the brunette before him.

The major details down to the smallest ones regarding the company anniversary of KATAI was done. The review of the event's venue, program, and food had been thorough and now that everyone was just waiting for the date to arrive, documents for waivers and authorizations and security purposes were being completed. As for food, it was the very reason why Haitani Shio was there as Umi Gari's representative.

Takano grabbed his fountain pen and started scribbling away. As he did so, he started talking.

"It's been a while, huh? Why the pause earlier? Did I manage to scare you with my 'director' act?"

Although 'a week' was hardly 'a while', it did feel that way. Add the fact that Takano had wanted to be all stiff and cold and stern like he usually would become during official meetings, but he tore it apart himself just at the sight of the other's look of loss.

Shio who was initially gazing at the fluid gliding of the pen on the paper looked up, towards the serious face of the man doing the signing. Takano did too, allowing both of them to stare at each other's faces for the first time since the brunette entered from that frosty doors.

"You seriously got intimidated just because I didn't return your smiley, sunny greeting?"

The brunette pursed his lips unsure of what to say.

"You know what...I'm just a poor director...if you try going to some other company presidents, hardly they will even look at you. Don't get so shaken up just because I was cold."

Shio's eyes flickered in a manner as though he was going to say something straight that could pierce, but somehow dimmed with a sudden change of plans.

"Would you mind if I tell you what I really thought...?"

Shio slightly moved at the edge of his seat. He was looking side to side discreetly as though he was searching for hidden recorders or cameras. The hesitant smile that finally graced Shio's lips made Takano curious.

"Go on."

"It finally sunk in that you are really like one of the bosses here. I thought you're just acting around."

"Ohh...this is revenge I see." Takano incredulously glared at the guy before him. "You mocking me? Was all the shyness and quietness all an act?"

"The last times I came here, I was all in a mess right?" the other explained, half kidding, half serious. "I couldn't really observe other things when I can't even pull myself together properly."

Takano snorted. "I'm hit with the strange desire to tear these documents into pieces. What should I do?"

"Takano-san!"

"Idiooot. Here you go," the raven mumbled as he pushed the folder towards Shio's direction. "As if I'd do that. I'd be sued for doing something so unlike of an _'elite'."_

"You're a jerk, you know that?" Shio hissed, throwing formal manners since the director did it first. He focused on securing the folder into a plastic organizer before completely securing it inside his leather shoulder bag.

"..."

Takano Masamune over-looked the remark and just watched the brunette silently. He watched how those slender fingers tried to pry the plastic organizer snugly into the bag although the former was slightly larger. He watched how those eyes were focused at the task and downcast emerald eyes looking serious and somehow impatient even.

Didn't he just resolve himself that he'd put a distance? And there he was, fucking unable to get his eyes off the oblivious person in front of him.

"What is it?" Shio asked, after his bout with his bag finally ended.

The raven relaxed on his seat, eyes still on to Shio. He didn't make any sorry attempts at hiding the stares he was doing that was more than necessary. He didn't justify himself with some smart-assed remarks or shaded jesting.

Watching Shio, accepting this silent delight from having this man close pinched at him but he remained calmly smiling. He wouldn't be able to do it had he not consoled himself that he would only have two remaining chances of getting this close to Shio. The first one was 'today'. The second and the last would be at the inevitable company anniversary. After these, there really won't be any reason to meet. And Takano didn't want to make one either.

Treasure the short yet leisure moments. And then end it and move forward before it gets any more complicated. Period.

"Takano-san? You suddenly became quiet."

"Nah...I was just thinking I'm gonna miss you."

The other knitted his brows, taken aback by the man's words. It was obvious it was supposed to be a joke or some kind of his usual word harassments and on a regular day, Shio would have bared his fangs just riding with the joke and both of them ending in a lighthearted laugh. Yet the seriousness he found at the director's eyes made Shio wonder what to make of it.

"I'm going to Atami for a week. The next time we'll be seeing is at the anniversary. I would miss annoying you for sure."

The explanation Takano gave, although he purposely didn't say anything about his plan of totally cutting away after the anniversary, suited well with his usual haughty tone. It was perfect in its own sense. Everything of it was true, and although he made it sound like an obtuse lament, it was actually sincere.

"Eh...Atami..."

That narrowing of Shio's eyes didn't escape Takano. If anything it intrigued him.

"You've been to Atami before?" Takano asked, beginning to tap his fingers on his table, producing a rhythmic staccato sound within the closed and spacious space.

"Ah no...I guess I've been...?"

"Huh? What kind of answer's that?"

"I was told we had a yacht stationed at Atami but..." Shio hesitated for a moment. "I was young back then and couldn't remember it anymore. I think it's been sold already."

When Shio brought his eyes right at Takano's waiting ones, the emerald pair seemed to be uncomfortable. A look of cautiousness if Takano would name it. He'd seen that a number of times in his position in this business not to notice.

The raven whistled, impressed with the sound of yacht coming off from the brunette's mouth.

"That's cool," Takano commented. After saying this though, something clicked in his mind. A nagging feeling when he knew there were strange combinations of data he'd been receiving that didn't connect very well if he'd analyze it. "Your family owned a yacht and yet you're a shaking leaf at the sight of the sea?"

"Ah...it's...it's a long story!" Shio forced a smile along with his right hand waiving in the air. "Please don't forget souvenirs from there."

Shio started gathering himself and standing politely before the director's table. Bag neatly hung over his shoulder, smile plastered on his face, the brunette then gave a slight bow before announcing his leave. All actions didn't go unnoticed under Takano's contemplating eyes. Everything of it, from Shio's hand that trembled shortly, from the slight edge in the cheery voice, and from the complexion that was previously glowing turned slightly pale, Takano could deduce more or less that he'd probed to something sensitive.

Takano pursed his lips and nodded as he did not try stopping Shio from taking his leave. Although out of real concern, before Shio could fully open the door to gain exit, he called out.

The brunette glanced back questioningly.

"You sure you're okay?"

"..." Shio strangely looked confused, as though he didn't even know where he was. The way he looked around, to the way he looked back at Takano looked unsure and hesitant. But as fast as those strange expressions came was as fast as they had left.

"Ah...yeah," Shio replied nodding with an assuring smile. "I'll be going then."

Takano watched the retreating back of the brunette with narrowed eyes. And though he said he didn't want to get involved, and that he'd stay away so as not to be involved more then necessary, the man ended up standing abruptly from his seat. It sent his swivel chair to actually slide all the way against the wall behind him with a thud.

The man started walking in haste. Running after Shio automatically like there was a switch somewhere in him.

"..."

That smile from Shio didn't look one bit convincing.

* * *

If someone would ask him now why his heartbeat was quickening sickly against his ribs, he wouldn't know what to answer. The moment Takano stepped out of his office, he was met by an empty hallway. The other office doors remained closed as there was still a good thirty minutes before the lunch break.

His heavy steps were silenced by the blue-grey carpet, his eyes fastly penetrating each office through the small glass window by the walls. The entire floor which had been designed like a huge capital 'T' from an eagle's point of view wasn't that complicated. His office was at the bottom end of the vertical line and the nearest couple of elevators were at the end of that straight line. It would be impossible for the brunette to quickly disappear into the elevator considering the distance that he would have to take. And not without Takano seeing since he went out only mere seconds after Shio did.

"..."

Takano checked the comfort rooms and met a couple of employees although the face he was searching for wasn't there.

He started walking back towards his office when something caught his attention. From the corner of his eyes, he found it strange that the fire exit two offices away from his was lit up. Through the glass opening of the door to the emergency exit, he saw the yellow light which wasn't supposed to be there. The lighting system automatically gets triggered by human presence. But company personnel weren't allowed in the area unless it was necessary and it has a couple of penalties for breaking the rule.

Wordlessly, Takano headed to the fire exit, grabbed the knob and eased his way in. The door silently closed behind him which made him feel he just entered a space detached from reality. The fire exit was strangely cold, deafeningly silent as though the kind one could hear from an empty tube. His shoes pounded loudly on the cemented steps, almost ringing the undecisiveness of the man whether to go up or down in his search.

"...?"

But he need not need to find any more clues. He got one right away and he immediately ran down. He just heard a gasp. One that sounded like a soundless sob which echoed faintly through the walls.

It only took Takano about some eight steps down from where he was. Shio wasn't that far after all, only that the stairway twisted and zigzagged, obstructing the view halfway.

"..."

Once he saw the brunette, standing beside the wall and seemed like checking inside his bag for something, Takano genuinely felt relief. A relief that didn't last long when the bag slid off Shio's grasp and the very person slid down, crouching and raking his fingers through his hair as though he wanted to rip his scalp and tear it away from him.

"...!"

Takano jumped the remaining steps without even thinking. Kneeling then before Shio, Takano reached out to the brunette's shoulder cautiously.

"What's wrong?"

The query went through unhearing ears and Shio remained sitting into a ball, biting hard on his lips as if fighting off a scream. Tears at the corner of the brunette's closed eyes started escaping. And that was then that Takano felt a loud thump of fright inside him.

"Your head hurts?" the raven breathed out, wincing himself as though he could feel the terrible pain by just seeing the brunette.

"Shio?" Takano called, holding both the younger male's shoulders now firmly. Takano swore he could feel his hands shaking. "We'll need to get you out of here. We have a clinic on the fifth floor and-"

Frantically and almost forcing Shio to stand, he grabbed onto the brunette's arms and attempted to pull the latter upwards. But it seemed like it was Shio himself who was refusing to budge.

"You don't look good and you need to get checked whatever the hell's wrong with you!"

Takano didn't mean to sound angry. The fright that sprouted out of nowhere, combined with his own nervousness and that strange worry didn't mix well. He'd never felt this before or to be precise, it'd been a decade since the last one and relieving that same helpless feeling made him agitated, deeply frustrated.

"I-I'm fine...just..."

The raven nearly laughed out of exasperation. "You are not fine!"

"I just need to take my medicine," Shio whispered through pained gasps. His eyes still were tightly closed, his complexion becoming ashen and alarming.

"What...a pain reliever?"

Shio pointed at the leather bag that had fallen down three steps away from him. "Please...just take it from my bag...in the brown pouch..."

Almost instinctively, Takano grabbed the bag and angrily tugged the opening wider. He could feel sweat forming on the skin of his forehead as his annoyance continued to grow. He had to turn the bag upside down. A number of colored pens fell, together with a small notebook, a small water bottle and an apple-green coin purse. The sought out pouch was nowhere and Takano impatiently pried the bag inside out. The plastic organizer was in the way and he cursed at it as he tried to reach at the pouch way situated at the very bottom of the bag. He had wanted to take that damned pain killer faster but his stiff fingers, along with all the annoying stuff inside the bag were stopping him from doing so.

"..."

Takano stole a glance at the brunette before him. The light-brown lashes were glistening from tears. That pained expression almost numbed him but he had to do what he had to do or Shio would suffer longer.

Long fingers froze a fraction of a second the moment he pulled the zipper of the pouch open. He glanced at Shio with a perplexed look before going through the pouch once more. If this wasn't such a serious situation, Takano would have teased that Shio was like a walking pharmacy. But there was no time and he dived his fingers into the pouch, pulling a couple of tablets out.

"What's the label?" Takano hissed, flipping through the number of tablets on his palm. The man hardly gets sick so he wasn't very familiar with the things he was seeing. Not to mention the ones he took from Shio's pouch had all alien sounding names when he tried reading them in his mind. "Shio, what color then?!"

"The pinkish one..."

Takano immediately tore the tablet out, leaned closer at the brunette who still was raking his head with his fingers.

"Open your mouth," Takano ordered, as without hesitation he took the brunette's chin.

Shio just obediently did as what he was told, occupied by the pulsating pain at the core of his head.

"..."

Firm and in haste Takano was, but he gently brushed his thumb and forefinger past at Shio's lips, letting the pinkish tablet at the tip of the brunette's tongue. He immediately grabbed the water bottle that had rolled close to his shoe and uncapped it. And the next second he placed his hand at the base of the brunette's head, as though acting as a support as he let the brunette drink the water from the bottle he was holding.

Shio drank in gulps, nearly coughing and choking from his actions.

Takano's expression after all the ordeal remained the same; stiff and tense. Shio remained sitting while hugging his knees. His face a still pained mess although him stopping to grab at his hair was a sign that the pain was starting to subside, although tortuously slow.

Silently, Takano picked the fallen things around them and stuffed them back inside Shio's bag in cold silence. The only things he left out were the brown pouch and the water bottle. It was calmer this time and both were breathing much easily now so Takano chose to sit on the step where Shio was sitting, with the leather bag in between them.

"Feeling better?"

"Hmmm."

"We'll still need to get you down the clinic. Maybe you should call your brothe-"

"No. I'm fine now," Shio replied weakly. "Please. Don't tell my brother about this."

"Huh? Why are you so insistent on not getting checked?" Takano shot, angry for a different reason he could not even explain himself. "You're experiencing this much pain in your head and you could have lost your balance on these steps and fell down and cracked that shell open and it's the end of it stupid idiot!"

Shio raised his head, wiping his own sweat on the side of his face with the palm of his hand. "I often get headaches...so it's really not a big-"

"Often?" the hazel-eyed man cut in with sarcasm in his voice. "And it's not a big deal, you're about to say? Are you for real?"

The brunette chuckled softly. "Takano-san why are you so angry anyway? It's not like I really fell down the stairs and the medicine is already working..."

"You..." Takano turned to his right, throwing Shio a very long and scrutinizing look before sighing tiredly. "You just don't get it...you really don't."

After sitting on that particular step for quite some time, the raven just realized how tired he'd been. More than physically, he was surprisingly tired emotionally and mentally. It was strange and it confused him even more. He was already getting into danger since realizing this Shio's existence and seeing this new vulnerable side of Shio racked to the point that it was tiring him.

"..."

Takano's heart has just began beating back to normal. He didn't want to hurry the other either so he let the seconds turn to minutes. He certainly wasn't intending to stretch the time to hours though. He tugged at his tie, just slightly loosening it before peering at the silent brunette who seemed to have found comfort by resting the side of his head against the metal base which was part of the railing.

"Say..." Takano started softly. "What really just happened?"

"...?"

"You started getting strange after we started talking about Atami."

Having shifted in such a way his head was resting against the metal railing, he could plainly meet Takano's inquisitive eyes without moving much. He looked like he was trying to remember the accounts of the events and the strange disgruntled expression that crossed Shio's face made Takano regret asking. If Shio didn't want to talk about it then he'd stop prying.

But the next thing that happened sent a bolt of alarm to Takano once more. Shio was looking at him, through eyes of tears. Tears that refused to go down which made the scene even more...disturbing.

"Hey..." Takano sprang up to his feet, closing the safe distance between them with urgency. "...is something hurting again?"

The brunette's eyes were barely open, only allowing Takano the barest green peeking through glistening lashes.

"..."

Takano didn't know what to do. To reach out? Cup his face? Just the thought of touching Shio's skin made him feel guilty as though he has already cheated towards Ritsu. But he pushed his own problems aside and threw all the barriers he had painstakingly created completely.

He had time and time and again warned himself and told himself to fucking put that distance now or he would really be in deep shit later. He knew that of all people. Yet the very circumstances regarding Shio wouldn't let him go. If anything, one by one they form this thread, thin yet so strong that was tying his hands making him unable to refuse.

Takano could feel, chances were trying to toy with him.

_"Fuck..."_

Right now, Shio needed a support for whatever reason. And that Takano would give...as a _friend. _Washing his head off the glaring reality that his attraction to this guy was much larger and deeper than he had expected and predicted.

"..."

That pensive expression on Shio's face reached him and worried him at the same time. The raven slightly pulled the brunette against his shoulder, letting Shio's head rest there instead of the cold metal. It was an act with all pure and genuine concern to just let Shio know he was with someone. That there was another soul in that cold space lingering to stay.

"I won't ask anymore but seriously..." Takano mumbled quietly. "You're slaving me again and you'll be paying for my _elite_ services with interests. Your list just keeps on getting longer."

Shio laughed a little, feeling much calmer and better at the constant rubbing of hand against his back. There was no feeling of repulsion or rejection when he was the kind that was uncomfortable when getting too close with someone. There was a strange feeling in him that made him lean in to the touch instead.

The brunette sighed, briefly closing his eyes.

_"Senpai...I heard that you and your friends..."_

Shio saw his younger self on a rooftop with someone else. A slightly taller male whose face he couldn't really see from the shadow of the setting sun. And he was begging that very stranger to bring him along to Atami.

In his massive episode earlier, through the ringing of the pain in his head came that very short yet piercing piece. In all honesty, Shio was getting scared of the very broken things he was seeing. That memory, flashback, or whatever that piece was, no doubt was on a school's rooftop. But he never had attended a high school. At least that was what he was made to believe due to his weak constitution.

Those little things don't coincide with his present life and was afraid of it.

He was starting to fear them, to the point that not remembering seems far better.

* * *

**chapter end notes:**

yoh minna-san! how are you doing? i'm still stuck from RL and i'm barely alive but yeah...keep on fighting! XD

please share your thoughts! ⋯⊶≕≍≖≎≢≣≋∺∻⋰⋰ ⋯⊶≕≍≖≎≢≣≋∺∻⋰⋰ ⋯⊶≕≍≖≎≢≣≋∺∻⋰⋰

~~~~shuusetsu


	13. In Between

**In Between**

* * *

They knew. When their line of visions clashed, they did. Whether it was by instincts or by the very nature of their personalities, they could feel something amiss between them. Not as hostile as enemies, yet not as open as friends. In the air between them lingered cautiousness. Just like how one distrustful wolf sizes another.

Takano Masamune nodded in acknowledgement.

Haitani Shin responded the same.

And seconds of indescribable tension accompanied the cold emergency exit.

"Glad you came quick," Takano started, slightly throwing a brief glance at the head resting against his shoulder comfortably. "He sleeps like a log."

"I know," was Haitani Shin's edgy reply.

"..."

"..."

They wouldn't be in this situation, not in this enclosed space devoid of any other humans, had Takano Masamune ignored a certain call. But the raven was not as close-minded as an idiot. He wasn't going to ignore a call from the very relative who could well be more aware of Haitani Shio's condition. The very same brunette who had by now fallen asleep without warning and had taken the liberty to make a director such as Takano, a human headrest.

_"Shio?"_

The instant that the call connected a few minutes back, a somehow impatient, somehow authoritative voice came in. Takano for a moment glanced at Shio. Not only was he answering a call not for him, he'd be disregarding Shio's plea of not telling anyone about what just took place. Pressing the latter's phone closer to his ear, a deep furrow started etching its way in between Takano's brows.

_"I'm close to KATAI. The document signing there should be done by now right? Want to get a free lift?" _

_"..."_

The dead air caused obviously pricked the one on the other line.

_"You asked me for this earlier and here's what I get."_ After those words, a grunt of impatience came and another sigh came the next. _"I'm gonna hang this up-"_

_"This is Haitani Shio's brother correct?" _the raven cut in abruptly. In all honesty he could have been a lot nicer, but for some reason, he just wanted to end the call just as fast. _"Wait."_

The voice coming from Shio's phone pointedly sounded like it drawled out. It was pretty much a voice coming from someone who knew how to boss people around. At that, even Shin who was at first languidly sitting on the driver's seat of his car, one hand idle on the steering wheel suddenly grew stiff.

He who had known how Shio would always be a lively idiot answering his phone should have noticed right away this wasn't so his brother to remain silent for long. Was he avoiding his younger brother this much he didn't notice the strangeness of it right away?

Sitting all straight and meaning business, the man through gritted teeth then asked, _"Who's this?"_

The very silence that was on Haitani Shin's line as the latter listened could very well paint to the director what Umi Gari's owner was thinking. Things like 'why on earth are you answering this phone?' Or 'give the damn phone to Shio right now' where the most obvious among others.

And true enough, Takano Masamune's initial thoughts hadn't been wrong. For in fact, Shin had cursed silently in his head. The last time somebody else picked up Shio's phone, Shin knew he had become a mad man scurrying along the city night. With the new phone, he wondered what mess he'd find himself again. He wasn't even mentioning yet the actual dislike he felt just upon hearing the man's voice who answered instead of Shio.

And now they're here. With a sitting Takano. A standing Shin on the lower steps. And a Shio deep in a slumber of gently scattering nightmares.

* * *

Shin's eyes narrowed upon seeing his brother's state, barely even pausing from taking the last few steps as he reached out. Kneeling on one knee, Shin held his brother's shoulder firmly and his other hand gently reaching the side of Shio's face, removing him from resting against Takano.

"Shio, hey," the older brother called, brows drawing down from the lack of response he got. "Shio, wake up."

While the man with wavy cropped hair started taking control over the matters, Takano finally stood. He only watched with a quiet gaze while his mouth was in a thin line of what may have looked like displeasure.

Shin continued tapping Shio's cheek lightly, calling the brunette's name every once in a while. However, it wasn't very long before Shin grew tired of it. He looked up towards Takano with obvious impatience too.

"You said he suddenly got a headache? Do you know what med he took?"

From the moment they had talked through the phone earlier, any positions regarding being business-related had disappeared. They've dropped talking with formalities too and laid their labels as owner and a director of something both with importance to the economy behind their backs.

Takano who just threw Shio a concerned look darted his gaze abruptly towards Shin's slanting eyes. He didn't care one bit how Shin looked a little out of his usual dapper appearance but when he saw just a few messy hair strands had fallen on the brunette's closed eyes, he was struck with the urge to lift them away and he was sure not going to do something that could jeopardize his stranger act.

"We were in a hurry so I just gave him what he told me to," Takano replied matter of factly. "The label's...I don't know. It's pink in shade."

Shin who was still holding Shio firmly so the latter won't completely slide down the steps released a deep knowing sigh. Although what came with that sigh was a sound of irritation.

"That's why."

Takano's slight lifting of one of his brows could not have been any more clear of his question _"That's why' what?"_

Shin looked around the steps where his brother was. He snatched the leather bag obviously Shio's without so much as a word, as if he was even a bit annoyed to have to do this. Slinging the bag over his right shoulder, he then stared at Shio with a deep scrutinizing gaze. Whether Shin was scolding Shio in his mind or the scolding was for himself, Takano could guess it might even be both.

"It has strong drowsing after-effects," Shin hissed while drawing Shio's arms up. He gingerly turned around, pulling those arms on both top sides of his shoulders. Once he was sure that his brother's head was resting on his left shoulder securely, he stood up gently bent forward, carrying Shio on his back. "We'll just take this instead of the elevator. Too much attention."

What surprise Takano had upon this kind of proximity between the brothers, nothing showed on his face. Besides, the situation calls for it. Who was he to say that these brothers look...strange?

When Shin started walking down, careful on his steps, Takano found himself following behind. His job should have ended right when the brother showed up. But he just didn't want to leave right away. He had lots of things plaguing him but he could already tell Shin wasn't the kind of man who'd be yapping happily as a response to all of his questions. Shin was definitely a tight-lipped man. That aspect Takano could sense they're both the same.

"Sorry," Haitani Shin mumbled after some time. "...for the trouble my brother caused."

That somehow caught Takano by surprise. He fixed his eyes at the steps ahead of them and forced his eyes not to wander on Shio's profile snug against Shin's neck.

"It's alright," Takano replied, darting his attention to their faint shadows against the walls and the sound of their footsteps echoing through out the next. "By the way...is he sick or something?"

The man being questioned grew silent. He shifted to rest Shio more properly on his back and began cursing why he didn't take his own coat off before carrying his brother over. Now he was coated with a film of sweat, feeling stuffy and hot. The left side of his neck was slightly cold though from Shio's consistent and gentle breathing.

On second thought, removing his coat, perhaps he should be glad he didn't.

"..."

Shin frowned, almost trying to bring his neck a little away from Shio's mouth but there was no way to do it without letting Shio fall off completely. Shin nearly wanted to laugh out of annoyance. When you avoid something, things just find their own way to forcibly sneak in. And it was horrible. Very much so when something that physically greatly turns him on was literally on his back.

He was able to still all these stupid things for nearly a decade. Yet when he decided he couldn't blame everything that happened to Shio, and that this very Shio was just actually a life and their family's victim, once he let a little soft spot for his current brother out in the surface, the soft-spot brought about with it unnecessary feelings rivaling with his honest intentions.

"..."

He was barely and constantly beyond his thread. But circumstances keep on pushing him down the ledge.

"That last time too, he didn't look too well back in the cruise ship."

Takano's voice came almost as a wake up call to Shin who was being drowned by self-loathing. The latter cleared his throat, relieved upon seeing that they were already on the third floor.

"He's got migraines occasionally. Once he wakes up, he'll be fine."

The hazel eyes narrowed, in both suspicion and of course, concern. It wasn't always a good sign to have something hurting within one's head.

"I see."

When huge letters 'UG' and 'APS' greeted them finally, painted in green across a very grey wall of cement, both men paused to catch on their breaths. Since Takano had no other weight to carry other than his own, he took the initiative to move forward and pull the huge, somehow intimidating pale blue steel door open. The creaking it made sounded louder in the world of cement and steel as the underground parking lot opened into view.

Shin just nodded, his own sign of thanks as he stepped out and tried to remember where he parked his car. He was just all in a rush earlier that to be honest, everything passed by his eyes in a blur.

Takano looked around himself. The act merely for the sake of doing something, rather than just having to watch Shio slumped unconscious and in the mercy of someone carrying him. He wasn't really worried that Shio might fall or anything on the same line. Shin showed genuine and enough concern to convince the raven that the older brother would do actually take on the responsibility of taking care of the younger one whenever the situation arises. It was just that...Takano felt uncomfortable. By everything.

A sound of a loud beeping blared past through Takano's senses, bringing him back to the actual time frame where he was at. He looked behind him, the direction where the sound came from. Unsurprisingly, it was Haitani Shin's car, responding to the automatic car key that had been pressed.

The raven walked slowly towards the black car, eyeing Shin's actions as the latter pulled on the door to the passenger's seat open. Shin set Shio down briefly, tucking the brunette beside him securely as he threw some bags and folders resting on the seat towards the back. And soon after, Shin successfully had planted Shio on the car seat, properly secured by a seat belt.

Shin had cursed more during that certain brief moment than he had would normally in a whole day. And he slammed the car shut and Shio didn't even flinch.

"..."

"..."

Once the tiring and almost comedic ordeal ended, Shin faced Takano. Both had been layered with a somehow strange touch of fatigue as both men vaguely threw Shio defeated gazes. Their minds were swimming in the oddity that they order people around yet at the middle of the day, they end up in this state of disheveled suits and sweating mess all because of a certain someone.

"Well...I guess I'll head back," Takano started, masking the opposite in his mind.

Shin ran to the other side of the car, opened the door to the driver's seat. And just before he completely hopped in, stuck his head out to look at the raven.

"Thanks again," Shin mumbled.

"Sure."

The car roaring into life, Takano remained just standing. As though he was trying to catch one last glance at the person's face who just minutes ago was leaning against him. But the car swiftly swerved and turned to the opposite direction, blocking his chance of seeing Shio.

When only the screeching of car tires could be heard, Takano let out a dissatisfied frown. When he turned to take his leave too, Takano paused shortly and unconsciously brought his hand towards his head to ruffle his own hair. And it was only then and there that made him realize he was still holding on to Shio's brown pouch.

"...tsk."

* * *

Shin had been walking around the room. As though there were pins under his bare foot, he walked around, arms crossed over his chest, eyes shaded with deep bother as he once in a while would glance at the still sleeping guy on the bed.

He'd done everything he could as per routine. He had taken the brunette's cardigan off and unbuttoned the first few buttons of his shirt for ease of breathing. He even had gone so far as to wipe the cold sweat that emerged on the brunette's body the minute they got home. But Shio remained there with a pained look while moaning incoherent words.

The man stopped in the middle all together, his gaze sharp and on the verge of anger too as he noticed the slight movements coming from the bed.

Sitting lethargically on the bed, Shio then brought his hand on the side of his head, then at his temples, pressing but without enough force to actually do any soothing. Obviously, he was still seemingly unaware that his older brother was just there throwing gazes of daggers at him.

"Shio."

"...?"

Shin was angry. He was one second away from running and calling 119 had Shio didn't show any signs of waking within that whole minute. In the instances that Shio got knocked off by his one severe headaches before, he'd fall asleep but not look this ghastly alarming. This caused Shin to internally debate whether to call the ambulance already, call their house back in Osaka or shake Shio awake altogether.

The real worry of not knowing what was going on in between those pained expression and those soft incoherent words accompanied by blood-curdling moaning was mind boggling that he had no other way to release it other than as anger.

"..."

In the midst of Shin's anger, he completely felt his chest stomp when Shio lifted to him a pair of lifeless emerald eyes. As though a dead fish. Not seeing anything at all.

Shin couldn't remember how from one corner of the room, he suddenly was already by the bed, crouching close to Shio's face. He unceremoniously pushed the brunette's hand away and deeply peered into the green eyes reflecting his grim face.

"Shio. Are you fully awake now? Do you see me?"

"...huh..." still a bit disoriented, the brunette looked around. He was met by the familiar designs of his wallpaper. He was met by the mess of clothes he had left scattered on the floor early that morning. He was greeted by the familiar shelves of books that still remained mostly empty. And then it clicked. He's in his room. "But...why...?"

A loud sigh of relief that almost sounded like out of annoyance escaped Shin's lips as he plopped down on the bed. The lifelessness Shin saw in his younger brother's eyes wasn't there anymore. Maybe it looked just like that because Shio was still disoriented, or maybe because Shio was looking down and Shin mistook it as something to be alarmed of.

"Nii-san...why..."

"Shut up," Shin hissed harshly. "You even told Director Takano to keep this from me. Do you think it helps when you keep these kind of things as a secret?"

Shio looked as though he was vaguely disappointed and his expression twisted to an obvious question. A question that Shin kindly obliged to providing an answer to.

"I called you. He picked it up. And the rest is bullshit."

"S-sorry..."

The older man pursed his lips, reached out to the plastic bag that had been lying all along the floor and dug something out. Without a word he peeled that white long strip and the next second, slapped it on Shio's forehead.

Shio was left in a moment of confusion when he started feeling a comforting and soothing coolness against his skin.

"You don't have a fever, but put it on anyway since you're a freakin heat allergic."

The brunette lifted a hand, traced the koolfever pad snug on his skin and almost about to smile when he noticed a few strange things. His cardigan was there hanging against the wall when it should be wrapped around him. He brought his eyes down and saw that his chest was almost entirely in plain view. Not like there could be anything that can be seen. But he tugged it close right away, looking awkward as he did everything in plain view of his brother's eyes.

"What?" Shin asked. "I unbuttoned your shirt while you're asleep. Does that bother you?"

"Uhm...not really..." Shio replied, his cheeks and ears betraying him. "Uhm...thank you."

Shin stared at Shio for a number of seconds before breaking into a smirk while pushing himself off the bed.

"Who would have thought, that at this age, I'd be giving a certain someone a piggy-back ride? Boy he looks so thin, but weighed a ton to the point I crawled from a dozen number of floors."

At first, there was only an innocent curiosity on Shio's face. Yet the bomb ticked and Shio almost jumped out of bed but the very action of his moving around made him slightly dizzy. In the end, he could only gawk at Shin, hoping that what was obviously in his mind was wrong.

"No that can't be real right?"

"Go on check CCTVs at KATAI," Shin drawled. "Better yet, ask that KATAI director how you got back."

"..."

While Shio was occupied of how he'd been previously acting as embarrassing lately, Shin took the time to knock at the wooden table close to the bed. It made Shio peer through the fingers he had thrown on his face.

"Here's food and some of your medicine I took out from the med kit in your closet. Eat if you feel like you could stomach it. I'm going to take a shower, then am going back to the office," Shin narrowed his eyes. "Are you okay now being on your own?"

Shio nodded reassuringly. Shin then stepped out of the room, leaving Shio in a soothing silence that maybe his room could only bring him. This was his comfort zone and being inside made him a lot secure. And this sudden relief brought about him another sleepy spell in which he didn't even try to fight off.

He laid on his back and a few seconds later, he was again in the waters, gently rocking him forward and backward as though the cold wave was playing with him. Shio knew this was a dream. Yet contrary to the scary ones where he was always under water swallowing mouthfuls of saltiness, this one was rather calm.

The sun was bright, the sea crystalline as the waters reflected the sky above. Hazy it was, as though there was a thin veil of thread-like curtain masking on some details of the place where he was in. The only things clear to him were a red life saver around his waist and the back of a certain tall young man swimming away from him while saying 'comfort room'.

He opened his mouth to say something but no words came out. This dream was strange indeed. For the number of times that he'd seen this peaceful fragment, it always stopped when that unknown raven finally reached the beach and he would wake up.

Yet this time, the dream went on. It showed him a continuation he saw for the first time.

Shio found himself locked in a rather skinny body of a boy who just entered puberty paddle in the waters by hands, although ridiculously with all his might. He had no control whatsoever and could only be a silent guest peering through the boy's eyes as the latter followed the raven to the beach. The boy followed the raven sneakily, like some stalker until the very person he was following reached a row of what seemed like portable rest rooms.

There was nothing extra ordinary in this continuation so it seemed. But it was too early to say. Since before that particular raven could walk towards one of the doors, a girl filled in all the right places came.

Shio couldn't hear what they were talking about. The boy he was locked in tried to move in closer, looking stupid. But they couldn't still hear a thing and only flirtatious giggling, playful hands resting on each other's skins, suggestive gestures of pleasure with no strings attached came into view. It looked like that. With no doubt.

_"I've been observing you guys...I nearly thought you were a couple," _the young lady's voice suddenly filled in the boy's hearing, Shio's hearing likewise, which has a tone of sneer. _"Tell me you're not. Such a waste."_

The raven's back was what he could see but he could plainly imagine the grin that that handsome profile must have been making.

_"What? No," _the voice, deep in timber, cool and somehow husky denied. _"He's just stalking me...and...it's kind of convenient so I keep him around. Did we really seem like a couple to you?"_

_"Well sure, you were both having fun in the waters."_

_"Seriously? That's because I had to keep him going or the fun won't last."_

_"Is that so?"_

Shio didn't hear the rest. For the skinny body he was in had already ran away towards the direction he came from. The brunette couldn't really say how, but he could feel the sudden pain the body he was locked in was feeling.

The powdery sand under the boy's feet that felt such a soothing carpet just a while ago felt as though they changed into a beach full of nails and knives. Shio could feel the boy about to cry. He could really feel the strong refusal of the boy to cry out in front of those people having the summer of their lives.

Shio was stunned for a moment. The boy stopped in front of the sea, the red ring life saver he was tugging under his arm and not placed around his waist.

_"Hey kid_," Shio mumbled. _"You don't know how to swim right?"_

But the boy continued walking towards the water, not hearing Shio's voice.

_"Hey you...what are you doing? Aren't you scared with seas? Go back right now. This is dangerous!"_

When the water was deep enough where the skinny body was already submerged under, Shio stopped talking. For that was the time that the boy started weeping. The water around his neck felt like cold blades teasing at his skin. The boy's painful soft sobs mingled with the calm sound of the waters.

Shio didn't know how to comfort the kid. He didn't know what to say.

_"I'm so stupid_," the boy whispered, his tears falling and adding bitterness to the sea._ "Here I thought something, even by just a little...has changed."_

The summer of his life had turned to be the worst one. Somewhere, Shio could feel the boy wished that everything, all of his hurt, embarrassment and humiliation could just be engulfed by a one huge wave. Then drag everything away to somewhere far.

It was a momentary wish of a young boy. The sky was so clear it couldn't be possible. But just as the boy kept tracing the sand and the painful corals and smashed shells under his foot, he lost his balance. He got trapped beneath the surprisingly strong current below.

He had tried to hang on to his life saver, but it slipped off his fingertips.

And the next thing the boy knew, he was rolling under water. For minutes? For hours? How long he didn't know. He was calling for help. He was calling for someone's name. But when he surfaced briefly, an unimaginable expanse of water was the only thing he could see. The beach and the rest were merely dots in a wide canvas.

His lungs were heavy and his limbs were tired and suddenly everything seemed pointless.

"..."

Shio opened his eyes to the dark ceiling of his room. The faint glow of orange kissed his room a vivid touch of melancholy that made Shio feel constricted, suffocated.

A deep sadness slowly marred Shio's face. The memory was small yet great. Confusing yet long lasting. A small chunk that was so massive he wished he hadn't seen it.

He really wanted this to be the last. It was frightening to see memories of someone who couldn't possibly be 'Shio'. These were memories of someone else. If he entertain this analogy, it would hit the base of his very core. And it was something he didn't want to even linger to.

Why were they rushing one after another _now?_

That boy's tears were his tears.

That boy's broken heart was his heart.

That boy's resentment towards that unknown raven, was his own resentment.

_"Please, let this be the last...enough...Nii-san and I just got started getting along...I just started my job...I just started making new friends..." _

Shio drew his knees to his chest and buried his face on them.

"..._I just started living my life..."_

* * *

**chapter end notes:**

Hi there people of the BL world. was i able to surprise you? i updated twice this week! banzai for me! anyway, yeah, two chappies in a week is an accomplishment! so expect a chappy late next week. lol

takano-san...good luck. i am a sadist.

~~shuusetsu


	14. Trail

**Trail**

* * *

A ton of times, he'd imagine himself walking that same beach. Seeing the same things that remained unchanging through the length of time. Smelling the same scent of the sea and hearing the same songs the wind carried in its breeze.

He'd imagined himself and those things for so many times. And so many times he'd pictured himself that when he comes back here, he wouldn't be alone anymore.

Yet he was. Again.

"Hello," Takano sighed, the wind swirling inside his car as he let the windows down. "It's been a while... you abductor of a sea."

In that long empty highway, with the occasional cars passing by, Takano had pulled at the side. His red car was striking in the middle of a bright blue sky and a deep blue sea. The wind rushed in, strong enough to ruffle the raven's hair, down to deafening the raven's hearing with pure indistinct howl. It was as though that very sea which took something away from him had welcomed him back in its own way.

The hazel-eyes swept the horizons, narrowing his gaze feeling something pressing against his chest. Time and time and again without fail for the last ten years, seeing this place never ceases to make him remember a lot of things. Things that were mostly all of his immaturity, stupidity and ultimately, regret.

"I came earlier than planned," Takano whispered, pulling on his sunglasses down the bridge of his nose.

A number of fishing boats from afar slowly became visible. They slowly vanished too, going farther than what his eyes could see. True, he came earlier than planned. And it was all because of the nagging feeling inside of him that wouldn't even let him sleep anymore for the last couple of days.

His dreams were almost the same. This sea. This very scent. This very same picture that was preserving all the misery of ten years. He felt as though he was being called. By what he didn't know. He just felt as though he needed to come. That he needed to see this place again or he'd lose that 'something'.

It might be a chance. It might be a small trail that had been buried deep in the sand. And that trail might be slowly resurfacing. He had to be there. Before this whimsical sea buries them deep again, this time for forever.

* * *

When Takezato Rui opened the door of his house, he couldn't be anymore surprised and well...annoyed.

"Don't tell me you're still sleeping?" Takano started, his grin totally irritating as he stood all sparkling under the afternoon sun. His relaxed stance against his car, his sleek vacationer's get-up, and his luggage giving away to all of his purpose why he was there. "You sure got it easy here, Dr. Takezato."

The man by the door, who was wearing a disheveled pair of pajamas over his black robe frowned behind the thick glasses framing his face. His gaze was intense, narrowing as well from the glare the sun brought around his surroundings. The bags under his eyes seem terrible. His messy black hair was long enough to reach down his chest and was left uncombed. He really looked like he just got up out of bed. And was very hesitant to do so.

"I haven't got a wink of sleep for three days. Spell out easy," Rui grumbled as he kicked the door open wider before walking in. "I am just about falling asleep...your timing of showing up is still the same bastard."

Takano just smiled. They may have been not in contact for so many years as well, but this way of greeting from Rui was still the same. He'd grumble and grumble but would still kick the door open for Takano to let the guy in.

"Sorry to intrude," Takano said aloud, more from routine than meaning the words.

It was a rather humble place for a doctor with such talent as Rui. He graduated top of the class according to Takano's brief researching. The guy could have been a golden egg of some high end hospital back in the major cities. But Rui was here, in some humble home, in a rather humble town with an old crumbling down local facility. To transfer here was the man's decision. A decision to atone for what he thought was his mistake.

Rui was a few of those characters after all who remained in a bind by a certain someone's disappearance.

If only he wasn't such an idiot, Rui had thought, to pretend he didn't hear Saga telling him to watch over that Onodera Ritsu, if he only wasn't so occupied with his playing and flirting, things may have not escalated to the guy just vanishing out of thin air. Young age and immaturity was not a reason. It was a mistake he felt still guilty. And until this day, it was weighing him down.

"I thought you'll be here next week after that company anniversary?" Rui grumbled, throwing himself over the huge sofa in the middle of the living room. He let his arm rest on his eyes and released a tired yawn. "You could have mailed me first that I'd see your mug so early. I can't treat you with freaking hospitality now. I'm really drained. Just sit anywhere."

The raven who just had closed the door behind him with his luggage in hand whistled. He was rather impressed. Medicine books all around, on the low table, on the couches, shelves, even the floor was filled with books left opened and some closed. It was as though the books live in this house and the doctor was the one begging for space.

Dropping his travelling bag down the cold tiled floor, and tossing his shoes carelessly to the side of the genkan, Takano then went in, sitting on the space of the couch across which wasn't littered with books and papers.

"I just felt like coming earlier," Takano replied, softly this time. The drive finally taking its toll on the man, feeling drowsy now. "They say the waves are calming and induce sleep, but shit this is just noise."

Rui produced a smirk as he decided to sit back properly. He looked out the window that gave him plain view of the sea. His house was a little on top of a hill, all the sounds coming in were from the deceiving and pretty scenery of blue just a couple hundreds of meters away.

"I thought so too," Rui replied, looking for a band to tie his hair behind his back. "I guess...because we carry a certain grudge towards the sea that we really cannot enjoy it huh?"

Takano had nothing to say to that. He just threw all his weight against the backrest and closed his eyes. It was true after all.

"Saga."

The raven who was already comfortable on his spot on the couch opened one eye. Takano had accepted by now that this guy just wouldn't get used to calling him any other name than 'Saga'. "What?"

"I'm sorry."

"Huh?"

"I just wanted to say that personally," Rui then quickly stood and turned his back. "There's an empty room upstairs. You can use that. I'll go fix myself. I can't get back to sleep anyway."

"Why do you keep on saying 'sorry'?" the raven asked back, eyes totally at the other's back.

"Well, that guy..." Rui glanced at Takano with a knowing gaze. "You keep on saying he's your stalker back then...your slave even...but it's not just that right?"

"..."

"When he disappeared...I could totally see your face change as if you just realized something. That's why you're even here after so many years."

Takano gritted his teeth.

"You're still searching...waiting for him."

The hazel-eyed man grabbed a medicine book beside him and started flipping mindlessly. He didn't say anything in response to those things that had been laid out in the open. And Rui, who was observant and sensitive in his own way let the subject slide away.

There were things that were most obvious in the silence. And in that silence Rui got from Takano was where he understood. Confirmed something even;

Onodera Ritsu was more than Saga's stalker who disappeared without trace. That green-eyed, self-less brunette had turned out to be more special. Although that kid's worth only surfaced when he was no longer there to know.

"We'll...like always...I'm in your gang."

Takano lifted his gaze from the book and met Rui's tired yet determined eyes. Both remembering that night when Rui had called so late in the evening. Both men found it to be senseless at first, for Rui who was telling and for Takano who was listening. But the objective side of their brains had no chance of winning against plagued consciences and overflowing feelings and pleas.

_"There's a patient here who's a local of Atami...he kept on saying he saw angels in a gallant ship rescue a drowned human. It's always the same story coming from his mouth."_

At this point, no 'senseless' thing was really senseless. To wait for ten years was already senseless in the eyes of other people. To wait without assurance was stupidity in itself. To go against what the world had predicted was the height of a gamble which was ninety-nine percent on the losing side.

That night when Rui called, that mentally challenged person who got transferred in the facility, for Takano to continue hanging on, for the raven feeling this kind of stubbornness about giving up, they weren't coincidences. That remaining meager one percent, almost insubstantial and trivial was just out there, needing to be found.

"We'll dig something out..." Rui whispered. "...somehow."

* * *

When the gods got bored with the blue sky, they probably decided to glide their merciless brushes all around the sky. With meticulous and precise strokes of those very hands came the small streams of branches crawling away from a bleeding sun.

"..."

The setting sun never could strike Takano's fancy. It was the most depressing part of the day specially here in the open where he could just plainly see everything be engulfed by this red hue. He idled against a huge rock formation, feeling the breeze hit his face. Most of the tourists, vacationists and the likes have started to go back to their inns or tents. There were only a few children running around the beach, pulling on palm tree leaves and doing role playing of pirates, or magicians, or they were in Mars. Their wide imagination was their plot limit.

Sighing once more, Takano started to leave his spot and walk, following the little footprints the playing kids had left against the sand. The water was the same cold biting blades around his ankles. And oddly for Takano, the mingling laughter of those kids with the waves sounded more depressing than it could have uplifted his soul.

Narrowing his gaze at the three boys before him who were wrestling on the beach now, rolling and thrashing and then laughing, Takano gave a smile far from being pleased. Those carefree kids invoked a sense of pity for Takano. A pity for himself. He could not remember anymore the sense of being carefree after so many years. Being adult and all the things that he's gone through made him forget them. And even when he hasn't solved anything yet, another just climbed in, adding to his jumbled thoughts.

"He's fine now," Takano grunted, annoyed for actually having allowed himself to let another face pop in his mind when he should be there focusing on his real purpose. "He should be, that Haitani Shin seems dependable enough..."

Takano slowed down walking and threw a cold gaze at the departing sun. That day had been indeed long. He meant to be on half-day in the office for his drive to Atami, but he didn't expect that the document signing with the Umi Gari's representative before lunch would make him feel this way. All messed up.

He fought the urge to go closer with that Shio during that scenario in the emergency exit. He had wanted to cup the brunette's face and wipe those cheeks and glistening eyes with his thumbs. He had wanted to wrap his arms around him when the brunette had fallen asleep. He had wanted to do everything to Shio all the things he'd imagined himself doing if he'd be given the chance to comfort his Ritsu when he's in pain. He had wanted to but obviously he couldn't. He shouldn't.

Just letting his hands rest idly on his knees while listening to Shio's soft breaths had been hard.

"..."

Meeting the brunette's older brother on the same day, watch them so close, Takano could perfectly say it wasn't something he'd enjoyed either. He was sure even that Haitani Shin could feel it, antipathy between them was strong.

At noon, he had to drive more or less three hours from the capital to get to Atami. And now he had to witness this bloody vivid sunset, feeling an odd sense of annoyance and discomfort.

What was weighing him down even more was the fact that he was so eager to meet this 'kid'. The forever four-year old trapped in a body of a young man in his seventeenth year. The young patient that Takezato Rui had been recently assigned to and had mentioned about. But the very kid was currently having his tantrums of all days and wouldn't talk to anybody.

And thus, the much awaited interrogation that Takano had been waiting for a couple of days now ended up with this early evening him dragging his feet along the beach.

_"Things just don't go easy when it comes to you...Ritsu."_

* * *

When Shin entered the apartment, he was met by the automatic lighting system welcoming him home. He wordlessly took his shoes off, not even looking at what he was doing. His gaze was at the empty living room, stretching all the way to the empty dining area.

"..."

Somehow it felt odd. Shio was most often the first to get home since as the owner, he's the kind to stay behind. Seeing Shio glued in front of the aquarium when he gets home, softly telling the little swimmers what had taken place in his day had been a routine. A mostly usual occurrence that Shin had almost found to be natural. Now that the gold fishes seem to dart to his direction, as though asking where Shio was, Shin could only throw them an unreadable gaze before quickly bringing his feet towards the farthest room at the end of the hallway.

The tall man was hesitant about knocking. He didn't want to wake the brunette up suddenly if the latter was indeed still asleep. When he left Shio earlier that day to go back to the office, there had been a bunch of second-thoughts in him. If he could, he would have stayed at home looking after his brother. But his responsibilities in his own business cannot be disregarded, specially that he had set up interviews for possible manager candidates of Umi Gari that afternoon.

Given that, business and his own personal issues reigned.

Shin though wouldn't admit to anyone that he'd stared at the clock to reach the end of office hours than the screen of his computer the rest of the day.

"..." the man frowned, wondering why he's being this cautious. The way he was lingering in front of that very door was more suspicious than if he just knocked and checked on Shio like any normal older brother would when their sibling was sick.

"..."

He raised a hand, about knocking softly, but changed his mind at the last second. He instead took the knob and slowly, gently, pushed it open.

And then a darkness with the slightest hint of orange and red from the sun that was barely there caught his eyes. The window was wide open, letting the somehow humid air occupy and stay in the room. However, there was a cold, uneasy quality to the shadows taking vivid forms inside.

Shin narrowed his eyes, somehow caught-up with the gloomy darkening sky, with the trail of purplish and orange lining the grayish blue canvas.

"You always do this, don't you nii-san?"

"...?"

When the man by the door scanned the room, he finally noticed Shio still on the bed, sitting though with his back against the wall. The younger one was drowning in this hue of the fading light that struck a sudden worry at Shin the latter didn't almost catch what Shio just said. The older one just stood there, finding the sparkling wetness over those green eyes striking in the dim.

"Back then, you used to just check on me without knocking or saying anything right?" the voice mumbled, close to a whisper. "I could somehow sense someone by the door but am always too sleepy to focus. Now I know..."

The hint of a small smile from that voice made Shin feel cold. He didn't know but there felt definitely something weird.

"What are you talking about?" Shin ignored Shio's conclusions, feeling for the light switch against the wall. "What are you even doing in the dim? 'll turn on the lights-"

"No, don't-"

The panic in those last words made Shin's hand freeze above the light switch. It sounded strangled. On edge. Like Shio was shying away from something.

Haitani Shin initially only just planned to see if Shio's finally okay after having such a painful episode of his migraines earlier. Then he'd be able to proceed to making food, let him eat, let him drink his medicine, and let him rest and the next day, Shio would be back to normal. But all those things just got covered by the intensifying shadows growing in the room as Shin took huge strides towards the bed.

Not sitting, or not even letting the one foot distance he created, Shin stood, finally adjusting to the dim and seeing his younger brother looked, tired and just...pitiful.

"What's wrong? Shall we head to the hospital now? Anything painful?"

The man's questions sounded not the least bit worried. They were calm and cool, masking the growing and speeding thumping of Shin's pulse in reality.

Shio shifted on the bed. He had crawled from his spot against the wall towards the edge and there sat. His body heat reaching Shin's perimeter.

"Nii-san, I'm going to ask a really...really stupid question..." Shio started, his voice barely audible. "Don't get angry."

* * *

The man must have fallen in a quiet trance. For when he lifted his gaze away from the trail of footprints he was following, he was no longer on the area where tourists and establishments were located. He found himself closer to the less traveled and visited area, what with all the large stone formations and the sign saying to 'keep away'.

Since the kids had crossed the path without so much worry, Takano just followed in his own sweet time, the kids barely throwing him any attention. Once inside the area prohibited for outsiders such as Takano, he was met by nothing really out of the ordinary. The area was more on the mountainous side with the trees starting to emerge as one continued with their walk.

"I'm the fastest!" one boy shouted pointing his stick at the two other boys behind him.

"No, I am!"

"Says who!?"

The little kids stopped before a tall protective wall. These little explorers without a slight sense of fright climbed and started running on top of the wall. Their little bodies looked fragile with their clothes and hair whipping at their skins. It could be dangerous, with the sun barely peeking through the horizons. But if anything, they seem to be enjoying the fading out light while chasing the strong winds. They looked prideful in their grins as they ran the length of the wall with their silent agreements this was their territory.

"Kids..."

With nothing to do for the rest of the night, Takano decided to just kill the time. He tugged at the rope the kids used and once he felt secure, climbed on the surprisingly thick wall himself. He lifted a hand to his head to stop a few of his hair from blocking his view. The wind there was fiercer than he initially thought and sometimes he could feel it even pushing him almost to the side.

Once atop and finally stable with his balance, he turned his gaze to the other side. To the area mostly blocked by that long wall of protection. He was caught breathless by one thing, something he didn't expect.

"...?"

There was a graveyard on the other side of the wall. Skeletons and frames and saddening pieces of once prideful and mesmerizing boats and yachts. Things that sailed and had seen beyond the eyes could take there now lined in a row unappreciated.

"..."

The raven stood there quietly. He felt saddened in reality to see them on land. So as his own tribute, he just started counting them and reading the names of each boat and yachts that he could still see.

"Celestine...Kazemaru...Elena..."

Most of the names had faded, some had been eaten by rust. There were some that looked like they had been re-painted a number of times but the paint was already chipping away. Like the one in the middle. It was still a glowing white in the growing dim. The name painted on its front said 'Lady Sora' yet at the very sides of the name was something else underneath where the chipping paint was.

"...-belle...?"

It was an old incomplete name hiding beneath a much newer one.

Somehow, somewhere, in Takano's mind he wondered if his Ritsu too was under a name not really his.

He decided to leave after telling the kids to go back too.

He was uneasy. Nervous and found it ridiculous.

The man took huge strides, not even feeling the strong winds beating against his chest as he walked back.

What if he already crossed paths with Ritsu? What if in the numerous persons in the subway or in the trains, Ritsu was just standing close to him? What if on the sidewalks, they've already passed each other? What if they've used the same elevator but at different times? What if they've eaten on the same restaurants and had seated a few tables apart?

What if he's already been looking right at Ritsu and just couldn't recognize him through time?

His eyes, his mind might not recognize...but definitely something far stronger inside him would.

"..."

At this time, Shio's face started forcibly surfacing again.

* * *

"Nii-san, I'm going to ask a really...really stupid question...Don't get angry."

Shin sighed, acting as though he was not going to be blown away by anything. Without warning, he lifted his right hand and flicked the brunette's forehead with his fingers. Only lightly, to break that heavy air around Shio.

"Idiot. What's with this being formal? Ask anything."

The brunette looked down, his left hand massaging the ticklish sensation his older brother's fingers left on his skin. He already wanted to cry but stopped himself. He even didn't want to bring this up but there was no one to turn to.

"Nii-san...uhm..."

Shin looked down, slightly kicking Shio's foot with his, making the brunette face him. "I won't get angry."

The wide green eyes looking back at Shin seemed to be burning in an intense fire of confusion. The total trust lingering in there as well, almost made Shin step back, weakening with that green gaze.

"D-do you know...if...if..."

"..."

"Do you...if I..."

Shin who was growing on edge by the minute of Shio's hesitation found himself sighing in defeat. The man knelt on one knee, nothing of the gallant sort but just to meet Shio's wandering gaze on eye level.

"It's something you couldn't call grandma about right? Tell me."

"Nii-san...?"

"..."

"Do you know...if..."

"If...?"

To Shin's surprise, he felt Shio's hand on his shoulder, clinging abruptly, almost desperately.

"Do you know if I was...if I was..."

At that point, Shin had already set-aside his occasional impure thoughts and had readily resolved to be the wall that Shio's hand could cling to. Right now, he was just this person, growing anxious by Shio's shaking voice and trembling fingers.

"Let it out. I won't judge if it's stupid."

"Was I actually a liar that goes behind your backs?"

"Huh?"

"Did I sneak with some bad acquaintances and played with them?"

"What are you..."

"I had a few friends right? Bad influences...so perhaps that's why you and grandma just didn't say anything? I didn't fall from the yacht right?"

"What?"

"I was friends with this...this guy...who..." Shio bit his lower lip, almost afraid to say it. "...who..."

"Shio...?"

The brunette shut his eyes, his tears steadily escaping from the corners. His lips quivering, his voice soft as the flutter of the window curtains. And when Shio finally released his last question, it just floated dead in the air.

_"Nii-san...do you know if I get attracted to the s-same..."_

They were words that made Shin stare in confusion too on what to say as a reply.

_"...was I actually gay before I lost...me?"_

* * *

**chapter end notes:**

yaho! ahaha, i thought i wouldn't be able to finish this chappy today...but i did! XD

thanks for the continuing support and kind words. they fire me. :)

~~~shuusetsu


	15. He who once held it, him who's about to

**He who once held it, him who's about to**

* * *

It was his cue. Shin knew it was the very moment he could make fun of what he heard. Make a joke of it. Make it sound stupid. Make it even appear as some headache-infused blabbering that was going on with Shio right now. It was his cue really. So that he could go out of it nice and clean.

But he didn't say anything. For a long while he didn't. He couldn't even utter a word.

Shin simply crouched there, eye to eye with his younger brother. Silently looking. Simply sad.

It might be too late to be asking this, for all the damned ten years they'd been together.

But that was the only thing running in circles around Shin's mind.

_"What have they'd done?"_

The older one's mouth opened just slightly to start something. But he closed his lips along with his brows meeting in seriousness in the end. Shin glanced around in the darkness, his way of taking a few seconds for himself to think. To gather what a million lies he could in a minute.

_"What have they'd done...seriously?"_

Shin closed his eyes briefly. This was ridiculous, he was becoming one. For the more he tries to be a 'brother' he becomes softer. The more he becomes softer...the more he sees the brunette differently. This guy in front of Shin may still be breathing, living. But in a way, clothing the brunette with the name 'Shio', they've already killed him too.

For a decade, without a care for Shio's feelings just because he's got nothing to remember, for their own convenience, they'd fabricated a life. Patching up lie after lie, deceit over deceit.

"..."

"..."

Shin threw another glance at his brother at the edge of the bed and stood abruptly. He went right towards the wall and pressed on the light switch. When he looked back at Shio, the other was looking down, as though he was a ghost afraid of the light. It made Shin curse under his breath.

"I did not turn on the lights to judge you alright? I turned it on, so you could see me. Properly."

Shio remained looking down, almost like he was ready bolting under the bed at the slightest sound.

"Shio..." Shin remained standing by the wall. A mix of annoyance and irritation, anger and concern whirling in his chest. It was a surprise he could still remain standing calmly when there seemed not enough space to accommodate all the things pressing in him right now. "I know I am not the best brother out there. But this is something we need to...I mean...damn it..."

The tall man turned away from the wall and in a fraction of a second, was seated beside Shio. The bed creaked at the older one's weight. The light stinging both their eyes still. In that four corners of silence, it was evident in the deep and hurried breaths Shio was making that he was trying his hard. Not to cry. Not to act too childish. Not to act so soft.

But it only made matters worse. For Shio's silent cries were actually so loud in Shin's chest.

Shin briefly glanced at his brother before looking up the ceiling. Many would probably think that this situation would make the man finally feel the slightest fright. Shio was starting to ask questions they knew nothing about . Shio was starting to piece things together, or probably he had already from a long time ago and just had no will to voice them out. Shin knew Shio wasn't an idiot. The circumstances just made Shio to them too...trusting. And that fright regarding Shio gaining back all that he's lost was nowhere.

To be honest, unlike the father and the grandmother of Shin who fell infatuated right away towards the new member of the family, Shin was different. To the father who just lost his youngest son, to the grandmother who lost her doted grandson, the emerald eyed boy which the sea waves brought to them was a source of deep and endless solace. The nameless, blank as a white paper brunette held their family in one piece. In a really weird yet successful way.

As years went by, both father and grandmother even thought that the kid having his memories washed away too was a heaven sent for them to start over. Since they loved their 'new' Shio as much as they loved the one who went ahead, the thought of their Shio gaining his memories back didn't even cross their minds.

Well, it did. But they didn't entertain the thought. They were too scared.

Shin was different though. He remained the sensible pawn in their game. And in truth, he'd been waiting for this to happen. But now that it really was, he didn't really expect to find himself feeling this. He was just genuinely sad.

Instead of feeling ecstatic, he felt different. He never really have placed himself in Shio's shoes before so he couldn't understand how hard the situation could be. His hate was the only thing that mattered for him before. But seeing Shio now, up-close, crying like this, asking things that literally took him a decade, Shin could only sit there, feeling saddened of what he and his family had done. They've killed this younger man and it's crueler than a normal death.

No matter how much Shin convinced himself that he was unwilling about the charade his family had done, he was still as every ounce as guilty. Even the lies that were so easy to come out of his lips, none of them were coming out.

"There's so many people in the world...why me...?" Shio whispered, his palms pale as they closed in like there was an invisible rope he was holding to. "I can't remember half of me and when I do remember a little...it's that I'm weird...?"

It was likely a question Shio didn't mean for his brother to hear, for he threw the older one beside him a shocked look while biting hard down on his lower lip.

"Shio..." Shin breathed out. "...why not try to stop shedding up a river there first?"

"..."

The older man sighed when he got no response. He crossed his legs as he grabbed a pillow from behind him. "...what made you ask this question in the first place?"

Shio flinched, as though someone had just struck him hard. His question, being answered by a question made him even more lost. He glanced a little to his older brother, but immediately gazed away.

"Asking me if you're..." Shin paused, bringing his voice close to a whisper now that Shio was really on the verge of running away. "...it's something you wouldn't bring up if it's without consistent basis."

The brunette wiped his face with the palm of his hands, silently listening.

"...do you find yourself uncomfortable with women? If you're drawn to men, are you sure it's not just respect or something along those lines?" Shin looked at a small mirror sitting inside the empty book shelf. He smiled briefly at himself. He had never in his life thought the questions he'd asked himself a million years before was still as fresh like this in his memory. "Liking men because of their traits, respecting them and setting them up as an example is different from being 'gay'. You don't even have much experience in the love aspect. Why end up with being 'gay' right away?"

Shio nodded weakly. Even he knew his own conclusions were too drastic.

"This guy in my dreams whom I don't recognize...he meant a lot. He meant so much to me," Shio smiled sadly. "At least...that's what I could gather from the flashbacks."

"That's not enough a reason to-"

"I loved him Nii-san," the brunette looked at Shin directly, cutting in. Such was the conviction in those green eyes that Shin was rendered speechless. Shio who always stuttered, unsure of what he says, never sounded this sure. This unfazed. "The younger me was in love with him."

"..."

"Now...when I see him in my head," Shio faced back the wall across them and sighed. "I feel nothing..."

"..."

Shio knitted his brows, sensing the tightening in his chest just remembering that little fragment of betrayal. It was so small, but was so destructive nonetheless.

"_I feel nothing_," Shio murmured to himself. _"...nothing but resentment."_

* * *

It would have been more convincing if one said that Rui was an artist or related to arts of some sort. He was so scatter-brained, messy and surprisingly clumsy that Takano who was sitting on one of the chairs around the dining table frowned. The mug of coffee in his hands still too hot to take.

"Damn it..." Rui cursed, whirling around the living room, picking up books and peeking under. He'd literally almost moved everything upside down, but he couldn't seem to find what he's looking for. "I know I tossed it somewhere here..."

Takano sighed loudly as he relaxed more on his seat. "Your doctor image is seriously getting destroyed by the second Rui."

"Shut it," the man with long black hair hissed authoritatively. But it had no effect when the hair he was pushing away from his face would just come back down messily. "Just enjoy your fucking coffee."

Takano snorted, bringing his gaze out the window where everything was in plain bluish darkness. The stars there were so much brighter, clearer, than he'd seen them in the city. All of them cluttered in the same space looked foreign to Takano, although he wouldn't deny it looked pretty calming. They're light blinking from far away takes the raven away from the hiss of the enemy still as vast and mysterious as it always been.

The raven thought he'd rather look at the sky where he still believes Ritsu would just be somewhere beneath it rather than gaze at the abominable sea which separated them.

"..." Takano pursed his lips. He hadn't done anything fruitful for the day but he was really tired. Emotionally drained even.

"Damn it!" Rui hissed even louder this time just after rummaging from the books on top of the low table. "Where is it?"

"Where is what?" Takano asked impatiently. "You're turning this dump even more into chaos."

"A leather-covered medical book!" Rui growled, crouching on the floor, peeking under the sofa. "It's here a while ago."

The hazel eyes swept the entire living room and flatly said, "You're in a forest of medical books."

"I need it tomorrow," the other man mumbled irritably as he turned to the other side of the living room.

Takano almost laughed at the yellow duckling slippers that Rui was wearing as he trudged around his house. It seemed like working the psychiatry department for years had also its effects. It turned Rui's sense of cool ragged classic into a total mess.

"Want help?"

"No thank you," Rui then threw a glare at the raven who happened to just about lighting a cigarette. "No smoking in my house Saga."

"Tsk...you've become really a nag."

"Yeah. I have to. Now take your damn cigarette break out. Maybe it's because of you I can't find what I'm looking for."

"You're hurting my feelings," Takano grinned, standing from his seat. He motioned towards the door closest to him, a slightly narrower door leading to the back of the house when Takano stopped just before he was completely out. "Oh...come to think of it...I think I brought a certain book I was browsing earlier up stairs."

Rui quickly glanced at the stairs before eyeing daggers at Takano. He said nothing though and grumpily made his way up.

Once the floor had been left for no one, Takano gave a sigh and stepped out. He was welcomed by a salty and heavy air of coldness. It felt sticky in his hair and on his skin. Sensing the cold breeze against his face, the reason he had to take a cigarette was the uneasiness that had been pressing in on him since that early evening.

His instincts about most things have always been right to the spot. So the feeling that something was gonna go wrong whispering in his mind was a dead weight. He couldn't pin point what exactly was about to go amiss. It was beyond his control. But it was really really there.

* * *

Shin had been ignoring it. His phone in the pocket of his dark jeans had been vibrating for the longest time he could remember. He'd planned on ignoring it but it has come to the point that he could no longer restraint his annoyance and he pulled it out.

"..."

Shio who'd been quiet for a long while now glanced at his brother's side. The name flashing on the phone screen was that of a woman's. A really familiar name at that. It was Takano's secretary. Iwa-san. That really voluptuous woman who's got an air about her hard to ignore. Her long, wavy black hair, her fair skin, her sensual smiles and mature stance, Shio could remember them clearly and despised himself for being jealous of her every right to mingle or date or get acquainted with his brother. He really got so much to deal with that he just didn't want to think about it.

"Shio, I'll just answer this. We're not done yet."

"...?"

The older one swiftly swiped to his screen and quickly brought the phone against his ear. It was that very moment that Shio felt he'd swallowed something big and got it stuck in his throat. Shin never took his eyes away from Shio, even while answering his incoming call.

"Yes, Iwa-san. I'm sorry," Shin started, his gaze fixed at the brunette's slightly swollen eyes. "Can we meet some other time?"

"Eh...?" Shio shifted on the bed, almost gesturing for his brother not to cancel out his appointment.

"Yeah. I can't go right now," Shin pushed Shio's hand away that was trying to wave a 'no' in the air. "Something very important came up...next time perhaps?"

_"Your brother I guess?"_ the woman asked, sounding quite displeased but mature enough to contain her temper. _"He's got so many issues I see just because he's got a weak constitution. Do you plan on cancelling out on me all the time because of him? The last time too...you said you can't but I saw you driving around the city you know? He's an adult himself, I don't understand why he needs your supreme pampering."_

Shin almost gave Shio a scolding look that made the younger one halt on his stupid hand gestures.

"Iwa-san...are you trying to make me choose?" Shin asked almost with disdain. They haven't been officially going out but here comes the thing that annoys him the most royally.

_"Well...we're at that age we want to settle down right? And it's obvious our interest in each other is mutual...So you could say that..."_

"I _was_ interested. But thank you for everything," Shin replied curtly. "I expect this won't affect our work relations like it's always been."

_"W-what?"_

"Iwa-san...I told you honestly that everything was an emergency. We aren't even official yet...The fact that you don't care about my family matters turns me off."

Shio could only stare in complete confusion as his older brother brought his phone down, and bringing it close to his ear once more for a new call the man just made as though nothing serious had just taken place.

"Yeah. This is Haitani Shin. Please deliver two extra large Hawaiian pizzas and the usual ginger breads to my address. Please make sure to add a lot of pepper and pineapple on the other one..."

The brunette simply didn't know any more what to do or think about what was going on with Shin. It was clear his older brother had just completely turned down that really beautiful woman. And now his brother was nonchalantly ordering pizzas with a poker face. Not to mention...peppers and a lot of pineapple was Shio's favorite, although he wasn't allowed to eat them freely.

"Uhm...Nii-san...?"

After Shin gave his credit number and other information, he went back looking at Shio. "It's late and I bet none of us is in the mood to cooking anything."

"..."

"What? You wanted to add more to the order?"

"But...you're the one who said I can't keep on eating too much processed foods..."

Shin sighed loudly, shaking his head. "There's a reason why some things are called 'comfort foods'. They're perfect right now."

"..."

"Also, back to our topic earlier," Shin ran a hand through his wavy cropped hair. The act was the slightest hint of him still a bit surprised that of all the things Shio could be asking him, they ended up in this taboo topic. A topic too taboo and dangerous not for Shio but for Shin. His manner of approaching the topic though was so smooth, calm and convincing.

"...say you've been really in love with another male in the past...it's only one guy. That doesn't necessarily label you. Don't say it's weird or you're a freak. Because honestly, you're more decent than some people around you."

Tucking his feet now under him, completely at ease, or more proper to say, he'd calmed down and was more comfortable, Shio hesitantly looked up at Shin, the corners of his lips curling in a soft smile.

"What the hell are you smiling for?" Shin asked raising a brow.

"Nothing...it's like...this is the first time I've heard you say so much...more than five sentences to me..." Shio cocked his head to the side. "I'm really glad..." the once already calming green eyes glazing again. "I'm really glad you didn't just leave after I've said something...weird."

"Let's just say I'm knowledgeable to such issues."

"...w-why?"

"Don't bother about me," Shin threw the pillow he was holding on Shio's lap. "You have plenty of time to know yourself...specially that you've joined the working society. You'll meet people, go to new places. Then you'll understand."

"..."

"And don't go crying again."

Shin looked at his wrist watch, hearing Shio mumble 'I can't help it'.

It was a mystery that although Shin really found the woman named Iwa to be really charming and exactly to his taste, he didn't feel an ounce of regret that he was currently where he was than somewhere else.

"Uhm...Niisan."

Shin knitted his brows, throwing Shio an inquisitive look.

"I probably became friends with some guys before that you and dad and grandma don't know about. I understand if all of you chose to not say anything because they could have caused trouble or the likes...but...I really didn't fall from a yacht right? I think I got into the accident when I went playing with them to the beach."

"..."

"Why...don't you just tell me what really happened to me?"

The older one of the two abruptly stood, bringing his attention to the open windows where the chill was starting to mingle in. He looked like he was contemplating something. If Shin was the same person a few weeks back, he'd probably have muttered the most flawless reason, or excuse in a flick of a finger that could go well along the other lies they've weaved together for so long.

But this time it was different. Shin was different.

"Shio," Shin started, his expression subdued, his voice calmer than usual. "I can't tell you what's happened in the half of your life you know nothing about. It's something inevitable, something you have to take in and understand on your own."

"..."

"Things you believe will get shaken," Shin paused for a moment, watching Shio even more serenely this time. "And you might end up losing your trust to just about everybody around you."

"Nii-san..." Shio found the hair on his neck standing on end. This calm voice, saying things he could not imagine was starting to scare him. "What..."

"We really can't tell what's going to happen in the future, can we?"

"..."

The long silence stretched between them. The intensity of those words was somehow unnerving, for Shin didn't seem one bit joking. He was serious. And Shio was drawn in. Both lost in their own jumble of thoughts of that 'future'.

It was only after probably five rings of the door bell that Shin and Shio finally realized that their pizzas were already there.

"Pizzas here. I'll answer the door and you go wash your face. Don't you know? You're starting to look like the fishes in the aquarium outside."

"E-eh?"

Shin slowly walked towards the open door without so much glancing at the brunette.

"So...we're really not the best buddies and I am mean most often than not, at least I could guarantee you one thing."

Shin rested a hand on the door frame, his broad back the only thing Shio could see.

"If one day, everything becomes unbearable..."

"...?"

"This room that you've already made a mess of...is not the past Shio's but _yours_."

* * *

The sudden drizzle that came out of nowhere made Takano's mood plummet even more. The intrusive down pour forced Takano to stub his cigarette down the stone neatly aligned on the side before he actually went inside from where he came out.

The living room, including the dining room was as messy and empty as he left it. It was clear that Rui was still upstairs. Though he didn't bother much why the guy would take so much to locating a book that was clearly in the middle of the bed.

Takano climbed to the second floor himself, thinking to hit the sack early as he stifled a yawn. The floorboard slightly shook under his weight and it really confirmed to him this was an old home under a new coating of paint. He wondered if it would even hold up if they got struck with an earthquake.

Once reaching his room, the raven stood by the door frame, the sliding door to the offered room was wide open. His hazel eyes went from the untouched book towards his exposed travelling bag that had fallen on the floor. Rui was seated on the bed, intently looking at something on his palm.

"Did you go over my bag? That's sly," Takano started, crossing his arms as he went in.

"Why would I go over your bag?" Rui replied, not bringing his gaze away from his hands. "It fell on its own. It's way on the edge anyway."

"Hmmm..." Takano narrowed his gaze. "And you didn't even pick it up. I've got such a real friend here."

"Saga," Rui called, his timber serious and without the usual grumpy tone in him. It gave the raven standing in the middle of the room the feel of talking to the serious side of the other man. "What's this?"

Walking closer to the seated man on the bed, Takano slightly leaned down, peering at the stuff Rui was holding, together with the brown pouch he almost had forgotten about.

"This rolled out when your bag fell. Is this yours?"

"Ah...that belongs to a..." the raven paused. It was because that charade that has just taken place in KATAI's emergency exit forced him to remember things he'd rather wish to forget. Takano struggled for a word and it came out a bit unconvincing. "...a friend of mine. Something happened and I ended up taking that with me."

Rui just frowned, his hunched form as though he was examining a seriously ill patient.

"He seems like he's got severe migraines...and he's weak to severe heat as well. The first thing I thought when I saw that pouch was he's like a walking pharmacy."

"Well yeah," Rui nodded as he flipped a few tablets on his palm. "You got your regular flu medicines, vitamins, for stomach ache and pain killers."

"..." Takano frowned even more. Rui was oddly serious for someone else's medicine kit.

"Everything is something you'd normally buy for common sickness. Except these."

The raven could feel the pupils of his eyes focusing at some particular innocent-looking pill that Rui had specifically pointed to.

"Why? Looks like a fever chewable to me."

"Saga, how long have you known this friend? You don't know what he's taking? What condition he's in?"

"...?"

"This is Xanthinol Nicotinate. And this is Thiamin. I've only ever seen a senior practitioner prescribe the former once."

Takano Masamune found both his hands falling to his side. He thought someone had tossed over him the entire sea just a few hundred meters away from them. Of course the way Rui had said it, it would make Takano worried.

He was concerned about that brunette anyway, that he wouldn't even deny. He started thinking perhaps Shio was really sick, seriously or maybe terminally. A tumor that was being treated? A congenital disease being kept at bay?

But the next thing Rui said made the raven totally lost. Almost senseless for a minute that he could only stare in space.

Takano was not ready for this.

_"This is mostly prescribed for people with loss of concentration...long term memory disorders...and in rare cases..."_

_"..."_

_"..for people with amnesia..."_

* * *

**chapter end notes**

Hi everyone! Sorry i'm late! thank you for your the continuing support and kind words! i couldn't reply to your reviews to the previous chapter as i was busy. but i'll try my best!

_~~~shuusetsu_

ps; refresher: if you've already forgotten, in Strings II, takano only remembered he was still holding on to Shio's pouch when Shin already drove off.

ps2: the medicines i've mention above do not necessarily 'cure' amnesia as there is none yet to do that. (this is based on my little lazy research-i'm not a med studentXD), these medications though attack damaged neutral connections (in the brain), and ease of tight arterial walls for better blood flow.


	16. Their Story

**Their Story**

* * *

The traffic light was on green. Cars came soaring as though ignoring him. When the traffic regulator dropped to red, a light traffic started building up, a bottleneck in a wide public road. Takano Masamune just stared like a blockhead towards the traffic light. Inside the small coffee shop facing the intersection the man just sat near the glass windows, empty coffee cups before him a number more than five. Some newcomers who just came in exchanged curious glances as to how one man can even swallow those amount of coffee on his own.

"..."

It was a Sunday morning, about six am when he came in. It was now lunch time. He was still as glued to his seat as he first sat on it. His travelling bag was snug on the opposite chair on him, the bread he ordered ages ago only had a bite or two on it. A few folders remained under his elbows, his phone turned upside down on the round table, him disregarding the vibrations it made every now and then.

The old man behind the counter who just had finished his lunch glanced at the raven. It wasn't because having a man sit inside his shop from morning to lunch was bad to his business. Well, at some point it could have been. But the man merely let Takano occupy the best seat in his shop without uttering anything. It seemed the raven on that seat counting cars was worlds beyond them.

"..."

The slight drizzle outside had become a steady rain by the time the clock struck two in the afternoon. The old man glanced back at the raven he had been observing quite a while ago. The hazel-eyed man had leaned his head against the glass panes looking very, _very_ tired.

The drippings from the rain looked like tears as it dribbled down the smooth surface where Takano had been leaning from the inside. His faraway gaze seemingly as though he was silently breaking. Summer it was, the sun high up in the sky. But the rain just wouldn't stop. As Takano refused his own weaknesses to show in his eyes, the weather did it for him.

The less than a week that Takano Masamune spent back in Atami lay in shambles, jumbled, scattered he couldn't almost remember any of it. The last thing he could picture faintly in his mind was Rui's expression, shaking and nudging him to pull himself together.

_"Don't do anything stupid. You've always been level headed Saga, don't lose it. Not now."_

What was Rui talking about again? Takano closed his eyes, barely seeing a police officer who ran to the middle of the street to help an old woman cross. The police officer didn't even care about himself getting wet from the rain. The smile the man had, together with the never-ending mouthing of thank you from the old woman's lips looked so warm. Takano felt everything but warm.

_"You can't be sure yet. You get me? Wait-are you even listening?"_

What do you call this kind of rain again? A rain under a bright and sunny weather? Takano pursed his lips. He knew this kind of rain. He'd read this from a story a long, long time ago. He'd read this from a book lent to him. That leather-bound book that some green-eyed kouhai of him lent to him with such eagerness.

"Sunshower...something about foxes getting married..." Takano whispered slightly nodding. Along with the thought came the question if he even returned that book to Ritsu. He couldn't even remember where that book was. "Ah...I was planning on returning it after that trip...but-"

A father and son combo sat close to Takano. As the boy eagerly hopped on to the seat, the father smiling pulled the free one for himself. The raven watched them quietly. The kid seemed happy enough about something, his feet were obviously swinging under the table.

"Papa, please? Just one!"

The father shook his head. He seemed hesitant with his kid's 'just one' but he nevertheless shuffled into his leather bag and pulled something out. Candies.

Takano's brows knitted as he watched the father drop a small blue wrapped candy into the small palm of the child. At the back of Takano's mind though, the palm changed into something bigger, with fingers longer, and with a body much mature for a seven-year-old minded young adult.

_"Here Hiro-kun...this is from that nii-chan over there alright? I'll give these to you if you answer a few questions for us. Okay?"_

What was going on with the world? Really just what? Takano could see this seventeen year-old young man, swinging his own feet wearing the kind of duckling slippers that he could remember Rui also possessed. If that kid with red hair and narrow deep brown eyes would just sit on that high bed without moving, Takano wouldn't even suspect something was different with the brat.

Yet the way those brown eyes widened, the way that head nodded, and the way how that kid glanced to his direction grinning a wide grin, it would show the bits and pieces that Tomoki Hiro was special.

"_Ah...konnichi ha Onii-chan! Rui-niichan's ally is Hiro-kun's ally too!" _the brat said, raising to Takano a proud thumbs up. The raven could only force an uncomfortable smile. Hiro was a good-looking kid, although he was too thin from lack of movement, too pale from lack of sunlight and too innocent for this harsh world he was born into.

_"Hiro-kun..."_ Rui started, sitting comfortably next to the boy on the bed. His relaxed expression and amiable smile made Rui's usual aloof stance close to just being a real blood brother. The doctor slightly nodded at Takano, signalling that he was about to start before smiling at the kid. _"Remember what you told me about those gallant ships?"_

Seven-year-old minded Hiro clapped his hands. He looked really happy about it and he spread his arms wide. _"Yes! Yes! The gallant ship!" _he exclaimed. Although a few seconds later he cocked his head to the side like how a puppy would towards a strange sound and pouted. _"What about it? You're not planning on stealing it...are you?"_

The raven could still well remember the smell of heavy sickness that wafted around his nose. It was far from smelling something so pungent one would hurl sick. It was the scent of alcohol, bleach and jumble of medicines and other medical products that had seeped through the very fibers of the wall that was nauseating. The stains on the old wooden floors gave an onlooker much the history it had accumulated. Blood stains, or puke, or urine, created their own maps on the floor no scrubbing could eliminate. But Takano could guess that people who've seen it everyday had been immune to it. Instead, he looked back at Hiro, who had suddenly jumped off the bed and started circling round and round the small room as if he was beneath a wide blue sky.

_"The gallant ship is very white! There are some people inside it! In the middle of the sea, someone pulled this person out of the water. I was scared!" _Hiro frowned shortly but smiled again. _"But everything is alright. The person is saved. He's not dead. So I'm not scared anymore."_

Takano slowly walked towards the bed from the door-frame he was previously occupying. He sat beside Rui, slightly leaning in to the doctor's shoulder. _"Is this not just a regular hallucination? How could a kid like him be in a 'gallant ship' in the first place?"_

_"Hiro-kun," _Rui called with the same patience of a father. Had Takano done the talking, Hiro would probably be a crying mess now. _"Saga-niichan here is asking why are you in that 'gallant ship'?"_

_"Because I am a guardian!"_ the kid swiftly replied.

Takano couldn't almost stop rolling his eyes.

_"Also, grandpa drives the ship. So I am permitted to aboard!"_

Both men fell into silence. Hiro though was oblivious as he started looking at the drawing against the wall. A perfect white wall save from the fact that it was covered with pen marks and chalk marks of boats and sun and stick figures of humans. There were failed attempts of cakes too and a bike. Hiro looked around and finally saw his remaining chalk and started doing his masterpieces again.

_"Grandpa is a high ranking captain you know,"_ the red-head continued while scribbling. _"But he's a captain without his own ship. He drives other's ship. He's a tragic captain. People boss him around."_

_"Where is he?"_

The question came from Takano. Even Takano was surprised from how much the urgency sounded. It made Hiro's hand halt against the wall, slowly turning to face Takano with a perplexed look in his eyes. The chalk fell from the kid's hand and it rolled all the way under the bed.

_"Where is 'he'? G-grandpa?"_ Hiro repeated_. "Grandpa...?"_

The boy stared at Takano, deep and searching. His early happy expression was completely gone and in his narrow eyes came the warnings of something that both Takano and Rui had been really careful about. Tears. A lot of it.

_"Hiro has no more grandpa,"_ the kid whispered. _"...Hiro's alone. Hiro's got no..."_

Takezato threw Takano a glare before rounding sharply to face Hiro. The doctor smiled soothingly, patting the boy on the head while saying _"You're not alone remember? I'm here. Saga-niichan too is. Don't cry anymore. Saga-niichan's going to say sorry okay?"_

Rui frowned at Takano, his gaze every flaring ray saying 'fuck you'. The look was enough to make it clear that kids here rely on government support. Those kids with incapable parents, or kids without anyone to call family. Realizing it was too late and it rammed a nail in Takano's chest. The same for Rui who'd forgotten to inform Takano about such things. Foolish. Both of them.

_"I'm sorry..." _Takano whispered in the air.

_"Granpa liked that ship," _Hiro hiccuped while rubbing his eyes. "_...it sounds like a fairy, 'Mehitabelle'-"_

"Let's go Papa!" the voice snapped at Takano's thoughts. "Finish your coffee! I don't want to miss the anime at four! Hurry please!"

Unblinkingly, Takano realized the father-son duo was already about to leave their seats. The father trying to gulp his coffee down in huge swallows because of course, what a waste to leave it still half-full. Strange though that the father was still smiling. What a patient dad.

Really what patience. That patience when he saw a few businessmen and women lining up at the counter for their own orders of their coffees. Macchiato, Americano, plain coffee, no sugar, with lots of sugar, peppermint...these people had some great deal of it. Patience, something he didn't possess.

"..."

The next day after talking with Hiro, Takano had driven his car around, even before the sun peaked over the horizons. He didn't even know what he was doing. He needed to drive. To do _something_. To try whatever the hell he could to quench the painful nagging in his chest. That terrible voice egging him how _close_ he was. Close to where he didn't know.

If he just stayed put, he would really be close to losing his mind instead.

Many times he almost collided towards electricity posts. Too often than not he honked at little children crossing for the crime that they weren't _fast_ enough on their little feet. And when Takano finally slammed onto the breaks, he found himself facing a small two-storey building. Atami's _something_ association from year _some time_ ran by a group of _someone_.

Takano, for the meticulous person he really was, didn't give a damn to the actual details. In the first place, he was sure nothing's going to stick in his muddled head. He hopped out of the car, slammed the door shut and all too hurriedly entered to the glass paned sliding doors, almost causing a crack at the strength he used. The heat from the outside had been engulfed by the air conditioners in full blast. And anywhere Takano looked there were only senior citizens around.

_"Ah...lists of fishing boats and yachts from ten years ago?"_ the old lady, wearing a pink floral dress and stark pink fingernail paints it was almost neon, said. She did so while trying to glance at the shelves to her right where antique volumes of what seemed like log books were aligned. _"Let me see...I am sure we keep record of every boat and yachts that stays and docks here. Try to fish it out from the second shelf over there."_

He spent hours and hours diving into the never ending names of boats and yachts listed in every logbook in that _over there _second shelf. But nothing, not a shadow of what he was trying to find could be seen. How easier it would have been had it been logged in a computer data base by now. But the system was as ancient as the building and the people working in it.

_"Uhm...I'm sorry. I've tried looking into everything but I couldn't find 'Mehitabelle' anywhere in the log books..."_

An old man who happened to just pass by stopped by Takano's side. The old man wore thick eye glasses framing his gray reminiscent eyes._ "Tsk tsk. Old hag. You're telling this young one to look at the wrong shelf. Useless."_

_"Huh? Who you calling old hag, huh old fart?"_

_"'Mehitabelle' is it?"_ the old man turned to Takano, completely ignoring his colleague he just called 'old hag', his wife of fifty years in reality. _"You'll never find it anywhere, 'Mehitabelle' doesn't exist. Anymore."_

_"What are you talking about? You're pretending to remember such a thing from ten years ago when you can't even remember your own children's names!" _

That old man sounded sure. He looked like he still could see things at the back of his mind that logbooks failed to hold unto. But as Takano continued listening to the old man and woman argue towards something far from what he really wanted, he felt a little helpless, a little tired, a little frustrated. Which in all honesty had combined into this large indescribable emotion making a huge mess of him.

Going here in Atami was...a heartbreak. As everything about Ritsu. Hurt. Emptiness. He was going to die by the sheer fact that this was really a dead end. Takano almost smiled brokenly but managed to just nod away while reaching for the exit.

There was a freaking reason why Onodera Ritsu's disappearance had been labeled as 'cold case'. What in the world was he thinking in trying to find for himself something that even experts failed to snip? Did he think he was god? He was so arrogant. He'd been too full of himself and now, really really now he could feel this was punishment.

But he didn't know it wasn't the punishment yet. Not even the tip of it.

For the real punishment was to gaze at the same green eyes with being able to do practically nothing.

"..."

All of the things going around Takano; the couple sitting behind him softly giggling, the woman talking to her phone in a snarky tone from a few tables away, the soft sounds of someone sipping his coffee, and the mingling crunch of paper being flipped by another, all of it vanished. Slowly they slipped from Takano's senses and only that very person, that brunette with green eyes wearing simple peach cardigan with a slight smile at him, entering from the door held his gaze, his breath, his...everything.

"..."

The brunette standing across his small table said something. But Takano hadn't heard a thing. He stupidly just stared at the familiar face like he hadn't seen him in years, which, in technicality was true.

"Takano-san? You okay?"

"Uh..." the raven slightly shook his head, gesturing for the new comer to take the empty seat near him. "Sorry, I was just..."

"Spacing out," Haitani Shio filled in, still brightly smiling. "You called in to return my pouch? You just came from Atami right? Aren't you tired? You could have given it to me some other time..."

_"Ah, hey young man," _the old man called right before Takano could slide the doors shut. _"Mehitabelle doesn't really exist anymore believe me."_

_"..."_

That same old man climbed up the stairs and vanished together within their sights. The loud sound of the old air conditioning system distracted Takano that by the time the old man came back, Takano was as stiff as a board. The hands of the old man had traces of dust. Even his white collar shirt had some dirt on them. His smile though was wide and full of the spirit of being helpful.

_"Come here kid, look over here."_

With the motion of that wrinkly and thin hand, both Takano and the old lady went closely and looked down at a large old log book laid on top of an empty table. The smell of time was evident. There were yellowish stains, the pen was starting to smudge.

_"Argh, someone really should start with that computerizing project for our data here stat!" _the old man groaned. His finger running up and down the list, his fingers moving in tune with his eyes. _"There!"_

_"See here?" _the old man smiled._ "This is pretty Mehitabelle, new and pristine. What a lovely yacht she had been. Well...before she got sold and got renamed as Lady Sora."_

_"Sold? Renamed?"_

_"I could remember it clearly because I was one of those who painted it new ten years ago. Some rich man sold it to a local here. It was very abrupt."_

_"...?"_

_"Besides, it's not all the time you come across such a unique sounding name."_

_"..."_

_"I think he'd been called as 'Haitani-sama' by the buyer...then whoosh! They left without a word."_

The less than a week that Takano stayed in Atami closed in with Takezato Rui's angry reminder. With that doctor's firm and almost painful grip by his arm he was sure there had been bruising to land the point.

_"You haven't proven anything Saga. We already made Onodera Ritsu disappear! You can't ruin a family because of the things you found out!"_

_"They ruined us first!" _Takano had growled, fast into tossing all his clothes back into his bag. His every muscles shaking, his teeth grinding._ "I've always known! I've always felt! Fuck he's just right in front of me the whole time!"_

"TAKANO!" Rui snarled, pushing Takano by the bed. _"So what if this new friend of yours probably got an amnesia? So what if he's from that Haitani family? So what if you _feel _it?"_

Helplessly, the raven looked up. He didn't know whether to stand, run or what but he was near suffocating might someone else throw him back at that hateful sea. _"What do you expect me to do? Wait? I've waited nearly a decade and more of my life for him!"_

_"Saga...you're 'Takano' now right?" _Rui whispered, his tone drastically different from his angry one before. He just sounded confused and pained too he could only grab his friend's right shoulder firmly. _"You _think. _You slowly make your way to win over things. You're the same person but Takano isn't anymore the impulsive, idiotic, full of regrets kid I know..."_

"..."

_"Don't be impatient...if it's time to unfold...it will."_

"Takano-san?" Shio by now had his elbows over the table, his face crunching up in concern. "You...are you feeling unwell?"

The raven smiled, barely able to contain himself from reaching out and just...move honestly. Yet he couldn't. Just like what Rui said, he's got nothing solid but pure speculations of a mentally challenged kid and an old man's account. He's got nothing but the hard beating of his chest at the sight of the brunette. He's got nothing but his mere feelings.

He could only smile, with lips shaking as he assured Haitani Shio everything was okay.

"I should have known when you started popping everywhere I go." Takano had said, bringing his cup of coffee to his lips. How he could do it nonchalantly was of mystery even to him. "I really should have known right away."

Brows knitting, the brunette grew even more confused of Takano's actions, of Takano's words. The man hardly looked like himself. His casual clothes were fine but the very strands of that black hair and the very tired hues of the hazel eyes looking at him clearly said _everything_ was not okay. As someone who could count his friends in his fingers, he wasn't sure when he was stepping in too much. He wasn't sure what to probe, how to act. But in the end, Shio was really worried for this man who always looked in control. Takano doesn't look like he's being in control of something and was being weighed heavily down.

"Did something happen?" Shio asked. "Didn't you go to Atami for leisure?"

Chuckling a bit, Takano put his cup down and started pulling something out of the separate bag resting under his seat. He shuffled shortly and pulled the brown pouch out, pushing it towards Shio.

"Sorry I brought it with me. I hope this didn't cause trouble? It's been away from you for a week after all..."

"Ah no," Shio took the pouch and just hurriedly threw it in his own shoulder bag on his lap. "I have reserves at home so...anyway uhm...did you..."

"I looked into it. You got some weird sounding stuff there but you don't have anything for bug bite."

"Well sorry about that," Shio countered. "Had I known you'd end up taking this I would have included something for bug bites and mosquito bites for you."

Takano smiled. He couldn't remember the last time he'd smiled so much in a day. He just felt like he'd give himself away if he didn't smile smugly. If he didn't act a bit of his sarcastic self. If he didn't tease this guy like he always do. He would surely give himself away. And he'd lose it.

"I've never noticed this coffee shop before," Shio mumbled as he looked around. "Considering I've been walking these streets for a long while now..."

"Here."

When green eyes darted back to Takano, the raven nodded to a smaller paper bag he had placed on top of the table. Shio stared at the bag a little while longer before questioningly looking up at the raven's searching eyes.

"Uhm...what is that for?"

"Like it isn't obvious?" Takano mocked as he crossed his arms. "Souvenirs for pampered little prince, Shio-sama."

For a fraction of a moment, Shio looked troubled. He didn't know what was in Takano's eyes so he escaped by hesitantly reaching out to the paper bag. "You really shouldn't have..."

The first thing that Shio pulled out from the paper bag was a key chain. He found himself helplessly smiling at Takano just at the mere thought of it.

"Takano-san, are you by any chance so fond of key-chains? The last time too? And what's this design?" Shio flicked the poor wooden carving with his finger. "Squid?"

"Well, when I saw it, it reminded me of your face."

"Huh?" Shio peered at the paper bag once more, with his frown increasing and his irritation with Takano growing. "..."

Takano watched the traces of annoyance on that face. He watched as it slowly vanished too by the time Shio had some of the unexpected souvenirs from the bag laid out on the table.

"Eh...this...?"

The raven pointed at the old books Shio had taken out. "I saw them from an old bookshop on my way home. I remembered you like reading too so there. Add that to that sorry bookshelf of yours."

Shio picked up one. His expression couldn't any more be prettier than that. Calm eyes, lips slightly apart as though Shio and the book were already having a conversation of their own. The slender fingers touched the front covers first before he slowly flipped deeper into the book.

"Takano-san...thank you..." Shio whispered. "I don't even..."

"Didn't I tell you you're so lucky to be friends with someone like me?"

The brunette simply smiled. A smile that made Takano's heart ache. How in the world could he be so stupid for failing to realize that the best part of him was Ritsu. The part that was missing. The part that was right before him. The part that was precious he didn't know how to approach him.

So subtly, in his own little ways, Takano was trying to relay the longing in him too large to say out loud.

Shio chuckled, looking a bit embarrassed.

"What?" Takano asked, raising a brow.

"I didn't know you liked the drama, slice-of-life, romance kind of genre Takano-san."

Takano innocently shrugged. "What...I enjoy all kinds of genre. Be thankful I even got those rare ones for you, ingrate."

Shio just smiled, looking at the three books he laid on the table. He was happy and actually touched to have received something like these.

"'Journey Home'..." Shio read the titles in a whisper. "'Turning Back Time'..."

At the third book, Shio froze for a second, his emerald gaze landing at Takano with a confused hint in them. Had it been given to him without his own concerns, it wouldn't trouble him. But at this time and set-up and in this moment, somehow...

"'The Notebook'?" Shio murmured.

The raven slightly smiled. "There's a movie of it...it's also good that they made a Japanese paperback of the novel. It's one of the rare ones I could really relate to."

"I see..." Shio looked down at the book again, running his fingertips on the old cover with his gaze troubled. "I've seen that film before..."

"It's good right?" Takano breathed out, looking out the window where only the slightest drizzle was left falling and visible. "...that at the very end, the woman still remembered her precious half...the guy didn't give up on her..."

"..."

"It convinces me in some way or another," Takano looked back at Shio, his gaze pinning, piercing, almost pleading. "...makes me able to say to myself..."

Shio tensed on his seat. For some reason he found it uncomfortable to be sitting and locking gazes with this man while saying these things.

Takano smiled a bit, almost like he was hiding from something as he looked down, his hair sheilding him from Shio's gaze.

"Uhm...Takano-san-"

"This isn't how our story ends."

* * *

**chapter end notes:**

uwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...T_T now i can start. hahaha it gives me the feeling that this is practically the beginning. i don't know why.

thank you for the time and please share your thoughts!

~~~shuusetsu

ps. the notebook by nicholas sparks is just simply amazing. :) first few of the things i've read that probably made me a masochist as a reader and a sadist as a hopeful writer.


	17. Near of Far

**Near of Far**

* * *

It was starting to bother him. A great deal of it. That wall-clock which he barely could notice before would always draw his attention from the television program he was watching. The last time he looked at it, the time said eight in the evening exactly. The next time he looked at it, it was only five minutes past eight.

"What the hell is wrong with me..." Haitani Shin sighed, TV remote lose in his hand. "Am I going to stare at it every fucking five minutes?"

After getting fed up with the variety show playing on the flat screen TV, he disgustedly turned the TV off, standing abruptly at the same time. The KATAI anniversary was scheduled the coming Wednesday, and although he'd checked everything he could, finalized everything for the _n_th time, better to check it again instead of wasting precious time into some variety show he really couldn't understand and appreciate. Why the hell were those people even laughing when there was nothing, even a bit funny about the topic?

"..."

He shook his head and halted at the bubbling water to the very right of the living room. Adjacent to the living room was the dining area, the table fit for four was bare, except for the single flower vase with a fake carnation in it. He looked back at the small water tank to the right. It was him who bought those gold fishes for room highlight. Funny he could not remember anymore the last time he fed them.

Rubbing the side of his neck, Shin started pulling at the sleeves of his cotton long-sleeved shirt after, throwing the goldfishes an equally glaring stare with every step he made. He grabbed the jar containing fish food and started fishing a few with his long fingers.

"Well, you guys hungry?" Shin asked absent-mindedly before throwing the fish food into the small tank. The tall man slightly leaned down after a few moments of observing, a frown forming on his forehead when he noticed that most of the fishes just ignored the food he just tossed in. "Hey...I'm your owner you know? What the hell are you ignoring me for?"

The gold fishes just swam in their little water world as though they were waiting for someone else. Meanwhile the sole person present in the apartment fought the urge to scoop and fry them for dinner.

"Your best friend is out," Shin announced, immediately shaking his head when he found himself staring back at the damned wall-clock again. He turned to look at the tank and knocked at the cold surface lightly twice. "...he's not a kid with a curfew so don't wait for him to feed you. Besides, it's the first time he said he's meeting a _friend _with such a happy face. So lay the fuck off."

In the end, Shin slammed the jar he was holding down and quietly trudged his way into his room.

Barefoot he walked, almost immediately feeling strange. The living room was dim as he just turned the lights off. The dining as well, with only the slightest green and blue hue coming from the aquarium near the closed windows. The hallway where he was currently standing in the middle was quiet. He could almost imagine the sound of the rustling trees as he saw a few dried leaves fly and pass by the window at the end of the hallway.

"..."

It was strange that he felt something was...missing. He looked over his back and to the door close to him shortly. The same hallway and the same view and still it felt vastly different.

_"You say his headaches are occurring often?"_

That phone call was something that Shin didn't really intend to be making a few days ago. But even him, who only saw probably not even the worst of Shio's headaches felt slightly alarmed. Shio's doctor back in Osaka thankfully answered in the first few rings and when he accounted what he had witnessed about Shio's condition, the doctor sounded almost like...he wasn't surprised. Not at all.

_"I am not really sure how often it is..."_ Shin had replied flatly. Guilt was starting to become a regular occurrence in his day to day life for some reason now. He had been claiming he was 'taking care' and 'looking after' Shio and now that he really needed things with basis, he only had a few. _"Just...his last episode, it seemed really intense."_

The doctor in the other line went into silence, his deep breathing and a sound of some tapping were the only things Shin could hear. After some time, the doctor gave a thoughtful sigh.

_"Well Shin...all of Shio's life he'd been holed in Osaka,"_ the doctor started. _"I don't know...perhaps there are a lot of triggers in his new environment."_

_"Triggers?"_

_"Yes. Like places...most importantly...people."_

_"..."_

The older man in the other line had said a lot of things, explained a bunch of complicated matters and medical jargon but there was almost nothing that registered in Shin's head. There was a lot saying in there for Shin had always been the guy for details. Yet nothing registered. Except for the strange and surprising remarks the doctor left before hanging up.

_"Shin..."_

_"...?"_

_"I'm happy actually."_

_"...huh?"_

_"This is what? The first time, _first time _really _you_ personally called me about Shio. That brother of yours, he's as curious about you from when your family first brought him to me ten years ago...and even now, when we do our online consultation...he always mentions you."_

_"...mentions me?"_

_"Even I could notice it before. You always appear cold and aloof towards him for some reason despite that brotherly-act but I'm a doctor Shin...I'm hard to fool, "_ the doctor chuckled. His old raspy voice had the ring of youthfulness in them. _"You're starting to notice him, finally."_

_"..."_

Shin pulled the window close when he felt and tasted the scent of another downpour coming. His eyes were dark, his lips were pursed tightly.

"I'm starting...?" Shin whispered almost like he found the idea ridiculous. "..._finally_?"

The man had pulled the window close with too much strength than needed. It slammed shut, making the silence that came after much, much louder.

"..."

The doctor was wrong. That old man was really wrong. He'd always noticed Shio. From the very start of this charade up to this day, he'd been sensing to an almost intolerable degree everything about the brunette. It was just that he was ignoring everything and had hidden himself behind resentment. He didn't need the doctor to be emphasizing things that were the obvious, specially that he had lifted that veil of anger. Even he knew that this was a dangerous thing. Removing his cloak of anger had led him into seeing Shio much better. In perfect detail. In utter attraction. In searing physical desire.

But he had been able to control himself perfectly for the past ten years and it should stay that way. If it's about releasing that physical desire, there were a lot of ways. Easier and convenient.

He'd be a 'brother' to this 'Shio' until the end. He wanted to. He'd decided.

Yet every time he closes his eyes before going to sleep, the things he see were things brothers won't do. Scenes that brothers wouldn't be caught up with. Voices brothers wouldn't be talking with. Words brothers wouldn't be softly exchanging by.

"..."

He'd been switching between partners, man to woman, woman to man, constantly with different persons. His 'like' for people were only temporary. Long-term commitment wasn't in his vocabulary.

Yet the attraction to their stranger guest clothed as his brother was still oddly the same.

And at the end of it all, a small voice would come. Almost like a whisper from the devil it would softly resonate inside his mind, singing, confirming, egging, confronting.

That desire...was it just only, really, truly physical?

* * *

Everything was strangely quiet. Even when Takano was just inside his car, with the drizzle staining his windshield and the car windows, he'd never felt this warm. His eyes were focused at the still dark blue swing inside a playground. The metal ride would very gently move as though the winds were trying to play with it. The rustle of trees and the few leaves swirling on the ground before they find another new spot looked enthralling. For some reason, they looked calming.

Sitting comfortably on the driver's seat without the seat belt, the raven inclined to his left. To the left where he could just quietly stare at Ritsu's profile. To the brunette's closed eyes, to the young man's very slightly parted lips, to the very few strands of that brown hair that went astray over the brunette's brows and cheeks.

The brunette had fallen asleep, sleeping soundly, sleeping peacefully on the passenger's seat. Holding the paper bag and his leather shoulder bag on his lap, it was as though he was hugging his stuff secure. His indistinct mutterings sounded sweet in Takano's hearing.

Yet, as the many hours they'd been together that day, as those moments of togetherness passed by it was still the same. Takano just looked.

The time they went out of the coffee shop, the drizzle had finally stopped. The pavement was wet, the air tingly with the scent of soil and grass. The sky was already darkening and Shio appeared to be every bit ready to go home. Shio even already bowed and excused himself as he needed to get home early. Takano who had everything in the world to stop the brunette found himself unable to speak. He just stood there, nodded in return as his own acknowledgement of Shio's leave.

_"..."_

Takano felt suffocated. Found himself rooted right where he stood. He had confidence in his acting skills, yet he could feel his smug, nonchalant mask slowly crumbling and falling away with every step Shio took towards the other direction. He wondered where his sharp tongue went. If he'd been his usual self, he'd found every bit of excuse to prolong Shio's stay close to him. Yet there he was, a sorry mute like those hundred of cases of kittens and puppies being abandoned on the streets.

The number of people on the streets had increased drastically as the rush hour started nearing its peak. Shio was in the middle of the sea of those people, ready crossing to that pedestrian lane that Takano had been staring at earlier the entire morning.

_"..."_

Takano could tell, Shio had been anxiously staring at his wrist watch while waiting for the 'go'. The red sign finally got lifted and was replaced by the inevitable green. The hazel eyes watched the sea of people move, like a tide from one side to the other.

_"...?"_

He saw Shio standing still on his spot, a stark contrast from the group of people already moving to the other side of the wide street. Shio's eyes were down at his wrist watch before the brunette slowly looked up. Looked up towards where Takano was.

Then their gazes stayed in one straight line fogging everything. At least for Takano that was how it felt.

That gaze from Shio, his Ritsu, nearly blew Takano over. And when that very brunette started walking back close to where he was, he could only swallow the thickness in his throat. Had Shio...no Ritsu, heard him calling? Did the brunette heard him say 'wait' in his mind?

_"On second thought Takano-san, I've never treated you with anything for all the throwing-up on your shoes I did and the numerous troubles I've caused you," _Shio started upon stepping right in front of Takano._ "I can't afford anything expensive, say I treat you to an early dinner?"_

It took Takano a tad longer to calm himself. A bit of effort to pull his confident self back. A lot of his acting skills. Takano ended up raising a brow. Although the trace of smile in his eyes couldn't almost be hidden. _"Well I can lower my standards for you."_

_"You always have snide remarks, you know? Are we eating or not?" _Shio demanded, obviously not taking the previous comment to heart and passed it as almost their usual and natural way of talking. _"You've been acting strange...That's for you swimming in coffee the whole day."_

The taller man started walking, him following Shio and the brunette's pace towards a street corner that was foreign even to Takano. _"Now I am getting a scolding from someone who just received souvenirs from me. Who would have thought."_

Shio chuckled. His soft laughter mingling in with the growing scent of savory scent of chicken stocks and home made noodles from the emerging ramen houses aligned one after another. Their steps sounded calming and playful at the same time, their shoes slightly splashing into the puddles of water that had accumulated through out the day.

_"I've never treated anyone to food," _Shio mumbled as he nodded towards a little and old ramen house. There were barely enough space for seven tables and thankfully, the previous couple occupying table three had just finished. _"Besides...you look really tired. Soup will help you recover."_

The raven just followed while Shio was taking the lead. They sat at a round table, the wall to their side was made of bamboo sticks. Their seat was also made of some wooden material that was sturdy and hard yet not uncomfortable to sitting bare. The small artworks of warlords and the green plants on the side made the entire place homey. The interior was warm as the appetizing aroma of home-cooking filled in the closed space.

_"Well, master Shio, anything to recommend?"_

Shio just smiled at him knowingly and before Takano knew it, their table had been occupied of bowls and side dishes there was barely any space left on the table.

_"I wonder Takano-san," _Shio started, mixing in his noodles when their order arrived. His gaze intent at his dark-haired strange friend. _"You went to Atami to unwind...but you look more tired than relaxed. Was it not enjoyable?"_

The raven quietly chewed his noodles first, feeling the curiosity from the brunette across him. _"Hmm, I guess I was just having a hard time keeping up."_

_"...?"_

Inhaling and exhaling softly, Takano looked at Shio's eyes and gave a small smile. _"You see, I finally found the person I've been looking for."_

_"Eh?"_ Shio blinked, his chopsticks to his noodles halting._ "Shouldn't that be a happy occasion?"_

_"It is,"_ Takano nodded. _"But I couldn't approach them the way everything is."_

_"...why?"_

Takano stared longer than he had intended. Deeper than he had wanted. He only looked down back at his bowl of noodles when he felt the corner of his eyes grow warm. _"It's...hard to explain."_

Shio knitted his brows_. "Somehow, you're acting differently than how you normally used to Takano-san."_

_"How I used to? Like how?"_

_"I don't know," _the brunette shrugged. _"Like you're lost about something."_

The raven couldn't help but smile at that before bringing the glass of water on the table close to his lips.

_"I'm not always in control."_

_"That's nice to know then,"_ Shio mumbled._ "Director Takano is not made of iron."_

_"I'm very fragile to be honest."_

Shio almost laughed out loud, saying the word didn't fit the man. He later shook his head shortly before bringing his attention back to his food. The happy nonsense talks, the loud yet calming sound of soups being sipped and noodles being eaten felt so much different.

As for Takano, it wasn't entirely a joke. He was even serious about everything he'd said during their early dinner. About him having a hard time keeping up, about him not being in control of everything, about him being vulnerable. Everything was true.

"..."

The confines of his own car gave Takano the comfort that Ritsu was really there. The slight breathing, the other's warmth all served to be as proof. Yet it was evident that this distance was nothing but a lie. They were so close now, with merely tens of inches apart, but Ritsu still felt so far away.

Being near to someone so far was more excruciating. Funny that the short distance of nothing but an illusion was beginning to be more painful. Torture even.

The hands that wanted to confirm, to touch, to reach out, he fought them all and just stayed still on his seat.

Takano only looked. Engraved in his mind every detail that changed from childhood down to the present. Just what does he have to do to close in? If he were younger and didn't knew any better, he probably would have just dived in with his head first. But it wasn't so simple. It would never be simple given the families, the lives, the persons, the relationships included. Takano would either break one to mend one. Or break one and breaking another. And worse, everything broken with nothing fixed.

Takano closed his eyes briefly. All he wanted was to say sorry. How can his careless act as a stupid brat turn things in a chaos like this?

When Takano opened his eyes again, the time on his dashboard blinked at him 8:10 in the evening. The drizzle was starting to get stronger and he knew, it would become a steady rain sooner by the sudden cluster of thick ominous looking clouds above.

"Shio?" he called softly.

The brunette on the passenger seat showed no sign of waking up. The young man remained closed to the world, into his dream land. Takano's voice was betraying him. If he had wanted to really wake up Shio, he would have called with a louder and firmer tone. But he was just whispering around, almost as though his pathetic way of extending this rare opportunity.

The rush of emotions was too greater than Takano had expected. But all he could do was just gently brush his hand to the brunette's right hand resting on top of the latter's leather bag. His voice was breaking. His breathing was deepening. His eyes blurring.

"Thank you," Takano whispered softly it was barely there. "You right beside me finally after so many..."

Takano swallowed his remaining words and drew a deep breath. He then all too suddenly slammed his hand abruptly at the paper bag on Shio's lap. The sound it made startled the brunette wide awake.

"Wow, do you intend to spend the night here in my car? I'm tired remember? I need to go home too," Takano said in his faked complaint, thank heavens the darkness inside his car offered him a hide-out from the brunette's gaze. "Or do you need me to carry you up to your apartment?"

Shio wearily looked around, as though he still couldn't grasp where he was. "Ah...Sorry..."

Takano nodded towards the drippings across the windshield. "You should go hurry before it gets stronger."

"Ah...yeah...sorry for dozing off," the brunette darted to Takano, and strangely looked far longer as though he was contemplating about something. "T-thank you."

The raven pulled a smile, although he was sure that it looked unnatural in the dim. "Thanks too for the treat."

Hopping out of the car, Shio carefully hugged everything of his belongings against his chest while still leaning down in an attempt to look back at the driver's seat.

"Hurry up," Takano ordered. "What're you waiting for? Don't catch a cold."

"Takano-san," Shio called, hesitancy obvious in his tone.

"Hmm?"

Shio looked at Takano with wide green eyes for a moment before pursing his lips in a smile. "Nothing," he said as he stepped back. The brunette nodded once more before completely running towards the long shed snaking around the building itself.

Once Takano saw that the brunette was already under the shed some five meters away, Takano started bringing the car back to life. His lips tight, his eyes stinging. Shio waved a little 'goodbye' to him and Takano responded by bringing the headlights bright at the front. He pulled slightly back and then in a matter of seconds, swiftly drove away.

"..."

Takano threw a quick glance at his rear view mirror and his grip to the steering wheel grew tighter. Shio was still there in the shed having not moved an inch. As the rain got stronger, Takano flicked the window wipers on in front, his gaze flickering over the road ahead and his rear view mirror alternately. The brunette was still there, looking at his direction. Shio was still there until Takano had to turn to a curb and he lost sight of him.

"..."

The raven hit on the accelerator, the car moving fast under the rain. Once again, whenever Takano felt like really breaking down, it's the skies doing it for him.

* * *

Shio could sense the coldness the sudden rain brought in his surroundings. Even when the shed was offering him shelter from the growing rain, he could still feel pins of wet coldness against his cheeks. The droplets of water from the plants hanging over the sides of the shed splashed from small leaf to small leaf and landing on Shio's skin.

The breeze, together with the rustling of the trees added to his confusion.

Shio'd been awake. Maybe around fifteen minutes earlier than what Takano Masamune had thought. When he first opened his eyes, the clock at the dashboard said 7:55. He was about to turn to the owner of the car to apologize for dozing off like stupid. He felt really embarrassed for sleeping in someone else's car, when even he didn't sleep inside his brother's.

He was about moving, perhaps lifting a hand or slightly sitting up straight to call for Takano's attention. But he froze when he heard a noise. No, more than a noise, it sounded like a hard breathing. Breathing of someone who was trying hard not to make a sound.

_"Eh?" _Shio could still clearly remember it. Vividly like a photograph shoved right in his face. Takano had suddenly rested his head against the steering wheel, clutching somewhere over his shirt. The brunette could only slowly bring his gaze back at the front, not moving, even almost slowing down his own breathing.

When Takano Masamune was acting that way, there was no way Shio could just go and break into such a matter he knew the man would rather choose not be seen. In the end, the brunette closed his eyes again, feigning sleep and giving Takano privacy, although he knew that by doing so he was already intruding by faking sleep.

Perhaps this new friend of his was really having a hard time from that Atami visit. Perhaps that person Takano found was so important a person that just a simple approach was hard to do. And even when Shio wasn't accustomed to what friends do at a time like this, he felt strangely sad.

There was something odd at seeing men like Takano in a scenario which strongly contradicts their way of almost perfect life during the day.

_"..."_

From the rustle of clothes, Shio could feel Takano had finally straightened up. But Shio decided to wait, just a bit longer, for the proper time he could go 'awake' without making it awkward for the two of them.

But then, every minute and every second inside the confines of that very car made it increasingly difficult for Shio to move and say he's awake. Specially when the raven started calling his name.

_"Shio...Shio?"_

That voice was way too soft, too affectionate that it sent shivers down the brunette's spine. As much as it bothered him was as much as it made him feel disoriented. He could sense in the very tone, in the very manner the ragged feeling of exhaustion...of holding back.

Transparent strings from the skies came steadily down, the sound of the wind drowned by the rain.

Standing alone in the shed, Shio started rubbing the top of his right hand where he felt a tingle of shock. When Shio felt that larger and warmer hand from the raven earlier over his briefly, as though it just feathered over there softly, it rendered him really immobile. A lot of whys was starting to take form in his rushing mind yet the next things he heard made him ache for some reason he could not really tell.

_"Thank you..."_ Takano had whispered softly. Almost like a passing breeze. _"You right beside me finally after so many..."_

Shio stood there under the shed feeling conflicted. As much as he felt the strong feelings of pain and deep longing in Takano's voice, his own anxiousness was starting to grow. He had wanted to ask Takano why the man brushed his hand over his like that. Why he said those things in hush as though trying to keep a secret.

But in the end, Shio could not voice his questions out. He just stood there watching the car go farther and finally out of sight.

A part of Shio was getting curious.

And a greater part of him was beginning to be afraid.

* * *

**chapter end notes:**

argh. oh my goodness me. i need to get my own RL stuff going. :)

thank you for the time reading. please share your thoughts. AND to all those readers, specially those who aren't logged in when leaving kind encouragements, THANK YOU VERY MUCH FROM THE DEEPEST PARTS OF MY TWISTED SOUL! XD

ps. i'm writing an original BL fiction. (actually i've finished two chaps already but i haven't posted it yet. do you want to read it? i'm thinking of posting it in livejournal or something. don't know. any suggestions? XDXD

anyway, have a great day!

~shuusetsu


	18. Enmity

**Enmity**

* * *

The ice had began to melt. The drippings from the glasses in front of them slid down, leaving a faint trace on the beige fabric covering the small table. To their right was the glass panes, revealing a dark night sky that had been so generous for not shedding a single drop of rain to this important day. To their left was the intricately designed doors, closed and shut tight, not allowing even the slightest hiss of waters, or the very upbeat songs from a band up at the deck.

It was a room considerably spacious and starkly bare. There was only a table. Two chairs across each other and another dark-blue leather sofa close to the wall. It was totally out of place in a cruise ship where every space and every corner had been lavishly designed and decorated. It was like a space left alone from all of the events going up the deck, and from all of the people busy serving the entire number of guests.

"..."

Takano Masamune just silently angled his glass at different sides, watching the red liquid sway inside like a calm teasing wave.

"..."

Haitani Shin on the other side just watched his own drink with the same quiet gaze.

They've been inside that room long after the KATAI anniversary had started. Ten minutes? Fifteen? More? There was really no sure way of telling. The time inside felt so slow and dragging. The heaviness was also becoming obvious. But both seem to be lost in their own thoughts, or weighing where to start.

When a cube of ice slid down the couple inside producing this soft 'clink' in the air, Haitani Shin finally lifted his gaze.

"So, Director Takano?" the owner of Umi Gari started. "Calling me here, I don't suppose we're to exchange our views about your wine and my whiskey."

The raven angled his glass too much inclined to the other side as though he was trying to pour and spill his drink all over the table. But he abruptly rested it secure back on the surface quietly. He let a long silence stretch before eyeing the other man across him.

"No, Haitani," Takano said calmly while slightly shaking his head. "We're not here for that."

There was a very slight twitch of Haitani Shin's brow. The tone and all business formalities had been set loose so it seemed by the other man. Given that, Shin crossed his legs, very slightly smiling.

"Well then, what is it Takano?"

"Why?" the raven asked. "Are you in a hurry?"

"No, of course not. I'm very accommodating to our clients after all. Not to mention," Haitani narrowed his eyes, his smile as cold as his drink. "...you've become my younger brother's good _friend_."

It was Takano Masamune's turn to smile. A smile which was clashing with Shin's.

"Right. Your dear brother," the raven leaned closer to the table, letting both his elbows rest on the surface while he clasped his hands in a relaxed manner. "I haven't seen him since the event started."

"I told him not to come," Shin replied, picking up his drink, sipping a few before putting it down. "I just recently hired a manager for Umi Gari and she's assisting me now for this event."

"I see," Takano said as he nodded. "That's great."

"Great?"

"Let's talk about him. About your brother."

"What is there to talk about?"

"..."

Both men lifted their gazes from their drinks towards each other. Any other person who'd see them could deduce the both as having serious business-related matters. However, that wasn't the case. It was the beginning of what could probably serve as an end to their ordinary, peaceful days.

"Oh...a lot," Takano finally replied. "Like ten years worth of who he is not."

* * *

A day back and a couple of hours ago...

It was completely at the opposite direction. A place he shouldn't be at. A waste of precious forty-five minutes. Minutes even he could have used for longer sleep, or for any kind of shit bachelors do in the mornings. But there he was, parked at an odd angle from a certain apartment. An apartment which wasn't his, nor any of his relatives.

His long fingers were doing a rhythmic tapping, lightly going once and a bit faster at some point over the sleek steering wheel. The smoke inside the car swirling coming from the cigarette in his mouth served as a thin veil to any by passers who'd look to his direction. Not like it was of any use as the windows were heavy tinted. The smoke would be briefly sucked out by the partially opened car windows, replaced by a slightly cool breeze from the morning.

The pavement was still wet, the sun light creating an illusion of the road sparkling from a certain point. All of the green landscaping ahead of him, including its five storeys with real vines snaking around the entire building would have peeked his interest at some point. But it didn't. Even the young ladies in their running attires, and even the all too bright and warm sunlight different from the previous days of raining didn't seem to strike any interest in him.

All he was doing was staring at the main entrance of the apartment. All those figures that have went in and out at random times looked so mundane that he would throw or stifle a yawn every now and then.

"..."

He started looking at his passenger seat where there was a newspaper he had just thrown. The front page included his company's fancy anniversary in a couple of days. He reached out with one hand and started flipping. And like he'd been conditioned at a certain presence, his eyes wandered from the newspaper straight to the main entrance of that apartment.

There was a young man who just stepped out. The hair on that head was blinding, like a sort of flaming gold, although in reality it was light brown. He watched that guy take careful movements down the building's steps until he was already at the shed. The guy briefly looked up as if appraising the sky. Then even from such distance could not be mistaken as smiling.

Takano's initial composure vanished together with his swirling cigarette smoke. His senses had awoken with a start. He just fixed himself on the leather seat of his car, stiffly craning his head at the direction where that brunette was going. He watched him from such a distance, not quite far to not see anything, and not too close either to be easily noticed.

Haitani Shio even glanced at Takano's car's direction. But it was just a routine gaze with no particular meaning. Those green eyes went back to looking ahead and focusing on to waiting for a cab.

"..."

Takano slumped to his seat. His hazel gaze still fixed at the brunette's back. The sight he was seeing was no extraordinary. It was a regular Tuesday with regular morning workers filling at the waiting shed. It was a regular day with such predictable movements from people; some looking at their wristwatches, some staring at their phones, some just standing and nodding to the tune in their earphones.

"..."

There wasn't anything striking or fancy in the scene he was seeing. He just focused his gaze on that back and on that hair. No biggie. Yet the very reflection of the side view mirror of his car revealed slightly smiling lips. A satisfied glint in those hazel-eyes. A much better mood. And then he would sigh. He would nod. And he would finally drive back to where he came from to his office.

_"Huh you did what?"_ the abrupt voice of a man from the loud speaker didn't sound as sunny as the morning weather. _"You gone insane Saga?"_

"What?"

_"You're a freaking stalker!"_

"Why is it stalking? I just want to see a glimpse of his face before I start working the hellish day before the freaking anniversary," Takano muttered as he waited for some early pedestrians into crossing the streets. His voice sounded not the least bit defensive, as though he found sound reason in his very actions. "I've been out of charge for so long...you know that..."

The voice in the other line forced a laugh. _"Saga...am I really talking to you? Hello? Who is this idiot?"_

"..."

_"Oi, you did this yesterday too, saying it's just a one time thing. It's Tuesday today. And I am not even emphasizing yet the fact that you actually ate your lunch and dinner to Umi Gari yesterday which for of course, the reason is glaringly obvious! Are you trying to make this a new hobby?"_

"Look Rui," Takano began as he started picking up pace. Just seeing that particular person's face had made the beginning of his day significantly lighter, strangely smoother, that perhaps even if he gets stuck in a horrible traffic, he'd still be humming. "You're exaggerating. I don't go picking up the trashes he's thrown or picked up his cups or tissues he left."

_"Wow, and that should soothe me?" _Rui sarcastically blurted. _"The fact that you even brought the idea makes me scared!"_

The raven chuckled. "I'm just kidding. I'm actually very harmless."

The long pause from the doctor stationed in Atami made Takano glance to the phone on his passenger seat. He thought the call had finally ended or the man had just hang up on him, or the man had just fallen back asleep altogether. But the call was still on going. It was only about after a whole minute that Takano heard some creaking of the bed and lazy sounding footsteps probably leaving the room that it confirmed Rui was still on the other line.

_"Saga, I know that you already know this too. But I'll say it anyway."_

"..."

_"The more you look, the more you'd like to reach out and confirm. The more it'd be hard to control yourself. We don't want that. _You_ don't want that."_

Takano only sighed. Of course he knew that. Of course he'd know that of all people. But what he didn't know, and actually was just starting to realize was the very fact that stalkers _don't _really realize that they _are _alreadystalking someone.

In his case, someone who've been and still of great importance would naturally draw his eyes. His attention. His whole focus. He'd want to see them. He'd want to be close to them as possible. He'd want to watch what they were being busy about. He'd want to check him with his own two eyes. He'd even want to hear them all of the freaking time of the day.

Ritsu does all that to him. What could he do against that?

"You know," Takano started with a slightly off-toned ring in his voice. "He used to stalk me too."

Rui who was currently pouring himself hot chocolate from a pot found himself frowning. The phone tucked between his jaw and shoulder almost slid down to the floor if not him capturing it hurriedly. In exchange though, some of the chocolate had spilled all over his table.

The doctor carefully breathed in and breathed out, wiping the mess with a cloth and the other holding his phone. He knew it was intended as a joke and Takano did try saying it that way. The truth of the matter was it didn't come across as such. Rui knew everything entirely about that brunette was no way a joke and he didn't want the both of them to be talking something so depressing so early in the morning. So he just ended up acting the way he would have ten years back; Bad-mouthing Takano.

_"Oi Director,"_ Rui drawled. _"Onodera-san as a high schooler stalking you sounds and must have looked cute. Because I can't see him having any other motive than just gazing purely and innocently at a bastard like you."_

Takano shook his head, his face crunching in a boyish grin. He knew the idiot doctor was just being accommodating. He really did appreciate that.

_"You on the other hand, as a grown up doing this is nothing but creepy. Get your act together. Moron."_ Rui said hurriedly before ending the call in haste. It left a sudden loud silence in the car that didn't vanish even when Takano turned the radio on after.

The man stared ahead after stopping at another intersection. The red light was there, sucking his vision in, painting his head disturbing scarlet. Takano didn't really like to label what he had just started doing as 'stalking'. He just wanted to confirm that this wasn't just a product of his imagination gone havoc.

What he was feeling right now, what he was doing, could that really be called as blatant stalking? He was just looking. Longing.

Back then, he'd always called Onodera Ritsu as 'stalker' or the likes without care. He'd made sure that their lines were nothing but the 'stalker' and the one who's being 'stalked'. Honestly he'd even subtly pointed it as a huge inconvenience to him while openhandedly enjoying all of the brunette's generousness and kindness.

A stalker was a presence people didn't want to be with. They were seen as low idiots, a nuisance, a harmful one that needed to get locked permanently somewhere far.

Now Takano knew. Being called or labelled as stalker hurts. Specially when the word taints what was real and actually pure.

This wasn't mere want of following someone. It was so much more than that. And if he wanted to set things straight, who'd be better to talk to than the person acting as the 'brother'?

* * *

Haitani Shin's lips curled into a bigger smile. As though he was nothing but amused. "...of who he is not...?"

"..."

"If he's not who he is, then who is he?" Shin asked, his other hand on the table.

Takano's face darkened. "I am not trying to play word games with you."

"Well I am not interested in playing one either," Shin said, almost like he would laugh the next. However, after pulling a smile, his face darkened as well, throwing the same distrusting gaze back at the raven. "What do you want from my brother?"

"I..." Takano looked down, for a moment seemingly lost himself. He could hear the pulsing in his head as though something inside his head would explode soon. He looked at Shin while his numbing fingers began to fumble into the inside pocket of his black coat. Slowly, carefully, Takano let the thin piece of object in his fingertips rest on top of the table before pushing it closer to the other man.

Haitani Shin looked down at the object pushed closer to his. All he saw was a still smiling young brunette. Eyes blazing green into the afternoon sunlight. Lips shyly yet still charmingly smiling. Arms hugging an hoard of old books. His background was obviously a school library.

"His name is Onodera Ritsu," Takano mumbled, every syllable sounding so heavy. "He was...he was fifteen when he went missing. Two months of futile rescue operations. His classmates, even his own parents prepared a funeral for him...apparently he drowned."

There was an obvious change on Shin's gaze. That person in the picture was strangely familiar yet still an altogether stranger to him. He'd wanted to pick that picture and scrutinize it further. But something unfathomable held him back.

Shin brought his eyes back to Takano's. "What do you want?"

"I want Ritsu back."

"..."

"You already stole ten years worth of time from the people who care about him. I have every reason to believe that your brother Shio is Ritsu. And that is not without basis," the man almost gritted his teeth. "...I want him back."

Shin studied Takano with pursed lips. It lasted for a few seconds as though he had decided not to speak anymore. This very conversation was already beginning as a drunk person's conversation when both of them were completely sober still. Shin would have laughed, but he didn't. He just stared at Takano as if for the first time.

"The people in a particular yacht rescued someone ten years ago. There was a witness for that. For some reason, instead of turning over that fifteen year-old male to the authorities, the people who did the rescuing vanished into thin air after selling the yacht as if hiding something."

"..."

"Why did you hide him? Rescuing him then taking him away? Why?"

Shin looked back at the picture, feeling like there was a stone suddenly stuck in his throat.

"So his real name is 'Ritsu' huh...?"

What Shin had said almost made Takano's color drain from his face. "You're...not denying that he's..."

"We took him because Shio died."

Takano stared faltering. "..."

"Shio died and this smiling kid here in the picture..." Shin suddenly smiled. But it wasn't sarcasm. It wasn't even how he imagined he'd acknowledge this brunette. But looking back at it now without the ill-feelings, he couldn't think of any other word. "...we rescued him, but he saved us."

"..."

"So...we're all criminals in your eyes and I don't plan on saying otherwise," the previous sheen of grief and sadness in Shin's eyes had already vanished like they never even appeared there. He only fixed his gaze at Takano with the same cold eyes he was having from the beginning of their conversation. "Don't break my grandmother and father's heart. They love 'Shio' more than anything else."

Takano was completely stiff. He had wanted to be entirely unconcerned about the Haitani family especially that this very guy in front of him wasn't denying what they've done. Strictly speaking, this was even a kidnapping case. A criminal and vicious one. But he'd seen through little researching a few of that old woman's pictures. Her business was into Kimono making, hand-made and often boasts to people that the best model out there was her grandson. She was nearing ninety years, frail yet still strives to happily live. She describes 'Shio' as her little emerald treasure that sets everything bland alive. Even that older Haitani man had said once that whatever 'Shio' ends up to be, he'd be still proud of having him as a son.

How to take Ritsu back without ruining them?

"Shio doesn't remember anything."

"..."

"If you really want him back, make him remember," Shin suddenly stood. His gaze dark. "And when he does remember...let him decide. It's not as though I am against him gaining his memories back."

Takano stood himself, not sure what to think of this sense of 'cooperation' with Shin. He had expected in all honesty that the man would deny, feign ignorance or even act angry about the whole thing.

"Why are you...being so open about this?"

Shin shrugged, turning around to walk towards the door. Right before Shin opened the door, he rested his hand on the knob, glancing over Takano with a very perplexing glint in his narrow eyes.

"I have witnessed him growing up Takano," Shin started softly. "Ten years...that's ten years. I'm sure you've realized matters in that long span of time. I don't mean to judge and that's why you're even here in front of me carrying his photo."

"..."

"I too have realized many things in the past couple of weeks." Shin mumbled as though he had solved his own puzzle. "I've waited for this to happen if I would be honest with you."

The look in Shin's eyes made Takano felt a thump somewhere. As though he just saw and heard a boulder crossing and blocking the supposed to be finally clearing path. The more the raven was hearing Shin's words, the clearer it was becoming why he couldn't really extinguish this sense of enmity.

"There are many things that I won't be able to express and do as a 'brother'."

"...?"

"You're not the only one here who wishes to introduce himself to 'Ritsu' without the lies."

* * *

**chapter end notes:**

yaho! how have you been guys? thanks for the continuous support. did anyone of you watch the opening of the Rio Olympics? i got emotional really. it was beautiful. the world is so crazy politically and economically and all so i do enjoy watching sports where everyone has got a chance to be all 'equal'. just pure talent and hardwork. XD

ps. still can't decide where to put up that original BL story i've been writing. so i posted it up in tumblr. :) please check it out too if you have time. the title is Balcony of Sins under the blogtitle 'shuusetsuoriginals'

(without the spaces :))

shuusetsuoriginals -dot- tumblr -dot- com

have a great day!

~shuusetsu


	19. Swayed

**Swayed**

* * *

Shin had seen far beautiful faces, had mingled with elegant personalities, had chided with witty minds. Yet no one, man or woman, had taken his breath away. Not once. Not even the people he'd gone out with. So someone pray tell him why the hell was this happening to him _now._

In the most inelegant manner, in the most dubious expression, with a freaking toothbrush stuck in that small mouth in front of him, why the hell was he feeling that someone had just hit him front and back. A force on both sides that literally just fixed him where he stood by the genkan.

"Sorry, Nii-san," came that apologetic voice bordering between muffled and breathy. "I was in the bathroom, didn't hear you ringing the doorbell..."

"Yeah, I can even see thoroughly what you're doing in the bathroom," Shin replied, almost about stammering but had already moved past the brunette towards the hallway. "My fault anyway. Forgot my card key."

The taller man walked briskly, silent on his feet until he dropped his bag on the low table and just threw himself on the sofa. Shio was just a few steps behind him and Shin could still feel eyes fixed on him as he released a tired exhale.

"Did you drink too much?" Shio asked concerned. "Want some tea?"

"No thanks," Shin groaned as he raised an arm over his eyes, briefly catching time on the wall clock which was presenting 12:38 in the morning. "Just finish up and go to bed."

After a few minutes, when Shin turned to his side feeling another's presence, he narrowed his gaze at the sight of a steaming cup of tea on the low table, and the back of his brother leaving a second time and going back to the bathroom.

Shin sighed, rather exaggeratedly and turned to the opposite side of the sofa, facing the wall.

He wasn't drunk. He didn't even drink. It would look like the birthday celebration he had attended that night drained him of his energy. But it wasn't the case. That wasn't even close to it.

Shin closed his eyes tighter, as though the act could extinguish the annoying things flashing in his head that must have triggered all this. This night was Sena's thirty-secondth birthday. That bulky man who'd pass as a brawler owning a low-key bar, faster than a shooting star in changing partners, whom Shin was still calling as a 'friend' despite them just literally egging each other of their own faults, hosted this small party.

It was located at a rented hotel suite where Sena and a few close friends had started breaking their vocal chords singing out loud and out of tune. Shin had arrived quite later than the rest as he had a little meeting with his restaurant's manager. When he arrived there around nine-thirty, the moment he pushed open the suite's door, Shin almost turned his back.

_"Sena..."_

The man of the night who was hitting X Japan's Forever Love in the most shattering way pushed the microphone to his other friend and ran swiftly to Shin with an equally annoying smirk.

_"My gifts over there. Take your pick." _Sena had said, nodding and expectant.

Shin smiled, eyes deadly though when he brought his eyes towards where Sena's gaze was directed. On the other side of the suite were a little number of persons Shin had no idea about. They looked about the same age as him, looked decent and professional and well...they all looked damn everything in his 'type' checklist.

Sena nudged him on the shoulder while snickering. _"You stopped seeing that really pretty woman. So go and have a pick over there. They're really good people...with good traits here and experts _there_."_

Shin nudged Sena back a little much too harder which sent Sena stepping a few steps back, exaggerating a pained expression. _"What is this treatment my friend? I show you the best in my circle and this is what I get?"_

_"Since when did you become the ambassador of the stupid cupids?" _Shin sarcastically muttered as he finally let himself be guided deeper into the suite. _"Makes me sick."_

To be honest, the early evening had been nice. No heavy traffic and he actually considered the birthday party of his long time friend promising after a long day's work. It was not even surprising that since his friend knew his 'tastes' and had been acting the bridge for a long time now but only ever failed, had invited a lot who fitted the very descriptions of what could set Shin loose just like in his university days; women with immaculate black hair, all in conservative dresses yet still sexy in a way. Men in casual clothing, green eyes and brown hair, fake and real combined.

Shin gave it a thought. Maybe he would actually find himself enjoying the rest of the night, like a beast freed from his cage.

"..."

Yet he just felt cold, blatant, zero nothing. The spacious room under the blinking made-up light for the slightly sultry effect annoyed Shin for some reason. Instead of appreciation, he found all the flaw his eyes could make. Especially for the men who had expressed interest. For Shin, strangely enough their hairs weren't to the shade he liked. Their fragrances was either too much, strong or just nauseating. And their eyes weren't 'green' enough or vibrant or honest enough.

In their private rented room in a hotel where the party animals were starting to get engulfed by liquor and smoke, all Shin felt was a huge boredom. Which was another surprising thing since he had liked and enjoyed the fading consciousness and the start of rising acts from instincts and the deliriousness that came with it the next.

When everyone else had started to literally get swept by the birthday celebration and the prospect of spending the night with someone who wouldn't just stay for the sex, Shin was mostly just eager to get home.

Home to where the smell of coffee, and faint inexpensive shampoo stuck against the covers of his sofa would magically calm him. Home to where his goldfishes were just ignoring him. Home to where he could oddly sense a slight new feeling with each of the passing hours of the passing days.

_"Ah...I have never been wrong with my assumptions..." _a guy mumbled out of thin air, slightly sounding disappointed. _"But I guess that's why everything has a first. I thought you were single."_

Shin's bored eyes instantly dropped to the guy sitting beside him on the couch. He was met by green eyes reflecting Shin's honest to goodness shocked face.

_"Well...I am single." _He replied calmly as a breeze.

The other guy laughed, as if it was a drunkard's mumble he just heard._ "Oh come on. Not only are you _not_ single, you're even one loyal dog at that."_

_"...?"_

_"I go here and you act like nothing. Sena had said you're game to anything and everything. Did he actually say that to embarrass me?"_ the guy shook his head though, amused for some reason._ "Well Sir, I'll leave you then. I might just get so depressed for being ignored by a stick-to-one handsome guy. Have a great night."_

Shin cringed. It was so hilarious yet he couldn't laugh.

Those people in Sena's party were all nice people, no doubt about that. Nice, amiable and very not bad in the eyes. That guy who spoke to Shin there had even striking green eyes and brown hair reaching his elegant shoulders. He would have been a catch. That guy was beautiful in all the ways one could describe the word. But Shin didn't feel anything. Even when that very guy had so openly touched his thigh initially to get his attention and talk, he felt nothing. None at all.

So really, why the hell had he become such a stupid breathless idiot at the sight of this guy in his apartment? In that state of creased shirt, grossly messy brown hair and in the middle of brushing his teeth no less?

All that he felt in that party was the sense of scripted coyness, scripted shyness, scripted everything or over confidence about themselves that suddenly, his head was about to explode of everything in there that was not 'Shio'.

"Shit..." Shin groaned once more, hearing the faint sound of the running water from the shower just a freaking couple of steps away from him.

He already failed to enjoy that KATAI anniversary some week ago, thanks to that unlikable raven. That had given him an enormous deal to think about which he just couldn't even face this very moment. And add this again that he failed to enjoy a birthday party which he could and would have had, had he been in his usual self.

Seriously though, he wasn't his usual self. It had slowly eroded somewhere along the lines. He should have prepared himself for this when he opened his doors. On the outside he was still impressed he could sound and act as the impregnable older brother. Yet the problem was the 'brother' sense itself was starting slip away.

At an alarmingly fast rate.

* * *

He may not be the smartest person in the world. Most often than not, he could be the type to learn something that others have already found out ages ago. His instincts must have gone rustic from all the sheltered upbringing he'd had experienced. But he guessed, Shio guessed, that you don't have to be a genius to take notice of one thing. Specially when that one thing was occurring more and more and more often.

"..."

Shio had left Umi Gari early. His brother had hired a very dependable woman manager which made the mayhem in the restaurant's management at bay. He was still working as Shin's assistant though. But lately that older brother of his was being weird. Weird in the sense that Shin would only pass to him now all the easiest things to be done.

He sighed deeply. When he looked around the streets were he was walking, the sun was still up there, although about leaving in a few hours. It wasn't only the sky that was hinting a touch of red from the coming evening. The occasional trees in-between establishments and the very eye-catching patch of land kilometers long and wide serving as a greenery in the middle of the city, was already starting to sport hues and peeks of pinkish and brownish colours that would soon flourish into flaming reds.

Autumn was just around the corner, excited already that it was soon showing the beginning of its take over.

Shio felt a slight chill past around his neck and took note of looking for his thicker clothes once he get home. It annoyed Shio that he was so bad with the heat. But he's also so bad with the cold. He could already be a helpless leaf in autumn. He was a hopeless twig in winter.

After passing a few high schoolers mumbling about their cram schools, Shio remembered that there was hardly anything for the goldfishes to eat. Luckily, the pet shop he frequents was just a few blocks away from him. He walked, just taking in the scenery and just being content that somehow, his life with his older brother was becoming much easier, more comfortable, and actually more fun.

His heart would beat strangely every now and then when looking at his older brother's face or back but he would shove the sensations to the side. Keeping them safely hidden where only those silent goldfishes would know.

The brunette was greeted by a lovely young girl, a part-timer in the rather huge pet-shop and Shio headed straight to the food section. After a few minutes with his hoard in his small basket, his eyes just landed on one particular figure. To that tall man with velvet black hair, in a suit, hazel-gazed profile looking over colorful pebbles in trays on a long table.

"..."

It was no doubt that the intimidating man over there was KATAI Director Takano-san.

_"...again?"_

Shio would have been a happy idiot to see a man who surprisingly became a good friend of his. He really would. Not until he started feeling a little strange about some things he couldn't place.

After the KATAI anniversary that he didn't attend, he started receiving e-mails more frequently from the man. They were just the ordinary 'how are yous' and trivial exchange between males like their days had been full of shit and such.

That wasn't even the strange thing. The strange part was this; when Shio would just notice this man in certain places where he was. The previous times, they'd have just approached each other and laughed at this 'coincidence'. Sure, they were in the same city it was not surprising to bump into each other on the streets. Not really weird that they'd see each other in the same supermarket. Or that they would end up back to back at a jam packed train in the morning rush hour.

"..."

It was as though he's being 'followed'.

But why in the world would a man in such high status be trailing him anyway? So in the end, Shio could just put it up as really strange 'coincidences'. What hammered down the unease that had started to build in him though was some of the raven's questions. Questions mostly related to his childhood which obviously he had no answer.

Shio had wanted to just go home early. But at the same time, he found his feet moving towards the raven all the same because he didn't want to be rude. He should at least greet the man, being the friends they were.

"If I hadn't known better, I think you're following me Takano-san."

The raven who was currently looking at an emerald pebble in his fingers glanced to his left. The man didn't even look one bit surprised to see him standing there. The hazel eyes just moved to meet his green ones and studied him closely.

"Then I guess I am?" Takano Masamune finally replied, curling one corner of his lip up. "What brought you here?"

Shio looked down briefly in his basket. "Uh, fish food and uhm...some toys to put inside the tank. What about you Takano-san?"

"Was thinking if I should keep a fish too. They say they calm you," Takano then looked back at the colorful array of smooth rocks before him. "...Which I guess is I badly need because lately it's just everything but calm."

"..."

All the unease in Shio vanished. All that was there in him was a sudden concern. Takano Masamune seemed out of sorts.

* * *

It was ridiculous to see a man in expensive suit standing next to an octopus-shaped slide. There were still some kids playing and sliding down its wide tentacles. A few boys building up mountains in the sand box and some little girls just enjoying quiet childish gossiping on one large stone table and stone chairs.

Shio was carrying warm canned coffees. All the stuff he had bought from the pet shop were silently waiting in between the raven's feet, down the ground. The fire of fading green in the man's background with the energetic kids running occasionally behind and in front of the man looked odd. It was as though amidst all the fast movements of the kids, that raven who started moving to sit on one of the two empty swings was left stuck in a slow motion. The faraway and tired gaze was the most unusual.

"It's about turning fall," Shio started, throwing something about the change of season than point out that he'd been calling Takano for five times already. "Coffee?"

"Ah-thanks."

The man did accept the offered comfort drink for him. He did open the can too. But after the first sip, the can found itself just being held with one hand and resting on one knee. In a matter of seconds the can of coffee seemed to have been forgotten entirely.

Shio silently finished his own canned drink before crushing the can tight around his fingers.

"Something bothering you?" Shio asked slowly and softly. "You look tired."

Takano Masamune looked at him, such a quiet gaze before sighing and looking up at a huge tree before them. There were already a few leaves changing colors which was good and somehow saddening.

"I had a long day. Meetings regarding KATAI. Meeting with certain people. I just felt really drained after my last meeting today."

Shio nodded in understanding. He was not a director and he was already about dying when they were having their weekly general meetings with the restaurant's staff. Takano must be shouldering a greater deal causing severe exhaustion which was not such a surprise.

"The woman I had a meeting this afternoon cried at me. And her husband was soon stabbing me with his bread knife had she did not stop him. It was really...tiring."

Shio threw his gaze to the man beside him, his mouth half-open in disbelief. He'd half believed it as a joke but Takano's profile said otherwise.

"Why would a client cry over a business meeting? Bankruptcy?"

Takano laughed finally. Although with it mingled a touch of desperation. Frustration.

"I told them something that sounded delirious and stupid about the possible situation of their... child. So they got angry at me, didn't believe me and told me I am a heartless, mindless bastard. I knew it's going to be tough. And I am actually confident with my physical and mental stamina...who would have thought..."

"..."

Shio eyed Takano for a brief moment before sighing. He had noticed by now that this raven would somehow throw really incomprehensible words that he couldn't understand. Words that sounded heavy but wouldn't make any sense. When he press for them out of curiosity, he ended up getting smirked at saying all was just a bad joke. He then just reached out and tugged the chain of the swing, lightly kicking off the ground to start moving. It made Takano look at him.

"What are you doing?" the raven asked as Shio began kicking his feet gently on the ground, moving forward and backward soothingly and slowly.

"Try this."

"Hah?"

"My dad built a swing back home as a Christmas present when I was seventeen. I forget things that worry me when I can see myself getting closer to the sky and higher."

"Pfft."

The raven didn't so much as moved an inch on his swing and just openly looked at Shio while the latter was already almost high towards the sky. He looked content just looking at the brunette have his fun with the swing. Then his content expression changed to something else.

"You got a swing for Christmas?" Takano asked, the glint in his eyes serious and way too dark now from his lashes. "I picture you're...happy with your current family?"

Shio nodded without even thinking about that word 'current'. His present one was all he's got anyway. Disregard the initial and quite long rocky relationship he's had with his older brother, there was nothing to describe his relationship with his dad and grandma other than pure bliss. He might just have been the most blessed son in the world.

After a few minutes of swinging back and forth, Shio just let his motion ease on its own. When he was finally at a stop beside Takano, the playground had considerably darkened and the kids had lessened.

"My family is crazy about Christmas," Shio added, happily reminiscing the hip hop dance his grandmother did last year. It was really funny, and mostly unnnerving as they all feared for her back. After realizing he'd been blabbering about himself for too long, Shio rested the side of his head to the metal chain of the swing. "How do you celebrate your Christmas Takano-san?"

The raven glanced at Shio's direction for a brief second before looking away. Shio doubted the smile he saw on the raven's lips was anything happy. It was a really weird air around the man for some reason that day.

"I have long since stopped celebrating Christmas."

"...?" Pursing his lips, Shio nodded uncomfortably as he slightly scraped the sole of his shoe against the dirt beneath him. "I guess...the Japanese really don't have to...I mean maybe some really don't..."

"..."

"Ah, what about birthdays? What do you do then?"

The chilly breeze of the early evening blew past them, carrying little brown and reddish leaves along with it. The rustle amongst the trees left a solemn impression within their hearing. Shio who had focused on watching a little leaf dancing around his feet abruptly had to pull his gaze up. He thought he didn't hear it right.

"Since my birthday is on Christmas eve, I tend to just ignore it altogether."

"Huh? That's..."

"Just don't feel like up to it."

"B-but why?"

"Hmm...let's see..." Takano brushed a hand over his hair and sighed. "I had this deal with someone before. Exchanging of gifts and eating cakes, the idiot was so into it and I couldn't keep up so I said okay just so they would shut up. In the end, we didn't even reach December. Didn't realize then how much I was actually looking forward to it."

"...you...are talking about someone you...uh...dated?"

Takano snorted. "Were we even dating?" The man then kicked a small stone he saw close to him and smiled warily. "I guess I should have dated them, huh? I was too full of myself then. My mistake."

Shio bit his bottom lip as he looked down back to his leaf that got caught under a little rock. He was trying his best to be more open and talkative since the man seemed like down for some reason. Takano had always listened and encouraged him albeit with a bit of sarcasm and it did manage to make him feel better in most occasions. So what the hell was he doing so wrong that most of the things he was bringing up appeared to be something he shouldn't have.

"Oi, what are you doing scrunching up your face like that?" Takano asked. He might have noticed all the conflicted emotions all plastered on Shio's face.

"That's sad. They only come once a year..." Shio nearly pinched his own self from not being able to command his own mouth. Those words, they just rolled out on their own straight from his chest instead of from his brain.

"It's nothing serious. If you're really bothered, celebrate with me."

"What? Uh-okay, sure...huh-_what_?" Shio had paused to gather his thoughts. And he clearly gathered absolutely nothing.

Takano had looked at him like he was some dumb. The very slow pull of what seemed like a smile in that previously burdened eyes made Shio somehow confused too. Of the thing the man had asked. Of that smile full of meaning. Of that awkward air that was nowhere before but was continuously appearing with the frequency of their meetings and coincidences.

"You really need to gather your wits before speaking."

"Well that's nice," Shio snapped. He started trying to move his swing back and forth again without even realizing it. "I was being concerned here-"

Shio's swing got pulled abruptly in a halt. Takano had just grabbed the chain sending some mild tinkling from the chains' friction. The swing had stilled. And so was Shio and all the other things in his mind.

It was something that Shio probably would have a hard time forgetting. When Takano grinned at him, in such close range. When the very man seemed to be about reaching out to cup his face but changed his mind at a beat and instead just looked away.

When that very man, of high position, always trying to be intimidating started to try actually making the swing move in a manner like kids do, Shio felt...strange. There was something sad in the way Takano tried to play the ride. At any other point in time, he might have laughed at how ridiculous this was. Takano on a swing? That would be a laughing matter that would stay for long.

But Shio couldn't even make fun of it.

He watched the raven through green eyes, how Takano started gaining pace, getting speed, getting higher. It looked as though Takano was trying to reach something from the sky, eager to shorten the distance but eventually would get pulled back down as a pendulum would.

"Thank you."

"...?"

The brunette was surprised. He heard that faint word when Takano had passed as he swinged to and fro.

"Thank you...what for?"

There was a loud sound of something scraping down the dirt when Takano tried to brake his motion in the air with his shoe. "Just...thank you. I almost forgot that there is still something for this year I should be happy to celebrate about."

"That's...uhm...nice I guess?" Shio reached for the side of his neck and scratched his skin there. Although there was really nothing that needed touching and he just really felt like he needed to do something other than look back at the other's strange gaze.

"Do you wanna know what it is?" Takano asked with a smile.

That caught Shio by surprise and it showed in his voice. "Uh...if you want to tell me, sure why not?"

Takano grinned at him and Shio knew he should have known better.

"Not telling...at least...not now."

* * *

**chapter end notes:**

I am trying to take one step at a time towards a dream. A really impossible dream but at least at the end of the day I could say 'I did it my way...'...damn. This is overcaffeine at its finest! haha

thank you so much for your time and have a great weekend minna!

~~shuusetsu


	20. Washed Away

**Washed Away **

* * *

This was Takano Masamune's dream. To have this one person look him in the eyes. To have those green eyes take in all the shadows in his face and all the smile his lips couldn't muster. To have those soft hands reach and touch his face. To feel those tender fingers all over his cheeks against his tears until even their trace couldn't be seen.

He'd dreamed about this for so long. More than any promotion or business deal or the fucking attention his parents could have given him. He'd dreamed and longed for it. The day that his Ritsu would come back. The day he would look at him and ask him the simplest yet most important question in the world.

"Who are you?"

"I...I'm..." Takano stumbled over the million things he wanted to explain. He who was always articulate. He who was always ready. He stumbled to defend himself, his mouth dry he couldn't even swallow.

Takano had always been weak with those green eyes. Because he could see everything in them, plain and simple. They don't lie. What he was seeing rendered him even weaker. There was only confusion and distrust in them. It was the gaze one would have towards farther than a stranger.

There was no sweet smiles. No bodily contact. No tender and gentle recognition in those green eyes. There was no connection. At all.

"Who. The. Hell. Are. You?"

This was Takano's dream. The very hideous opposite of it happening before his eyes.

* * *

One hour ago...

He stood in silence. Surrounded by signature suits and well-tailored coats, he felt somewhat small. The sales ladies would glance to his direction, once or twice, and even when he wasn't looking he could still feel the curious gazes they had on him.

_"Friends do shop together,"_ Shio reasoned out as he glanced at his reflection in the large mirror across him_. "Nothing wrong...women do...why guys can't?"_

He was still wearing the simple clothes of the simple him; deep green turtle neck and jeans. The only difference was the expensive smelling, pristine hand-made red wool scarf warming his neck and shoulders. His weird, oddball friend for a director Takano Masamune had insisted he take that. As if anyone had died from Autumn chill in history.

Shio lifted a hand and tugged at the silken feeling around his neck, feeling content. He didn't have anyone close enough aside from his family who acted like Takano. There were times he wanted to just get away from the man, but the genuineness in those hazel-eyes, the feel of real kindness and even worry, he could see. Why did he have to turn his back to a first friend he had made just because of some misplaced discomfort and indistinct voices whispering in his ears?

"Hey, what do you think?"

The brunette lifted his green eyes from the mirror to the changing room to his left. Shio nearly laughed. Takano Masamune had only stuck his head out, leaving the door hiding his entire body for a big reveal.

"Okay...?"

"I was wondering if leopard prints, or the zebra kind of thing for a coat would look great for a change," Takano grinned, smiling as if knowing the sales ladies close to them had already pinned the both of them an intimate pair. "So...?"

Stepping closer to the changing room with a scowl that didn't look that much angry anyway, Shio whispered, "They're starting to look at us weirdly... Stop acting like that and just come out, whatever it is you're wearing."

Takano cleared his throat, prepping up for his big revelation. Shio could vaguely remember that the man did take with him those ridiculous coats. If Takano really wears that in public, his image as a director would be forever destroyed. And he found it really laughable, he had to hide a smile.

"Come out...let me see those prints."

"Sure...sure..."

If Shio would be writing a novel right then and there, perhaps, he'd write Takano as a long-lost friend. A soul connected to him. Someone who could make him smile, annoyed and laugh at the same time. It was a bond that he was starting to like and cherish. Bonding with others, with another man no less without the discomfort of his personal issues seemed so out of his world before, being his world so small and tightly closed in the first place.

Who would have thought the same man who rattled him on first meeting, would be the friend to make him this...surprisingly normal. Just a normal guy fooling around with a ridiculous friend, over a ridiculous set of garments. Shio found himself happy.

"..."

When Takano had stepped out of the changing room, Shio literally heard the entire men's boutique drew in a deep breath. Not because the man had stepped out with that leopard print or the ridiculous zebra pattern. The man just stepped out, with a much toned down, even simpler black coat. Perhaps because it was so simple, the smile of confidence where Takano knew he had the capacity to pull off such air was very visible.

For a moment, Shio was stunned. He'd been friends with the guy for a couple of months now. They've eaten out, walked around, critiqued books like stupid, but he never saw Takano as dashing for that matter. Takano was just a guy, his friend. Seeing Takano as how the world could see the man was as surprising and somewhat confusing.

Something ached in him. He really felt a jolt.

"What? Dashing?" the hazel-eyed man asked with a brow raised. "I can make women spend on me like this."

"You're pursuing being a gigolo now?" Shio scoffed. No way in deeper hell he could have said that comment to anybody. And it was a startling proof of how 'homey' and open he was now with this guy. It was nice. And at the same time frightening.

"I told you I have lots of talents," Takano replied, nodding towards the lady waiting for them and their purchases. " Right, Miss?"

The lady just giggled, almost blushing at the attention she earned from one of their regular customers. Almost instantly as if Takano saw something not right at Shio's direction, he walked briskly, taking the distance by mere three large steps until he was about knocking the brunette down the floor. Although the very man stopped a good foot and just frowned at Shio's large confused eyes.

"W-what?"

"The red is too much I guess...cream then?"

"Why are you so intent about me having a scarf?" Shio irritably shooed the hand tugging at the wool around his neck as though he was being petted like a kid.

"Because it's cold. And you look like you get knocked down by fevers easily. Ah, no. You don't _look. _You really _do."_

"And it's your problem?" Shio asked, trying to sound sarcastic. And it was only a few seconds later he regretted saying so. It was him who ended up without a retort.

"Of course. Who would I drag around then?" Takano mumbled as he walked back towards the changing room. "I like spending time like this."

Shio threw his gaze down the floor, watching at his peripheral vision the pair of black shoes vanishing behind the just recently closed door of the changing room. It was then that Shio lifted his gaze once more, eyeing the pale cream door warily. It was during these times that would make him uncomfortable. Takano's words always seem to carry another, or three meaning after all those jesting. He couldn't shake the thought that there was something larger beneath it, something complicated that throws Shio off the loop.

After counting the number of tiles before him as he waited for Takano, Shio lifted his green eyes and looked through the glass walls of the boutique. He paid one last glance at Takano who had just gotten out of the changing room and had started talking to a pretty little red-head perhaps about the tailoring of a three-piece suit he also wanted. Shio smiled a little thinking it would still take more time. It takes time when people select great clothes as how he'd experienced with his grandmother's business. Everyone almost spent a great deal of hours staring at each of the kimono patterns, then the taking of sizes, the fixes, too many things to be done. He gave a sigh as he decided to walk back down the first floor and sat at the nearest couch without taking his eyes off the view outside that greeted him.

The scene that he saw was tranquil. The afternoon traffic was very light, and he found the red maple trees along the streets a welcoming change from the greenery that the summer had so boasted about.

There was one reddish leaf that fell, softly swaying and gliding through invisible planes before it vanished and landed down the ground.

It was but a mere leaf. A normal fan-like shape like it was cut off from an art paper. So the assistant manager who happened to get down from the second floor to go outside had to crease her brows. Their green-eyed customer sitting on that blue couch stared at the display of the fallen leaf like he saw something else. Something weird. Or something too strong that could make the pale color of that skin even paler.

The woman, plump for her short stature hurriedly took her steps down the silver uncoated steels and approached the green-eyed man. She eyed him cautiously, almost like she could feel something not right.

"Uhm...sir?"

But the brunette just stared past through her. As though she didn't exist. As though the entire establishment didn't either and he was entirely at a different time. At a different space. Well he was. In all of its sense.

_"Sir...? Is everything alright...?"_

Shio just blinked, not at the woman but at all the red things he could see painted before of him. The woman's voice was nothing but together with the soft tingle of something indistinct, like a metal...no...it was more like hinges. Metal hinges of a metal gate burning red from the setting sun which was being slowly opened.

_"My parents aren't home. They barely are...nowadays."_

The very low, somehow solemn voice came from the tall young man standing with his back in front of him. The black hair looked rustic under the setting sun, and there was a pinch of gold along those strands that made the fifteen year-old him stare, wonder, and appreciate.

_"Well, come in."_

He only followed like a dumb slave as he was led into a very decent looking house. Even the neighborhood had been quiet and felt like not much was happening. But he knew the quietness was actually the very blanket and mask shutting all the voices of what was going on in each households. Like what he was about to enter now.

_"..."_

It was void of any homey feel he was so used back at his own home. Everyone greeted him with a smile when he gets home. The housekeepers were always there to greet and ask him whether he wanted some snacks. And his mother although a bit strict would bestow him very kind smiles and would hug him like he was the only thing worth huggable in the world.

Remembering all these made him want to clutch at his chest. There was so much he had that was so not present in this house. This wasn't even a home.

_"I'm back...Sorata."_

When he heard the name, he only had to follow where the other young man's gaze was. By the genkan was the gatekeeper so it seemed. A chubby kitten, a mix of grey and black with eyes clear and swimming of innocence and trust. The cat that his senpai had taken from a heavy downpour.

"..."

He nearly wanted to choke. On the way how his senpai bent and picked up the feline. In the way his senpai petted the kitten and on the way how its purr sounded. In the way the hazel-eyes looked over his shoulder while pointing where his room was.

_"...make yourself at home. I'll just get us some tea."_

He only nodded, as what he could only do that time. He was a nervous wreck but was more worried about the other male. He knew something was wrong with his senpai. The young man was out of sorts, as though he was lost. Hurting. Breaking.

He knew his senpai was having a rough time. Was messed up by all things going around him and must have been driven on edge. His limit. The young him knew, for all the stalker he was he would know that of course.

Sometimes his senpai was gentle like right now, inviting him to his house. Sometimes his senpai was just too horrible. Too horrible anyone would think he was deranged for still liking the guy. But what can he do? He liked the raven for whatever reason he couldn't say. He would hurt when he was hurt and he would cry in happiness when he sees little ray of life in those hazel eyes.

He finally saw his world. And he was just hoping that world would open up to him somehow.

That very afternoon which felt and looked like a dream, in that sunset drenched room for the first time...

"..."

The assistant manager felt alarmed. At the sudden tear that escaped the brunette's eye. At the stiffness of the man, so rigid, so tense as if she could already see the invisible shackles that suddenly clawed its way around him.

"Uhm...Sir...is something wrong?"

Shio blinked at the woman. Once, twice, thrice and suddenly he had to bury his face against his hands. That couldn't be right. He must be going insane. He must _be_ insane.

He was...happy that time. He saw. He knew he had been happy being beneath that guy. He had been willing. Opening up, giving all, sharing his skin, offering his breath. It was painful, but the pain itself was what told him, reminded him that perhaps this was it. He had relished that fleeting moment when he thought his senpai did like him back. But in the bits and pieces like shards of glass slowly falling before his eyes, he saw himself begging two faceless figures for an apartment, close to that raven's house. A telescope. And him, the idiot young stalker him who would look at the window and watch all the lie and the cheating the raven was up to.

Time and time and again, he was betrayed. But they had joined, they had connected. That entitled him to at least something right? A small hope. A small chance. A rare belief that his senpai would realize and finally see him.

But he was always just paid back with pain. And the last straw was that summer...

Then the name spilled out his lips. So natural, it tasted and sounded sour, bitter and all that was not good. "Saga..."

"Excuse me?" the assistant manager asked, crouching even lower to catch what the guy had just said. "Should I call Takano-san? You look really terrible."

The brunette just sucked his breath, clutching at his chest. He could not even think about why on earth he suddenly had both of his parents to ask for an apartment when his mother was supposed to have died from giving him birth. That young him was walking happily and healthily, not a sign of sickness or anything that would hinder him from moving around and enjoying the young life.

This side of his memory was making a lot more sense than all the kind of things he was fed meanwhile still as senseless.

"Haha..." Shio forced a laugh. He didn't even know where to start. The sudden pain in his head or the deep piercing in his chest. Both were hammering him down. Strongly and relentlessly.

He wanted it to stop. Every single thing of the damned flashes. They were knives slowly cutting through to his core. He didn't want them. Not now. Or not ever. He didn't care. But the afternoon was just dipping. The minutes still ticking. He hadn't really learned that until that day, that obscure saying.

_When it rains, it pours._

* * *

He nearly fell from the stairs. He had some other jokes and annoying retorts ready for his companion so the scene that greeted him from the first steps he took on the staircase nearly gutted him. A millisecond of that slicing pain shot through him before he leaped the remaining steps of that metal staircase. All he could remember was the ashen face of that man, and he was ready bolting from anywhere just to get to him.

"Shio?" Takano breathed out, gripping the brunette's shoulder tightly. "What's wrong?"

Being the only answer he got was a soft 'I'm fine' which was obviously a big lame lie, Takano hurriedly darted his questioning gaze at the familiar woman. The slight crumple of the space between the woman's brows was enough of an answer for Takano. Clearly she had no idea as well.

"Shio," he called again, almost kneeling before him. "Are you having those headaches again? Give me your bag-"

"I'm okay, really." The brunette replied, grabbing his bag tighter into his stomach.

"When I say you're not, you're _not_! Fuck, look at yourself in the mirror!"

Takano who was stricken by concern felt suddenly miserable. What was the use of getting angry with Shio right now? If there was one thing that really didn't change, it was always this stupid guy saying he's okay when he was not.

"Sorry," Takano murmured, tugging the red scarf loose around the brunette's neck. It looked like a bloody string against that paper-white complexion and for once, Takano didn't like the idea. It looked like a bad omen so he hurriedly passed the expensive piece into the waiting assistant manager. "We're not taking this. Maybe some other color at some other time."

"Okay Sir," she mumbled, still a stone on her spot. "Should I call an ambulance or something?"

"No, it's alright." Takano then tugged his own coat off him and draped it over Shio's shoulders. Despite the turtle neck, he looked cold, shivering, about freezing. "I'll pick up the clothes some other time."

"Huh?" Shio finally looked up, although tired and wary. "I can wait, finish your purchase Takano-san."

"No. I'll drive the car around, wait for me at the front of the store. Let's get you some fresh air."

The assistant manager, along with Shio could only look at the man's back hurriedly disappearing from the front door towards the slightly obscured parking lot. The slow hum of a classical piece from renaissance pricked at Shio's skin, as well as the calm gaze the woman was now plastering on his profile.

Shio slowly turned his head towards the woman. A terribly amused smile was there he didn't know what for.

"You've got such a lovely partner Sir."

The brunette was lost. What? "E-excuse me?"

"Uhm...This is the first time I saw Takano-san act like you know...uhm...human if I may say?"

Shio stared at the woman, long, hard, and confused. What the hell did he do to come across as that? Partners? Just because Takano and him went to the same store to buy clothes? Just because Takano was a bit a little too protective? That Takano panicked at his condition more than what was needed? And that he didn't even shy away or flinch at the strong grip yet the assuring hands on his shoulders? Was that really different from all the male friendships out there? Just because it felt natural? Did he really project something like they could be 'partners' in_ that _sort of way, without him knowing?

"Sorry," Shio whispered, almost angry but he was too tired to act it out. "We're just..._friends.."_

The woman stared back at him, obviously not convinced. There was even a look in her eyes that said he didn't have to hide it. That it was a natural thing now and he had all the right in the world to be proud of such a catch. Damn that as Shio started fumbling his way out.

"Sir?"

Shio hurriedly went outside, inhaling the chilly air as soon as he was able to. The cold licked at his skin and it made him shiver. The sky had just turned a purplish display above him, painting the golden and red landscape a sad and somehow ominous touch. He had to look down towards his feet. He unknowingly raised a hand against his front shirt. His heart was hammering inside his chest.

"..."

When the brunette tried to fix the almost about to fall dark-blue coat around his shoulders, he lifted a hand and tugged it securely. And then he heard a soft tinkle. He groped the coat from the hem a little towards the upper side. The sound was from the inside pocket of Takano Masamune's coat. When he felt for it, his touch met something poking at him. Something that was flat as a card. And something that felt like keys.

The green eyes looked at the road ahead of him. The traffic was still so light, with only the occasional cars passing by. The wind blew at his face and he slowly inserted his hand into the inside pocket. It seemed like Takano was so in a hurry he forgot that his keys were in the pocket of his coat.

Without a word, Shio started walking towards the parking lot, slow with his every step and just trying to calm himself at the same time.

"..."

The second Shio was able to pull the ring where a number of keys were attached, something fell to the ground. It was as light as a feather that it even made soft swaying in the air like a hypnotizing dance. Once meeting its end destination, it lay contrasting against the gray of the asphalt filled sidewalk.

"..."

Shio bent and picked it up. And then he thought the world has collapsed.

* * *

Takano was such in a hurry. The sight of that ashen skin made him panic. So he cursed out loud when he pulled the door of his car open and it didn't budge. He cursed even louder when he realized his keys were in the coat he draped over Shio's shaking shoulders earlier.

Standing close to his car, Takano brought his gaze at the small building where he came from. His chest was suddenly heavy. He had been too occupied, and he realized he just made a huge, stupid, untimely mistake.

"No...please...don't..."

He walked away from his car and started with his slow steps gaining speed. Every tick of the clock faster, more desperate, until he was running, dashing as if his life depended on it. Truth of the matter was his life did depend on it. Every hit of his shoe against the ground felt like they suddenly became sand, pulling him under. Just like ten years ago, when running the entire beach had been in vain, futile.

The distance was nothing more than two hundred meters, from the parking lot to the front of the store. Yet it felt like he was running two hundred miles and still was stretching far and wider.

"..."

The raven sucked his breath, his steps slowing down. For after he reached the front of the store, he saw his own keys falling to the sidewalk. Their crashing chime thunderous in his ears. It fell from Shio's hand, Shio who was not waiting for him. The brunette was looking, staring hard at something. That hunched back spoke of so many things Takano nearly wanted to run and hug him.

But the very green eyes that met his the next made him freeze on his feet.

"Who are you?" Shio whispered. Or maybe not. They were still far from each other, ten meters of distance. Takano knew it by the movement of those lips it was that very question he would have loved to answer except not in this way. Not like this.

"..."

The hazel eyes, clouded by the rushing shadows of the night, wandered towards the piece of something getting crumpled by Shio's shaky hands. Takano had been carrying it around since his talk with the owner of Umi Gari. He'd been carrying that innocent smile and bright green eyes captured in a photo inside the pocket of his coat. He'd been carrying Onodera Ritsu's smile, a smile directed towards him from ten years ago close to his chest.

Takano dared to take one step closer. And his Ritsu took a staggering one step back.

"Who. The. Hell. Are. You?"

This was Takano's dream. Right. The very hideous opposite of it happening before his eyes.

* * *

**chapter end notes:**

Hello guys! I'm terribly sorry for the long wait this time. I got a part-time job and I still can't get the hang of managing my time. I like to do so much in a day (I'm sure you guys do too!)...so I am still trying to make my time calendar because I'm so stupid when it comes to managing it!

Anyway...hahaha...there you go. Good luck baby Takano...

~shuusetsu


	21. First

**First**

* * *

"Why do you have this?"

There were so many things to be said. Things to explain. And perhaps, he had unconsciously said it a number of times inside his head, whether awake, or deep asleep.

But it's always at the time you needed it that everything just blunders into nothing. Words you thought you know suddenly just didn't make sense. And thoughts which were actually a part of you, just become so unattached. Disconnected. Scattered.

To slowly present in, little by little, those fragments, carefully and gently saying that there were other people, so many others waiting for Ritsu's return, Takano had been pinning for the right time. But now that everything just turned against him. Guess this was karma at its beginning.

The raven should have heard the gust of wind that sent a number of dried leaves swirling around them. He should have heard the sound of that someone banging into the closed door of one of the establishments, seemingly having the sliding doors stuck from the inside. And he should have heard the dog with its owner from the other side of the streets barking relentlessly.

But he heard absolutely nothing.

Nothing except the pounding in his head. The pounding which was coming from his chest, hammering up towards his skull.

It wasn't even the shocked hatred from those green eyes which had rendered Takano completely immobile. It was the very act of that most important person in his life to take a step back from him, as though he had no such right to even be close.

Can't this man, whom his world had been revolving for the last fucking ten years give him a second to explain?

"Why…do you have this?"

Hazel eyes, although unfocused, wandered from the accusing face down to the picture that Ritsu was holding.

Ritsu glared at the picture. Even from the far angle, Takano could see the shaking in those fingers. He could see the ghastly paleness on the brunette's face. He could see the misery in those simple bodily movements.

Why the hell was this happening again? Just a moment ago they were having fun about clothes? Why would Ritsu look so devastated into having been shown that there was more to him than now?

"This couldn't be right…" Ritsu murmured, obviously an internal thought that he unknowingly blurted out. "I was supposed to be at home…sick…home-schooled…this picture…"

Takano blinked past the stinging in his eyes. Because one moment they were not looking at each other. One second they were. And what Ritsu said shattered even more the already shattered pieces of him.

"This…isn't _me_."

"I've been looking all over for you."

That was all Takano could say. A helpless, beaten reply. There were more and a hundred strings of things that should be connected with that one sentence. But that was all he could manage to pull out.

Takano stood, and watch every step Ritsu took to turn back, to walk away, to go away from him. With his coat Ritsu just tossed to the ground like some disgusting fabric. With his keys on the cold cement. With the picture again crumpled at the sides. Visible signs of how hard Ritsu had clutched them in. With all the visible signs that Ritsu just rejected him, it wasn't a surprise that an unconscious guttural sound escaped his lips. An injured animal would have sounded better.

Takano just stood there like a block. He didn't follow Ritsu like he should.

He was just at a loss.

He was as lost as he'd been ten years ago. Maybe so much more this time.

* * *

"Dad, we need to talk."

The man looking at him through the small window of Skype creased his brows. His father was in his usual three-piece dress suit, the afternoon sunlight seeping through the tiny gap of the thick curtain behind him. Sure, his father was always the first to arrive in his own business, he was also the last to leave. That Shin admired, given his father's age.

"We are already talking," said the mild voice. Age vibrated in the old man's timber, which in all honestly and surprisingly made Shin uncomfortable. This man was a tower of power and strength, but when they were alone, son to father, his dad could just be any dorky guy you'd find on the streets. "Why the long face? You're home early...and Shio? It's six. Give him proper dinner. That kid's just too lazy to look after himself."

The younger Haitani shook his head sideways, a ghost of a smile playing on his lips. "He's not a 'kid' precisely but yeah he's lazy. And I didn't mean to call about his eating patterns. I mean let's have a talk. Face to face. Not face to computer."

A long silence. A very long one it felt heavy and somehow scrutinizing.

"Dad...?"

"Did you see your grandmother's autumn line for her kimonos? She is-"

"Dad." Shin called a little bit sternly this time. His dad was stalling for all its obviousness.

"..." The old man groaned, suddenly slumping back against the head rest of his massive chair. "Be easy lad. I just saw what you wanted to say."

"...since when did you learn to read my mind?"

"...since before you told me you're a dual player?"

"..."

Shin rolled his eyes. He wanted to be serious, business like and well, more formal. He wasn't really buddies with his dad, but a father would always be a father, he guessed.

"It's my baby boy right?" his dad voiced out quite tiredly.

Baby boy. The younger man had wanted to look away. Away from the screen. Away from the sudden sad-stricken face the expression of his old dad has turned into. His father had sounded like he knew he was about to lose his youngest son again.

"Is he happy there?"

"Looks content to me," Shin replied as his eyes got drawn into the boxes of gel pen Shio had brought for him. He didn't know but he ended up snorting. Those pen could probably last him a lifetime. "For now...at least."

The old man on the screen ran a hand over his face. There were lines of unease on his expression.

"Shin. You know I love him right? I know he's not really 'Shio'. But...he's my son. Okay?"

"Dad," Shin sighed, turning away for a minute. Age must have made this man as well to be more open with his emotion and fear. And he honestly looked frightened. Of what lays ahead. Of what would happen. Among all other things besides getting sued, or getting called whatever because of what they did to get through one death. His dad was more frightened of losing another son. "I know he knows that. Just...ready yourselves I guess."

The old man laughed. "Why on earth are you talking like that? I hate it."

"I just feel...we're getting there. Soon."

"Damn you Shin." The old man smiled a little. "The bad part is you're most often right."

Shin watched the old man shuffle into something. Perhaps just stalling time. That was when he decided to just end the video call. He reached for the mouse once more.

"I'm ending the call dad. You should go home."

"Yeah."

Just before Shin could click the 'end' button though, his dad said something. When Shin looked back on the screen there was no one. Just the massive swivel chair and the shadows of his dad probably as he stood by the window.

"You like your brother Shin?"

Shin blinked at the empty chair. "What?"

"Just that Shin...you don't appear as sad about the possibility of us loosing 'Shio'."

Shin took his hand off the mouse. He just completely seated himself on his own chair, unconsciously tapping his foot against the wooden floors of his room.

Shin really wasn't sad about loosing Shio as far as he was concerned. Not when he didn't feel like he was about to lose a younger brother anyway. He'd gone past that. His younger brother had been gone. Long, long ago.

He only wanted the truth to come out. So all the lie would finally halt. And maybe they could really start all over again.

* * *

Shin dropped the business magazine he'd been eyeing for the last three hours down his lap. He was on the same page and he couldn't even remember what it had been all about.

The door to the main door just clicked open and close. The sound of soft footsteps filled in the silence of the whole apartment, until he saw Shio walking past him in the living room without so much as a 'hi' or 'hello'.

"Shio. It's eleven PM. You could have sent me anything if you're going to be this late."

The brunette simply paused before directly heading to their small kitchen. Shin stayed on where he was, hearing the sound of water getting dispensed from the dispenser.

"I remember you left the office way ahead of me," Shin continued, his voice loud enough but not accusatory at all. He was just stating a fact. "Next time email or call me. I wouldn't want to hear someone else's voice again from your phone. They don't always turn out good."

After a long silence, Shin started creasing his brows. He might as well have talked to the air or the gold fishes in their tank with the dead silence that he got as a reply.

"Shio?"

No answer.

Shin finally stood and headed for the kitchen, which was just really close the dining area, separated by a ceiling to floor cabinet serving as a partition. Shio was still by the sink. Blatantly ignoring his presence.

Shin grinned a little. "What the hell is this? Some teenage tantrum?"

Shio reached for the hand towel hanging by the fridge's door. He dried his hands there, and kept on doing it as if he was trying to wipe off his hands something else.

When Shin still got nothing as a reply, he started walking from the cabinet, next to Shio by the sink. He leaned a bit, just enough to get a clearer view of the face hidden by messy, all over the place brown hair as if the younger guy just ran a mile and more.

The next thing that Shin saw somehow unnerved him. It struck him as odd because he was never the 'soft' type. So great, that he felt he was about to go angry for something he wasn't even aware about.

"What happened to you?" Shin breathe out, barely hiding the edge in his voice. "Your eyes are swollen."

So that was why Shio was bent over the sink, splashing cold water over his face. But it didn't do good in calming the redness and the puff around his eyes. The drippings of water, and the way they lingered from the tips of Shio's brown hair made him look more vulnerable. Lost. Tempting?

Shin shifted his weight on his other leg, pushing back the most ridiculous idea that had gone in his head.

"What the hell is wrong?" Shin asked again. Although he could ask the same question towards himself. "You go home like someone robbed you and you expect me to just ignore it?"

"Someone did rob me." Shio finally gritted, the grip he had on the hand-towel obviously tightening.

"What?" Shin's crossed arms fell on his sides. And concern to anger to concern again then more anger passed on his face. "Where-what-why didn't you call me? Are you hurt? Did the police get him? Fuck the bastard…"

The brunette let the hand-towel free and gazed up. Weirdly, there was a little smile on his face.

"It's okay Nii-san. All my stuff are intact. Just…I got away."

"You got away?" Shin repeated, doubtlessly unconvinced.

"I got away. I needed to get away because he was about to rob me of things important right?"

"Yeah?" Shin was beginning to frown. In confusion. In gut tightening concern.

"So I ran as fast and best as I could. But then…I think I lost more? Maybe if I had stayed…something would click?"

"Are you stupid? Who stays with a robber to understand why they are doing the robbing?"

Shio laughed a tired laugh.

"Are you really sure, you're sure?"

"Yeah."

"Headache?"

"None."

"Food?"

"…uhm…"

With the silence that said very much what Shin had been expecting, he turned towards the sink and glared up at the cupboard. He reached out to the non-stick pan and shuffled then to the cabinets below.

"You are going to make dad and that old hag murder me you know? I just talked to dad earlier and the first thing he says is to feed you properly. Go clean up while I fix you something. You're turning out to be so good at innocently slaving me."

When from the corner of his eye, Shin noticed that Shio was still as stuck and frozen on his spot near the fridge, as two minutes before, he looked back to his side.

"You're standing there is not making the food cook any faster. Move on, you're actually in the way."

Shio did step away to Shin's relief. The punk stepped away, only to take two steps closer, suddenly in the craziness of the world resting his damn forehead against Shin's right shoulder.

"Let's get you to the hospital and have you examined anyway." Shin said, tensing at the sight of the head against him. Tensing at the proximity. Tensing at e-ve-ry-thing.

"Just…please…"

"…"

Shin drew a deep breath, externally he was calm as an unperturbed lake. Worry, discomfort, all jumbled into one was beneath, almost blurring the always clear scene under. The initial thought of action was to calmly step aside and get the younger man sleep. In his room. Away. At a safe distance.

Yet the more monopolizing feeling, which was ran by his instincts, was just to stand there plain and simple.

"..."

And plain and simple Shin did. Tossing and sauteing the mixed vegetables next, he tried to even use his other hand more so as not to disturb what hell of confusion the other was going through. A confusion that needed some leaning to for support, or probably a need for shield against fear.

Shio didn't have to say anything. Shin kind of read it. Read it through the green eyes. Sensed it to his skittish movements. Felt it from his weak voice. Shio might have seen or learned something related to the blur of the half of his life. A flashback. A moment.

Shin narrowed his eyes, remembering the KATAI Director and the determination in the man's eyes to somehow make his existence that was obviously a part of Shio's past, be a part of the brunette's present. Maybe _someone. _

So sauteing Shin did, the clamber of pan and the cooking utensil in his hand, along with the soft sound of sizzling strangely sounded calming.

Brothers and more, blood-tied or not, he knew he had developed a new 'tie' that was beginning to form a strong hold and massive grip around his heart.

* * *

It took him a decade to finally find his footing. To gain a little confidence. To be able to look ahead. To settle his own mind. Ten long years and everything was slowly falling in place. At least that was how it looked. He's got a life rolling in front of him. He's got dreams to pursue. He's got feelings to tuck away but treasure still.

Ten long solid years that was. And it only took ten seconds and a picture of his young self smiling shyly back at him to see his life falling in shatter once again.

Weak. That was all he was feeling. Yet at the same time he could feel every nerve on his body tingling with every fiber of that nostalgia. Nostalgia of pain, madness, fleeting happiness, and then distrust.

He just needed to breathe. And breathe somehow he was able to do with his older brother Shin. The thought that he might not even be an older brother in reality made him want to scream. Be angry at everything. That little voice had always been there anyway. Way before Shin was still the cold, harsh brother, up until now that he'd mellowed down a bit. Shio always felt or heard this little voices of doubt. But who in their right mind would want to entertain that?

He liked the _now_. He hated that past. That he was sure. Maybe because of that Saga in his dreams. Maybe because of so much more. Maybe that was even the reason he decided to embrace the sea when he knew he couldn't even stay afloat. Maybe he had wanted to actually erase everything and be someone else. Maybe this was really what he wanted from the beginning?

A round of seconds in the clock, and Shio finally stepped away. Hiding a much reddish eyes, showing a more pronounced ease of breathing.

"Better?" Shin asked without turning. His gaze fixed at the buttered vegetables.

Shio in all honesty didn't want to let go. He'd liked the feeling of his forehead against the fabric of his older brother's shirt. He had liked that he was able to get a bit of that heat to calm down the blizzard going on inside of him. He'd been ripped senseless by that hazel-eyes. He'd found instant peace in Shin's presence.

"Thank you."

"Is this really a robbing thing? Or this is in truth about those flashbacks with the guy you said you'd been...you _know_?"

Shio didn't even flinch. Somehow dots were connecting. Little, vague, but they still create pictures. One he didn't even want to see. Saga. Takano. He only felt a rush of coldness, finally seeing their semblance, seeing the odd differences amidst the grainy pictures of his blasted and broken memories.

"Don't want to talk about him."

* * *

Shin had finished preparing the table. A very light meal with a glass of warm milk set meticulously with inborn class. He wasn't an owner of a casual/formal seafood restaurant for nothing.

The man threw a glance at their shared bathroom. He'd been with the brunette far long not to notice that Shio was being inside there longer than he normally would. But instead of pounding against the door, asking and demanding if Shio had already fainted or was already being plagued by headaches, he just waited. He seated himself back at the couch facing the ever peaceful swimming goldfishes.

"..."

He only listened to the very faint sound of water and decided to flip back into his magazines when something broke off the silence. Shin looked back at the closed bathroom door and looked back down at the bag tossed on the low table.

The man narrowed his eyes. He wasn't sure if Shio purposely left the bag there when he could have tossed it back in his own room first. For some reason, Shio left his bag, his phone, his jacket on the low table as if he didn't want to bring any of his stuff into his room. As if something in those things would contaminate his space.

Shin tried to ignore the buzzing and low hum of an instrumental, thinking it would end soon enough.

But it didn't.

The caller, whoever it was would end the call, then call again. And Shin eventually missed how many of cycle that had been. So curious enough, he dropped his magazine, and poked at the bag.

Very clearly the phone of Shio's screen said "First". Shin picked up the phone and headed close to the bathroom door. He tapped at the door with the back of his knuckles and when he heard the sound of water had stopped, he drew a deep breath.

"Who on Earth puts 'First' as a name for their contact? 'First' what?" Shin asked. He waited but Shio never made a comment.

Shin frowned at the phone which finally went silent, only to flash for the 35th call. "Shio, Mr or Ms 'first" is calling you nonstop. I think you better answer this."

"Shi-"

"Turn the phone off please."

And that was it. The sound of running water came back again, as if a subtle yet obvious sign that the brunette didn't want to do anything with the 'first'. It was a bit odd that Shin somehow at the back of his head knew who the caller was. He felt a little, just a little bit, disturbed. Because the irony was there. 'First' friend? 'First' relationship? First whatever, it could be anything and Shio had typed it in when he had no complete memory of everything.

Shin did nothing. He didn't turn off the phone. But he didn't answer it either. The moment he dropped the phone back into Shio's leather bag, it was his own phone that started ringing.

He ran a hand to the back of his neck thinking if he should answer the call or not. But he did.

"Director Takano. I wonder what made you call at this time?"

_"Is he home?" _The voice sounded groggy, tired and even broken.

Shin began to seat back on his favorite spot on the couch. Maybe because both of them had been on the same page since that night at the KATAI anniversary that not much words were needed to understand what they were pertaining to.

"Yes. He is."

_"I was worried. He's not answering his phone."_

"He's fine."

There was a long silence.

_"Can I talk to him for a bit?"_

Shin sighed. "I get the feeling he really doesn't want to talk to you right now. What happened?"

There was no reply and in reality, Shin didn't expect that the raven would tell him anything. He completely got the idea.

"Takano-san," Shin said, neither animosity nor friendliness present, just civil. "I think you should give it a rest for now. It's obvious he's not taking it well, with you...whatever happened between you guys earlier, he's not happy. Too much stress isn't going to help you or him, everyone of us for that matter."

Shin could hear heavy breathing from the other line. As if Takano was debating. As if the raven was being torn about what he was about to say.

_"...Look after him."_

Then Shin noticed Shio step out. From the brunette's room straightly heading to the dining table where the food had been set. Shio stared at the food then threw a glance over Shin where their eyes met.

It wasn't the first time they looked at each other obviously. They see each other everyday for Pete's sake. But for the first time Shin didn't ignore the electricity. He didn't even fight the pull to see those green eyes closer. Hell, he would be lying if he said that it wasn't taking now every sensible fiber in him to calm the beast in there that was beginning to stir.

Shin then stood saying, "You don't have to tell me."

And then Shin dropped the call.

* * *

**Chapter end notes:**

Hello you awesome guys! :) Sorry for the wait. I had the chapter ready since last week but I didn't want to post a short one. I make it a point that I post at least 3500 words or more you know. Like that is my personal goal. Hahaha…so there you go.

Shin dropped the call. Because I dropped my phone for the nth time (see the connection?) haha. And I think the phone really hates me now because it's starting to act funny. I could hear people but they couldn't hear me when they call me. LoL.

Anyway, thanks for the patience. I finally was able to check back on a few of the ongoing series other than this particular one and I'm torn what to update the next. Suddenly I want to update them all. But I am not an octopus with so many hands. T_T

Thanks again for your time.

Okay, so it's been a while since I blabbered for this long. Which is a sign that I am really stressssssssssssssssed. Ahaha, anyway. Yup. That's it.

Please share your thoughts.

~shuusetsu

PS 2: I want to share to you something that had me going 'wow' and reading that line over and over again. because it's so short but meant so much. I am having a novel reading marathon and read this from 'Cross and Crown';

_"The value of words is measured by those who read them."_


	22. Inner Voice

**Inner Voice**

* * *

It was a Sunday morning. Most of the people were excited to start the day. Whether doing house chores, going out with friends, date, or whatever to catch up on one's passion after a hectic and tiring week. The streets across the coffee shop was flaming with autumn colors. Vibrant and warm hues contrasting to the rising cold that was starting to manifest. Summer was gone. Autumn had finally eased its way in.

But as Takano sat on his chair, facing his weakness, it felt like it was Winter forever. Coldness from someone you expected to look your way warmly was as stinging as a frost bite.

"Thank you for…finally seeing me," the raven mumbled. Where his authoritative voice had gone, he didn't know. Because right now, he was all scared. The only reason he was even able to do this was because he loved the guy. Plain and simple. He couldn't just give up. If he would even entertain such thought, he would have given up years ago.

Shio just remained looking outside, oblivious to the man across him.

"Do you want to order anything first?" Takano offered, hoping in the slightest to see the closeness they had built in the past months. So far there wasn't. Not even a trace.

So this was how it would feel like. That one person was just across but there was this mile-thick barrier. Invisible yes, impregnable nonetheless.

It took almost hundreds of calls. It took maybe tens of kilometers, if all the meters, steps and running that he did would be combined. It took all ego or pride surrendered, and many times trampled. And a couple of mouthful of airs and a supreme stoic face not to shed one bit of weakness despite the all-time pricks and pierces in his chest. It took everything that Takano Masamune had, just so he could gain a reluctant hour from Haitani Shio.

As if by cue of the red car that passed in front of them, Shio darted at the raven. His face almost a statue's, there was no fondness in his eyes as he held the hazel orbs. It hurt to see a little disgust in there, but Takano chose to ignore it and relaxed on his chair.

"You finally looked at me."

"Why don't you get this over with?" Shio threw back. A whisper so icy he could just have shouted it at Takano the way it stung. "Do I have a choice?"

"That…" Takano straightened on his seat, clasping both his hands on top of the table. A few seconds ticking by, instead of opening his mouth, he slid a glossy black folder from his side, towards Shio's direction. He motioned for the brunette to take a look at it himself. For as what they said, pictures are worth a thousand words.

The green eyes just stared at the folder for a long while. Not touching. Not opening. But Takano did nothing else to just wait. He'd been doing it for a decade, though he couldn't find pleasure in doing so, he was getting good at it. He'd wait. That was the only thing he could do at the moment anyway.

Until no one says to stop. Until he was breathing, he'd probably continue chasing this guy in front of him.

Hesitant fingers finally reached out. Those very fingers looked like they worried of being burnt. They merely danced over the somehow rough texture of the folder before Shio finally decided to flip to the first page.

Pictures. Colorful ones. Others yellowed by the time. Some dirtied by the little creases at the end, and colors that had ran down from getting wet; by water? By salt water? By tears? Shio seemed to have no interest in knowing. He just flipped to one page, one after another with the urgency of just getting it done. And then he reached the end. A family picture at the top. And a group of males, just about to leave their puberty into the doors of manhood.

The green eyes stared a little longer at the family photo. The woman in kimono, sitting on a red chair had a kind smile despite the glint of strictness in her emerald eyes. And the man beside the woman, he felt his heart sinking. The man had a stoic expression. Cold and somehow the kind who wouldn't listen to any other explanation once his decision had been final. And then that kid. The very familiar kid with green eyes and a forced smile. He didn't like this family photo at all.

"…"

Takano watched him dart his gaze to the lower picture. A photo of their Atami trip. Well, at that time, Ritsu was standing at a far corner, not really supposed to be in the picture. But he was there, the fifteen year old Ritsu looking at Saga Masamune and not at the camera shutter. It was a simple picture. The sea and a bunch of ridiculous boys. Simple as it was it could not get any stronger in showing that the young Ritsu had eyes only for one person.

Shio flipped the folder close, pushed it back to Takano without a word.

Almost puzzled, Takano just took the folder and let it rest closer to his side. If he was surprised that Shio had not even an inch of reaction to all the photos he'd just seen, Takano had masterfully tucked in his chest.

"So I'm done looking."

Takano pursed his lips.

"If you're about to ask me if I feel anything, or a rush of memory just washed over me, there's none of it."

"…They're your family…" Takano began, barely hiding his desperation. "They're looking for you too. If the family who took you ten years ago just brought you to the autho-"

"Let's not go there, Takano-san." Shio had sounded venomous. A way of speaking, and a way of body language that never had Takano seen on the younger man. "You don't talk to my family that way."

Takano seemed to be about to say something. But his lips remained shut, unable to come up with words. He hadn't expected it this way. He was ready for the worse. But this one, he wasn't really ready to catch animosity from Ritsu. It was like someone was trying to seal him alive in a casket. The more he had to stare at the cold green eyes, the harder it was to breathe. He had to get away. But he couldn't. Ritsu was his lifeline. How do you run away from the one that keeps you moving?

Shio smiled a little. Though it was obviously not from humor. "You know what's strange? I have vague memories of my past, family, school, friends now. But the biggest chunk is about you, Saga-senpai."

"…"

"I don't know what happened, but I am very sure you're that Saga right? Takano-san?"

What little hope that flamed in Takano's eyes got killed in the next instant though. Shio lit the hope. He stomped on them himself.

"I remember how much I hated you."

The raven almost didn't hear it. Because before it registered in his ears, it was already obvious in the smile that Shio gave him. How can a smile be crushing, Takano knew that very moment.

"…"

"Why are you so intent on running after me now when you really didn't want me before? I was the disgusting homo who stalked you every chance there was."

"…"

"Why don't you just leave me alone? Because everything may be a big blur…but I am happy with my life right now. Without those people in that family picture," Shio paused and then shrugged. "I am okay without you."

Takano looked down at his own hands he'd been clasping so hard they'd turned white. He knew for himself he wasn't the kindest person in Ritsu's past. He knew that. He'd intended to apologize. He'd intended to make it up. But it was getting harder and harder.

"Ritsu," Takano started, daring to bring his gaze that was starting to go hazy. "I just want a second chance."

"I'm not Ritsu, Takano-san," the brunette said softly yet sternly. "That naive kid really died ten years ago. He's not here anymore. I am Haitani Shio. If you want to continue this talk, you call me by my name."

"But…Rit-Shio-what about your biological family?" Takano leaned to the flat surface, the half-drank coffee on his side had these small ripples. As if his shaking arm, trembling hands had extended to the whole table. "Your parents…they're not getting any younger too. How can you act like this?"

Ritsu looked away. Takano pressed for more. As it was, the older man had no idea when Shio would agree again for a talk, so he was already pushing his luck in this.

"I can see you're happy with where you are now. Although your real family and I are only a part of your past now…but that doesn't necessarily make all of it less important. All of these still connect to you."

"…"

Takano had wanted to reach for Shio's hand on the table but decided not to. He knew Ritsu would be angry, he knew that wouldn't be welcomed anymore.

"When we were younger, you knew I wasn't acting." Takano fought the cracking in his voice that was slowly becoming more and more clear. He didn't want it, nor did he want to show that even talking without breaking down was becoming one of the hardest things to do. "I've been a jerk yes. Told you off numerous times. But you still said you liked me anyway. Stalked me anyway."

Shio brought his eyes at Takano, his lips pursed as if he was scandalized by the very words.

"You already knew about the faults of the past me. But you still said that I was fine," Takano smiled a little. His throat burning now. "At least try to remember the reason why. That's all I'm asking."

Without a word, Shio grabbed his bag resting on the empty chair close to him. He stood and left Takano without so much as a last glance.

* * *

He wasn't aware that he'd been holding his breath. He only realized it when he finally found himself in the confines of the male's restroom. He stormed one of the cubicles, locked the door hastily and then everything went quiet as he sat on the closed lid of the toilet bowl.

Shio looked up the ceiling. He held his gaze at the crisscrossing lines of the woodwork. He stared like an idiot, his lips in a painful purse they almost turned white.

Why the hell was he tearing up?

He stared long and hard, craning his neck towards the ceiling as an attempt to stop the impending hotness at the corners of his eyes. But they still poured out. They found their way out, the sensation was like a flowing burn against his skin as they trickled down to his jaw. He was aching. Somewhere in his chest he was deeply aching for that man called Takano Masamune.

The brunette slowly curled into a ball. His knees pressed tightly against his chest as he buried his face on them. He swallowed hard, fighting off the burn in his throat and the pain in his chest.

"You already knew about the faults of the past me. But you still said that I was fine…" said the voice that Shio could tell was also about to break. "At least try to remember why..."

Shio sniffed and wiped his cheeks with the back of his hand. He shouldn't be affected by that man's pleading eyes, nor by that man's small, almost helpless tone.

He hated the bastard. All the chunks of his memories were nothing but a depiction of how he'd just been made fun of in the past. Made use of like a convenient servant.

"Why…then?" Shio gritted. He glared at the traces of his own tears on his hand and harshly wiped it dry against his jeans.

Shio should have found the whole thing funny now that the situation was reversed. Hell he should be laughing his head about now. Was this not like a revenge?

Anyone could see, he who was once being stalked, was now doing the stalking. Even begging and pleading.

Shio couldn't understand why on earth he was there instead, locking himself in the rest room cubicle, his tears streaming for a familiar yet stranger of a man.

* * *

Chapter end notes:

Busy alert. Sorry for the long wait. Oh…this chappy should be a little longer but I cut it shorter. It is because i felt the 'action' would go better as a whole separate chapter.

I personally kinda hated Ritsu in this chappy. But then as I progressed, I found myself aching for him too. Oh the confusions of the heart and the mind. Hahaha

Thank you for your time and the support as always!

~please share your thoughts

~~~~shuusetsu


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